PS4 Announcement Synopsis (parody)

Even if you're not into video games, this is pretty funny and certainly worth the watch.

Kitty Story Palette Cleanser - Dirty Penguins

Club Penguin is a children's online game where you get to interact with other kids and known for tight control. First level you can only choose pre-programmed phrases. Second level is a server monitor that will auto-ban for the slightest naughty word. LOL.

Octodad? Really?

Here's the trailer for Octodad: Deadliest Catch. Good lord, what in all tarnation? And why aren't they releasing it on Xbox360?

Assassin's Creed Anagram

Looking at this, I was inspired to do some video game anagram action.



Amen.

Minecraft Owns Me Now

So I watched this:



And I was like...meh.

Then I saw this yesterday:

More Minecraft Videos

I thought: Hey, something I could check out.



That's my dog. Well, it's not really mine. I've got this house, which is just kind of a hole in a hill, and I put a door on it and lit it with torches and I keep digging and digging and I made a work table and chests to hold stuff... - sorry, so occasionally when I go out to kill cows for hides or chop down trees (only during the day; night has bad monsters) and I come home I find a skeleton has spawned somehow and the bastard shoots arrows but I kill him, sometimes after a spawn or two of my own (still working on good armor) and when I do I get a bone. I found some wolves and fed one of them 4 bones. And his/her collar turned red and a little heart <3 popped out of its chest and since then it just followed me. And if I accidentally hit it with a pick axe while mining, it doesn't even mind. But I don't like that so I tell him/her to sit on my bed.

I don't have a name for him (or her) yet because I'm viciously mining, as I mentioned. Actually, it's dead. Let's stop playing games while playing games. That screenshot was from when I had it sit on the bed. But I felt so bad, cooped up all the time? So I let him/her follow me (as he/she is wont to do) and while mining away from home a creature called a creeper came around a corner and exploded (as they are wont to do) and Dog-With-No-Name was just gone. And now I have to use my wood to make planks to make a sign so I can put it in that mine and give my dog a name post-mortem as a memorial.

Seriously, this post was going to be happy. I love this game. Then Ricky died. Of course: Ricky.

Well, Ricky will get a sign, and I need to get back to mining. Because maybe a skeleton will spawn and I'll kill it and take the bones and give them to a wolf and I'll name it Rickyz and it will never be allowed off my bed. Evar.

Yay Minecraft! Right?

Friday Videos: Daneboe Mashups - and a FAIL

I just found Daneboe and GagFilms and their wonderful video game mashups. So let's hit it with:

Mortal Kombat vs. Donkey Kong




Sonic vs. Pac Man




Contra vs. Duck Hunt




Girl Motorcycle FAIL

I think people would be more surprised if someone posted a woman who could ride a bike.

Weeks Without the XBox 360 - It's Okay!

So you heard me whine about my XBox360 tweaking out all E74 on me and you're concerned, wondering whatever dear Ricky will do!?

I know. Worst bit? Mrs. Shambles leaves for parts abroad for 10 days on Friday, multiplying my video game play time by like 20. And my Xbox, sans faceplate and hard drive, awaits departure sometime tomorrow.

But it's not all loss and pain. In fact, it opens a happy and broad opportunity of getting back to some sense of roots. I'm not a deprived mess in any sense. I've still a working PS2 and Wii. And a bit of a backlog to go along with it.

Wii Weekend

For example, I have a couple Wii items I have to catch up on:

• I recently downloaded Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and have yet to crack into that
• I played most of Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess drunk and my last save was in the mer-people's land and I don't remember much about ...anything. Let's just say a start-over would be good.
• I recently had a birthday and just spent my xmas and bday gift cards to purchase (today) Metroid 3: Corruption and Super Mario Galaxy (+ hottest GameStop staff in recent memory)
• And if all else fails, I just found out LostWinds: Winter of the Melodias was released for download late last year.
• And I never did get very far into Super Mario 64

PS2 for One

Playstation2 still has some life in it as well:

• I still have GTA: San Andreas and in my latest save only have 1/3 of total gang territory left to conquer to own the whole town. Have not unlocked the 2 other sections of the map yet.
• Finally picked up God of War II at the aforementioned GameStop trip. Delicious.
• And there's always The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning. Seriously, back off. It's a reboot of the series and the cast includes Elijah Wood as Spyro, David Spade as Sparx, Gary Oldman as Ignitus, and Cree Summer as Cynder. That's right: Gary fucking Oldman.

So that's pretty much my next 12 days, aside from work, that is. In case you were wondering. I will not continue to bitch about how Microsoft is fucking their fan base, except when new glitches appear in the process of getting my XBox fixed, which I have faith they will.

My Personal Red Ring: Xbox 360 - Error 74

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane

I was playing Fallout3 (see my Dogmeat rantamble here), and after clearing out a cave of Raiders and getting to looting the place and taking a nap, everything went Matrix on me, but red, and with lots of dots instead of the green characters. Ghosts of the action before me still remained, but none nearly visible enough to continue. Woah! I reset.

Then the flashing red light you see above. But hey, at least it's not the Red Ring of Death! Right? Wrong. MS places it straight:

While the majority of Xbox 360 owners continue to have a great experience with their console, we are aware that a very small percentage of our customers have reported receiving an error that displays “E74” on their screen. After investigating the issue, we have determined that the E74 error message can indicate the general hardware failure that is associated with three flashing red lights error on the console.

So my error and my "Oh, at least it's not the ring!" are all for nothing. And by "majority" they apparently mean "more than 50%." My research shows Microsoft is busting out repairs on an extended 3 year warranty for a possible 30% of customers who purchased an Xbox 360.

So you give me a free shipping label to fix a problem you KNEW about when I bought your system? P'sha!

I'd like 5000 points to go with the fact that I have to ship my system to you to get fixed, leaving me without the product I purchased.

Microsoft, you are a douche. And you're short-selling your clientelle. And you need to make amends. Even now, when the fervor of the red ring has died down, it still lives. It lives in every box that has been purchased. Even though you put out your statement in 2007 that you made changes, you're still sucking something hard because obviously the purchase I made a year ago was not iron-clad to your supposed changes.

This is bad business. I'll post it on my other blog too.

And I'll send in my Box with box and packing that I must pay for. And I'll call customer service every single day to find out when I'm getting it back and what credits I might expect.

I'll report back.

And my daughter just bought me Dead Rising. And even if I could play it, I just found out I can't read any of the text in the game: was optimized for HD.

Asshats. I'll let you know.

Jesus and Politics - Or How About Video Games? And...No, Just Video Games. Fallout 3? Dogmeat? Anyone?

Jesus was supposed to be yesterday, but I'm running a little wrong on the side of time because I finally started getting buried in this game called Fallout 3 for the Xbox 360. Engrossing. Potentially hundreds of hours of gameplay (and downloadable content!) and it's killing my productivity.

The most endearing and interesting part of the game is that I have been befriended by a dog named Dogmeat. I know. It says the words "dog meat" in my inventory and I imagine the 6 HP it provides is delicious as much as it is irradiated.

But this is a dog. A real, live, video game dog. And she chooses me as her master.

And I've got to live up to that.

In the Fallout 3 Wasteland, you never know if you're going to bump into a stupid raider that Dogmeat will tear into until you can get a relatively close headshot with the combat shotgun that will make his "momma had a baby and it's head popped off" pop off with requisite spurting blood OR perhaps a small army of super-mutants will crush Dogmeat in three bangs of a water main pipe.

And when that happens, whether you are there to see it or not, you get an impersonal dialogue pop-up that simply states "Dogmeat has died" and an "OK" box.

No, damn you! It's not okay! She's a dog! A dog! She ran after the super mutant on the third floor to protect ME and it took me a while to get up there and he clubbed her with his nail board and I couldn't get there with a stimpak to fill her HP and - SHIT! - a whimper and that fucking box again. Again!

Yes. It happens again and again. Why? Because telling her to stay there brings up a whimper (and if you tell her to stay somewhere and get carried away and forget where you left her, she's gone). So you keep her with you and when you say "Good boy," she barks like fucking Lassie (I realize my disconnect in animal gender, but I do have two female cats: Dorian and Godot).

Then Dogmeat dies. And you lament your decision. You start over at the last save. Because you keep her with you and you move on. The thought of your dog dead will ruin the rest of the game. And she's actually helpful as an alert most of the time with that growl and because for the love of all things Holy, the BEST thing she can do, the reality of the situation, the dialogue choice under "Talk to Dogmeat" that states "Go away and never come back again" makes me want to vomit and cry in that pile of puke for being such a horrible human being.

I'm not sure how I'm going to feel recruiting a Goul named Charon, whom I just met.

I doubt I'll replay as an evil character, though I long to blow up Megaton. I don't have the stomach.

And don't even ask me about Mass Effect 2. Until 2012 when I finally get to it.


I don't think anything about this post is right. I admit it upfront. And yet I'm certain I'm not alone.

And you should play. Obviously, it's engaging. Engrossing.
Happy Tuesday.


UPDATE: I've downloaded the Broken Steel component so I could pop the Level 20 cap. And I now have to deal with some terrible enemies that actually scare me, though I've not even entered the storyline of the download.

Funny plus: Puppies! It's a new perk you can choose at level up so if Dogmeat dies, you can return to 101 and have a new piece of the litter. Litter? I guess the female thing is not so wrong with Dogmeat.

Stupid Shit I Bitch About

This morning I woke up in a state. Grumpy. Angry. Well...hungover a bit to tell you the truth. It was 5:30am. But worse off for the media I imbued during the first 30 minutes of my morning.

I saw the Orbitz Valet commercial. And that killed me. Originally, it went like this:


"Ah, the Hernandez ...'s ...ez"

Brilliant! Hilarious! But apparently someone phoned in and pissed in someone's ear and the commercial I saw this morning went "Ah, the Hernandez's."

Who the fuck ruined that comedy moment? Fuck them!


And then I turned the channel to Headline News and caught the end of a story of some foul, stupid shit where the reporter stated:

"Some Santas are dropping their jokes that bad kids will be getting socks for Christmas. The kids are actually asking for socks in this economy, not video game systems, asking for library cards..."

Asking for library cards? What the fuck place do they live in? What the fuck kids are they talking about? Where did they find the humility that they're reporting on?

What kid is humble to ask for socks? Even if they're barefoot, they're still asking for a fucking Xbox360, begging for a PS3, living on the dream of a DSi. Most kids would eat cardboard while standing barefoot on glass to play a solid video game system.

NO ONE IS ASKING FOR FUCKING SOCKS!

What kid is asking Santa for a fucking library card? THEY'RE FREE!!! Kick Santa in the nads and ask Mom or Dad to take you to the library for your FREE fucking card!

Jeez. Sorry. It was a bad morning.

Continue rocking. Nothing to see here...

3 Flavors Man Moment: Video Games, Politics, and Long-term Crushin'

Bayonetta

I'm playing the Xbox360 demo of Bayonetta. She's some supernatural witch-lady with a suit of hair, square-rimmed glasses, and a mole on her chin in a game that I'd characterize as entertaining and thoughtful button-mashing akin to Devil May Cry.

And then E3 happened:



Damn.


Mika Brzezinski

This is the real reason I watch MSNBC's Morning Joe. At least "Morning Mika" has some alliteration.




Ricci All Day Long

I've been crushing for forever. My wife knows about it. My friend teases me that she has a fivehead. But I can't let go. Just something about her.




Oh, I guess that's about all I need for a man moment right now. Ahhhh.

Next time: that magic tingle slightly fucked up teeth give me. Seriously. Patricia Arquette? Noms. And, of course, the tragedy that comes with orthodontics. Boo.

Enemies of Mass Effect 2

When it comes to video games, I'm slightly behind the times. I have a PS2, Xbox360, and a Wii. In the last year, I've completed Portal, Mass Effect, and Bioshock, and am finally deep into Half-Life 2. Out of these 4, they were all 10/10, and each had their strengths, but for depth of play and replay value, I'd go Mass Effect hands down.

And so I'm tweaking over these teasers coming out for Mass Effect 2. Here's one embedded for your gaming geek pleasure.

Mass Effect 2 at IGN.com

YouTube Subcultures: MMORPG, LARP, Furries?

A documentary called Second Skin chronicles the lives of a handful of MMORPG gamers and appears to get into the good, bad, and frightening. No worries; it looks more WoW than Second Life Furries. Ewww...furries. Is there anything weirder?



It's like what Darkon did for LARPers. Wait. You've never seen Darkon? Shit. (LARP = Live Action Role Playing)



And then there are those of you still scratching your heads wondering what the hell's going on with the furry thing. Here's a mini-documentary. Vancouver furries. Just for you, Cal.



NOTE: The above video is an innocuous CBC fluff piece on a "dress up" pasttime that does not - in any way - touch on the large part of furry culture that is a sexual fetish revolving around an erotic exchange between two anthropomorphic animals.

Yes, that's what makes furries creepy.

UPDATE: Haha! right after this post, xkcd did a comic on furries too. Well, not because of me or anything, but there it is. :)

Bowser and His Minions Video

Don't know if you've seen this, but I've been in a Super Mario mood today (little more Mario than super).

Animation and Gaming Convention Ohio

The *ahem* Triforce

Animation & Gaming in Ohio. In Cincinnati! And after you read this description, you will not wonder why I read this and immediately "Holy shit! I must attend for the spectacle!"

• Cosplay Musical (Theme of Resident Evil)


• Wrestling Hoboken (Watch a full on show by the talented guys from Mad Pro Wrestling, followed by matches from you favorite games, cartoons and anime characters as they square off in the wrestling ring)


• Battle of the Rock Bands (Think you have what it takes to go into a Rock Band Tourney and come out victorious on the A&G Main Event Stage in front of a crowd of your peers? Then Bring it on.. it's time to rock!)

New Signature Events to this years line up will include:


• Zombie Apocolypse (it's a game, it's a LARP, it's live action, and it's lazer tag. All rolled up into one)


• Zelda live-action adventure (based off the hit game from Nintendo- Zelda)

Cincinnati. March 12-14, 2010. Weekend badge is $20 until Jan. 1. Be there.

Nostalgia: Atari 2600 - The Fun is Back

Under fifty bucks? Now isn't that nice?

Legend of Zelda Trailer!

No, not really. Well, really, but it was IGN's "tits" 2008 April Fool's joke to the world. And if you haven't seen it, take a look.

It actually looks a little better than a SciFi Original. I'd torrent it.

And I am a Dork

So I was playing Mass Effect - my new Xbox addiction - and I took out this rogue virtual intelligence and an army of bots and when it dies, it takes over all airwaves in binary over and over with this:

01001000
01000101
01001100
01010000

And without looking it up, I knew it translated to "HELP."

Reminded me of a photoshop in my archive. No, featured image is not me.

Sexy, Sexy Slime. Naughty Square Enix!

I got an email this morning. Here is the picture that greeted be before coffee:



Does this strike anyone else as a thinly-veiled attempt at piquing the interest of our subconscious sex drive by tossing the letter Q into "Sex Toys?" When has Square Enix EVER abbreviated their name as SQEX?

And then there's the whole idea of DragonQuest (or Dragon Warrior) sex toys. Video game porn, anyone? And I will leave that to you in the comments.

Guitar Hero Xmas

This Christmas was, as it always is, an endeavor. Two xmas eves, two xmas days, xmas on Saturday. Joy.

But I did receive, from my parents, Guitar Hero World Tour with a dual guitar setup: 2 Les Paul wireless guitars for my 360.

Tasty. Love it.

Questionable news is that because I'm functionally tied to the computer trying to build my business, Little Shambles has seriously become a rock star. She's unlocked like 20 songs on career mode on medium.

And I still can't hit 100% on easy on any song I've tried.

I guess I'll get good next week when I still don't have enough work to keep rolling and need some distraction other than worrying about the mortgage.

For those of you who haven't heard: I'm running a professional web development and web marketing company. And I'm awesome. Contact me. Reasonable pricing includes search engine friendly design. Best practices.

Yay xmas!