Croatian Smurfs get Smurfed

What's more fun than spending your afternoon in Croatia trying to break the Guinness Book of World Records record for the largest gathering of Smurfs?



Smurfing at them from America because someone didn't do their research.

When they contacted World Guiness Book of Records to register their feat they were told they were too late.

Even though they had managed to gather 395 Smurf-a-likes in one place, this Croatian attempt to smash the record turned out to be a waste of time.

Shoddy research meant they believed they only had to get 291 'Smurfs' in one place to clinch the prized record.

However they managed to overlook one vitally important fact.

A new record had actually been set by students at Warwick University last year where they had managed to round up a grand total of 451 Smurfs.

How could this have happened? They did their research "on the internet." Ooh, beware ye research on the internet, fair Croats. Lest you spend your afternoon with a blue face for absolutely no reason at all.

I wonder if they served blue beer.

Obama and the Decriminalization of Marijuana

From the Washington Post:

But as a candidate for the U.S. Senate four years ago, Mr. Obama told Illinois college students that he supported eliminating criminal penalties for marijuana use or possession, according to a videotape of a little noticed debate that was obtained by The Washington Times.

"I think we need to rethink and decriminalize our marijuana laws," Mr. Obama told an audience during a debate at Northwestern University in 2004. "But I'm not somebody who believes in legalization of marijuana." (Play video below.)


Asked about the two different answers, Mr. Obama's presidential campaign said he in fact has "always" supported decriminalizing marijuana as he answered in 2004, meaning the candidate mistakenly raised his hand during the presidential debate last fall.

I don't smoke any more, but Obama and Clinton are so similar in so many different ways, this distinction - if verified by Obama - is an important one that highlights his dedication to progressive ideals.

I don't vote until March 4th, but every piece of information matters, and I'm looking eagerly towards the Democratic Debate this evening.

Notes on the State of the Union Address

A day late, but this is primarily pure outrage; if someone paid me a great deal of money (and by that, I mean like $1000) back in January of 2007 to concoct the most outrageous, ignorant speech - going with naive, not snarky - containing a bizarro-world amalgamation of exactly how not to run America, how not to take Americans' best interests into account, with the very distinct focus of simply pissing myself off, I could not have come up with the disastrous anger-fest that was George Bush's final State of the Union Address. I'm glad I put my daughter to bed before this yearly session of Congressional Calisthenics began because I have not shouted such foul language at the television with such frequency and vigor in a very long time.

Short short version: President Bush either has not a single damned clue as to what is happening in America and the world at large or is purposefully deluding himself and the 15% of Americans who actually believe anything that comes out of his mouth.

And now, more snark, now with more bullets!

• President Bush apparently did not get the memo about his tie: during an election year, blue = democrats.


• Nancy Pelosi showed up in a lovely washed-out mauve, was seen soon after either making fun of stroke patients or chewing the inside of her lips, and later was seen completely enveloped in what I'm guessing was a copy of the speech or a seating chart, but was entertained as a copy of the Constitution, the Official SotU Program, or the drink menu for the afterparty.


• The IRS "accepts both checks and money orders," i.e., fuck you, America, wish in one hand, shit in the other and all that, heh, heh, heh.


• Americans should have to balance a budget, the government should too. Is that before or after the creative accounting that doesn't really count the asshorde of money being shipped - sometimes in cash - over to Iraq on a daily basis?


• We need to "trust Americans" with home ownership. Actually, G, it's the trusting of Americans with ownership and letting banks run rampant over them that caused the current crisis. Tried it and it didn't work, but he wants to dump money into Ginnie Mae and Freddie Mac to exacerbate the issue just after he raised the rate for Sallie Mae loans for college that might actually result in personal betterment. But then the populace wouldn't be under the thumb of stress that they need to be in order to be properly complacent.


• "Epidemic of junk medical lawsuits." It's not an epidemic, but a perfect example of the language of people being puppeteered by Big Insurance. They've got him too! Damn you special interests!


• No Child Left Behind: "trust children to learn" and "no one can deny the results." In a way, he's right: NCLB is an unmitigated disaster, hands down; it has resulted in dumber kids who know only how to fill in bubbles - not to think - and will have less success in college because of it. You couldn't build a more dependent underclass with the faux air of betterment if you planned it that way. But maybe only Cheney knows those ropes.


• "Pell grants for kids." Stop trying to put more money in the hands of religious organizations and let's work on making K - 12 institutions of thinking and college affordable.


• "Reducing our dependence on oil." Since when? The last time he said that, it was "clarified" by complete revocation after the Saudis shouted "shenanigans." Then again, he probably primed them on his recent trip: "Hey, so I'm gonna say that oil independence bullshit again, but you gotta be all hush-hush about it, k? Not so damn loud; we've got an understanding. Hey, look at that goat humpin' that other goat, heh heh."


• "Reverse the growth of greenhouse gasses" and "combating global climate change." Unfortunately, the only thing Bush has done in the last 7 years is reverse the growth of science and combating any reports that said global warming was a reality.


• "Al Qaeda is on the run in Iraq and this enemy will be defeated." Is this a rerun? I thought this was live.


• Don't dare bring up Israel and Palestine now. You haven't given a shit in the last 7 years and this feigning sympathy is making you look like an asshat.


• "America opposes genocide in Sudan." We're just not going to do a damn thing to stop it. Ever.


• Bush dictionary: "Zimbowey" - some place in Africa where black people dance in the dirt.

This was sickening to watch and angering to listen to. The best pundit response, admittedly, came from Chris Matthews in post, who said it was like that last minute New Year's resolutions you never got around to, like "I'm gonna learn French this year."

No initiative he spoke of means anything, nor does the appearance of suddenly caring - after seven years - fool anyone into a false sense of "hey, yeah, I think he's got his shit together. I think we'll be okay until next year." We are in free fall and only the man behind the podium thinks he's sitting on the beach.

Giuliani Pulls Out, Impregnates McCain

Happy Birthday to me, and over 2 weeks early! That's right, Rudy Giuliani, the wooden-toothed professional crooner of 9/11 and all-round smug failure is prepared to pull out of the presidential race this very morning before the last Republican debate before Super Bowl Sunday and Super Tuesday. I think that somehow makes today the Ascension of Mary and places Mardi Gras firmly on the biggest primary day of the year, guaranteeing a slight booze shift to the polls and complete confusion amongst the pundits. Again. But I digress.

What could possibly make this better? Irony, of course! Rudy Giuliani will be making this announcement from the Reagan Library (where the debate will later take place), the living symbol of the dry-hump chew toy darling of the Republican Party, in order to endorse Grandpappy McCain, the only Republican running for president who - according to pundits and the talk radio faction and many Repubs - is not a Reagan Republican. Ooh, snap!

But why McCain? I can't wait for Rudy's blah-blah explanation but would like to take a pass on hearing Chris Matthews spout "Maverick" yet again. John McCain is not Tom Cruise or James Garner or Mel Gibson; it's John McCain, not John McClane, Chrissy. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

McCain's playing the game, and he's playing it well, despite his detractors on flip-flopping, inconsistency, and age. He's got Giuliani's support now and there are hints that he's going to help fluff Huckabee through Super Tuesday to keep the votes away from Romney and cinch up the nomination like his momma's corset. Can we smell a McCain Huckabee ticket? Someone light some incense; I think I'm gonna be sick.

Human Rights Campaign: Resolve

It took them quite a long time to get back to me with the embed code, but this video on human rights in America is still very relevant. From the Human Rights Campaign:

Ricky's Wisdom Today

Well, it's not particularly my wisdom per se, but wisdom that resonates with me on some level. Since the world is constantly changing and reality is always a subjective experience, it's just the wisdom "today," though feel free to hold on until something better comes along. And since it's the first installment, you get some bonus Wisdom action, because how can I introduce something new without the very roots and favorites of that something?

Now that's wise.

Today I ran into this quote and it just felt right: focused, yet sad.

Going along in company together, a wise man
Must mix with other foolish persons.
But on seeing what is wrongful he abandons them.
As a full-fledged heron leaves the marshy ground.

-Udana 8.7

Bonus? Of course. These are perhaps my most cherished quotes when it comes to my personal ideas about wisdom:

One who speaks does not know
One who knows does not speak

-- Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching - Verse 56

I know I am God because when I pray to Him I find I am speaking to Myself.

--Peter Barnes

Put dat in your book.

Gang Bang Jesus

"I did it like this. I did it like that. I did it with a wiffle ball bat."

I was doing a search this afternoon on de money gang bang for a single reference in a little post over at ATD.

On the first page of image results, I saw this:



So my question to you is: Is Jesus helping a kid play baseball more absurd than finding the image while searching for de money gang bang, or do they combine in a sociological, post-modern mental clusterfuck that cannot truly be comprehended by our human brains without an advanced degree in philosophy and a bottle of Jameson?

Kucinich Withdraws from Presidential Race

Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

(Okay, a little overly dramatic.)

In order to focus on his Congressional re-election in November and due to very little in the way of voter support, Dennis Kucinich has pulled his name from the hat that is the Democratic Race for President. The only candidate who staunchly and always opposed the war and funding for the war - strength through peace, the only candidate who understood the evils of insurance company rule and pushed for the only not-for-profit healthcare plan, is gone from the national stage.

I'd tell you what he said in his speech, but he barely touched upon Iraq on Headline News - about 20 seconds into speaking - when they cut away. No other news station was carrying the speech or announcement.

I'd like to give you a link, but none of the news stations are reporting it, even though CNN had it's "World's End" red banner up half an hour before Fred Thompson dropped out.

No more media outlets have to vigorously work with lawyers to silence dissenting opinion, but even as he pulls out, the media have to be dicks about it.

I hope one of the three still running learned something from him, but their silence on his exclusion raises no hopes of that. And now I have to pick one of them before Ohio. This is going to take a lot of wine.

When Google's Parents Leave Home

Here's a bit from Cracked about the internets! Yay!

Military Misses Recruiting Goals Again in 2007

From NationalPriorities.com:

For the third consecutive year, the Army missed DoD benchmarks set for educational attainment and scores on the Armed Forces Qualification Test. The DoD has a goal that 90 percent of new recruits have a regular high school diploma or better.

...The proportion of active-duty Army recruits in tier 1 has dropped from 83.5 percent in 2005 to 70.7 percent in 2007. While the benchmark of 90 percent was also missed in 2005, the percentages have not been this low for at least 20 years. In 2006, the result was 73.1 percent.

Nevada with 54.1 percent, Montana with 58.2 percent, and Mississippi with 59.2 percent had the lowest percentages of recruits that were tier 1.

Considering that a high school education is the single greatest predictor of whether the investment we put in these young men and women will stick, perhaps we should take a good, hard look at the reasons people don't want to go: they're entering an endless war without the right equipment where Bushie can write "As long as I want" on their contract, regardless of what they signed. If they get physically hurt, they'll get poor care, and if they're psychologically affected by killing and seeing friends and enemies die, you'll be ignored.

Hey, maybe if we stopped feeding the military industrial complex our young men like logs into a wood chipper, fighting a war we can't win for the benefit of corporations, then maybe we wouldn't have this problem. Maybe we could focus on getting the young man or woman a GED instead of worrying that they don't have one before giving them a weapon and tossing them in the shit. Just a thought.

Notes on the Democratic South Carolina Debate, Jerry Springer and All

Honestly, at the beginning of the debate when Wolf declared that they were going to "get a real conversation going," I laughed out loud. If I only knew.

As we get down to brass tacks and Kucinich is left in the silent dust of the media deciding who we need to hear from, this review of the debate is a little more critical, especially when it comes to sunshine and roses promises and ideas.

Here's your bullets:

• Hillary's repeated call for a "moratorium" on foreclosures for 90 days: I'm calling BS. She's not going to get anything done any time soon, so it's a short-lived call for false hope for the very few people that would benefit from it; you can give a horse 90 days but that doesn't mean that they'll work things out to keep their house. Part of this foreclosure issue is that some people are not responsible enough to simply pick up the phone and try to work it out with the bank. Feeding someone 90 days will not stimulate responsibility. Some people simply shouldn't own a home.


• Someone who has and in with the Edwards campaign, please direct him to take off that eyesore of a watch; it distracted me from the already-minuscule time he was able to get his mug on screen.

Item! Upcoming Notes from Ricky Shambles

It's always good to have something to look forward to. Actually, the posts are upcoming, not the notes. Sorry for the disappointment. Well, the notes are technically upcoming, but right here. Now. Really, just below this sentence.

1. More Debate Notes Just because you can't stomach it doesn't mean you can't enjoy the gems that fall from the verbal feces on both sides! I, your loyal reporter, will be constantly monitoring the schedules, vigorously viewing the Democratic and Republican debates, and coming back to you with only the essentials. Next installment: Tomorrow. Enjoy and thank the higher power you are not me.

2. World Net Daily's January Witch Hunt I was floating about the WND site - because I'm a romantic and I need pain in my life - when my eye spied a wonderfully fey, made-up woman looking something out of A Midsummer Night's Dream or Legend and the heavy title "Witchcraft in America." It's WND's WTF January Whistleblower. Looks like some of the basic conservative rhetoric explaining that Christians think Wicca is the devil while leaving out the part of Christianity's devil-ing of anything pagan starting some 1900 years ago while only flirting with aspirations of becoming an imperialistic religion. Seems it's even more terrifying now, though, because soldiers - God help us, soldiers - are worshiping overseas (implied: Christians > Muslims > Pagans). Anyway, I'll be chipping in my $7.50 for you, yes, you, so I can read it, become outraged, and you, too can be outraged and save almost $10. That's the kind of guy I am.

3. Best to Come: Creation Museum Holy crap, I found out in the last month or two that, here in Cincinnati, I live a river crossing from one of the biggest and bestest and well-funded Creation Museums in the region. I giggle at the prospect and get butterflies knowing that in the next 3 weeks, I will be attending, and I will be blogging. There will be snark. There will be pictures. And we can we can all have a good laugh at Intelligent Design as notScience.

I'll keep knocking out the posts until the last of you lingers nevermore. Thanks for your time!

How to Ruin YouTube

You've seen what Christians can do to reality in the Conservapedia (insanity level has dulled some since it kicked off about a year ago), and now you can see how Christians can ruin YouTube.

You guessed it: GodTube!

You've got Trunk Deacon, Christian Movie trailers, and my horrifyingly favorite: Making Zombies Young (embedded for her pleasure). The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not drool.



"Holy Shit!" is right. Christ on a bun, and all that. Damn.

FOX Attacks: Veterans

Do something.

Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act

Kiss your First Amendment rights goodbye.

I first heard the alarm on this under-the-radar bill that has already flown through the House and is sitting in the Senate as S.1959 by Kate Chase over at ATD.

Mike Adams at NewsTarget.com has a comprehensively terrifying look at the bill and all the contact information you could need. Here's a clip:

The bill states:

‘...ideologically based violence’ means the use, planned use, or threatened use of force or violence by a group or individual to promote the group or individual’s political, religious, or social beliefs...

Note that this means the "planned use of force to promote a political or social belief" would be considered an act of terrorism. This all hinges on the definition of "force," of course. Based on the loose use of logic in Washington these days, and the slippery interpretation of the meaning of words, "force" could mean:

• A grassroots campaign to barrage Congress with faxes
• A non-violent street protest
• A letter-writing campaign that deluges the Senate with too much mail
• A sit-in protest that blocks access to a business or organization
• A grassroots e-mail campaign that overloads the e-mail servers of any government department or agency

You get the idea. "Force" could be defined as practically anything. And since the "planned use of force" would be considered a criminal act of terrorism, anyone who simply thinks about a grassroots action campaign would be engaged in terrorist acts.

If this bill passes, any blogger - especially me - who has and will continue to rant against the current administration could be taken off to jail for voicing my opposition. Voice yours before it's too late.

Put on your boots, and get busy kickin' or get busy shakin'.

Why Huckabee Burns My Biscuits

In a recent interview, he said this:

Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal.

According to Huck, homosexuality = polygamy = pedophilia = bestiality.

No one who still spouts this ignorance is fit to be our president.

Drudge's Rank: Misleading and Malodorous

I read the Drudge Report every day because it's a delicious slushpile of all things evil and conservative. Today, Matt Drudge released his periodic "I'm so damned awesome!" rankings by Hitwise Media Weekly Report:

The Rankings



And if this blog were #9 on a media list, on par with FOX News for internet traffic, I'd be peeing my pants and shouting from the mountaintops too. But Matt Drudge is fiddling in trickery and blindly fooling millions.

Here's a logic puzzle: How does Matt Drudge, with one single web page (and the occasional all-caps DEVELOPING page), gain parity with the FOX News website, which has thousands of pages of varying news?

What Is Actually Being Measured

What are being measured are "hits," and that means that any time you or any person goes to Matt Drudge's front page, it registers a hit. If you visit again later that day, another hit, etc. It does not measure each individual visitor, which is a viable and available statistic, but every time the page is accessed.

The Trickery

The trickery occurs in two ways:

1. The Back Button: When you go to Drudge's site and click on a link, instead of opening another window or tab, you are taken to that page. Read the story and want to see another one? Back button to Drudge's site, log another hit. Rinse and repeat. This can easily ring up 10-20+ hits by just one person in a matter of minutes.


2. Refresh Code: I won't go into the techie details, but Drudge's site has a javascript code built into the page that will automatically refresh the page every three minutes, each time accessing the page again, each time clocking another hit. Basically, this means that if you go to Drudge's site and just leave the page open in a browser window or tab, you will tally 20 hits/hour for the site by doing nothing at all.

But How Do I Fight Such Kung Fu?

Like a ninja, of course. Here's what I do to avoid giving Mr. Drudge hits he does not deserve:

1. Go to the Drudge Report.


2. Hold down the CTRL key.


3. Quickly scan and click the stories you would like to read - using Firefox, this opens the stories in new tabs while keeping Drudge in the current window. I believe Internet Explorer works the same way.


4. As soon as you're done, close the Drudge window.


5. Leisurely browse the other stories.

If you're a quick reader/clicker, you can probably get this done without a single refresh, only logging one hit for Mr. Drudge.

Happy browsing!

Michael Savage Loves His Hate

This is Michael Savage:

Radio host Michael Savage is using frivolous lawsuits to bully those who try to expose his vicious hate speech.

Michael Savage is suing CAIR for posting a clip of his hate speech on their site. His frivolous lawsuit claims "copyright infringement" because the CAIR site featured a "donate" button.

In defense of free speech, we're posting the same clip next to our own donate button.

Click the above link to see and listen to more examples of Michael Savage's hate speech.

Quick note: what Michael Savage says is biased, ugly, and ignorant and I have a very difficult time listening to him. But it is free speech, isn't it? If you don't like it, tell him. If you don't like it, don't listen. If you don't like it, don't support his sponsors. But do we drive him from the air? Personally, I'd rather have the assbag on a pedestal where I can keep a close eye on him.

(nosavage.org is organized by Brave New Films)

Mercury Rising by MESSENGER

MESSENGER has its first look at Mercury:



This is the first time anyone has seen Mercury like this. Evar. It gets me all giddy. And this is just a flyby. MESSENGER will fall into permanent orbit in 2011 and get pictures that will make me weep. Check out the MESSENGER Page for a much, much bigger version.

(h/t to Bad Astronomy)

Bush and Abdullah - Strange Bedfellows

Note: All images pulled from CNN video

In the past couple days, President Bush has toured the Middle East, beginning with the first time in 7 years as a president that he's ever been to Israel. Personally, I wouldn't count that as genuine concern, but when you're drumming up support for the invasion of Iran, you've gotta take the big boy pill and cross the pond.



Luckily, Bush made it to Saudi Arabia, where he was promptly given a saber to properly rattle. Doesn't this look like an action shot from a community theatre production of Lawrence of Arabia: The Musical?



Bush also gets a "Special Person's Robe," and he's so proud of himself, walking down the aisle like on graduation. Incidentally, that is the definition of "shit-eating grin."



There was quite a lot of hand-holding through the discussion process; kisses were in private. And often.



UPDATE: Told you. Caught in that final, tingling, anticipatory second. Mmmm.




Nothing like losing yourself in some tea post-coitus...



...and seeing what "hung like a horse" is supposed to mean.

All in all, it looks like it was a successful trip. The President just hopes that Abdullah will call, or else it's...


...you know.