Friday, August 21, 2009

Ricky's Gout Update

Some of you may have read my post from Wednesday about getting the Gout. I know it's just called gout, but I feel I need to distance myself from the word with an additional article.

So over the last 48 hours I have done hours of research and acted on that research and am happy to say that I'm at about 25% of the pain, swelling, and stiffness level I was when I posted. I have not been to a doctor because:

  • Severe pain in the toe joint
  • Swollen and shiny in appearance
  • Tender to the touch
  • Unbendable

These are tried and true indications of gout and nothing more.

What were my major risk factors?
  • Sedentary lifestyle (web programmer)
  • Lack of exercise
  • Mediocre monitoring of diet
  • Slightly overweight
  • High alcohol consumption (2+ drinks 4+ nights a week)
  • Low-moderate hydration

So what's helping right now?
  • Lots of water
  • Concentrated, organic cherry juice
  • ...occasionally with a couple t of apple cider vinegar
  • Lots of celery
  • Increase of Vitamin C
  • Baking soda in water to turn the acid knob down from 11

And what must I continue after it is gone to avoid another flair-up?
  • Lots of water
  • Cherry juice daily
  • Vitamin C
  • Exercise daily (and therefore lose weight)
  • Pretty much remove beer and keep alcohol down to 1-2 times a week

And that's the long and short of it: get healthy and keep it away. Not so complicated. Any questions?

Like a Boss

Dick in a Box, I'm on a Boat, Jizz in My Pants. Yeah, those guys.

Michelle's Shorts Sanctimonious Blowout

Holy shit! Did you see this!?

Michelle Obama in Shorts

This is Michelle Obama, the First Lady, getting off Air Force One looking like she's on vacation in Kenya or Hawaii or something. Sheesh!

At least that's some of the weird, misaligned flap coming off the whole photo op.

Let's make this clear: criticism of Michelle in shorts is coming from two camps - old folks who grew up with a different reality of propriety and conservatives looking to piss and moan about anything at all having to do with the Obamas.

Old folks I can understand. Conservatives I never do.

If Michelle came off the plane in a nice pants suit, they'd have the designer on the phone getting a price quote and bitching that she doesn't shop at Target and is an elitist. She looks like a normal person (who works out and looks pretty damn good in shorts) so it's improper or un-ladylike for them.

How about a burqa next time? She's already received flack from asshat conservatives that she's "mean" and "angry" because she has an opinion and a voice. And it would be surprising if some of that vitriol didn't have it's roots in the fact that she's not only a woman, but black, and the white man pundits have a problem with a class that doesn't know its place.

But I ramble. Michelle looks fine in shorts physically. It is not a fashion faux-pas to get off a plane in the middle of summer in the US in shorts; it actually humanizes her as First Lady. Michelle Obama is not - and never will be - a stretchy mom-jeans kind of woman. Nor should she. Us fans like her just the way she is.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thursday's Wednesday's Mural on Van, It Is!

Wasted so much time whining yesterday I forgot to do that van mural thingy.

So here you go, in all Yoda's wisdom:

Yoda Van

The painting's not all that bad (though it is on a mini-van), so why jank it up with a poorly-lettered "Do or do not" on the back?

In all my new searches, we're going to have to have a Star Wars second round put together for Van Mural Wednesday. I know, and it's okay that you just peed yourself a little.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Weiner v. Boehner

Haha! Fight!

(I really need a photoshop here. Coming soon.)

Barney Frank Steps Up

Can we get a woop woop? Can we get Obama to speak so plainly?

Awww Shit. I Got the Gout. Seriously.

About a month ago, the middle toe of my right foot hurt where that second joint of the foot meets the metatarsal. It hurt badly. Having been out the night before at an Irish festival, I figured I must've slipped in a muddy hole or off a curb at some point and sprained or even broken my foot. Yes, it hurt that badly.

A day later, the pain faded and I thought "Gee, that was weird." A week later the pain returned briefly and quickly faded. A week after that, a dull ache appeared for a day in the same secondary knuckle of my left big toe. I said to Mrs. Shambles "is there any weird thing that attacks your toe knuckles?" almost jokingly.

Well, today I can barely walk. The pain in my left big toe is probably twice as bad as as the break I had at once suffered, mostly because there is a constant, inflamed throbbing paired with the pain caused by the crystals of uric acid that are forming in the joint. (note: not hyperbole; site after site describes gout as "one of the most painful of the rheumatic conditions" fuck.)

Oh, yeah, forgot to mention that. Gout is when your body holds on to too much uric acid. That uric acid - for reasons unknown - crystallizes in the big toe joints of men to start (in general - other joints are affected and it also affects women). It's been a chronicled condition for some 2000 years, but no one's exactly sure why it happens.

But they do know what contributes to it: purines. What has lots of purines? Shellfish, other seafood, rich meats, alcohol (especially beer), yeast, mushrooms, asparagus, and cauliflower, amongst other things. This list reads like my core diet.

And the rest of the common knowledge is jibberish. For example, dairy is shown to provide relief in some, but increased lipids in the blood are a risk factor. Oh, and a lack of exercise and being 25 lbs over my ideal weight isn't helping

There are prescription options, but they have more side effects than results. So that leaves natural remedies. Based on my extensive research efforts, dark berries (specifically cherries[?]) and apple cider vinegar are the way to go, as well as anything with antioxidants - like more dark berries - and avoiding anything on the purine list. Boo.

So I've already had a liter of black cherry juice (no, really, I'm not in the mood for -- okay, it's fucking hilarious) with some ACV (yech), and I'm planning for a full-on bomb this evening: another liter of organic cherry concentrate, some more ACV, concentrated Acai juice, and a pint of blueberries. Your prayers and thoughts are appreciated.

The bitch of the bunch is that everything I read talks about 80's and 60's and 50's and late 40's. I'm 32. My (online) name is Ricky. And I have gout. And it hurts like a motherfucker.

[Side note: I have not been officially diagnosed by a doctor, but the symptoms of gout are so specific that I have no doubt as to what I have. If I cannot remedy it on my own, I will have to push the med option.]

So, anyone know anyone with this? Remedies that worked? I'd love to hear from you.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Say Juggalo, You Say ...WTF?

If you do not know Insane Clown Posse (ICP), the horrorcore hip hop duo, then you do not know of their followers/groupies/fans called Juggalos (the ladies are, appropriately, called Juggalettes). ICP has a very large and loyal following that sport their tattoos, scary clown makeup, and espouse the joys of Faygo pop.

Every year they assemble at the Gathering of the Juggalos. If you don't know, there's nothing I can do but show you. Truth be told, the actual volume of Faygo vs. Natty Light at the Gathering is up for debate.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Obama: That's About Enough

In which I rant about the things that are pissing me off about this administration.

Last year, I spent a great deal of time cheering for Obama, supporting him in my blog, and celebrating joyously after his election.

Now maybe it's because when the last Democratic president was elected I was too busy getting stoned and chasing tail in college to give much a shit about politics other than "Yay Clinton!" *gurgling bong noise*, or maybe it's because I own my own business and keep a tight watch on money, but as of today I'm disillusioned by Obama. I'm done; that's enough.

I'm not turning Republican (what kind of monster do you think me?), and while I float in the direction, am not going fully Libertarian. I'm still with the Democratic Party. For now.

Wha - happen?

Wait. America's hurting and we're pissing money into bad-decision banks and car companies? What. The. FUCK.

Will letting them fall lose jobs? Sure. But when companies fail and other, larger companies purchase them and people move and shift and, basically, the brush has burned and the bigger trees are nurtured and some big trees fall and nurture smaller, smarter ones. And the market rebounds.

But we shit out money and many banks and car companies still failed. And they're weaker for it. As are we.

Stimulus Bill Stalls
I'm looking at Obama, checking out the stimulus bill, cheering "Hell yeah!" and really hoping for the best from all this spending. And then I see that after months maybe 10% of that money has actually gone out. Months? 10%? Is a flood of money and projects and money something to be scared about when we've been hearing that it's ALL going to help the economy?

Where's the f'ing money? Where's the f'ing stimulus?

Honeslty, I'm an enormous proponent of female equality. If a man can be a feminist, I'm one of them. But power apparently corrupts. And Pelosi is doing some things that are total amateur wanker shit.

There's some illogical argumentation, a request for giant planes, and the stuttering and side-stepping you don't like to see in an official leader. I don't know if it's her tone of voice or general demeanor, but she doesn't present herself as a confident leader, not like Hillary does, not like Michelle does.

Cash for Clunkers
A cash incentive program to get people to buy cars with better GPM? Excellent! But we're going to destroy the car they're trading in? Retarded. For parts, for donation, for ...anything! If the program were really about going green, someone with a brain in the administration would've spoken up and said "Um, hey, since the carbon footprint of the car that's already been manufactured cannot be un-done, perhaps the best thing is for someone to get viable use out of the vehicle. Y'know? Like recycle, reuse, and all that other crap we keep saying?"
We just got out of an administration that lived and breathed big brother contempt for privacy. And you decided it would be a good idea to start up a snitch email where people can forward "fishy" information. That's fishy, shady, and stupid.

One of the biggest parts of the '08 election, for me, was my support of Dennis Kucinich. His support for a not-for-profit medical program that overrided the madness of insurance companies - that are rationing NOW and operating as "death panels" NOW and preventing people from getting coverage that will save their lives NOW.

And today I read that The White House is positioning to drop single payer option.

So Obama and friends: I am well aware that you state that single payer is only a part of the health care reform plan. Unfortunately, insurance companies are most of the problem. If there is no public option and you pass a bill to just pass a bill, you will achieve NOTHING for the American people. You will shimmy just a little bit, just enough to make it look like things changed, but you'll still be wearing the girdle of the insurance companies, and you will be no better - actually, worse - than the Republicans lining their pockets with insurance company money.

America wants prescription drug costs bargained down. America wants a not-for-profit health care system. Call Dennis. Do lunch. He'll explain the way it needs to be.

And before my generally liberal readers have any negative feedback to pass along, I'd like to say that I post because I care. I know this is not the best the administration can do. I know that they know better. I think all of us who brought him to the Oval Office need to remind them all what their best is, and that before a general election in '12 there will be a Democratic Party primary.

FOX on Technology: Um...Durrr

I was clicking through the channels and came across FOX and Bill Sammon jizzing all over themselves saying that their reporting is why the White House pulled the plug on the and is posturing on pulling the public option out of the health care bill (more on that later), but Bill Sammon needs to do a little research.

Bill, apparently pulling the headline off of Drudge, kept talking about how the White House had disabled the "flag" website. Problem is: there is no flag website. Never was. Just an email that is now apparently auto-responding with "no longer valid" or whatever.

I think the snitch email was a stupid move and am glad it's gone (or tells you it's gone), but if you're going to report about technology, get your shit together.