We're Trucking!

Happy Friday.

Papa John: Poor Baby

So this giant mansion owning Republican douchenozzle is crying about Obamacare. Boo. Hoo. He says Obamacare is going to make bad things happen. How bad? It's going to add $0.14 per pie. (Even though HuffPo has some lesser numbers.)

OMG, Papa John must despise democrats and Obama because the policies of the last four years have been a disaster for his company. I mean, right?

No. Papa John's stock this time in 2008 was bottoming out at $15 due to Bush's policies. After almost four years of Obama presidency that same stock is floating near $50, only recently affected by his own public dickery.

So, Papa John, are you better off four years later? Oh, your lips say "no," but your mansion says "YES."



See?

Obama Talking to his Staff - :')

If You Missed Diane Sawyer Drunk...

I'm sure she'll say she was over-tired, but it looked like a whiskey IV. Here's a lovely compilation:



Also: Hell Yeah Obama!

I'd Vote Mr. Ford Every Day

Happy voting day.

Stupid is as Stupid Says: 8 Minutes of Ignorant Ohio

Want to hear right-wing talking points garbled, shuffled, and vomited out by ignorant masses in Ohio? Sure you do. And yes, it is worth all 8 minutes of your time.

I don't care who you're voting for, but know what the fuck you're talking about.



My favorites? Buddhists coming into the country to take our freedoms and Meatloaf's sweaty near-seizure.

If you haven't yet voted, make it out tomorrow. If for no other reason than to make these people very, very sad.

Not Waving But Drowning by Stevie Smith - Audio

So, ya wanna get weird in the blogspace?

One of my readers already thought it strange that I was 35 (though she didn't elucidate her expectation as to whether that was too young or old). So here's my voice as I opened an account on Soundcloud. If you like it, I might do occasional posts in both type and VO.

Let me know what you think.


Not Waving But Drowning
by Stevie Smith

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Limbaugh on Sandy

Yesterday, lying lard lord Rush Limbaugh made a simple statement that rang true with me. He said that the Sandy situation was a microcosm of why Obama was having trouble. He, of course went on to spew some stupid, made-up bullshittery, but I saw a direct correlation from the conservative angle:

Obama is handed a disaster, immediately attacks it with heartfelt sympathy and dedicated concentration. Whatever he does well is ignored, any conservatives who point out anything positive are ignored or derided, and a bevvy of speculative "what ifs" are introduced for the Monday morning quarterbacks of Fox News to tear apart exactly how it could have happened better. And that's just the slight right. Push out further and you've already got the nutters saying he used HAARP to cause Sandy to win the election. And not to worry: we're early yet; I'm sure we'll see legal blockades raised in order to blame Obama for not doing certain things. But those will surface only after he wins next Tuesday.

So, Rush, you were more right than you intended. You so ironic.

Dungeons & Dragons & Bitches

Romney: Liar Campaign

Feel free to steal. Figured out they're using Trajan Pro as a font and decided to have some fun.

Trippy Kitty

Um, yeah, so I saw this today. Enjoy.

Message From the Greatest Generation

Not Dead, Just Fat

Been a while. Since I posted, that is.

I've been going through some mild depression, trying to get my shit together, and finding myself overwhelmed with apathy when it comes to politics. I mean, when we get to the point where AM band conservative hosts up through the Republican vice- and presidential candidates can blatantly shift from generally-expected spin to outright lies, when those who would debunk those lies are ignored because the right is so brainwashed to ignore any Romney falsehoods or ideology switches while making the slightest fart from the liberals into earth-shattering Somemotherfuckingthing-gate, really, what is there to say?

One of the things I've been working on is my weight. I'm not fat, really, but a stocky (somewhat muscular) 205lbs at 5"8" and just got back from a visit to California where I quickly realized I was generally the fattest guy in the room. Oddly enough, the vanity that drove most of the people I met made me realize I was not taking good enough care of myself on a physical/health level. So I'm making some changes.

And I don't know if it's just today with the excitement of the hurricane or the promise that the intensity of the politics will deflate some after next week, but I was motivated enough to write this, and I'm posting a video a little later.

So maybe I'm getting back on the horse. We'll see. But I'm doing okay. Not great, but better than dead.

Don't Debate Me, Bro!

About the debate:

I think most of the post-debate speculation/analysis was and continues to be red meat hyperbole catering to the barking masses on both sides and about as useless as the campaign commercials. I think Obama phoned it in. I also think that if it had been Obama acting in Romney's role, the right wing headlines would be crying about how petulant, disrespectful, disruptive, staggering, and out of control he was with a touch of something about how he changes the rules to fit his "agenda." We'd certainly get at least one pundit pushing out an "angry black man" claim. I think Romney controlled the debate (or was perceived to do so), but my take was of a socially awkward teen not sure quite how to do so. "Shut up, Dad!" At several points watching both candidates I was questioning if I was watching Saturday Night Live.


Also, did Mitt just call Obama "bro?"

Burning Man GoPro Hula Cam

Not really safe for work - some breasts with covered nipples - but amazingly executed and edited. Could potentially make you dizzy.

Happy weekend.

R Kelly Wants Deaf Jehovah's Witnesses to Stop Masturbating

This is a 100% serious Jehovah's Witness ASL video about not masturbating - put to an R Kelly soundtrack. Brilliant.



(edit: For some reason I put Mormon instead of Jehovah's Witnesses in the original post. Not sure why.)

Abortion in the Bible: God Makes Exceptions

(Oh, the conventions have me busy and my younger cousin just got killed in a freak accident - shit's all kinda crazy. So sorry and mind the gap.)

With all last week's RNC platform bullshittery and the conservative nutterswarm going on this week - and watching these normally conservative folks I know on Facebook strike out for batshit - I'm about to swear off watching or hearing about politics until the day after the election.

But with all the far right anti-ladyparts RNC hubbub all the way to the fem-shaming of Fluke we got to see today after her rockin' speech last night, I thought it might be a good time to bring something to the surface that I just learned last week: God provides an exception for abortion if the female has been unfaithful.

No, really. Soak it in.

11 Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 12 “Speak to the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘If any man’s wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him, 13 and a man has intercourse with her and it is hidden from the eyes of her husband and she is [a]undetected, although she has defiled herself, and there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act, 14 [b]if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has defiled herself, or if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has not defiled herself, 15 the man shall then bring his wife to the priest, and shall bring as [c]an offering for her one-tenth of an [d]ephah of barley meal; he shall not pour oil on it nor put frankincense on it, for it is a grain offering of jealousy, a grain offering of memorial, a reminder of iniquity.

16 ‘Then the priest shall bring her near and have her stand before the Lord, 17 and the priest shall take holy water in an earthenware vessel; and [e]he shall take some of the dust that is on the floor of the tabernacle and put it into the water. 18 The priest shall then have the woman stand before the Lord and let the hair of the woman’s head go loose, and place the grain offering of memorial [f]in her hands, which is the grain offering of jealousy, and in the hand of the priest is to be the water of bitterness that brings a curse. 19 The priest shall have her take an oath and shall say to the woman, “If no man has lain with you and if you have not gone astray into uncleanness, being under the authority of your husband, be [g]immune to this water of bitterness that brings a curse; 20 if you, however, have gone astray, being under the authority of your husband, and if you have defiled yourself and a man other than your husband has had intercourse with you” 21 (then the priest shall have the woman swear with the oath of the curse, and the priest shall say to the woman), “the Lord make you a curse and an oath among your people by the Lord’s making your thigh [h]waste away and your abdomen swell; 22 and this water that brings a curse shall go into your [i]stomach, and make your abdomen swell and your thigh [j]waste away.” And the woman shall say, “Amen. Amen.”

23 ‘The priest shall then write these curses on a scroll, and he shall [k]wash them off into the water of bitterness. 24 Then he shall make the woman drink the water of bitterness that brings a curse, so that the water which brings a curse will go into her [l]and cause bitterness. 25 The priest shall take the grain offering of jealousy from the woman’s hand, and he shall wave the grain offering before the Lord and bring it to the altar; 26 and the priest shall take a handful of the grain offering as its memorial offering and offer it up in smoke on the altar, and afterward he shall make the woman drink the water. 27 When he has made her drink the water, then it shall come about, if she has defiled herself and has been unfaithful to her husband, that the water which brings a curse will go into her [m]and cause bitterness, and her abdomen will swell and her thigh will [n]waste away, and the woman will become a curse among her people. 28 But if the woman has not defiled herself and is clean, she will then be free and conceive [o]children.

WTF? I don't know. Maybe you guys have a little better insight than I do? Any is welcome.

Quick Update: The RNC Gots Me All Wrapped Up

Hey folks. Been tied up staring at the stupid at the RNC last couple days - if you want to see what I've been doing (read: "who I've been trolling"), you can click on my twitter info in the right column. All about twitter on this because shooting off my tweet mouth is way easier than doing a comprehensive analysis of all the lies. It would take me months and then my head would explode so you wouldn't get to read it anyway.

My most recent tweet is one of those things few people noticed, as far as me noticing what other people noticed by noticing their notices goes: Last night Paul Ryan, in an vapid attempt to push his relative youth in the "Hey, yeah, I gots me one of them iDoohickeys, I shore do. Hip, huh guys?" bid failed miserably. Yeah, he likes that Rock n Roll all right (and part of every day). His playlist goes from AC/DC to Zeppelin. I suppose he only likes all rad jams up to the letter "L." Or he's a liar. If he actually listened to Led Zeppelin, he would know better.

Who writes his shit?

Well, gotta run. Time to pick up my drink-on for tonight. Robo-Romney is poised to unimpress everyone and there's even hints that they're going to animate Ronald Reagan as a hologram, just like Tupac. I shit you not. Which means some "those infernal computer machines!" conservatives paid some techie liberals to build Holo-Reagan. They have the technology.

I'm hoping against hope to see a headline tomorrow: "Dem Sabotage - Hologram Reagan says 'Romney suck a dick. I'm out bitches. Peace!'"

Thor Rides a Wiener Dog

(click for bigger)

Title delivers. Did this on lunch. Happy Friday :)

(Source:
Thor: I need a horse!
Pet Store Clerk: We only have dogs, cats, and birds.
Thor: Well give me one big enough to ride.)

Jesus Riding Dinosaur: Meet the Artist Francesca Berrini

So you may recognize this image as an oft-used internet-wide wonder of delight:


Original Artwork of Francesca Berrini

(Spoiler: It's not misguided propaganda, but joyful, purposeful absurdity!)

About five years ago, I used that image in a post about Conservapedia because they had used it.

Over the weekend, I received a comment on that post that read as follows:

Hi there!

My name is Francesca Berrini and that image is actually my original art. You can see more of my Jesus and Friends images at my website: http://www.unusualcards.com/Jesus_and_Friends.html

I'm delighted that I could confuse everyone, but I'm a little disappointed that I've gotten no credit for my work.

Thanks,
Francesca Berrini
UnusualCards.com

So this post is an attempt to make this right. And in doing so, I discovered her website above and OMG Amazing, Jesus Riding Dinosaur is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the brilliant talent and jaw-dropping hilarity. How much brilliant talent? Well, please go ahead and click this link and check the other categories and see for yourself, but I will drop one teaser to drive you on:


Original Artwork of Francesca Berrini

And if any of you are Redditors, I created a Today I Learned... post that could use some love as well.

So here's your credit Francesca. Doin' what I can to spread the word!

UPDATE: Been a little crazier than I thought. Right now, less than 12 hours after first posting, over 1600 people have seen her on my Something Awful post and almost 2000 have taken the time to up/down vote on Reddit (not counting direct clicks to her site with no vote/comment). And Francesca's mom posted in the comments here! Damn it, man, sometimes you just have an amazing day blogging!
[Note: None of those links come here - they all point to her site directly.]