How We Should Name Hurricanes

Brilliant

Progressive in Short: Right Wrong

This week, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) presented a scaled-back "Jobs Bill." Republicans who had previously stated that the big one wouldn't create a single job switched tune to say Harry was selling out the country and not doing what needed to be done. Is anyone surprised by this?


3/4 of Americans support openly gay people serving in the military. Is this openness and compassion or "at least it's not me" or "kill the fags?" Maybe a mix of all? I personally don't think America's tolerant enough to allow everyone the same rights.


Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) is still batshit crazy. I nominate her for VP to Palin in 2012. Oh, what a party that'll be. I'll bring the Jameson.


And, lastly, it appears that the right-wing nutters saying that snow in winter means Global Warming is a hoax are blind to all things Canadian and international. The Winter Olympics start tonight, and Vancouver has to airlift snow in so it can actually happen. Why? Warmest winter on record. I guess that like their breadth and width of knowledge of the world ends at the US borders and of science ends at the end of the day, you tie the two together and not a whisper will be spoken about an international event dependent on snow not having snow because it's too warm. But perhaps one of their coal-shucking scientists can somehow tie it to "Global Cooling."

Friday FAIL: Deniers, Cops, Light Switch Penises?

More Friday Fail. And third week in a row I haven't made it in every day. Ah, well.


Global Warming Denier FAIL

Rachel Maddow and Bill Nye lay out - in plain terms - that the morons on the right like Hannity and Limbaugh and Beck who say that snow in the winter means global warming is a hoax are full of BS, purposefully misleading their viewers and listeners.




Cop FAIL

Not new, but always funny.




Light Switch FAIL

Many examples of inadvertent penis humor.

Rush Limbaugh is STILL a Big Fat Idiot

You know me and my talk radio.

Well, today I got to hear a particularly fierce breakdown of Rush when a caller challenged him on what he called the "covering up" of those idiot scientists who decided to play with the data in global warming and how their candid conversations would hurt the science behind the theory.

The caller in question said that he was surprised that Rush was all in a tizzy about this, but when the Bush Administration repeatedly censored papers and scientific findings about global warming and its effect on the environment (and the effect carbon emissions were having on the environment), there was not word one from him.

And then Rush got angry. He said that there couldn't be censorship because global warming is a hoax. Then he went on to my paraphrase here:

"There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming (repeat 3x. oh, let's just do it)! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no need for health care reform! There is no need for Obama. There is no need for you! You are a menace to our country and a threat to freedom and liberty! There was no censorship because it didn't exist! Those censors did us a favor because it's all a hoax! And they'll come for you first ...because people like you will give up their freedom as long as you put Bush in jail!"

I may have to hunt the actual transcript down because my rendition is pretty damn close, but for the record: the real thing is the very definition of blowing a golden fucknut and frying it in batshit crazy.

So, to clarify: If you believe what is being censored does not actually exist and suckle at the teat of one administration, it is not malicious, governmental overreach of power, but a gracious act. And when the next administration calls it censorship...well, you get it at this point. Rush is still a Bush ball boy and will say ANYTHING - regardless of how mad it sounds - to piss against the Obama wall, even if it's absolute madness because his listeners are so blind, they'll believe anything.

Case in point, an unreported listening last week where a caller stated "I just need you to tell me how I should feel about" health care or something. WTF? And he didn't even correct them, just verbally patted them on the head, sat them on his lap, and told a tale. Like he does every day.

It's getting worse and worse. But the crazy is all good. I'm still hoping for a Palin/Beck 2012 ticket. Yeah, that's what people really want: bring on the tea parties! When it comes down to it, a little too weird and crazy is still a little too weird and crazy and your average American doesn't subscribe to crazy.

Thoughts For Sunday: Caffine, Energy, Mustard, and Bible Hate

Friday night I bought a 12 of Miller Lite. The caps have now gone gold and are being touted as flavor savers or some shit. I think we all know it just means Miller Lite has gone caffeine-free.


I believe a leaf blower is a horrible affront to our environment, wasting gas or electricity to do something a little elbow grease and a rake can do.


(tell me you get this)

Also, I cannot afford a leaf blower.


I'm making meatloaf right now for my wife on Mother's day. I used a recipe that did not have measurements and I added too much mustard. I'm hoping it will be okayh. But it means that I've been spending the past hour, on Mother's Day, wondering if I cut the mustard enough.


If you're ever listening to someone spout Bible Hate about homosexuals, please remind them that Leviticus 18:22 says "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." but Leviticus 19:19 says "...neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee" and ask them if they're wearing a blend.

That is all.

The Green Pizza Box of the Future!

No, this is not a "did you order sausage with that?" video. Nor is it a box for green pizza. Contain your disappointment.

Some New and Old News - Sex, Religion, Killin'

Octomom porno? I'll wait while you cause yourself great pain to block the memory of reading those words. Reality show? Believe it.

Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) is worried capping CO2 will take away plant food. Seriously.

SHIMKUS: It’s plant food. … So if we decrease the use of carbon dioxide, are we not taking away plant food from the atmosphere? … So all our good intentions could be for naught. In fact, we could be doing just the opposite of what the people who want to save the world are saying.

Even better to watch:


Obama's administration dropped the War on Terror rhetoric. Officially. Hells yeah.

Last week OPEC said oil had nothing to do with climate change. In related news, cigarette manufacturers said smoke is nutritious, and AIG released a report that borrowing money you cannot afford to borrow increases life expectancy.

Bob Barker came close to a career in porn. Just scratch out one eye, so you can read the rest of the post. Unless that happened at Octomom. Better to be blind.

Apparently Americans are still dying in Iraq.

And if I remember my Catholic School upbringing, it's Good Friday, so 9am to 12pm represents the walk up the hill, then Jesus hung out (hehe) for 3 more hours, and it's 2:59, so 3...2...1. Jesus just died.

!SPOILER ALERT!

No worries; he comes back to life on Sunday morning.

Have a happy Easter.

3M: the White House Energy Plan

Obama recently made a now-famous call to put a ceiling on corporate earnings when those corporations accept gov't money.

But what you may have missed is the 3M plastic-over-windows in the background.



Okay, it's not very obvious in stills. Check out the video:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

So do we laud Obama's team for plasticating the windows in the White House, or do we rail them for not doing it well enough that it doesn't waver and show up in the shot?

You tell me.

The Weather Outside, It's Frightful

It is pretty dang cold here in Cincinnati. My Weather Channel widget says 12 F, and wind chill is about -3 F.

Note to all news media:

I understand that things are a little dry news-wise until Obama's start next week, with about 1000 dead in Gaza and us still sending Americans to die in Iraq and Afghanistan, but please keep in mind that during Winter months it gets fucking cold. Surprise! It's mid January and it's fucking freezing. Shit! Just like last year and the year before that and, well, as far back as I can remember. Why? It's winter! And it won't go away until March - or May if you live in Cleveland.

So take the icicle out of your puckered asshole, take a breath, and stop making everyone so batshit crazy over something that's normal.

And don't even get me started on the OMG-it's-cold anti global warming asshats. Yeah, Drudge, I'm talkin' to you.

Sheep Go to Heaven, Goats Go to Hell

Rep. Virgina Foxx spoke about anti-American energy. "We're gonna pretty soon separate the sheep and the goats." Huh?



One of my favorite bands, Cake, has a lovely song about just this:

In Brief: Who Ordered the Global Warming?

For anyone who has heard Rush or Savage or any other ignorant douchebag shout that Global Warming is junk science, liberal scare tactics, because someone had to put on a jacket in Florida in winter, and wanted to punch them in the dick, here's your fist:



From CNN:

A chunk of Antarctic ice about seven times the size of Manhattan suddenly collapsed, putting an even greater portion of glacial ice at risk, scientists said Tuesday.

Satellite images show the runaway disintegration of a 160-square-mile chunk in western Antarctica, which started February 28. It was the edge of the Wilkins ice shelf and has been there for hundreds, maybe 1,500 years.

160 square miles. Gone. Just in case there was any fucking question.

But We Don't Impact the Environment

Since the fallout of Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize (and by "fallout," I mean the sour grapes green envy wrapping itself around and enlivening the deniers of pollution and global warming), we've been treated to a gross swelling of the subcutaneous fart bubble that is the ignorance of right wing talk radio and others that claim - unequivocally - that we don't impact the environment and that to argue such is foolhardy.

In Time Magazine's report, "Peak Possibilities," it states that "In July 2006, the world's oil rigs pumped out crude at a rate of nearly 85.5 million bbl. a day" (current goal is 100 bbl. a day). To put this in perspective (at 42 gal/bbl), at peak, we were pulling the equivalent of 7 and a half Giants Stadiums - full to the brim - out of the ground. Every day. Even now, every three to four hours on this planet, we are extracting a Giants Stadium worth of crude. How does that not affect our planet?

But idiots still say global warming is a scare, that we're not impacting the environment.

I guess if we're taking, we should talk about putting back. And we put back like hell. But, again, we're going to need something of relevance to convey the staggering numbers. How about the Sears Tower? It weighs 440 million pounds or 220,000 tons.

Let's look at some numbers from Wikipedia on Pollution:

Millions of Tons of CO2 per year:

• United States: 2,790
• China: 2,680
• Russia: 661
• India: 583
• Japan: 400
• Germany: 356
• Australia: 226
• South Africa: 222
• United Kingdom: 212
• South Korea: 185

US Specifically from 1970 to 2006:

• carbon monoxide emissions fell from 197 million tons to 89 million tons
• nitrogen oxide emissions fell from 27 million tons to 19 million tons
• sulfur dioxide emissions fell from 31 million tons to 15 million tons

So according to the previous numbers, the United States alone pumps 12,682 Sears Towers into our atmosphere. The top 10 polluters together pump 37,795 Sears Towers into the air.

And please do not forget to mention carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxide, and sulfur dioxide. Combined, the United States pumps out 559 more Sears Towers into the air. Yes, those are even more dangerous - to us - than carbon dioxide, and that's the same air we breathe.

I know; it's hard. Imagine the Sears Tower in Chicago. Imagine it being launched into the air and dissolving into breathable particles. Now do that 558 more times: almost twice a day every year.

But we're not impacting the environment.

The numbers, even with the relative, real-world comparisons, are still hard to imagine, but what is very real and very apparent is that we're affecting our environment by pumping out of the earth and into the atmosphere at a terrifying rate. And we're breathing it in.

And we're still wondering what's causing increasing rates of breathing problems and disease as our medical establishment slowly rises to the concern. And that doesn't include the filth corporations are dumping into our water supply by error or effort, the hormones and antibiotics that are in our source water that aren't checked for in water treatment plants, and how those things affect the sad animal casualties of nonchalance and ignorance.

And there are still those saying we're not impacting our environment.

I guess my only question is one of threshold: what the fuck has to happen before some of these whackjobs will admit "Eh, yeah, maybe we're screwing something up."?

Maybe when they can't be connected in a Six Degrees of Corporations game?

Hannity Shenanigans: War is Peace

[NOTE: This post has been updated with a 2 transcript pieces. Enjoy the headache.]

In today's Sean Hannity radio show, in a move meant to surprise no one, Hannity spends the first chunk of his show ignorantly hating on "undeserving Al Gore" and his wonderfully successful Nobel Peace Prize win. The logically retarded Hannity then goes on to ask his audience if we know who is deserving and nominates the brave American troops in Iraq.

Damn it, Sean, you ignorant douchebag. It is called the Nobel Peace Prize, and people who have illegally invaded a country (granted, by the order of Grand Dragon Asshat of the United States), killed thousands, and motivated insurgents to invade and kill thousands more are not fucking eligible!

SEAN HANNITY: Obviously the big news is Al Gore and the Nobel Peace Prize. You know, we ought to be proud. You know, sure he deserved it, about as much as Yassir Arafat deserved it - the terrorist (laughs). I'm sure he deserved it as much as Jimmy Carter deserved it - the incompetent one. Nobel Peace Prize are given to those who are considered outstanding in his field. I wonder which one of his three mansions had the field, of Al Gore. You know what the big question is, folks, nobody will ask him? I have it on good authority that Al Gore - within the last 48 hours - was seen getting off a private jet. In the last 48 hours; I don't know if it's true, we've got calls into all Gore's office, once again, but whenever Hannity calls, we don't get a response - what a shock - it's like Hillary Clinton's office. What do they do Sweet Baby James every time you call over there? They laugh, right, they pretty much laugh (laughs). We get the old Hillary laugh, showing the world that she's funny and happy. [Hillary laugh audio]

So here we've got Al Gore is the recepient of the Nobel Peace Prize a few years after Jimmy Carter was awarded the prize, same prize back in 2002. Basically we see a trend here: Norway's the place to go for failed Democratic politicians who want to recessitate their image by glomming on to the very bad policies that would damage their country. For Carter it was by embracing these anti-Israeli policies in his foreign policy. For Gore it was embracing anti-growth policies and this insane environmental extremism that he's bought into here. I guess both men have similarities: they both come from the South, they both have angry mean streaks [GORE: He betrayed this country, he played on our fears.] They have absolutely no grace out of office. They are very petty in their criticisms. They've got more radical and more extreme and more left wing after having left office. They're both bitter that their place in history is non-existant for the most part. They both win the Nobel Peace Prize for exactly that reason. You know why they win the Peace Prize? Let's be honest. For embracing the extreme left - that's what that Peace Prize is about. You got the Norwegian Nobel Committee made up of five persons who reflect the makeup of the Parliment. What a shock that they consistantly award people on the left. Prizes like this, they're meant to reward excellence; it's supposed to award achievement. It's too bad when those standards are cast aside in favor of advancing a leftist ideology. That's what's happened here, that's why at the end of the day, the Nobel Peace Prize is meaningless - absolutely, completely meaningless and it's also why the MoveOn.org mainstream media is going to make as big a deal about this as they possibly can. The American people utterly rejected Jimmy Carter and Al Gore. It's no surprise that they'd find a home in a committee that is characterized by its left-leaning ideology and its fierce opposition to real peace.

You want to talk about who deserves the Nobel Peace Prize, here's nominations: how about Ronald Wilson Reagan? How about George W. Bush? Those that believe that you should be the master of your own destiny, those that confront and defeat evil in their time. Those that use - How about Winston Churchill as a great example? Ohh, we can't - How about Harry Truman? How about FDR? How about those that recognize the forces of evil in their day?

What's ironic about this is - as we reported earlier this week - a British judge has ordered that when Al Gore's global warming hysteria film is shown to student audiences, it's now got to be accompanied by a warning that the film is a political propaganda film and riddled with false claims.
...[junk science, why the UN sucks]
The undeserving Al Gore, who had a press operation second to none, who flies around the world polluting the planet in his own big, old, fuel-consuming gulfstream, he gets the award. What about the troops in Iraq? How about the troops in Afghanistan? How about the troops all over the world that are really securing the peace for our country and millions of other people? They're treated like garbage by members of their own congress; they're treated like garbage in the international community. You know who deserves the Peace Prize? How about I nominate our brave men and women, our soldiers in Iraq? How about we nominate our soldiers in Afghanistan? The sad reality is that they'll never get the because it's become corrupted, political, meaningless, as evidinced by giving it to Jimmy Carter or Yassir Arafat or others who have done nothing for peace and frankly, through their weakness, quite the contrary, who have made the world a more dangerous place. It was Carter who brought us the Iranian people the Islamic fascist regime that now terrorizes the world.

Yes, that asshat just said "the Nobel Peace Prize is meaningless - absolutely, completely meaningless" and then proceeded to nominate people for the meaningless prize.

This is patriotism elevated to the level of absurdity, and it would be funny if it wasn't the terrifying, genuine thought process of someone with an audience of 12.5 million listeners per week. You could almost feel the small tremor of "Fuckin' A right!" reverberating through ignorant, conservative audiences across America.

UPDATE: Hannity's talking to Haditha Marine Justin Sharratt and his father about Rep. John Murtha's Haditha comments and how Justin was cleared of all charges. Hannity pledged to help in every way possible to aid Justin should he choose to run for U.S. Congress against Murtha (they're from the same voting district), stating "you're old enough to carry a Marine weapon," you can hold Congressional office.

SEAN: You know, you're in his district. You could run against him.
JUSTIN: That is a possibility.
SEAN: Would you consider that?
JUSTIN: If I was old enough, that is a good possibility -
SEAN: You're old enough. You're old enough to carry a Marine weapon, you're old enough.
...
SEAN: I'm going to make a promise to you, Justin, if you decide to do this, if you decide to run against John Murtha, I will do everything I can do to help you raise money and defeat him. I think the ultimate justice is, I believe the people in his district, if given the choice between somebody who is serving their country and is falsely accused, I think this could be an incred- I know you're a young man - how old are you?
JUSTIN: Twenty-three.
SEAN: You're twenty-three years old, but you know what? You have the strength and maturity - If you can go out in Iraq, in the streets of Hadditha, and withstand multiple IED attacks and sniper gun fire on a daily basis, you've proven you have the character, the toughness, the strength to take on John Murtha. And I can promise you that this audience will back you up and support you in every way imaginable, financially, we'll do everything - I'll give the maximum donation I can if you decide to do this.

Unfortunately for Sean and Justin, the Constitution of the United States of America states that you have to be 25 to hold office in the House of Representatives (30 for Senate, 35 to be President). Justin is 23. Then again, Sean Hannity doesn't read the Constitution.

Betavoltaic Shmetavoltaic: Suckas!

A laptop battery that will last 30 years? The story itself lives on the blood of common sense.

Two days ago, I caught a BoingBoing Gadget post about the Betavoltaic Battery. The story originates from NextEnergy News and says:

Your next laptop could have a continuous power battery that lasts for 30 years without a single recharge thanks to work being funded by the U.S. Air Force Research Laboratory. The breakthrough betavoltaic power cells are constructed from semiconductors and use radioisotopes as the energy source. As the radioactive material decays it emits beta particles that transform into electric power capable of fueling an electrical device like a laptop for years.

Amazing? You bet. BoingBoing's admonition? Horseshit!

My thoughts exactly.

As Joel Johnson noted, if the U.S. Air Force Research Laboratory was seriously working on something this commercially viable, something we'd see on store shelves in 2 to 3 years, they'd probably have it on the front page of their website. A deeper search reveals the term "betavoltaic" appears nowhere on their site.

At this point, horseshit is close, but it gets soupier and nastier than that. A brief search of betavoltaic reveals how deep the poop chute goes. A shady company called Betavoltaic Industries, American Antigravity touting the technology, and a handful of other "free energy" sites. A couple voices of reason ring out: Eric Krieg and Shawn Bishop illuminate the junk science, misunderstandings, and purely theoretical basis of the technology. Crunch Gear calls it a classic pump and dump scheme.

[Side note: what good is a laptop battery that lasts 5-6 times as long as the usefulness of the laptop? When was the last time you could switch out a battery from one laptop to another, newer version? Manufacturers consolidating and standardizing, perhaps? Have you ever tried to charge your phone, maybe home for the holidays, where there are seven or eight different chargers and not one fits? Exactly like that.]

Why am I putting such effort into something so obviously untrue? Because the good people at SciFi Tech should know better. It's only a matter of time before it makes Headline News. The retraction will be aired once at 5am. And then that asshat at work who's always wrong about everything will nonchalantly sneer at you charging your cellphone and say "you know, in two years, you'll never have to do that again. The Air Force is makin' a 30 year battery." And then you can donkey punch him. Verbally, figuratively, of course.

The Democratic Debate: Global Warming?

I was just outside, at the end of September, at night, smoking a cigarette without a shirt on (yeah, I'm all kinds of hot) and I was wondering why I was able to be outside at the end of September, without a shirt, smoking a cigarette.

Why did the debate I just watched not touch on the issue of global warming?

I know a hot day (or days, or weeks) does not define an issue. But, hell. Why not?

(Three pages of) notes tomorrow, but the real issues weren't necessarily hit, and some of the ones that were (today's congressional vote) weren't explained to those that aren't politiphiliacs.

Certain note: Tim Russert was pwned by Hillary. When does he get the ball gag?

Goodnight.

God Loves the Earth: Why Not Republicans?

From the Vatican Information Service:

Made public today was the text of a speech delivered by Msgr. Pietro Parolin, under-secretary for Relations with States, before the 62nd session of the UN General Assembly which is meeting to deliberate on the theme of "the future is in our hands: addressing the leadership challenge of climate change."

"Climate change is a serious concern and an inescapable responsibility," said Msgr. Parolin in his English-language talk. "My delegation wishes to stress the underlying moral imperative that everyone, without exception, has a grave responsibility to protect the environment," he added.

"The best scientific assessments available have established a link between human activity and climate change," he continued. "However, the results of these scientific assessments, and the remaining uncertainties, should neither be exaggerated nor minimized in the name of politics, ideologies or self- interest. Rather they now need to be studied closely in order to give a sound basis for raising awareness and making effective policy decisions.

So if Msgr. Pietro Parolin speaks from the Pope, and the Pope speaks from God, that's two Kevin Bacon's between this guy and God, saying it is everyone's responsibility to protect the Earth.

I would like the global warming deniers to take a stance: God is misinterpreting the data or global warming is real.

Hey Ricky, haven't Protestants and their breakaways reviled the Pope and ignored the apostolic succession since the 16th century?

Damn. Well, Hannity, Giuliani, and Brownback are not off the hook yet, but I guess the rest of those Protestants will take a pass on this one.

Drudge Misquotes, Misleads Article for Anti-Science

Matt Drudge, everyone's favorite, lovable, not-gay wingnut has done it again. I've grown used to the anti-science on the site (Today: it's cold in NYC...and it's August! OMG!!11! [implied: global warming is bullshit]), but this pushes it a little far in my estimation. On the site today:



But in Norway's Moose Population in Trouble for Belching, the actual quote in the article is "Bacteria in a moose's stomach create methane gas which is considered even more destructive to the environment than carbon dioxide gas." The actual methane produced is the same as a car that travels 13,000 km (8077.8 mi) - this being a Dane study, I'm guessing they don't include many excessively-low mpg vehicles. The information I was able to scrape up was that the average person (American) drives about 15,000 miles per year, nearly double the impact of a single moose.

Am I seriously comparing a moose to a car?

Yes, I am. Because the moose/cow methane argument is commonly used to justify all the filth we're dumping into the atmosphere: "Well, if a cow's farts are hurting the environment, then my sweet Escalade's just fine." No sense of balance, of avoidable consequences vs. nature. These are the same people who see that it's cold in NYC today so global warming's a lie, and the same people who will take Drudge at his quote, not read the article, and poop the "moose worse than car" argument as fact over and over.

Thought I'd take the time to let everyone know it's bullshit so when you do run into that person, you're well prepared.

Rush Limbaugh is a Trememdous Douchebag

I am certainly not trying to trump one of my posts from January, Glenn Beck is a Tremendous Douchebag, but there I was in that self-abusive mood, streaming Rush on the local 550AM. Some tidbits:

"You know what organic means? Feces. That's what it means."

"A market correction is defined as the market dropping 10%."

"You do know Bill Clinton and Al Gore were pro-lifers."

After listening a couple weeks ago to him tout his wasteful energy practices as keeping South Florida warmer than the cooler than average global-warming-hype rest of Florida on that day, I just couldn't take the arrogant, wasteful Jabba larva any longer.

Organic does not mean feces; he knows that, but resents it in the face of his fast food, ludes, and little dudes. Market correction happens when stocks - like Rush's head - are over-inflated and over-valued. And while Clinton and Gore at one point or another were against federal money paying for abortions under certain circumstances, they were never for the limitation of a woman's right to choose.

I think that somewhere in his brain he knows that these facts exist, but like any well-deluded neocon, never the twain shall meet; the reality and the bunk are strictly and efficiently segregated. When you sling shit for a living, you get very good at slinging shit, and protect your livelihood with any an all physical and psychological devices that will permit you to continue slinging shit.

Unfortunately it's disheartening to hear a shit slinger talk about his audience as the most educated in America, and then hear the enamored myrmidons panting, panting on the phone, mentally scrambling to tongue the cack off his cock.

Photoshopless: Cheney's Hot for Teacher

So Bush almost blew himself up on Saturday plugging into the wrong hole (Iraq, Laura, I'm seeing a pattern here). This image is making its rounds.



But wait...


Cheney's got the laser eyes of a robot, and they're trained directly on the President's posterior. Back dat ass up!

Jesus Built My Hot Rod but Muhammad Pumps the Gas

"There’s a lot of money to pay for this that doesn’t have to be U.S. taxpayer money, and it starts with the assets of the Iraqi people…and on a rough recollection, the oil revenues of that country could bring between $50 and $100 billion over the course of the next two or three years…We’re dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction, and relatively soon."


- Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, 3/27/03

Oh, Paul, has it really been four years? 'Cause there have been some problems with that line of thinking.

In honor of this anniversary, I thought I'd pair up my general paranoia and curiosity about Chavez and Ahmadinejad and Putin and dig into exactly how much of our petrol product we import, and from whom do we import it? While pretty, the USA Today graphics aren't exactly concise, and vaguely referenced numbers proliferate the news media as a whole. I wanted it from the horse's mouth, and I wanted to make sure the right numbers were being added, subtracted, multiplied, and divided.

The CIA's Factbook was horribly outdated, estimating consumption and production at 2004 and 2005 estimated respectively.

The horse's mouth:Official Energy Information Administration of the United States US Petroleum Imports

I gathered the numbers in the EIA Report (This is the December 2006 report, released February), and made calculations based on the total petroleum product import from each country.

And what is Mr. Ed saying?

Iraq is still providing us with 3.29% of our petroleum imports. Somehow. Of course, we're paying out the ass for it.

The Persian Gulf countries are supplying 16.36% of our oil imports.

What if OPEC cut us off? 41.16% of our imports are gone.

This one's fun: If we add Amanadinajad to Putin to Chavez and throw in Kim Jong Il and push some regional influence, Libya, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, Argentina, Brazil, Ecuador, Russia, and Vietnam provide 37.45% of our Petroleum products. Throw in Mexico, just to twist the knife, and we could conceivably lose 47.92% of our oil imports.

How could we even wage war against that? We couldn't fuel our machines of destruction. We couldn't lube the gears of Shiva.

I'm not saying this is a likely scenario. But it's nice to have the numbers at a time when war with Iran is looking imminent, King Abdullah just canceled dinner with the president (and called our occupation of Iraq illegal), our list of enemies is growing and their cry is becoming louder. How long before the Lilliputians number so many that they look at each other and say "We could take this fucker." I don't think we're waiting on numbers, just realization.

Our country is talking about alternative energy in the form of ethanol, wind power, and biomass, but it's still in the starts and giggles phase. It's exactly like Darfur: much decrying the situation, but no action to back up the supposed convictions. And without the convictions and without the change, we're the dog tethered to the tanker. It goes down? We drown.

Based on the EIA's numbers, we're a superpower pushing buttons against a world that could shut us down. We might want to pay attention to that.