Republicans? Get in that Vagina!

From Funny or Die:

Taliban Tea Party!

Idiot Nerd Girl: Revisited

Because I thought of another one:



For the Lulz. Now I've got a movie to re-watch :)

Idiot Nerd Girl FTW?

Needed a laugh today and turned to Idiot Nerd Girl (click for meme info).



Realized my daughter's kind of like this.

My First Heartbreak: Firestar

Warning: sappy content herein.



From 1981-1983, NBC Saturday Morning aired an animated show Spiderman and His Amazing Friends. I was five or six at the time, but I loved it: Spidey was always a quick-quipping badass, Iceman was, well, he made fucking ice out of his hands, and then there was Firestar. *le sigh*

I was absolutely head over heels in love with Firestar. I was many years away from feelings of sexual attraction, but somehow felt such a desire, such an affinity towards the character, that it made a lasting impression on me, even at such a young age.

I specifically remember my father - working for the local NBC affiliate at the time - brought home a 5x7 promo glossy of the three heroes sliding / slinging / flying in action. And me: just staring at Firestar, alone in my room, until my emotive threshold met up with my realism that she was a cartoon and the awesome adoration exuding from my eyes turned to tears as I truly realized I would never be able to experience her beauty/persona personally. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Firestar had broken my heart.

And it's probably 90% of the reason I have a thing for redheads.

And I look back on that as a magical time of sorts, because at its core, it was pure, not an overwhelming desire to possess, but just to know more, comprehend more. And a despair that came with the inability.

Years later, I still see a little bit of that pull to know an inner beauty in every person I meet, though it only gets intense enough to tear up when I stare at the clouds or the Hubble Deep Field.

Beauty is in everything. And, in a sense, love is too. And I think I'm concluding that a cartoon character opened my mind to both and handed me the tools to appreciate them at just the right age to become the person I am today.

Yay! A New Conservative N-word!

Caught this comment on a conservative blog post earlier today:

I once made a wrong turn leaving the Philadelphia Zoo with my wife and son in the car and we got swarmed at a red light by Obama sons so I just floored it and blew right through the light. At the next corner I could see another large crowd of Obama sons gathering around so I barley even slowed down at the light. I preceded to blow through about seven traffic lights that day as I made my way to I-95 because on every corner there were Obama sons looking for trouble.

So to recap: an effort by our president to compel solidarity and compassion from an onlooking America two broken parents did not only become ridiculed as completely unnecessary (and race-bating and divisive), but is apparently now "Obama sons," the new racist euphemism to avoid that pesky N-word everyone gets so worked up about.

Octodad? Really?

Here's the trailer for Octodad: Deadliest Catch. Good lord, what in all tarnation? And why aren't they releasing it on Xbox360?

Awesomeness Videos: Biden Bad Lip Read & Two an Awful Music Videos & Slo-mo 'Splosions (UPDATED!)

Awww, we got knocked down to only ONE awful music video :( There was one up called "3 Second Rule" that was some bastard country music bad teacher in a classroom of cowboys singing that it was okay to catch an eyefull of lady, but only for three seconds. Removed by user. Boo!

UPDATE! My man Philip at pbump was able to find a re-hosted version of this terror we call "3 Second Rule:"



(4 more songs can be painfully listened to at this link. Don't click it. Here there be monsters.)


This one I described to someone on Twitter as Rebecca Black's Friday divided by zero:




Slow Motion Explosions. My favorite is possibly the wine bottle in the microwave. Science!




And finally, here's your Joe Biden BLR. Brilliant as always:

Ohio's Republican War on Women: Planned Parenthood

It may be entertaining to look at the Republicans rearranging deck chairs as the Titanic sinks and chuckle to ourselves and know how November goes down after they haven't done a damn thing about jobs but managed to alienate the entire female population, but there are real-world consequences for their actions.

State-level Republians have carried the torch of their war on women and bludgeoned the patsy of Planned Parenthood in several states, and Ohio has become the new battleground. In a mid-budget review bill, state republicans have inserted language that would functionally defund Planned Parenthood. Nice work on the unemployment numbers, guys! And here's a link to sign a petition because sometimes that has an effect. If you live in Ohio, PLEASE contact your state representatives and give this a voice.

SIDENOTE: One of the commenters in the link above aptly notes that this legislation alteration comes within one day of Ohio returning to capital punishment. Yep, one day we serve a grown, living human being an IV cocktail of death - next day we're crying bloody murder over a bundle of cells. Yay Ohio: showing the world how backwards we are every damn day.

Cat Piss & Cum Shots: Spring Stinks!

It's that time of year again! Oh, the stanks of spring. Cat pee is one of them. Semen is another. Now I love my honeysuckle and my lilac bush, but urine and jizz should not fit in.

You can read my giant treatise on cum bubbles and cat pee here, but here's the gist:

To me - and three other people I've been in contact with online - juniper smells like cat pee. My entire family thinks I'm nuts because they do not experience the same thing. And it's not a faint smell, a subtle waft of something encompassed in a cornucopia of exotic complexity; when I drive to the grocery store that's surrounded by it and my car vents are open this time of year, it smells like one of my cats just took a concentrated, stinking, steaming piss in the back seat. (I would love to talk to anyone who's had the same experience. It took me two years to figure it out.)

The Bradford Pear tree smells like semen. LOTS more people have experienced this one. It's not as horribly strong as the juniper, not like "Who just rubbed one off on my face?" - more like grabbing your laundry the afternoon after you had a wet dream and catching the odor of the semi-dry, cool, musty gob emanate from the pile.

It's spring! You've been warned.

French Cat Suffers From Ennui

Is it weird I feel like this cat? Often?

Child Celebrities Opposing Kirk Cameron (CCOKC)

CCOKC - Child Celebrities Opposing Kirk Cameron - watch more funny videos

Sketchy Alpaca is Watching You

Lost n Found Jumble Bag o Joy!

Here's some stuff I found while in the process of being on the internets today (and some stuff I just had laying around). Enjoy!

Titanic 3D ...Now With More 'Splosions!

What would happen if Cameron had brought in J.J. Abrams, George Lucas, and Michael Bay for the 3D re-issue special effects? Here's the brilliant answer:



(via io9)

My Senior Year Song: Tori's Winter

A little bit about me...

My senior year in high school, I was just popular enough to make it into the Senior Council and while we primarily planned the prom, we also chose the pool from which our fellow seniors would choose our class song.

During that meeting, I was sickened by the stupid, vapid choices presented. But I came prepared. When I was 18, Tori Amos's Winter was such a clear choice for a serious message of recognition of place and growth and fear that I couldn't but enter it.

Here's the song:



Lyrics? Yep:

Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove
I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change
My dear

And at the end of the day, I won. If by "won" you mean "got it on the ballot."

Two weeks later, the masses of our senior class, the masses that could not look beyond this wonderful, last year of their wonder, chose:



I wanna go back? And do it all over? Fuck that.

And that's why Winter holds a special place in my heart and why most of the people I went to high school with still live in Parma, Ohio.

Trayvon Martin & The Racist Gun Nuts

You might as well just embrace the rage now. It's okay. Let it come.



If you have not read about the tragedy of Trayvon Martin, an innocent 17-year old African American kid, and the racist, gun-toting nut who took his life, please take a minute to brush up on some of the bullet points of this horrible event - and the deplorable way it was handled.

Now, take into account the fact that this story, while not discussed or featured in any way by Fox, did appear on its website. Now imagine all those Fox commenters goin' buck nutty over this story and making their missives known to the whole of the internets. I know, it's an ugly mental image.

Little Green Footballs did the painful digging, and has come up with a grotesque pile of the worst of the worst of the comments from the Fox posting of that story. If you have the stomach, head on over there. Either way, here's a sampling:

What a shame—a tragedy, really— because the dead lil’ gangsta could’ve used “‘A-FIRM-TIV AK-SHUN” to go to kollige an play footballz and make lotsa cash munny!”

[…]

Let’s find out why the “po’ baby” was REALLY there!

[…]

The little thug ghetto monkey should have been home doing his homework, not out gang bangin.

[…]

I’m just glad Zimmerman didnt miss and hit an innocent bystander.

[…]

Whenever a prominent conservative is confronted with the idea that anyone conservative is racist or bigoted in any way, the first line of defense is that it is a liberal lie. Remember racist signs at the Tea Party rallies? Plants. Besides, Blacks would be better off in the Republican Party. Right?

I really don't have anything else but seething frustration to offer on this topic - it sums itself up, and Little Green Footballs has the long form.

Good luck and don't explode.

Of Bibles and Constitutions

On Wednesday, March 1, 2006, at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at American University, was requested to testify. At the end of his testimony, Republican State Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"

Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible." The room erupted into applause.

MoveOn's War On Women Ad is Awesome

Right Wing Dichotomy in 2 Videos

Jesus built my hot rod




...but Satan is my motor.



Which based on the lyrics of the former means Jerry Lee Lewis is my motor. So maybe it doesn't make as much sense as I thought. Or does it?