Flavors of Nigeria, Direct Response Email

Once, a while back, I tried to have some public fun with spam scams. Unfortunately, it was a fail as I was apparently too boisterously excited about getting more information and did not get a response back. The mouse did not keep moving so I could whack it again.

Since I don't have the time or energy to craft a response letter that is invigorated by the prospect of free money yet not too over-the-top, I've been going with a different tack.

Today I got this email:

Sir,

I am Dr. Garrett Kenneth, a member of independent committee of eminent person {icep} and I wish to notify you that You can be listed as Heir to the total sum of (Twelve million six hundred thousaund United states dollars) in the codicil and last testament of the deceased. I contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore can present you as the Heir to the inheritance funds.

I therefore reckoned that you could receive these funds as you are qualified by your name identity. All the legal papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward to me your letter of acceptance; your current telephone and fax numbers and a forwarding address to enable me file necessary documents at our high court probate division for the release of this sum of money.

Please indicate your interest immediately for us to proceed. I shall feed you with full details of this transaction and my particulars upon receipt of your reply towards this proposal.


I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfully,
Dr. Garrett Kenneth.

What a douche. "independent committee of eminent person {icep}"? Seriously? It shows me "Dr. Garrett Kenneth (kenneth@telefonica.net)" for the email, but reply-to is set at "drkennethgarrett@rediffmail.com" (feel free to spam the bastard), and rediffmail.com is an India email website.

Anyway, my past replies to these emails (Yes, I reply to every one) have been very simple and focused and along the lines of "May the pain you inflict be visited upon you tenfold." If nothing else, I'm looking at curse psychology and the quite suffering of someone with a conscience.

Today I was feeling a little randy and replied with:

I hope you are gang-raped by a pack of wild, syphilitic hyenas and slowly eaten alive when they are done.

And I think I've already put together my next one:

As Jesus once said: Go fuck yourself until you bleed to death.

Thoughts?