I've Got a Huntsman Thang Going

After tonight's Republican debate, if you were to ask me who I would vote for on the Republican ticket, I'd go Huntsman.

Seriously. Even as a liberal so f'ing left I can't even see "right," I'm pretty pissed about some of the shit Obama has and hasn't passed.

You bring in Huntsman, I might have to pause.

I want me some Huntsman. Some awesome, loud, angry Huntsman. I want him to get angry and start yelling and hollering and showing up on Newt's doorstep in a cape. C'mon, gimme some Huntsman.

I'll say it again, solidly with all caps: IF HUNTSMAN IS THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE, I WOULD GIVE SERIOUS CONSIDERATION TO THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOR 2012.

Luckily (unfortunately), the GOP and GOP media will happily designate Perry (Paul "crazy" and Romney "Muslim" - I mean Mormon - and everyone else black, female, or crazy) the front-runner.

Heaven help us. I think we need some angels with swords right about now.

Geez, It's Just a Corn Dog...

I found this here. I'll just leave it here:



And I'm sorry you will never unsee it.

Feel free to repost, share the pain. Just reference the original post as they had no originator.

(And YAY, now Perry has his own blog post tag!)

SOTU Rebuttal Party - From Vapid to Insane

You read the SOTU review already, right?

Okay then. Now we're going to talk about the rebuttals. Hehe, I said butt.

Paul Ryan



It's official! Or just the official response. Honestly, on the kind end, it was as vapid as Jindal's. No ideas, mostly negative, same damn talking points. Negatively, he said basically if we don't do what Republicans say is best, "America's best century will be considered our past century." Ass.

But I couldn't focus for more than a few minutes at a time on his words. Why? Holy shit, Paul Ryan looked like he was stoned off his ass. His droopy, pink-ass eyes made him look like he'd just stumbled off the Mystery Mobile before getting in front of the cameras. I was looking for Scooby Snack crumbs on his suit in HD. Ryan: don't you have someone who looks at you before you get on camera? What if you'd fallen asleep and someone drew a dick on your face in Sharpie? Damn!


That's all I have on Ryan. But we're not done! Oh, no. If you thought the Official Republican Rebuttal was all you got in this deal, you're wrong!


Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann pulled some awesome stupid in garnering the blessing of delivering the Tea Party rebuttal and CNN ate it up.



This is kind of like Ryan's rebuttal, but I'll bullet it for the sake of ...well, everyone loves bullets. (I mean bullet points people! I'm not advocating violence by discussing HTML type layout! JFC!)

• Are you truly starting your speech with a stock photo of the Constitution in the background? Who did this setup? AWFUL!
• Speaking of which, now we're doing graphs. Graphs? Were you living in a cave when Perot did his shit? Even I remember that!
• Slavery ended with our Founding Fathers? Are you in the 1st grade module of your GED?
• Lies and lies and lies and lies and lies.
• If you can't look into the camera, you're FAIL. FAIL all over. Look into the camera! OMFG!
• Did you just say "Iwo Jama?"

It only gets worse from here, folks.


Paul Broun



Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA, failed color spelling as child) had his own little rebuttal. Okay, it wasn't actually a rebuttal. It was more like he decided to NOT show up for the State of the Union and hang in his office man-cave and live-tweet about what he was seeing on the teevee. I'm not fucking kidding. Baby-cakes was grumpy - or pounded a little too much merlot with Boehner tailgating - and sat in his office during the SOTU.

Live-tweeting? You bet. Here are a few delicious bits out of the 24 posts he made after he opened the bottle:

All children will be poor if we continue with Obama's policies #fb #SOTU #TCOT

From my seat, Obama's call for more investments sounds like more govt spending #fb #SOTU #TCOT

I wonder if those kids can read their diploma. A lot of hs graduates cannot.

Mr. President, you don't believe in the Constitution. You believe in socialism.

Wow, that's some crazy, right? Oh, but not enough crazy. Not nearly enough. He showed up on some awesome right-wing radio to up the ante of nutter-ism:

The Republican Party is the party of K-N-O-W.
...
But we are the party of N-O against socialism and that’s what Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Obama have been proposing is a greater take over of everything in human endeavor in America.

Ah, so not just irrational and potentially drunk and obviously crazy, but totally fucking paranoid. That's the kind of leadership we need in the country. Hell, we don't even need that type of irrational stupidity in this country. Scary thing is, he's an elected leader.


...and if you call now...

Seriously, not done. Not yet. Why?

Christine O'Donnell

Our resident "not a witch" Christine O'Donnell was booked on Good Morning America. And she was pissed because all the good ideas were actually hers. Durr.




Seriously, next year, when Obama's giving the SOTU, why don't we treat it like it should be treated: a poorly-planned, inappropriate funeral service. Have all the Republicans hang out after the speech and then Boehner - after the President leaves - states "If anyone would like to say something about the speech, please come forward." And Boehner feeds them merlot and everyone can be judged by what they say in one place and feed the needed late-night numbers for all the cable stations.


If you'd like an idea, here's the rest of them:

Hannity's Childlike Rage: Bachmann Overdrive

Sean Hannity was all over the place today, overstating the significance of the Republican win, fostering his own leg tingle while frustratingly attacking Chris Matthews because of one small event of the evening:


"Crazy Eyes" Bachmann

Last night, Chris Matthews had a chance to interview Michele Bachmann live. He asked her about a well-known quote of hers:

What I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think the American people would love to see an expose like that.

[On Obama]Absolutely, I’m very concerned that he may have anti-American views.

Yes, that's crazy. And Chris asked her about it, if she was going to push it. And she said NOTHING about it but answered as if something else entirely was asked. And so he asked her again and she talked about what the Republicans were going to focus on. And he asked her again and when she once more not just sidestepped the question but completely ignored it, the chuckles of the panel were audible and Chris's next question was "Are you hypnotized? Has someone put you under a trance?"

So Sean today was pissed because his lady Bachmann was slightly ridiculed and he blurted out mocking Matthews about being hypnotized. He sounded like an angry child shouting "Yeah, you're stupid, Stupid!"

Cause, you know, when you make a serious policy statement and serious allegation like "Un-American," if someone brings that up again, it's a "gotcha" question.

I will enjoy watching Sean psychologically collapse in 2 years when the Repugs can't close the deal. Yums.

And, if you haven't seen it yet: Top 10 Crazy Michele Bachmann Quotes.

Democrats Target Bachmann?

It's true! Email in today's right-wing nutter slop pile, Daily Events:

Dear Fellow Conservative,

Nancy Pelosi and her liberal allies in Washington have just moved my race up to one of their top targets.

My opponent was named to the Democrats so-called "Red to Blue" list. These candidates will serve as the rubber stamp to the radical Pelosi agenda of higher taxes, out-of-control spending, and massive government overreach.

Click here to stop the liberal attack machines!

Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats are targeting me to keep their razor thin majority in the House to pass their extreme liberal agenda. We need to stop the Obama/Pelosi agenda and fight for our constitutional conservative majority. We cannot back down from this fight.

Will you help defend me and the conservative values we share?

Time is of the essence, I've got an important campaign deadline on August 10th, and it is critical for us to send a clear message and end on a strong note.

Please, click here now to make a contribution of $25, $50, $100, $500, $1,000 or more.

I appreciate your help, encouragement and prayers. I will continue to fight for a constitutional conservative majority and lead the effort to repeal government takeover and restore our great nation.

Sincerely,


Michele Bachmann

P.S. Nancy Pelosi would love nothing more than to defeat me this year and is willing to spend whatever it takes to win! And now with Washington's help, millions of dollars will be poured into my opponent coffers from all across the county. Will you help me against the liberal attack machine?

Heyyyyy...wait a second. Are you saying that because of [insert horribly generic Dems-R-Badd rhetoric here], conservatives need not only to vote for you but also give you money? And Human Events is helping you do this?

Shit woman, we (that'd be MOST Americans) are way the hell beyond platitudes, way the hell beyond the politics of "Ooh, Pewosi doesn't wike me!" baby talk with the rubbing of the eyes and the whining. You write this letter (or perhaps allow someone competent to write it) with the intent that anyone gives a shit? I mean, sure, there are plenty of brainwashed righties who'll drop a sawbuck on anything that comes across their inbox denouncing the Left.

But what would happen if you had to actually convince someone of something? What about what you've done or endorsed?

Ooh, that's why you're not touting your actual actions or beliefs. Dag.

You said Obama was the worst President in American History? You refused to fill out your 2010 census? You said that if the GOP wins the house in November that you should "do nothing but issue subpoenas"??? She runs a Christian counseling group with her husband that has taken $30,000 of state taxpayer dollars? She says Obama wants re-education camps for children? She blames Clinton, blacks, and other minorities for the current financial crisis? She's going to form a Tea Party caucus in the House? She introduced a one-page bill to repeal health care?

Sorry, I'll stop now. The fact is that the Repub echo chamber and its own over-echo, FOX News, are more than willing to push Bachmann as yet another seat as yet another non-Democrat. But they can't do it by actually talking about anything she's said or done. Why? She's batshit crazy! And while they continue to push her and allow her to earn a dime or two through Wingnut sites like Daily Events and support her in any way, she is dismantling the Republican Party. Slowly but surely. Note that thing I said above about the "Tea Party caucus?" Holy shit! Now you've got a bunch of ignorant goons running an actual caucus? Actually legitimized? And they're taking power from the other part of the Right?

Bwahahah! I can thing of nothing better than a Bachmann-Palin ticked in 2012. Just give the right enough juice to believe it and it will succeed...until it falls into flames in November.

I Can See Batshit Crazy From My House

Palin-Bachmann 2012?

Holy fucking shit. Please. Please. Please.