Brad Goehring is a Liar & Typical Rightie

Brad Goehring sent me an email today through GOPUSA's email list (yes, I'm a subscriber) and the subject title was "It's Liberal Hunting Season."

Ah, yes, you nod, now you remember Brad Goehring; he's the California Republican running for a House position that's catching flack for the hunting and gun references when describing what's going on in our country.

And so he's outright capitalizing on that absurd fame. "It's Liberal Hunting Season*
Time to Load Up* Conservative Candidates' Bank Accounts" and "PULL THE TRIGGER* FOR A TRUE CONSERVATIVE" adorn his funding letter. The asterisk? *Note to The Politically Correct Liberal Police (Specifically Keith Olbermann): The above sentences with asterisks are metaphors.

Like most Republicans, Brad does not understand how language works. Yes, Brad, those would fall into the category of "metaphor." Green check-mark on the grammar. But because something is a metaphor does not make it innocuous. What's a metaphor exactly? "A figure of speech in which an expression is used to refer to something that it does not literally denote in order to suggest a similarity."

To Brad:
Do you understand the function of a metaphor now? Do you understand that by making those statements, the intent - by function of the linguistic device - is to create a similarity between putting money in your campaign account and the physical act of killing liberals with a firearm.

And that's your right. You can go ahead and use that because it riles up the libs and the righties love it and, all-in-all, it probably benefits your campaign to follow that line. But don't - for just one second - pretend you don't know what you're doing with an aw shucks shrug.


Sidenote:
Brad-Brad's website home page, save for the address buried in the lower right, is oddly void of any reference to the state of California. Isn't he proud of the state he's working to represent? Yet no graphic, no mention. I'd suggest this is intentional; capitalize on the notoriety of the gun metaphors without that pesky obvious reminder that most of the right-wing, riled-up goonery is not actually from Cali and might think twice if they were overtly confronted with the fact.


Final note: Anyone who openly agrees with the idea the the Democrats are purposefully trying to deconstruct the country and turn it into a welfare state is out of their damn mind and lying to scare the bejeezus out of their base. Frightened constituency is always more giving, after all.


Okay, just one more note: You can follow Brad Goehrning on Twitter too! As of this posting, he's following 0 and being followed by 8. Note to Brad: You're doing it wrong.

Drunk-Dialing FreedomWorks

A heavenly thanks to Blueberry over at Texas Oasis. This made my day!

Disney Heroines as Comic Book Heroines

No, I'm not kidding. Here's one of half a dozen.



Um...

Politics Meh!

Meh! I say!

Why? Same shit's happening this week that was last week. Here's a recap in case you've been living in a cave with Bin Laden the last week:

• Republicans are backswitching and -pedaling and plain lying about Kagan's past accomplishments, policies, and rulings. The "better angels" of the right have reduced the conversation to whether she's a lesbian, a man, or too darned androgynous.
• Rush, Beck, and some of our particularly petrol-soaked politicians are downplaying the worst oil disaster in history, saying things like "Where's the oil? I don't see it!" and "The ocean'll take care of itself." and "Yeah, come to our beaches and swim and fish!" No, their job is to ignore the tragedy, the blame, the destruction...and instead focus on how Obama is going to use this to achieve world domination!
• Eric Holder didn't read the fucking law. 10 pages. 17 pages. Whatever. But he didn't read it, commented on it, and got called out. And because he didn't take 15 minutes of his day to get edjumakated, the right is playing the video of his admission 24/7. No matter that the law is unquestionably racist or wrong or opposed, because the USAG didn't read the damn thing, THEY get the fuel to burn their lie fires (note how the right talks about "plain language" except when they need to "read deeper" to reveal Obamarific deception). Eric Holder is still an asshat for that one.
• We're still at war in Afghanistan and Iraq. They're still killing Americans. We still shouldn't be there. And now that the right can call it "Obama's War," they can finally talk about it as the clusterfuck it is.
• Gingrich is still seemingly floating a 2012 GOP bid for POTUS. Hehe *snort*
• Drudge is still manipulating perception of what is in stories by the titles he gives them, always with that crazy, righty spin of his. (NOTE: Today Afghanistan "Grim milestone: 1,000 Americans dead" but 3K in Iraq under Bush ignored)

That is all.

Jesus News: Capitalism & Lungs

This week, we'll make it quick and let you comment:

Yes, a man legally named Lord Jesus Christ was hit by a car.

A great commentary on some douche that claims Jesus was a Capitalist.

A guy pines on spikes and (while starting with Shrek) asks what would've happened if Jesus was never born. Don't pay too much heed; it's not a historical model so much as it degrades into "we'd all be in hell."

And in a fit of pareidolia, we've now seen Jesus in a lung. Quick! Kill that person! Obviously the war of good and evil happened in the womb and the evil body consumed the twin!

Till next week...

"Single Ladies" Creepy

The dancing is impressive. That said, there are five sets of parents that need classes in what is appropriate for young girls.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Back in Black: Glenn Beck & Hitler

Mr. Black, I love you.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Back in Black - Glenn Beck's Nazi Tourette's
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Right Wing, Kagan, Saudi Arabia

And that's when my head exploded.

Media Matters today points out that WorldNetDaily hacks claim Kagan helped shield terrorist supporters. They claim this because under Dubya she advised against lawsuits against the Saudi Royal Family. However, administration policy at the time was a very staunch and public view that lawsuits would hurt the administration's ability to conduct foreign policy as they saw fit. Done deal.

So let's take a short trip to InsaneoLand, where everything is just one degree off, and presume Kagan, during the Bush administration, had advised FOR lawsuits against the Saudi Royal Family. What would our hypocritical whackjobs have said then? I'll venture a guess:

• Kagan is only out to get Bush and Bush doctrine.


• Kagan is attacking Bush's relationship with the Saudi Royal Family.


• Kagan is threatening our access to reasonably-priced oil.


• Kagan is threatening national security.


• Kagan is misdirecting her efforts and needs to focus on [insert other terrorist country here].


• Kagan is on a witch hunt.


• Kagan is a lesbian.

Hmmm...guess that last one shows that even in InsaneoLand, in an odd juxtaposition, Republicans can avoid hypocrisy when unifying in bigotry. Classy.

But the point is this: The Republican war against anything Obama and/or Democrat is reaching (okay: has reached) absurd proportions. They're blocking over 50 uncontroversial appointees with cowardly secret freezes, inserting porn amendments into decent bills, and blatantly arguing against one thing when the opposite would've raised even more hackles in the party. Aaaaaaahhhhh!

If the Republican Party's goal is to drive the opposition nuts, they're working it to the bone. But they're doing so at the expense of credibility; This is the "Waiting for Godot" of politics, performed in leather fetish clown outfits by amateurs who understand neither humor nor absurdity.

Quick! Rush Day is Every Day!

Today, Rush Limbaugh spewed a particularly absurd stream of verbal diarrhea (aka logorrhea) where he espoused the wonder and acceptance of the Republican party, saying that the Left is divisive and looking to break apart the country and the Republicans? They don't separate people into groups. "We don't even see groups."

He then immediately turned around and read from and wholeheartedly agreed with an article about how the Supreme Court could be grouped into New England educational elitists, how Obama is an elitist for living in Hyde Park and only one Justice is from the South.

Because he doesn't see groups.

Oh, and just before that he went on a tirade that there was an article about how the Right was trying to make Elena Kagan out to be a lesbian - whether she was one or not - and ranting about how the Left was making a big deal about it because of the publishing of the article. Guess what, Rush? You just did what you claim the Left is doing about what the Right is doing to damage the character of a viable SCOTUS candidate. Classy.

He still frustrates me, but at least he's just his own parody at this point. Not much I can to to juice the idiocy. I just have to tell you about it.

Take It or Leave It Award ...Cal!

Cal, it starts with you. This is a test. I may have to post this somewhere else because somehow it might violate Photobucket's something or other - and if it does I'll let you know. But steal it and save it for yourself just in case.

So on behalf of a complete lack of taste and judgment (on my part), I do hereby present Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness with the "I'd Fuck That Blog With My Own Dick" Award from Cause For Concern for a rich and neverending stream of wonderful, geeky, lovely, paranoid, and downright delicious posts. I'll never stop reading.

(if this is so totally nasty that no one will put it on their blog, I'll gladly revise it with something more innocuous but equally offensive)



Cheers!

If You Forget Me

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.


- Pablo Neruda

The Arizona Law IS Racist: Read It!

Here's the link. Anything I pull as a summary, please check me on. The right is full of shit on this one.

1. The amendments to the on-the-books law deems it verboten to practice any less than the full enforcement of federal law pertaining to illegal immigrants. Righties are correct on this talking point; the laws have become lax because of acceptance and necessity (people wouldn't be here if they weren't filling a labor need). However, this law is the equivalent of requiring your state to constantly monitor (not discourage or warn about) speed limits and issue tickets for even one MPH over listed limits. But monitoring methods aren't perfect! Exactly.


2. The law states that anyone an officer has engaged in lawful contact must be required to prove citizenship. Lawful contact would include anyone suspected of committing a crime.


3. The law then defines any person who is an illegal immigrant on any land, public or private in AZ as breaking the law (therefore committing a crime).


4. The law also defines anyone hiring or transporting an illegal immigrant as a violation of law and therefore reasonable suspect of illegal action.

So in the real world, can you understand how law enforcement might get pissed about this law? Can you understand how it may be described as racist?

It literally makes every law enforcement professional required to investigate whether or not a crime is being committed by anyone who may or may not be an illegal immigrant because trespassing is a violation in itself. A Mexican being on Arizona soil is a crime. How do you ascertain if someone is an illegal immigrant? Darker skin's going to be one tip-off. "Papers, please." A white guy or woman driving yourself and your Latino friend to work? Might be transporting! "Papers, please."

And despite all these terrible, terrible promotions of pretty blatant racism, Hannity and Limbaugh and the like can claim it's all good-hearted because at the very end, as a disclaimer, Sec. 11 Pt. C states: "This act shall be implemented in a manner consistent with federal laws regulating immigration, protecting the civil rights of all persons and respecting the privileges and immunities of United States citizens."

Ooohhh! So they were just saying that! Of course. You wouldn't want to violate anyone's civil rights, right? Assume someone's guilty based on their skin color? Preposterous! Obviously we're just protecting our citizenship by killing tourism and civilly raping the citizens of this fair state.

Good job Arizona! And all those great Republican who support the law? They support you too, right? Nope. Turns out they're moving the GOP convention to FLA and screwing you on that tourism absence too. Ouch. That's gotta hurt. At least it's a dry hurt.

LA Ate Me!

After offering a double dose of Van Mural love, as a sacrifice to the gods that be, a brief explanation of my absence the past week: I was in Los Angeles. First time there and it was awesome.

I can't yet put into words how amazing the experience was, but will certainly say that Los Angeles has won me over as much as it was demystified during my visit.

So mind the gap, I'm back from the cultural foraging. For now.

Van Mural: Bungalows & Dragons!

I was going to crop this first one to highlight the van itself, but what better to highlight a mediocre van mural than by retaining the shitty bungalow in lower-middle class suburbia as its backdrop?




And because I'm always down with twofers (especially when pertaining to numbers of concomitant nightly sexual partners), here's another love for you. Pimped as any Conan-Dragon-Lady mural-ed van should be!




As a matter of fact, I believe I'll be doing some dragon mural research for next week. Expect a big'n!

Dick Morris What?

Ugh, another example of sloppy work from the right in some of the terrible emails I get from their lists:



I'm a well-educated writer with a penchant for a hard edge towards grammar. And I don't know if it was the phrasing (AWK = awkward) or the unnecessary comma, but it took me over an hour to discern what was being said here.

Apparently the translation for "Dick Morris [See is] Armageddon for Dollar" is not "Dick Morris Goes to Dollar Theater to View Bruce Willis in Armageddon" but "Dick Morris Prognosticates the End of the American Dollar." So Dick's a seer of some sort now.

Unfortunately for the seer, "Armageddon" does not mean "the end" or "the destruction" but more of a "final battle" as a reference to an actual place in the Apocalypse of St. John from the Bible. But the Dollar is American; isn't everything American better and stronger and kicks some serious ass over the rest of the world? Why the surrenderist, defeatist language Dick? Don't you believe in and love America? Don't you want to win?

Perhaps it's the scary money that shuffles Dick back into a corner when discussing finances. You see, Dick Morris was the subject of an IRS tax lien for $1.5 million in 2003, and was named on Connecticut’s list of top 100 tax delinquents in 2007, to the tune of $452,367. Oops!

Maybe Dick needs to get out of the business of shucking books or goods or talking on news shows that have anything to do with money forever. Or maybe hair tonic from bald guys is your thing.

But It's MY Wine

Seriously. Don't take my wine.

Van Mural Mural Van?

Does a mural of a van count?



...only if it has a water meter on the side! And a creepy man with flowers.


But this is more like it, curtains (um, bedsheets) and all:



Ewwww...

Holy Shit I Made Mike Church's Facebook!?

It's true! If you go to Dude's Wall, Cause For Concern's post on Mike Church getting things wrong is listed with a lovely bevvy of his myrmidons commenting on my blog. It's delicious!

Apparently the trite, post-humorous host that swoons his followers with "dude" and words that begin with "über" was bored enough to ego-troll-surf to find a post over 2 years old. Ironically, shouts of "automaton" are spouted by Anynomous goons filtered to this blog by means only meant for silly listeners. I respond to those troll comments in my comment.

Most mentioned nag: I swears too much! OMG!

As with most right-wing readers, they swarm in with ad hominem attacks and fail to address the questions at hand (and those that do are laughable).

As I've said and exemplified many times over: I may bill myself as a Godless Liberal, but spend most of my listening time to the right side of the dial, and not just for sniping and attacking. I actually listen to both sides. The left just makes much more sense the majority of the time.

And my original post of 2 years ago stands: the words he spoke and I heard were either misleading or wrong. Nothing else.

That said, I always enjoy it when my points are proven by the ignorance of the responses. I'm sure I'll get more. Stay tuned!

A Poor-Ass Bombing

I'm listening to the teevee right now.

They are talking about the Times Square Non-Bombing that didn't quite happen yesterday.

Is this a joke? Is it April 1?

Seriously - the goon(s) who set the whole thing up basically tried to use firecrackers to ignite propane tanks that aren't even open and bet on gas canisters to make it go "boom."

The media is (barely) using the word "amateur." I would use the word "retarded." Irish Dancer (my daughter) could probably build a more effective bomb.

My biggest worry is not that the media is reporting the "dangers" of the stupidity of what was going on but what our government is doing right now.

We may be looking at a simple, retarded version of terrorism.

We may also be looking at a retarded version of terrorism that is a purposeful misdirection. Not a good one, but something altogether different.

If I was the US Gov't, I'd be focusing on what comes next, what this might be hiding.

But I'm sure they have plenty of operatives that do that...

Drudge is an Ignorant, Racist Goon

From Matt Drudge's headline site:



That's right: "They." And by "they" he's referring to all them dark-skinned folk protesting the new law in Arizona.

If you claim to be a media mogul, please don't claim to be completely ignorant of the "they" rhetoric, the "they" that are the minority, the "other," the "under." You are either a moron or a racist. I'm putting my money on both.

And the Right wonders why the "unfair" racist rap?