Romney: Liar Campaign

Feel free to steal. Figured out they're using Trajan Pro as a font and decided to have some fun.

Trippy Kitty

Um, yeah, so I saw this today. Enjoy.

Message From the Greatest Generation

Not Dead, Just Fat

Been a while. Since I posted, that is.

I've been going through some mild depression, trying to get my shit together, and finding myself overwhelmed with apathy when it comes to politics. I mean, when we get to the point where AM band conservative hosts up through the Republican vice- and presidential candidates can blatantly shift from generally-expected spin to outright lies, when those who would debunk those lies are ignored because the right is so brainwashed to ignore any Romney falsehoods or ideology switches while making the slightest fart from the liberals into earth-shattering Somemotherfuckingthing-gate, really, what is there to say?

One of the things I've been working on is my weight. I'm not fat, really, but a stocky (somewhat muscular) 205lbs at 5"8" and just got back from a visit to California where I quickly realized I was generally the fattest guy in the room. Oddly enough, the vanity that drove most of the people I met made me realize I was not taking good enough care of myself on a physical/health level. So I'm making some changes.

And I don't know if it's just today with the excitement of the hurricane or the promise that the intensity of the politics will deflate some after next week, but I was motivated enough to write this, and I'm posting a video a little later.

So maybe I'm getting back on the horse. We'll see. But I'm doing okay. Not great, but better than dead.

Don't Debate Me, Bro!

About the debate:

I think most of the post-debate speculation/analysis was and continues to be red meat hyperbole catering to the barking masses on both sides and about as useless as the campaign commercials. I think Obama phoned it in. I also think that if it had been Obama acting in Romney's role, the right wing headlines would be crying about how petulant, disrespectful, disruptive, staggering, and out of control he was with a touch of something about how he changes the rules to fit his "agenda." We'd certainly get at least one pundit pushing out an "angry black man" claim. I think Romney controlled the debate (or was perceived to do so), but my take was of a socially awkward teen not sure quite how to do so. "Shut up, Dad!" At several points watching both candidates I was questioning if I was watching Saturday Night Live.


Also, did Mitt just call Obama "bro?"

Burning Man GoPro Hula Cam

Not really safe for work - some breasts with covered nipples - but amazingly executed and edited. Could potentially make you dizzy.

Happy weekend.

R Kelly Wants Deaf Jehovah's Witnesses to Stop Masturbating

This is a 100% serious Jehovah's Witness ASL video about not masturbating - put to an R Kelly soundtrack. Brilliant.



(edit: For some reason I put Mormon instead of Jehovah's Witnesses in the original post. Not sure why.)

Abortion in the Bible: God Makes Exceptions

(Oh, the conventions have me busy and my younger cousin just got killed in a freak accident - shit's all kinda crazy. So sorry and mind the gap.)

With all last week's RNC platform bullshittery and the conservative nutterswarm going on this week - and watching these normally conservative folks I know on Facebook strike out for batshit - I'm about to swear off watching or hearing about politics until the day after the election.

But with all the far right anti-ladyparts RNC hubbub all the way to the fem-shaming of Fluke we got to see today after her rockin' speech last night, I thought it might be a good time to bring something to the surface that I just learned last week: God provides an exception for abortion if the female has been unfaithful.

No, really. Soak it in.

11 Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 12 “Speak to the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘If any man’s wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him, 13 and a man has intercourse with her and it is hidden from the eyes of her husband and she is [a]undetected, although she has defiled herself, and there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act, 14 [b]if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has defiled herself, or if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has not defiled herself, 15 the man shall then bring his wife to the priest, and shall bring as [c]an offering for her one-tenth of an [d]ephah of barley meal; he shall not pour oil on it nor put frankincense on it, for it is a grain offering of jealousy, a grain offering of memorial, a reminder of iniquity.

16 ‘Then the priest shall bring her near and have her stand before the Lord, 17 and the priest shall take holy water in an earthenware vessel; and [e]he shall take some of the dust that is on the floor of the tabernacle and put it into the water. 18 The priest shall then have the woman stand before the Lord and let the hair of the woman’s head go loose, and place the grain offering of memorial [f]in her hands, which is the grain offering of jealousy, and in the hand of the priest is to be the water of bitterness that brings a curse. 19 The priest shall have her take an oath and shall say to the woman, “If no man has lain with you and if you have not gone astray into uncleanness, being under the authority of your husband, be [g]immune to this water of bitterness that brings a curse; 20 if you, however, have gone astray, being under the authority of your husband, and if you have defiled yourself and a man other than your husband has had intercourse with you” 21 (then the priest shall have the woman swear with the oath of the curse, and the priest shall say to the woman), “the Lord make you a curse and an oath among your people by the Lord’s making your thigh [h]waste away and your abdomen swell; 22 and this water that brings a curse shall go into your [i]stomach, and make your abdomen swell and your thigh [j]waste away.” And the woman shall say, “Amen. Amen.”

23 ‘The priest shall then write these curses on a scroll, and he shall [k]wash them off into the water of bitterness. 24 Then he shall make the woman drink the water of bitterness that brings a curse, so that the water which brings a curse will go into her [l]and cause bitterness. 25 The priest shall take the grain offering of jealousy from the woman’s hand, and he shall wave the grain offering before the Lord and bring it to the altar; 26 and the priest shall take a handful of the grain offering as its memorial offering and offer it up in smoke on the altar, and afterward he shall make the woman drink the water. 27 When he has made her drink the water, then it shall come about, if she has defiled herself and has been unfaithful to her husband, that the water which brings a curse will go into her [m]and cause bitterness, and her abdomen will swell and her thigh will [n]waste away, and the woman will become a curse among her people. 28 But if the woman has not defiled herself and is clean, she will then be free and conceive [o]children.

WTF? I don't know. Maybe you guys have a little better insight than I do? Any is welcome.

Quick Update: The RNC Gots Me All Wrapped Up

Hey folks. Been tied up staring at the stupid at the RNC last couple days - if you want to see what I've been doing (read: "who I've been trolling"), you can click on my twitter info in the right column. All about twitter on this because shooting off my tweet mouth is way easier than doing a comprehensive analysis of all the lies. It would take me months and then my head would explode so you wouldn't get to read it anyway.

My most recent tweet is one of those things few people noticed, as far as me noticing what other people noticed by noticing their notices goes: Last night Paul Ryan, in an vapid attempt to push his relative youth in the "Hey, yeah, I gots me one of them iDoohickeys, I shore do. Hip, huh guys?" bid failed miserably. Yeah, he likes that Rock n Roll all right (and part of every day). His playlist goes from AC/DC to Zeppelin. I suppose he only likes all rad jams up to the letter "L." Or he's a liar. If he actually listened to Led Zeppelin, he would know better.

Who writes his shit?

Well, gotta run. Time to pick up my drink-on for tonight. Robo-Romney is poised to unimpress everyone and there's even hints that they're going to animate Ronald Reagan as a hologram, just like Tupac. I shit you not. Which means some "those infernal computer machines!" conservatives paid some techie liberals to build Holo-Reagan. They have the technology.

I'm hoping against hope to see a headline tomorrow: "Dem Sabotage - Hologram Reagan says 'Romney suck a dick. I'm out bitches. Peace!'"

Thor Rides a Wiener Dog

(click for bigger)

Title delivers. Did this on lunch. Happy Friday :)

(Source:
Thor: I need a horse!
Pet Store Clerk: We only have dogs, cats, and birds.
Thor: Well give me one big enough to ride.)

Jesus Riding Dinosaur: Meet the Artist Francesca Berrini

So you may recognize this image as an oft-used internet-wide wonder of delight:


Original Artwork of Francesca Berrini

(Spoiler: It's not misguided propaganda, but joyful, purposeful absurdity!)

About five years ago, I used that image in a post about Conservapedia because they had used it.

Over the weekend, I received a comment on that post that read as follows:

Hi there!

My name is Francesca Berrini and that image is actually my original art. You can see more of my Jesus and Friends images at my website: http://www.unusualcards.com/Jesus_and_Friends.html

I'm delighted that I could confuse everyone, but I'm a little disappointed that I've gotten no credit for my work.

Thanks,
Francesca Berrini
UnusualCards.com

So this post is an attempt to make this right. And in doing so, I discovered her website above and OMG Amazing, Jesus Riding Dinosaur is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the brilliant talent and jaw-dropping hilarity. How much brilliant talent? Well, please go ahead and click this link and check the other categories and see for yourself, but I will drop one teaser to drive you on:


Original Artwork of Francesca Berrini

And if any of you are Redditors, I created a Today I Learned... post that could use some love as well.

So here's your credit Francesca. Doin' what I can to spread the word!

UPDATE: Been a little crazier than I thought. Right now, less than 12 hours after first posting, over 1600 people have seen her on my Something Awful post and almost 2000 have taken the time to up/down vote on Reddit (not counting direct clicks to her site with no vote/comment). And Francesca's mom posted in the comments here! Damn it, man, sometimes you just have an amazing day blogging!
[Note: None of those links come here - they all point to her site directly.]

Hillary for VP? Just a Repub Lie

If you're interested, I put together a nice post over at All Things Democrat discussing the ghost the conservatives have cobbled together feigning chaos in the Democratic party by insinuating there's a big decision between Biden and Hillary in the works. Spoiler alert: They're lying.

Kitty Story Palette Cleanser - Dirty Penguins

Club Penguin is a children's online game where you get to interact with other kids and known for tight control. First level you can only choose pre-programmed phrases. Second level is a server monitor that will auto-ban for the slightest naughty word. LOL.

My Cat is Dead - Long Live My Cat

D, that foreground, paw-licking darling, was put to sleep today after about 15 years to the day I brought her into my basement college apartment.

She'd been getting skinnier over the past several months, but so slowly you don't even really notice that much. This morning she was fine, walking around. When I got home after work, she was laying in the hallway between the bathroom and kitchen and I poked at her with my foot and said "What are you doing there, goon?"

And she didn't raise her head to respond.

She wasn't moving much, and when I moved in to pet her, I could see her breathing was labored. When she did gain consciousness, she looked around, tried to get up, and failed. Repeatedly.

I freaked and called 3 vets (apparently Wednesday is a golf day) before finding someone open, while Mrs. Shambles pet her. I wrapped her in a towel and off we went. I was a damned mess.

As soon as the doctor walked back in with her, I could see on his face what we needed to do and listened to him explain the emergency option without any of the muscles in my face or throat or lips or tongue able to say "Shut up and please - PLEASE - can we end her suffering?" When he finally said "euthanize," I found the words - or word - and said "yes."

I got to be with her and pet her head and say "It's okay" as they gave her her last shot. And I wasn't out of town (which I will be in two days) and she wasn't alone here at home. And for that I'm thankful.

Though I'm still a mess.

D is survived by her foster sister, G (background pic). She will be missed.


Haha, and she was exactly like this:


:')

Chik-Fil-A No Homo Cows

I'm just about Photoshopped out today :)

Holy Heroin Macaulay Culkin!

A horrifying heroin habit, apparently. So nothing to do but point out the obvious.

Mormonism, Conservatives, and Hate of Obama

Last weekend I caught an African-American Christian preacher on some AM station somewhere in the nowhere between Columbus and Cincinnati hissing with anger at anyone who would dare vote for such a man as Obama. Why? Obama is pro-choice. If you're pro-choice, you're a terrible sinner, and to vote for Obama would therefore be a real-world support for Obama's sin.

So I got to thinking on that topic and wondered: If conservative Christians are willing to dig so deep into these single aspects of Obama's politics/beliefs, equate them with religion, and say that to support Obama is to support all his sins, how does the general Christian voting for Romney - a member of the Church of Latter-Day Saints (LDS, aka Mormons) - weigh against their belief system?


Awww hell, we ain't even draft dodgin'. We stone-cold door-to-door'in' with some New-est Testament LDS evangelizin' rhymes.

For those who don't know, Mormonism was begun by Joseph Smith who, in 1820's USA, spoke to an angel who pointed him to a nearby hill that contained golden plates (left by Jesus' ancient follower-settlers, natch!) inscribed with a new Testament of the Bible which he translated out of pure inspiration and became The Book of Mormon. Huzzah!

This entire book, the foundation of their belief system and Word of God, is dismissed - sometimes as heresy - by every other Christian sect in the world.


Sad, Sad Conversation

So I thought I'd bring it up to an online group I sometimes converse with on politics and religion. I'm the only liberal, but I swear I wasn't trolling. I was genuinely interested: how are conservative Christians reconciling their belief disparity with someone they are willing to put in the White House?

And it didn't matter. Most of them, despite citing "ignorance of Mormonism" as a reason why some might not vote for Romney, had very little knowledge of - or desire to learn about - Mormonism.

(Note: I have nothing against Mormonism or their belief system or Mormons themselves. What I'm trying to do here is push someone [many someones] who use Obama's Reverend Wright's Black Liberation Theology as a go-to for "N0bama" [and that's a Glenn Beck parrot talking] to recognize what Mormonism even is.)

And forget reconciling belief systems; they just didn't care that there was a difference.

• The book of Mormon states that Jesus, post-Resurrection, chilled with Middle-East disciples then came to America (remember ancient settlers/believers?), healed some sick, preached a little gospel, set up disciples to spread the church to the Americas, and peace-out back to heaven? "Meh."
• The LDS Church regularly - as in now - baptizes the souls of the non-Mormon deceased. Pope John Paul II may very well be Mormon as he's been baptized posthumously - repeatedly. "Eh."
• The Book of Mormon talks about a star or planet named Kolob that is closest to the seat of God?
• Mitt used the Church of LDS to dodge Vietnam by travelling to France (he speaks French!) to go door-to-door evangelizing?
• Mitt Romney's father was born in Mexico because his grandparents fled the US because of anti-polygamy laws?

Take-Away

"Hey, you hear about that Black Liberation Theology? That's crazy!"

I could've told them that Mitt Romney believed that he had an alien mouse in his head running levers and a wheel and it would've been agreed upon and dismissed. These supposedly smart people knew very little about Mormonism and had little care to; they had already made up their mind.

And I agree that most of us have made up our mind and the millions spent from now to November will be on the 5% undecided. But there's no logic there, no reasoning involved: they hate Hate HATE Obama. For some it's race, for some it's BLT (Obama's pastor's church's tangential, barely-related philosophy bolstered to scare white people, not the delicious sammich), but for everyone, it's the "othering," the demonization of the man that has been going on for over six years.

Though, to be fair, I can't imagine what words would convert me to voting for Romney.

And so I guess that's where we're at in this election.

Any thoughts?


UPDATE: In this whole thought/forum experiment I failed to recall perhaps one of the most important issues in dealing with why Romney's religion is not much of an issue: over half of all Republicans do not identify Obama as Christian. That's a large piece of the equation I failed to include.

Boy Scout Bigots & Romney Racism

Today's a little bit of a hodgepodge, but all of it worth it.




Speaking of Comedy Central, if you haven't heard, the Boy Scouts of America have re-upped their anachronistic stance that homosexuals are NO GO in their group. Jon Stewart had a nice bit on it.

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

And I thought a change to their logo would be appropriate. Feel free to steal and share:



I'll readily admit it's not happening as quickly as it should be, but it is really exciting to watch this all happen, to see large corporations and public entities and public figures stand up and declare solidarity with equal rights for same sex couples. I wasn't alive for the fight over Civil Rights (though I understand that struggle continues), but it is a joy to see these flailing organizations flabbergasted over everyone calling their cherry-picking out of a 2000+ year old book what it is: bigotry.

We still have a long way to go before "all men are created equal" means what it says, but there is progress.


And if you feel like being astounded, here's what a Romney adviser stated upon arriving in London:

When explaining why Romney would have a better grasp of the relationship between the United States and the U.K., the adviser had this to say—

We are part of an Anglo-Saxon heritage, and he feels that the special relationship is special. The White House didn't fully appreciate the shared history we have.

Happy Wednesday!

Power is Foul: We Already Knew It

So why aren't we listening?

Charlie Chaplin:



George Carlin:


Pass it on. Write a blog. Shout. Scream. Make everyone hear. The system is broke. We need to fix it.

So let's do that.

Sheriff Joe's AZ Presser: Obama's Birth Cert is FAKE! (No, really, still, totally fake)

Holy Jeebus. Yesterday, I watched the Sheriff Joe Arpaio's press conference. Old Man Bigot started it off and quickly transitioned to the lead investigator who blabbed and blabbed and played a video no one could hear and blabbed and video and blabbed again.

Did you know that when Obama was born the law in Hawaii allowed for a legal resident to report a birth and have it recorded as legal? Therefore: Obama is a Kenyan!

Did you know that doctors in Hawaii didn't want to speak with and divulge private medical information to shady, mustachioed investigators from Arizona? Therefore: Obama is a Kenyan!

Did you know that there's a 95-year-old woman in Hawaii who's really sharp and remembers some stuff about some numbers on birth certificates? Therefore: OBAMA IS A KENYAN!

That's how the whole thing went, and with the Q&A it was over and hour and they kept saying "proof" and "evidence" but all it was was circumstance and conjecture - and many thousands of Arizona taxpayer dollars wasted. All because some racist Sheriff doesn't think a black man should be president.

America! Fuck yeah!