Thursday, August 07, 2008

What's in a Name, John?

John McCain has dropped the idea of repeated pronouncements of Barack Obama's middle name to promote fear and ignorance, and did so almost as soon as it surfaced.

Why? He doesn't need to, of course. He's John McCain. Three syllables. No nonsense. As tight an concise as the shiny skin of his scalp.

What other reason could there be? Perhaps John McCain's full name is to be avoided?

John Sidney McCain III

Wha-what? Thurston Howell III with a middle name that might as well be Sissypants. Put that boy in knickers and a sailor cap.

Or this...
McCain Lollipop Guild
Three Flavors of McCain

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Ohio, Cleveland Down the Tubes

Back in 2004, Cleveland was rated the poorest big city in the USA. It's not a big stretch. The Flats are a crime-ridden ghost town anymore and many an office building downtown is simply vacant, the owners unable to get businesses to HQ or even branch there. A friend of mine was violently mugged walking from his car to work, in the morning hours, in almost the center of downtown.

As a former resident of Greater Cleveland (Parma), it's hard to watch happen, especially since all of my and Mrs. Shambles family still call it home.

As a continuing resident of Ohio, it was even more of a bummer to see yesterday's report in Forbes:
Washington, D.C. -

The turmoil of the mortgage market granted a temporary reprieve from hearing about the woes of America's Rust Belt. That doesn't mean things are better. Despite a decade of national prosperity, the former manufacturing backbone of the U.S. is in rougher shape than ever, still searching for some way to replace its long-stilled smokestacks.

Where's it worst? Ohio, according to our analysis, which racked up four of the 10 cities on our list: Youngstown, Canton, Dayton and Cleveland. The runner-up is Michigan, with two cities--Detroit and Flint--making the ranking.

Yeah, just sad.

The McCain - Hoggle Connection

Over at Monkey Muck, Monkey posted a lovely image of McCain to compliment the story of McCain telling the good folks at Sturgis that he almost got his wife to enter a generally-topless beauty competition.

And the first thing I thought when I saw that "I ran out of Dulcolax" push on his face was this:

McCain and Hoggle

Yes, that is Hoggle from Labyrinth. But now, seeing the side-by-side, I'm wondering if it's not a good match for Fixodent Fresh Cindy as well.

Your thoughts?

Do You Know Salad Fingers?

Deliciously creepy, here's the first two. I believe 3 and 4 can be found on YouTube.

Salad Fingers 1

Salad Fingers 2

The Buffet Song

Because I think you might need this today. I did.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Bukowski: Are You Drinking?

washed-up, on shore, the old yellow notebook
out again
I write from the bed
as I did last
will see the doctor,
"yes, doctor, weak legs, vertigo, head-
aches and my back
"are you drinking?" he will ask.
"are you getting your
exercise, your
I think that I am just ill
with life, the same stale yet
even at the track
I watch the horses run by
and it seems
I leave early after buying tickets on the
remaining races.
"taking off?" asks the motel
"yes, it's boring,"
I tell him.
"If you think it's boring
out there," he tells me, "you oughta be
back here."
so here I am
propped up against my pillows
just an old guy
just an old writer
with a yellow
something is
walking across the
oh, it's just
my cat

Fun With Scams

Have you ever heard of baiting spammers?

I got this in the email today:
From:Mr.Ahmed Douglas
Private number / +226 783 479 20

Dear Friend,

This message might meet you in utmost surprise, however, it's just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction. I am a banker by profession from Burkina Faso in west Africa and currently holding the post of Director Auditing and Accounting unit of the bank. I have the opportunity of transferring the leftover funds($8.7million) of one of my bank clients who died along with his entire family on 31 July 2000 in a plane crash. You can confirm the geniuses of the deceased death by clicking on this web site.

Hence, I am inviting you for a business deal where this money can be shared between us in the ratio of 60/30 while 10% will be mapped out for expenses. If you agree to my business proposal. further details of the transfer will be forwarded to you as soon as I receive your return mail. have a great day.

Mr.Ahmed Douglas.

I await for your urgent call trough my mobile telephone number/ +226 783 479 20

OMG, My wife, Debbie, and I were just talking about how we need a ton of money! Debbie wants to go shoe shopping and has a small gambling habit (and a hairlip), so free money is awesome! We were just at the mall the other day and Debbie said she wanted more shoes and I said we don't have the money and she said she wanted shoes and we got into an argument and she's sleeping on the couch because I have a bad back and can't sleep on the couch. My spine's out of whack, I guess, but I don't have the money to get it checked out, let alone fixed and this is great because she'll be so excited and maybe I can get her back into our bed soon. And my back.

I am surprised! You succeeded!

I like business deals since I am a businessman and would like to conduct business deals in a business like manner. I like business. You have my top secret on the low-down assurance that we're on the same page and everything is all good. You had me at hello! LOL!

I can't call you because I don't know what that phone number means. We don't have long distance and that number looks REALLY LONG. LOL!

Talks to you soon.

Updates forthcoming.


There is no update. As the tailing cops say as the bad guys hit the gas: We've been made. Either I was too outlandish, the scammer too edgy, or they didn't believe I had a wife named Debbie with a hairlip. Damn. We'll try again next time I get one and I'll post anew.

But not to leave you dry, while I do not engage these scammers every time, I do sometimes at least reply that I am not interested, as I did with this example:
The pain you cause shall be visited upon you ten fold and your penis will shrivel.

Fungus Causes Cancer

I'm one of those whackjobs that won't swallow the drug companies' spiel hook, line, and sinker. Along those lines, have a look-see at this video. Very interesting.

Monday, August 04, 2008

McCain Spears 2008

Hannity on Oil: Swallow or I'll Squirt in Your Eye

Earth in Oil
image stolen from How Stuff Works

I know I said I'd stop for a whole week, but I was in the car for over 2 hours - okay, I've got a problem! I learned it by watching you!

The last few months have seen Hannity piggybacking on Gingrich piggybacking on Big Oil to "Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less." The Beast of Repeated, Oily Backs, so to speak.

This is not a definitive report, so feel free to check my words. They are all true.

Our own government has said that the benefits of drilling might not be seen for a decade. In the last sentence, "benefit" means more oil available for barreling.

But, woah, step back. Let's look at the first factor.

Factor #1: The oil companies have speculation rights to millions of acres that they're already sitting on.

Sean Hannity-Gingrich claims that Americans would see a drop in prices at the pump if we simply lifted restrictions on many areas of unexplored land, literally handing over the deeds to oil companies to explore and drill. Current hot areas: ANWR and Off the Florida Coast. According to Sean, basic supply and demand is the king of all things economic. Would that he were right.

And the first caller I heard on the topic was actually given a couple seconds to bring this silliness to a head. He stated that opening the 15 or so different venues that Sean says would give us huge energy independence would not do so because of one word: refineries. New refineries haven't been built for something like 30 years.

Oh, no, says Hanniging, I support a full, expansive policy. Sure you do, but what was the right half of the house trying to do Friday? Pass comprehensive energy policy? Of course not, just trying to allow drilling.

Factor #2: Millions of gallons of brand spanking new oil will hurry up and wait to be turned into gas.

Why would oil companies make more gas? Here's a business economy lesson for you, Sean. If you control a commodity, such as oil, through the process of drilling so you own what's coming out of the ground to the process of refining it into gasoline and diesel and sell that end product, and you have the world market screaming, crying, and begging for your product, do you spend a nice chunk of your capital to build a refinery in order to turn your oil into gas, increase the supply of gasoline and, therefore, lower the price? Just for the good of the people?


So let's take a fantasy trip down still-unidentified Hannity's brain process: More drilling means more oil means more gas means less money at the pump. Say the first two factors were not impeding factors and oil companies got more drilling rights, used them, brought up more oil, and turned it into gasoline.

In what fancy-shmancy fantasy world does a company with unmeetable demand suddenly introduce a mild influx of product and say "hey, we're producing slightly more, so let's lower the price"?

That's like Nintendo, sitting in corporate HQ, saying "Okay, there are still over 200 million people who want to get their hands on a Wii, and probably more when it becomes more available. This month we exceeded production, so even though everyone in the world is willing to pay $250 USD, let's just drop the price $50."

Which leads us to...

Factor #3: Millions of gallons of brand spanking new gas will hurry up and wait to be released to the public, or dripped at the same price.

Caller #2 showed up on the oil discussion and said his family was in the oil business. Sean immediately tried to nail him with "tell me some of the nomenclature related to drilling sideways." (What the fuck? Do you even know that, Sean?) The caller stated and defended a single statement: even with millions of gallons of more oil, even if it is turned into gas, if the companies selling gas have a complicit, complacent society sucking $4.00/gal through a straw, are they going to do anything to lower gas to $2.00 a gallon? Fuck no!

(Sean ended the call abruptly with "I don't believe you're in the oil industry" because, he said, the caller was parroting Democrat talking points. Democratic talking points are not that well-thought-out when it comes to oil.)

But that's what Sean Hannity says will happen.

I do understand the plight of the Democrats. They realize it's all bullshit right along with the Republicans. But if the Repubs push for drilling, and achieve it, honestly, it'll knock off maybe 10 cents a gallon for a while just on the speculation of the process. Hells yeah says America. And if they succeed in this, McCain looks heroic even if he wasn't even in the fucking Senate to vote on it and perhaps this even turns the damned election and all the while Ignorant America is rubbing their hands together, chanting like a cult "Two years, two years," and when two years doesn't happen, it pushes, but Ignorant America still hopes, rubbing their hands raw, and eventually realizes that none of it is happening and they've got an old curmudgeon of a President who lied to them and now they're paying $5 a gallon and now it's $7 because McCain invaded Iran and it's like Bush vol. 3: many just stick with the evil they know, 'cause they'll know better next time.

And then we all go homeless and defend our caves with pitchforks and hatchets.

The flaw lies here, Sean: Getting oil and turning it into gas is expensive but profitable, as we've seen by gas company profits.

In order to make gas cheaper, you are indirectly countering the three points of this post. Namely:
  1. Oil companies must explore all available resources and use all future resources instead of sitting on them in order to produce more oil.
  2. Oil companies must build more refineries, at their own expense, in order to make their own product cheaper.
  3. Oil companies must incorporate this new gasoline into the market with proper supply and demand rules, reducing the price, for the benefit of the consumer purchasing cheaper gas is the end product.

Sean, since I've listened to you many-a-time rail against people who even utter the words "windfall profits," your very thought that more oil leads to less at the pump is socialist at core. Oil companies are profitable for a reason: supply and demand. They control that supply. They control speculation. They control production. They control gas. And the more they control, the more they profit. That's capitalism, poor folks be damned.

And Democrats have foresight: Oil companies are going to fuck us no matter what, unless we regulate, which is the current synonym for Devil. We need to focus - even if forced - on alternatives. Not necessarily the best approach, but we don't necessarily have the best populace.

They're already rubbing their hands raw with crude.

McCain's "New Attack Ad"

Headzup is bloody brilliant.

Ricky's Wisdom Today - 8/4/08

Mindfulness is never boring.

-Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"

McCain's The One Ad: Misdirected?

Asshat McCain has apparently gone the way of Mike Church. Here's the ad everyone's talking about.

But in an effort to make a caricature out of "Messianic" Obama, it's only the far right that will have a chuckle at it. And near the end, in an apparent pushing of the lampoon, they basically call Obama Moses by showing a clip of The Ten Commandments. And after portraying Barack Obama as savior and leader of all Israelites, they ask if he's ready to lead.

Well, you just showed him leading all the Israelites out of Egypt and parting the Red Sea. He can probably handle sitting at a desk, planning, and talking to people.

And while I'm certain that when McCain saw this ad he did his SNL Pat creepy "dontcha-thinkits-funny" chuckle, this is yet another testament (hehe) to the fact that Republicans do not understand "funny," satire, or any facet of comedy. And that, "my friends," is hilarious.

Glenn Beck: Shirtless

No, don't worry; Glenn Beck does not reveal his nipples to anyone but his wife and apparently even covers them with pasties when shaving shirtless in the mirror.

The Offending Image

I know I said I was taking a hiatus, but was in the car and I got sucked in. On the Friday, 8/1 radio show of Glenn Beck, Glenn had his panties in a bunch over this picture:

Obama at the Beach

He was aghast. What sense of propriety was this?

And then, predictably, he compared it to this picture:

Shirtless Putin

And said this was all staged, just like Putin's image, and that a dance/techno song someone composed proclaiming "Putin is our man" was "just like" the Ludacris song about Obama. Note to Glenn: Ludacris does not do techno.

The Question

"Who was the last president...?" he trailed off, "How far back would you have to go?" of course, implying that Obama is some sort of radical, pseudo-euro nude beach freak because he took a dip.

Okay, Glenn, how far back would we have to go?

The Presidents

Admittedly, we have no Bush (43 or 41), but we do have another recent candidate for president actually exercising:

John Kerry Swimming

Oh, for shame. No Republicans would ever have a picture of them without a shirt on, though.

McCain in POW Camp

Okay, that's not fair. John McCain was in a POW camp and didn't have the luxury of choosing whether or not he had a shirt on just then.

But since we're on candidates and Glenn let the rant dip into respectability, I cannot in good conscience allow this to skip the post:

Giuliani in Drag

Giuliani in drag. Classy. Granted, I've done drag. Twice. Lose a couple of pounds and I might just do it again.

But I'm not running for president.

But maybe Glenn is right, maybe there are no presidents that...wait. No.

Clintons on the Beach

Clinton action, Bill of Nipples and Hillary One-Piece, their arms scandalously around each other and - wha-what? - dancing? Oh, the humanity!

But maybe Glenn's point is that there are no Republican presidents that...wait. No. Awwww snap!

Ladies and Gentlemen: the case in point, pièce de résistance, every Republican's cream pie wet dream on a pedestal: Ronald Reagan!

Ronald and Nancy Reagan at the Beach

And I do believe I see a nipple. Ronald's too.

But we can't stop there - I know you all want more presidential nipples. How far down the rabbit hole does the depravity go?

Gerald Ford and press in pool

Gerald Ford? With the press? In a pool? This is Washingtonian Nipplature at its finest. And they're drinking, dear Lord.

Who wants some Richard Nixon?

Richard Nixon at the Beach

Hair dickey alert! A Repub topless (granted only VP at the time the pic was taken). Let's pull a Glenn Beck and around the same circa de soleil we've got none other than...

Chairman Mao swimming

Chairman Mao. That, of course, means Nixon was a communist.

Couple more to go, folks!

We've got a delicious young JFK in the military

and reaching back as far as we can, we've got a true scandal:

Eleanor Roosevelt with Earl Miller

The first two folks on the left looking all chummy would be Earl Miller, the private security detail for Eleanor Roosevelt, shirtless, leaning up against none other than the president's wife. Needless to say there were at the time back room whispers about those two, you know, fucking.

And just because his wife's out trolloping about at the beach doesn't mean FDR can't get in on the fun too!

FDR Swimming

Granted, he appears to be wearing the Sears & Roebuck No-You-Can't-See-My-Nipples-That-Would-Be-Improper Tank, soon thereafter tagged the wifebeater after he found out what Eleanor was doing to Earl. They did not, however, rename Eleanor's shoes nutcrunchers. And you thought he got polio.

So after that joyous romp through men's nipples and bastardized history, we have only one thing to say to Glenn Beck: WTF? Please get a lackey to do some fucking research before you start ranting about shit that is so obviously wrong.

NOTE: If you can find any of the missing presidents - I could've sworn I've seen a more recent JFK one - flashing off their man-teats, send a link and I'll post it and credit you! Yay!

UPDATE: Freida, you drove me to it.

Daddy Dick
Daddy Dick

(photoshop from Princess Sparkle Pony's Photo Blog)