Saturday, June 28, 2008

Lorem Ipsum, Catullus, Bukowski

The traditional filler text of graphic designers and web developers does have meaning. Love it.
Neither is there anyone who loves grief itself since it is grief and thus wants to obtain it
What the fuck was Cicero talking about?

I prefer Catullus:
Advice: to himself

Sad Catullus, stop playing the fool,
and let what you know leads you to ruin, end.
Once, bright days shone for you,
when you came often drawn to the girl
loved as no other will be loved by you.
Then there were many pleasures with her,
that you wished, and the girl not unwilling,
truly the bright days shone for you.
And now she no longer wants you: and you
weak man, be unwilling to chase what flees,
or live in misery: be strong-minded, stand firm.
Goodbye girl, now Catullus is firm,
he doesn’t search for you, won’t ask unwillingly.
But you’ll grieve, when nobody asks.
Woe to you, wicked girl, what life’s left for you?
Who’ll submit to you now? Who’ll see your beauty?
Who now will you love? Whose will they say you’ll be?
Who will you kiss? Whose lips will you bite?
But you, Catullus, be resolved to be firm.

...which leads me to Bukowski:
one thirty-six a.m.

I laugh sometimes when I think about
Céline at a typewriter
or Dostoevsky...
or Hamsun...
ordinary men with feet, ears, eyes,
ordinary men with hair on their heads
sitting there typing words
while having difficulties with life
while being puzzled almost to madness.

Dostoevsky gets up
he leaves the machine to piss,
comes back
drinks a glass of milk and thinks about
the casino and
the roulette wheel.

Céline stops, gets up, walks to the
window, looks out, thinks, my last patient
died today, I won't have to make any more
visits there.
when I saw him last
he paid his doctor bill;
it's those who don't pay their bills,
they live on and on.
Céline walks back, sits down at the
is still for a good two minutes
then begins to type.

Hamsun stands over his machine thinking,
I wonder if they are going to believe
all these things I write?
he sits down, begins to type.
he doesn't know what a writer's block
he's a prolific son-of-a-bitch
damn near as magnificent as
the sun.
he types away.

and I laugh
not out loud
but all up and down these walls, these
dirty yellow and blue walls
my white cat asleep on the
hiding his eyes from the

he's not alone tonight
and neither am

We're gonna need a bigger beer.


Sometimes I find myself as the "new guy" to something I think I should've known about. Thus is my knowledge of Apocalyptica: playing in a bike shop down the road, someone commented on the music - Nothing Else Matters by Metallica, but done with cellos - saying "Is this Apocalyptica?"

What what?

Here is the video.

BBC Goatse ...SFW

This video is completely SFW, a clip from the BBC. But before you see it, if you do not know goatse, you need to do something not necessarily safe for work: a Google Image Search for "goatse.jpg" - filters off - and prepare to be horrified. You'll know when you've found the right one. You will also see that this image has spawned many homages and sightings. Then mark your calendar for your first goatse, bookmark it to horrify your friends, and go take a shower.

Now that I've ruined the internets for you, enjoy the video. week, tub girl? 2 girls 1 cup?

Friday, June 27, 2008

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Yes. Yes, it is.

...and something completely tasteless to go along with it...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Is Your Mayo Gay?

Bunch of pussies over at Heinz. I think the spot is cute.

And for the love of all things holy: No, that is not Robert De Nero, but it would've been even better if it was.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

James Dobson Attacks Obama, Round II

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Fire Footbag Fun

Why hasn't anyone tried to marry footbags and fire before now?

Danger + fun = super fun! No, really. I want one.

Freedom Footbags via DVICE.

Monday, June 23, 2008

What I'm Reading Now - Perdido Street Station

Perdido Street Station

One of my close friends told me, 5 or 6 years ago, that I needed to read Perdido Street Station. 4 years ago, he hunted down China Miéville, from whom he purchased a copy, who wrote on the title page:
To [Ricky],

For God's sake, man,
listen to your friend,

China Miéville

If only I'd known.
    What are you doing here, so far from home? thought Isaac with wonder. Look at the color of you: you're from the desert! You must have come miles and miles, from the Cymek. What the spit are you doing here, you impressive fucker?
    He almost shook his head with awe at the great predator before he cleared his throat and spoke.
    "Can I help you?"

Tasty, in all it's flavors. I should've done this long ago.

36 pages, and I can't wait for the next 10 minutes of free time.

China: Amen.

What I Just Read - Siddhartha

Maybe not done yet tonight...


Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish. And yet it also pleases me and seems right that what is of value and wisdom to one man seems nonsense to another.
Beauty in truth. I'm a little late to the ball on this one, but: read it.

Scientists Find Wonder Drug to Cure Shyness

It's called booze.

PSY 220, folks (or maybe Sociology?): Walk into a room of extroverts, feed them coke or meth, give them something to do, and they no longer talk to each other. That's why Ritalin and Adderall work. Walk into a room of shy introverts, have 'em put away a few Tequizas or goofballs, and they're fucking Chatty Cathy dolls.

The real article, if you're interested in showing to a job interview without Jameson on the breath.

But, seriously, what's wrong with shy? "Cure" insinuates an affliction or disease.

Cure also insinuates Robert Smith.

...which insinuates introverts.

What the fuck?

I'm done.

No, not forever, just today.

George Carlin, 1937 - 2008

George Carlin

I've been listening for over 20 years. He influenced my sense of humor, my religious views, and gave me vision to see the absurd every single day.

George: we love you and will miss you dearly.

Papal Logic

In today's Vatican email, a little bit of papal logic:


Wait. What? But if they...


Sunday, June 22, 2008

Stephanie Mohr's Appeal - a.k.a. Money-Suckers

Because I belong to several right-wing newsletters, I receive a great deal of silly emails. The most absurd are generally from "partners" of Human Events shucking miracle cardio cures and conservative books. And then there is shameless pandering.

Stephanie Mohr, her dog, and kid

This is Stephanie Mohr, her attack dog, and her kid. According to the email:
In 1995, Mohr was answering a call for backup about two men that were burglary suspects. These two suspects, Ricardo Mendez and Herrera Cruz, who are illegal aliens, were ordered to face the wall by Mohr and several other officers. As they were ordered to do so, Mendez made a movement that Officer Mohr thought was an attempt to run.

As Mohr was trained to do, she let her police dog go. The dog chased Mendez, grabbed him on the leg, and held him. The procedure that Mohr followed to capture the suspects was within standard police guidelines.
Beep-bee (that was me beeping off the Bullshit Alarm). After some 5 years, the Civil Rights Division stepped in and said "Oh-noh-you-di-in" and she's now serving year 5 of her 10 year sentence.

Why? Well, you can get the straight story elements from Snopes:
  • Steph and her dog have quite a history of violence
  • In this case, the dog was not supposed to be released except in self-defense, and her partner wasn't supposed to beat the shit out of the other guy, either
So, perhaps Stephanie's son would be getting bedtime kisses if his mommy wasn't a bad person. Then again, we could always blame it on the patriarchy, since Stephanie's place in the phalocentric police force was probably defined by her aggressive behavior.

But the best point to be made on this email is that it's not really calling for anyone to do anything about Stephanie; she was convicted, pure and simple. The story about Stephanie is being used by the Law Enforcement Legal Defense Fund to emotionally appeal to readers and - you guessed it - make them give the LELDF money.

The real kick in the dog balls also comes from Snopes: According to a 2004 report in The Daily Record, the LELDF's "most recent filing with the state shows the fund spent about 18 cents for each dollar collected to defend police officers — up from 7.5 cents in 2000."

Shady legal defense funds, coloring criminals as victims to empty your pockets, all coming from a right-wing email. Is anyone surprised?