Thursday, May 27, 2010

What's Sexy?

Here's something I just thought of that might happen with punctuated regularity. What does Google Image Search tell us is sexy?

Anime



I don't know that I can call that sexy. Then again, I'm not into transvestite cosplay.


Dude



I'm going to pass on this one.


Villians?



I really don't ...WTF? What in holy hell is this? A sexy Disney villain, of course. More here, if you dare click.


Firefox



Okay, that'll work.


Lesson: The internets does not know what I think is sexy. Beware you search yourself. O'er there, there be furries.

New Righty Rules for America

Muslims across America are being harassed and denied a chance to build or expand Mosques. Seems there's a trend going on here from the right.

New (Righty) Rules for America:
  1. Freedom of Religion is guaranteed by the Constitution and the founding fathers, but only if you're a Christian. Jews will be tolerated as long as they don't get too loud. Hindus - Hahaha! Ah, Hindus.
  2. Freedom of Speech is guaranteed by the Constitution, but only if you're patriotic and Christian enough not to be shut down by the Right; attacks on Mosques and Muslims are protected speech.
  3. The workings of government follow written rules unless Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck say differently.
  4. Double standards do not exist while criticizing Barack Obama in relation to what any other president has done; Obama is BAD
  5. Guns, guns, guns! Get your ass down to the convention center to our gun show! We've got big guns, small guns, guns for babies, guns for girls, guns for God, illegal guns in pieces (shhh!). We've even got guns made of candy! But be careful - they'll kill you! Why!? They're guns!
  6. Our history as a nation of immigrants does not extend to those with brown skin.
  7. Since people who talk about our military are uncomfortable with them homosex'shls, gays will not be able to fight for our country unless they lie and hide who they are. We are working on a permanent pigment for brown-skinned soldiers and dildos for women. Unless they're hot lesbians.
  8. Sarah Palin is a serious, intelligent, viable political candidate.
  9. Anyone who does not abide by the above items can and will be tied to Hitler.

God Bless Amerikkka.

UPDATE: Question on my jest of guns made of candy came up in the comments. I am unfortunately able to provide examples. Chocolate guns, and even a misguided attempt by PEZ:



Tuesday, May 25, 2010

LOST

I don't have words right now as I just finished watching the final episode of LOST (yes, 2 days late) on DVR.

Many will deride it. Many will make poo-poo on its proverbial face.

I, for one, wept at least 5 times in the last showing. And while all the answers are not there, I agree now that they don't have to be.

We all need to see what we see. We all need to hear what we hear. We all need guidance to find what it is we need to find. For them, they had "the island." For us?

Best of luck.

Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince.
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

In Short: Obama's Memorial Day Plans

The right wing is all a-flutter about how Barack Obama is going to Chicago this coming weekend instead of laying the wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier himself.
  1. Reagan and both Bushes did the same thing.
  2. Obama has 2 little girls who might want to see their extended families during the holiday weekend.
  3. HEY RIGHT: if you're really concerned about personal freedoms and a nanny state then why is it okay to impose your personal views upon a president you didn't even vote for and impose your ideals of action on an American citizen who wants to spend time with his family AND will be at a Memorial Day service, just not in DC? Might want to think on that.


Friday, May 21, 2010

Wedding Disastrous

Because you deserve it.


I said keg stand, not keg lean. Get on up in it.



I am not drunk, I have not been crying, and yes I took this from the bar. And it's MINE.



Unwrapping isn't as much fun when you stare at the present all night.



...in an elementary school classroom.



That's how we do it in mothafuckin' M-trop, bitches!

Mutant Skeeters or Crazy Allergies?

So I was out in Cali 2 weeks ago, checking out the view of the Valley from Mulholland Drive near dusk, and while the sight was spectacular, I was spending some of my precious attention batting a few pesky (and rather large) mosquitoes. The next day, a half dozen requisite bites appeared and were just slightly itchy. My brother got some too.

Yesterday morning I awoke to find the mosquito bites I had all but forgot about were now flared, red, perfectly round, and about the size of a quarter each. This is the bugger between the pinky and ring knuckles of my left hand:



The curious spread I figure is from the the fact that I use my hands typing all day, so whatever my body doesn't like is getting to spread out a bit there. My brother does not have the same symptoms.

SO WTF? I understand that a toxin in the mosquito saliva causes the original bump, redness, and itching and affects different people different ways. But I got these bites 14 days ago. And they reacted like always: itch for a couple days, then go away. They hadn't bothered me in a week. What would make them all go nuclear 12 days after being bit?

Don't worry, I'm not being a typical stupid man about it either. I've already been to see the doctor if for no other reason than Cortizone10 was doing dick for the itch and I was either going to scratch them all until bloody or go absolutely mad thinking about scratching them all until bloody.

The doc said things like "weird," "I've never seen anything like it," and "Thanks for being my freak of the day" (we have a pretty casual relationship). And so it's antibiotics because of the timeline and off-chance of infection, topical steroid for immediate relief (knocks that itch down about 60%), and an oral steroid for overall inflammation control.

But it's all generalized guesswork, so I turn to you, my dear readers: Have you ever heard anything like this? Bites following a natural fade then BAM! 12 days later they get as big as quarters and itch 3 times as badly?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Brad Goehring is a Liar & Typical Rightie

Brad Goehring sent me an email today through GOPUSA's email list (yes, I'm a subscriber) and the subject title was "It's Liberal Hunting Season."

Ah, yes, you nod, now you remember Brad Goehring; he's the California Republican running for a House position that's catching flack for the hunting and gun references when describing what's going on in our country.

And so he's outright capitalizing on that absurd fame. "It's Liberal Hunting Season*
Time to Load Up* Conservative Candidates' Bank Accounts" and "PULL THE TRIGGER* FOR A TRUE CONSERVATIVE" adorn his funding letter. The asterisk? *Note to The Politically Correct Liberal Police (Specifically Keith Olbermann): The above sentences with asterisks are metaphors.

Like most Republicans, Brad does not understand how language works. Yes, Brad, those would fall into the category of "metaphor." Green check-mark on the grammar. But because something is a metaphor does not make it innocuous. What's a metaphor exactly? "A figure of speech in which an expression is used to refer to something that it does not literally denote in order to suggest a similarity."

To Brad:
Do you understand the function of a metaphor now? Do you understand that by making those statements, the intent - by function of the linguistic device - is to create a similarity between putting money in your campaign account and the physical act of killing liberals with a firearm.

And that's your right. You can go ahead and use that because it riles up the libs and the righties love it and, all-in-all, it probably benefits your campaign to follow that line. But don't - for just one second - pretend you don't know what you're doing with an aw shucks shrug.


Sidenote:
Brad-Brad's website home page, save for the address buried in the lower right, is oddly void of any reference to the state of California. Isn't he proud of the state he's working to represent? Yet no graphic, no mention. I'd suggest this is intentional; capitalize on the notoriety of the gun metaphors without that pesky obvious reminder that most of the right-wing, riled-up goonery is not actually from Cali and might think twice if they were overtly confronted with the fact.


Final note: Anyone who openly agrees with the idea the the Democrats are purposefully trying to deconstruct the country and turn it into a welfare state is out of their damn mind and lying to scare the bejeezus out of their base. Frightened constituency is always more giving, after all.


Okay, just one more note: You can follow Brad Goehrning on Twitter too! As of this posting, he's following 0 and being followed by 8. Note to Brad: You're doing it wrong.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Drunk-Dialing FreedomWorks

A heavenly thanks to Blueberry over at Texas Oasis. This made my day!



Disney Heroines as Comic Book Heroines

No, I'm not kidding. Here's one of half a dozen.

Little Mermaid

Um...

Politics Meh!

Meh! I say!

Why? Same shit's happening this week that was last week. Here's a recap in case you've been living in a cave with Bin Laden the last week:
  • Republicans are backswitching and -pedaling and plain lying about Kagan's past accomplishments, policies, and rulings. The "better angels" of the right have reduced the conversation to whether she's a lesbian, a man, or too darned androgynous.
  • Rush, Beck, and some of our particularly petrol-soaked politicians are downplaying the worst oil disaster in history, saying things like "Where's the oil? I don't see it!" and "The ocean'll take care of itself." and "Yeah, come to our beaches and swim and fish!" No, their job is to ignore the tragedy, the blame, the destruction...and instead focus on how Obama is going to use this to achieve world domination!
  • Eric Holder didn't read the fucking law. 10 pages. 17 pages. Whatever. But he didn't read it, commented on it, and got called out. And because he didn't take 15 minutes of his day to get edjumakated, the right is playing the video of his admission 24/7. No matter that the law is unquestionably racist or wrong or opposed, because the USAG didn't read the damn thing, THEY get the fuel to burn their lie fires (note how the right talks about "plain language" except when they need to "read deeper" to reveal Obamarific deception). Eric Holder is still an asshat for that one.
  • We're still at war in Afghanistan and Iraq. They're still killing Americans. We still shouldn't be there. And now that the right can call it "Obama's War," they can finally talk about it as the clusterfuck it is.
  • Gingrich is still seemingly floating a 2012 GOP bid for POTUS. Hehe *snort*
  • Drudge is still manipulating perception of what is in stories by the titles he gives them, always with that crazy, righty spin of his. (NOTE: Today Afghanistan "Grim milestone: 1,000 Americans dead" but 3K in Iraq under Bush ignored)

That is all.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Jesus News: Capitalism & Lungs

This week, we'll make it quick and let you comment:

Yes, a man legally named Lord Jesus Christ was hit by a car.

A great commentary on some douche that claims Jesus was a Capitalist.

A guy pines on spikes and (while starting with Shrek) asks what would've happened if Jesus was never born. Don't pay too much heed; it's not a historical model so much as it degrades into "we'd all be in hell."

And in a fit of pareidolia, we've now seen Jesus in a lung. Quick! Kill that person! Obviously the war of good and evil happened in the womb and the evil body consumed the twin!

Till next week...

Friday, May 14, 2010

"Single Ladies" Creepy

The dancing is impressive. That said, there are five sets of parents that need classes in what is appropriate for young girls.



Back in Black: Glenn Beck & Hitler

Mr. Black, I love you.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Back in Black - Glenn Beck's Nazi Tourette's
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party


Right Wing, Kagan, Saudi Arabia

And that's when my head exploded.

Media Matters today points out that WorldNetDaily hacks claim Kagan helped shield terrorist supporters. They claim this because under Dubya she advised against lawsuits against the Saudi Royal Family. However, administration policy at the time was a very staunch and public view that lawsuits would hurt the administration's ability to conduct foreign policy as they saw fit. Done deal.

So let's take a short trip to InsaneoLand, where everything is just one degree off, and presume Kagan, during the Bush administration, had advised FOR lawsuits against the Saudi Royal Family. What would our hypocritical whackjobs have said then? I'll venture a guess:
  • Kagan is only out to get Bush and Bush doctrine.

  • Kagan is attacking Bush's relationship with the Saudi Royal Family.

  • Kagan is threatening our access to reasonably-priced oil.

  • Kagan is threatening national security.

  • Kagan is misdirecting her efforts and needs to focus on [insert other terrorist country here].

  • Kagan is on a witch hunt.

  • Kagan is a lesbian.

Hmmm...guess that last one shows that even in InsaneoLand, in an odd juxtaposition, Republicans can avoid hypocrisy when unifying in bigotry. Classy.

But the point is this: The Republican war against anything Obama and/or Democrat is reaching (okay: has reached) absurd proportions. They're blocking over 50 uncontroversial appointees with cowardly secret freezes, inserting porn amendments into decent bills, and blatantly arguing against one thing when the opposite would've raised even more hackles in the party. Aaaaaaahhhhh!

If the Republican Party's goal is to drive the opposition nuts, they're working it to the bone. But they're doing so at the expense of credibility; This is the "Waiting for Godot" of politics, performed in leather fetish clown outfits by amateurs who understand neither humor nor absurdity.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Quick! Rush Day is Every Day!

Today, Rush Limbaugh spewed a particularly absurd stream of verbal diarrhea (aka logorrhea) where he espoused the wonder and acceptance of the Republican party, saying that the Left is divisive and looking to break apart the country and the Republicans? They don't separate people into groups. "We don't even see groups."

He then immediately turned around and read from and wholeheartedly agreed with an article about how the Supreme Court could be grouped into New England educational elitists, how Obama is an elitist for living in Hyde Park and only one Justice is from the South.

Because he doesn't see groups.

Oh, and just before that he went on a tirade that there was an article about how the Right was trying to make Elena Kagan out to be a lesbian - whether she was one or not - and ranting about how the Left was making a big deal about it because of the publishing of the article. Guess what, Rush? You just did what you claim the Left is doing about what the Right is doing to damage the character of a viable SCOTUS candidate. Classy.

He still frustrates me, but at least he's just his own parody at this point. Not much I can to to juice the idiocy. I just have to tell you about it.

Take It or Leave It Award ...Cal!

Cal, it starts with you. This is a test. I may have to post this somewhere else because somehow it might violate Photobucket's something or other - and if it does I'll let you know. But steal it and save it for yourself just in case.

So on behalf of a complete lack of taste and judgment (on my part), I do hereby present Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness with the "I'd Fuck That Blog With My Own Dick" Award from Cause For Concern for a rich and neverending stream of wonderful, geeky, lovely, paranoid, and downright delicious posts. I'll never stop reading.

(if this is so totally nasty that no one will put it on their blog, I'll gladly revise it with something more innocuous but equally offensive)



Cheers!

If You Forget Me

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.


- Pablo Neruda

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Arizona Law IS Racist: Read It!

Here's the link. Anything I pull as a summary, please check me on. The right is full of shit on this one.

  1. The amendments to the on-the-books law deems it verboten to practice any less than the full enforcement of federal law pertaining to illegal immigrants. Righties are correct on this talking point; the laws have become lax because of acceptance and necessity (people wouldn't be here if they weren't filling a labor need). However, this law is the equivalent of requiring your state to constantly monitor (not discourage or warn about) speed limits and issue tickets for even one MPH over listed limits. But monitoring methods aren't perfect! Exactly.

  2. The law states that anyone an officer has engaged in lawful contact must be required to prove citizenship. Lawful contact would include anyone suspected of committing a crime.

  3. The law then defines any person who is an illegal immigrant on any land, public or private in AZ as breaking the law (therefore committing a crime).

  4. The law also defines anyone hiring or transporting an illegal immigrant as a violation of law and therefore reasonable suspect of illegal action.

So in the real world, can you understand how law enforcement might get pissed about this law? Can you understand how it may be described as racist?

It literally makes every law enforcement professional required to investigate whether or not a crime is being committed by anyone who may or may not be an illegal immigrant because trespassing is a violation in itself. A Mexican being on Arizona soil is a crime. How do you ascertain if someone is an illegal immigrant? Darker skin's going to be one tip-off. "Papers, please." A white guy or woman driving yourself and your Latino friend to work? Might be transporting! "Papers, please."

And despite all these terrible, terrible promotions of pretty blatant racism, Hannity and Limbaugh and the like can claim it's all good-hearted because at the very end, as a disclaimer, Sec. 11 Pt. C states: "This act shall be implemented in a manner consistent with federal laws regulating immigration, protecting the civil rights of all persons and respecting the privileges and immunities of United States citizens."

Ooohhh! So they were just saying that! Of course. You wouldn't want to violate anyone's civil rights, right? Assume someone's guilty based on their skin color? Preposterous! Obviously we're just protecting our citizenship by killing tourism and civilly raping the citizens of this fair state.

Good job Arizona! And all those great Republican who support the law? They support you too, right? Nope. Turns out they're moving the GOP convention to FLA and screwing you on that tourism absence too. Ouch. That's gotta hurt. At least it's a dry hurt.

LA Ate Me!

After offering a double dose of Van Mural love, as a sacrifice to the gods that be, a brief explanation of my absence the past week: I was in Los Angeles. First time there and it was awesome.

I can't yet put into words how amazing the experience was, but will certainly say that Los Angeles has won me over as much as it was demystified during my visit.

So mind the gap, I'm back from the cultural foraging. For now.

Van Mural: Bungalows & Dragons!

I was going to crop this first one to highlight the van itself, but what better to highlight a mediocre van mural than by retaining the shitty bungalow in lower-middle class suburbia as its backdrop?

Mediocre Bungalow Van Mural


And because I'm always down with twofers (especially when pertaining to numbers of concomitant nightly sexual partners), here's another love for you. Pimped as any Conan-Dragon-Lady mural-ed van should be!

Dragon Van Mural!


As a matter of fact, I believe I'll be doing some dragon mural research for next week. Expect a big'n!