Faulty Faculty on All Things Democrat

Been working on a post for All Things Democrat about Time's issuance of an edict for Bible worship.
Enjoy.

Hannity Shenanigans - Bash Gore Express, Terrorist Environmentalism

Yesterday, Media Matters talked about a couple media outlets (cough, cough, FOX) that mischaracterized Gore's responses to the nutjob Inhofe. They should've held on for just a little longer. Thursday's Sean Hannity radio show pooped out the following excerpt:

SEAN: I wanna give a, a little bit of a follow up to this. Uh, James Inhofe questioning Al Gore about taking a vow of responsibility not to consume any more energy than the average American. Here's how this went down.

INHOFE: You're asking and you've asked people all over America 'Are you ready to change your way of life? Are you ready to, ready to change the way you live?" I would have to ask you that same question because we started my term on would you take a pledge to do that? I think the answer to that is "no," but in terms of changing the way you live, I think it's very difficult for you to ask other people to do it unless you're willing to do it. Are you willing to do it?

GORE: We live a carbon neutral life, Senator.

SEAN: That's not the answer!

Hannity was right: That's not the answer. As the Media Matters article points out, there was much more said by Mr. Gore. About wind energy. About solar panels. But Sean skipped all that, followed it by bringing up the unsubstantiated claims from Tennessee Center for Policy Research about his energy bills. Then to "Al Gore is a global warming hysterical alarmist and a hypocrite" and on to Senator Boxer being a blind supporter. "It's like having Bill Clinton lecture us on marital fidelity."

And then, this:

SEAN: Bruce is in Jackson, Mississippi. What's happening Bruce?

BRUCE: Hey Sean, how you doin'?

SEAN: Good sir, how you doin'?

BRUCE: Look, I was listening to your show yesterday and you were talking about Al Gore and this announcement came - Al Gore is, I know this sounds strong, is no different than Osama bin Laden in this fact: Osama wants the poor, uneducated followers of his cause to give everything - their life - for his cause but he's much too important for that. He's off hiding somewhere probably in luxury. Al Gore wants us to live in a 400 square foot house, cut off the lights, cut off the air conditioning and the heat, and ride a bicycle....

What the Christ!? Since when does a religious nut like bin Laden who wants to rule the world with a Muslim extremist fist (and is currently, successfully evading us) have anything to do with a man who wants people to recognize a scientific pattern and do more to make our relationship with the planet a little more copacetic?

And Sean did not correct Bruce or even question the analogy. Jesus, man. Now, by extrapolation, there are a handful of people out there that are going to equate buying an energy-saving light bulb to strapping yourself with explosives and walking into WalMart, relating "eco-friendly" to "terrorist."

Somebody turn off this man's mic.
 
 

Photoshop Love: Gonzales. Bush. 3000.

Bush: "...partisan fishing expedition..."
Sean Hannity: "...the president at his best"

Sean is wrong. It was "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll...lemmie get my inhaler a minute."

Or perhaps "Mom, mom! But I didn't do it. It was the Democrats! All I did was fire some people and other people fire people and now they're yelling at me and - stupid Democrats - I'm bein' nice and they're just mean. Come on Alberto, we're goin' home. If they even look at me, we're just not playin'."

Who would've thought that mindless, meaningless, whiny bullshit would've been the result of the Gonzalestorm that buried the real story of the day: The American Freedom Agenda

And here's the love:

They Faced Amazing Odds. And Then 3000 Documents Emerged.

Click for bigger. You know you want to.

American Freedom Agenda: The Press Conference

The press conference on C-SPAN2 just aired. And it blew my mind.

This was not the Bush/Rove/Cheney administration monster, hungry for power, devouring our civil liberties. These were good men with the real thoughts of the founding fathers at the tips of their tongues (not theocracy). They want to restore our civil liberties. And they are conservative.

It just ended, they were talking to the audience about transpartisanship and not blindly following the president.

Here are some notes. Unquoted items are paraphrased.

Bruce Fein
"And those checks and balances and protections have eroded over the past few years."

AFA's 10 Stopping Principles:

• Military Commissions (Judge, jury, executioner)


• Habeas Corpus suspended


• Unlawful Enemy Combatants


• Warrantless Electronic Survaillence


• State Secrets Privlidge (shield admin from accountability)


• Presidential Signing Statements


• Executive privlidge (Katrina, from blame)


• Espianage Act (against the news media)


• Extraordanary renditions, secret prisons


• Inquisisational Identification of Terrorists, no due process

They would like to see every member of congress and all the candidates sign it.

Bruce Fein
"[Administration's policy] Has not been used to increase the safety of the American people at all."

We agree we are not yet a police state, but out founding fathers had much higher expectations for us than just avoiding a police state.

"We are protesting and launching this campaign"

Richard Viguerie
"Restore our constitutional government of checks and balances."

Bruce Fein
"The chief end of the state is to make men and women free...not to aggrandize the state"

David Keene
"We ratchet down our freedoms, and at the end of the conflict, we don't get them all back."
"All of the branches of government have been complicit...at the expense of a system that for over 200 years" has worked to preserve our freedom.

Bob Barr
"We cannot sit by and wait 30 years for court decisions," cannot wait until the end of a four year term to resstore the Bill of Rights.

Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) (Signed it right then and there)
Look what we could avoid if we didn't go to war without a declaration of war, look at what a mess we're in now.

Look at the threat from terrorists and "add the threat from the federal government."

"It's up to the people, it's up to congress, to rein in the executive branch."

American Freedom Agenda official website.

The American Freedom Agenda’s (AFA) mission is twofold: the enactment of a cluster of statutes that would restore the Constitution’s checks and balances as enshrined by the Founding Fathers; and, making the subject a staple of political campaigns and of foremost concern to Members of Congress and to voters and educators. Especially since 9/11, the executive branch has chronically usurped legislative or judicial power, and has repeatedly claimed that the President is the law. The constitutional grievances against the White House are chilling, reminiscent of the kingly abuses that provoked the Declaration of Independence.

Um, I can't argue with that. Actually, I'd argue for it.

The press release came out last Friday. And I can't find many opinions. And that pisses me off. I and many other bloggers piss and moan about our civil liberties. We sign petitions, make phone calls for change, and still watch them dissolve, sifting through our fingers like so much sand. And we criticize the conservatives that show up in guises of extreme evangelical or extreme bigotry, we criticize the blind followers of our president, the fool. And now I see conservatives doing what we say they should be doing, doing the job of the liberals in fact, and no one wants to speak up.

Good for them. Bad for us. But at least we're moving in the right direction.

Here's C-SPAN's site. I'll put up a link to the video when (if) they archive it.

UPDATE: C-SPAN has a link on this page but none of the links on that page are working. WTF?

Conservatives for Checks and Balances, Rolling Back Executive Power!

Because of Gonzo and the paper storm, nobody is talking about this. I've grabbed the whole press release from Citizens Party:

NEWS ADVISORY
March 16, 2007
Contact: Alison McQuade (413) 531 – 8894
Conservatives Unite In Coalition to Defend Civil Liberties, Roll Back Excessive Presidential Power: Leaders in the Conservative Movement to Announce Campaign to Restore Governmental Checks and Balances, Individual Freedoms

WASHINGTON – An alliance of prominent national conservatives will hold a news conference on Tuesday, March 20, to announce the formation of the American Freedom Agenda (AFA), a coalition established to restore checks and balances and civil liberties protections under assault by the Executive Branch. The restoration would bind the current and all future occupants of the White House, irrespective of party affiliation. The group will present a legislative package to restore congressional oversight and habeas corpus, end torture and extraordinary rendition, narrow the President’s authority to designate “enemy combatants,” prevent unconstitutional wiretaps and mail openings, protect journalists from prosecution under the Espionage Act, and more.

They will present a “Freedom Pledge” to all Presidential candidates of both parties to sign, and call for a bipartisan grassroots campaign to protect the vision of the Founding Fathers — that no single branch of government should have excessive power.

Participants at Tuesday’s news conference will include:

• Bruce Fein, a constitutional scholar, conservative writer and columnist, and former Associate Deputy Attorney General under President Reagan;
• David Keene, Chairman of the American Conservative Union, the nation’s oldest and largest grassroots conservative lobbying organization;
• Richard Viguerie, a conservative writer who is considered one of the main architects of the conservative grassroots movement over the past quarter century;
• Bob Barr, a former Member of Congress who served as an impeachment manager of President Clinton and holds the 21st Century Liberties Chair for Freedom and Privacy at the American Conservative Union.

When: Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 1 p.m.
Where: The National Press Club Zenger Room 529 14th Street, NW 13th Floor,Washington, D.C. 20045

That's right, An alliance of prominent national conservatives ... to restore checks and balances and civil liberties protections under assault by the Executive Branch.

There's nothing wrong with celebrating conservative hypocrisies and absurdities, but to be a little more fair and balanced, this is proactive and needs celebration and recognition. This is fracking brilliant!

And get your popcorn; today at 1pm, it's airing live on C-SPAN2. Snag it on cable or stream it free on the tubes!

UPDATE: Notes and quotes and links from the press conference.
 
 

Hannity Shenanigans - Racism Pileup

See if you can pick out the generalized accusation:

SEAN: I hope you saw on Hannity's America last night, we went through our top ten examples of liberal hate speech. Did you see Roger Clinton using the N word? How many of you saw that during the Clinton years even though the tape was available. How many of you questioned Why is Robert Byrd using that word, you know, still in the senate, especially with his klan past. Or Nina Totenberg, or Julianne Malveaux, or Hillary Clinton, or Joe Biden, a lot of the cuts we've played here - or Bellefonte, who, that was before his latest one.

This if from Monday, March 12, top of the third hour. Hannity whips out the reference to the N word as referenced by Roger Clinton. Then he pushes it through Robert Byrd "using that word," knocking immediately through Totenberg, Malveaux, Clinton, and Biden. My first reaction was "Wait, those people didn't use the N word." And they didn't. But Hannity's rush through the "facts," and name-dropping generalizes and implies that every one of those people mentioned as a racist.

Sometimes it's not the half-hour caller or inflammatory guest, but a sentence or two that is the culprit of his liberal smears. And his listeners are eating it up.

Help us all.

Muslim Mad-ness II: Not with a bang but a whimper

Local story. Worldly implications.

I've been following this story from the first moments of coverage. Now it looks like it is coming to an end.

Quick recap for those who don't like clicking:
Early on January 20th, 2007, three Palestinian students were beaten by Guilford College athletes (football players) as the athletes used anti-Muslim slurs. Two of the students went to Guilford College; the other one was visiting from NCSU.

Since then, the coverage has waned and the story itself has fizzled into the world of "um, okay, whatever." As the stories of what happened started to clash, divided camps emerged. The FBI was looking into possible hate crimes. Those who saw the issue as an overall culture of violence became active and NCSU hosted a Stop the Hate public forum to openly discuss the issue. Students walked out of class in protest. A Guilford College professor spouted off in the local paper. And the right wing took some suspicious characters on campus asking about the football players as Muslim Hit Squads.

Finally, the Greensboro Police finish their probe, saying they haven't found any further information. Six students faced charges of assault and ethnic intimidation. But the DA was waiting on Guilford College to conclude their investigation. And waiting. Greensboro police drop the charges on two of the students because - according to the assaulted students - they did not participate in the beating. Guilford College finally has something to say about the "Bryan Hall Incident." As of last week, the Palestinian students have offered to drop the charges if the athletes would apologize. Three of the four football players have done so. One is left.

What happens to a story, to a case that starts with football players beating on minorities, using racial slurs, FBI, college, and police investigations that turns it into the jello-kneed "um, sorry" that it has become? Why am I disappointed that everyone took some time off, reflected on the situation, and cooler heads prevailed?

Because I smelled blood. Because I was picked on by football players in my younger years. Because I burst into a shrapnel-spitting anger-ball when ignorant bigotry rears its ugly head.

Because I don't know that this is the best result. It is clearly the best result for those involved: Palestinian kids look good, football players verbally repent, and it's over. But is it the best result for the viewers, the attendees in the bleachers trying to glean a lesson from this?

I guess so. Why? Because any ignorant person who needed to learn a lesson (whether that humility or jail time result from ignorance) dismissed the story with a "Fuckin' Ay-rabs" and flipped back over to WWE the day it broke. The people still watching already know the lesson, but the stands are almost bare. Everyone's long gone, hot dog parchment paper blows past three Palestinian kids in the middle of the muddy field, and --



Holy shit! No more Comedy Central on YouTube? What the hell, dude?

Hannity Shenanigans - Attacking Joy Behar

The genesis of this post was catching a caller, a "university professor" bitch slap global warming on the show. Got me some access, some mp3's, transcribed them. Why not get some mileage out of this? Why not go weekly?

Welcome to Hannity Shenanigans. I'm betting I can come up with one thing per week that pisses me off about Sean Hannity's radio show. And, of course, I'll share it with you.

This discussion tirade about Joy Behar came from Thursday, March 8th in the third hour. And it's probably going to piss you off. Let's take a look:

SEAN: I have yet to play the Joy Behar wishing - you know - having delight over Dick Cheney having health problems. This, this is just the latest in a series of her attacks. Next.
...
Let me play, for example, Joy Behar. This is how bad this show is and this is how sorry I feel for Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

JOY (rec): I know that Dick Cheney is in trouble now, which is a, a delight for me. And I think it's not a coincidence that he has a blood clot this week, which is Spanish for, ah, you know, I'm going to go down next so I think I'll retire. I think he probably, you know, psychosomatically might have a blood clot. Who wouldn't have a blood clot after the lying that he did? Talk about a backup.

SEAN: Che- Go back to the beginning of this, just the first line. 'Cheney is in trouble now which is a delight for me.' Talking about the fact that he has a serious blood clot in his leg. Listen to this.

JOY (rec): I know that Dick Cheney is in trouble now, which is a, a delight for me.

SEAN: Dick Cheney's in trouble in his health. Do you know how serious these blood clots are? As a matter of fact, what was the name of the, the NBC reporter who died from - David Bloom. That's the exact same thing, when he was - remember, he was cramped up in that tank for such a long period of time, blood clot ended up killing him. And she's well, Cheney's in trouble, that's, that's great for me. Now this is the same woman that says the Bush administration are murderers, listen to this:

JOY (rec): I don't want to add fuel to the fire, but I don't know what it's going to take for people to really wake up and understand that they are liars and they are murderers -

SEAN: They're liars and then murderers, talking about the Bush administration. Then Joy Behar actually speculated that someone gave Senator Tim Johnson - remember after he had his, his medical problems and stroke, that it was man-made.

JOY (rec): Is there such a thing as a man-made stroke? In other words, did someone do this to him?

SEAN: And she once compared Donald Rumsfeld to Adolf Hitler.

JOY (rec): ...you have to put, you have to put like a Hitler type, like you put Donald Rumsfeld there or something.

SEAN: You know, I'm going to tell you, if conservatives - and this goes into what we're planning for Sunday night on, on Hannity's America here...the ten worst things liberals have said and gotten away with.

What is actually happening here
Joy Behar's comment, specifically about Cheney being in "trouble," is directed at the speculation, after the Libby verdict, that Cheney is next up on trial. She is pleased because she - as many other Americans - believe that the vice president belongs in prison. Her comment about the blood clot referred to her own speculation that Dick can see the writing on the wall and is feigning illness in preparation to flee to Mexico before he gets popped, much like you cough through the second half of the day if you're planning to call off work tomorrow. And her final comment is a suggestion (based on ?) that the stress caused by his lying could have manifested as a blood clot in his leg, which is called psychosomatic.

This is all very straightforward. Joy Behar was wallowing in some Schadenfreude, but the misfortune Joy was finding, um, joy in, was the legal implications of the Libby case, not laughing about a blood clot that we are all aware can become deadly. Not one of these realities about her comment was referenced.

What Did Hannity Do?
Hannity played the audio once. Then he told his zombie audience what she said and what to think about it. He said she was taking pleasure in Cheney's ailments. He questioned what kind of human being would ever do such a thing, that blood clots are dangerous and kill people. Then he played other quotes from Joy without any context.

Joy's Quotes
Joy called the administration murderers. Maybe a little extreme, but not completely off the mark. Then again, I don't know what she said other than those few words or even what the conversation was dealing with. Joy suggested someone may have done something to cause someone else to have a stroke. Two sentences? I can't even understand how this is relevant and have no background to make it even remotely negative. Joy made a reference to Rumsfeld as Hitler-esque. Shooting from the hip, but not enough to condemn the woman.

The Hannity Playbook
This is what Hannity does. He played a quote. He mis-interpreted it in such a way as to confuse the issue and paint the speaker evil. He calls her a horrible person. He plays other quotes, some without context or relevance. After each one, he reinforces "she is a bad person," if not in language, then in tone. And he pins the tail on the donkey not by concisely wrapping his point in iron-clad logic or rhetoric, but by generalizing it to how bad all liberals are and dove-tailing into a promo for Sunday's show, where he'll show you exactly how bad all liberals are.

This is basic control-the-masses psychology. Say something that's not directly apparent or clear, hook into a pre-conditioned response or emotion (hate 'em them damned liberals), reinforce, rinse, repeat. It's Sean Hannity's Mental Masturbation, and it goes a little something like this (CYA note: speculative fiction, no basis in reality):

SEAN: Joy Behar wants baby Jesus to cry and Mexicans to take our jobs. Here's a quote.

JOY: I like puppies.

SEAN: Jeez, I can't even believe liberals can be like this. I don't know how they can act with the confluence of the mass media without digging into their liberal incredulity and flash bang the politics of war when we're standing at the front lines supporting the troops and trying to keep America the place of freedom it may happen to be for all eternity.

LISTENER: Whut did 'e just say? Freedom?

SEAN: Liberals are the devil. And it astounds me that anyone could be that heartless. Join us Sunday, and I'll prove it more.

LISTENER: I get it. That Joy Behar is a fuckin' tramp. Fuck liberals. Woohoo, Sunday night!

There is spin and there is a blatant lie. This is the latter.

Woohoo! Sunday night! Get your disinformation scramblers out and take a gander. I've already got the popcorn in the microwave.

UPDATE: Fantastic Horror! As usual, Crooks and Liars got'cho back, and with video to boot. Delicious.

Photoshop Love: Putin's Pedestrian Poisoning?

He's baaaack!


Two Americans were recently treated for poisoning in Moscow by a toxic metal: thallium. At first I just thought that it was another Alexander Litvinenko mob hit issue, a return to the organized crime roots for Putin and Russians in general. Then something clicked. This was a test. And I blame the media.

Now, I don't know if Putin himself is a fan of CBS's Tuesday night lineup, but a couple weeks ago, the aired episode of NCIS dealt with nuclear inspectors. One of the inspectors was poisoned. With thallium.

Here's how I see it unfolding: Putin is sitting around on a Tuesday night, watching the satellite, NCIS to be exact, and an aide comes in.

AIDE: Vlad, we need some signatures on these assassination orders.

VLAD: Shhh. Leave them. I'll get to them later.

AIDE: NCIS. Sweet. Why's that guy sick?

VLAD: He was poisoned by thallium.

AIDE: Hmm. Hair falling out and everything. That shit actually work?

VLAD: I don't know. But I'm going to need you to find out.

AIDE: I just ran into some emigrated Russians downstairs. They came back, on vacation, heh. They're staying down the street.

VLAD: I guess you have your action item.

AIDE: Hehe.

VLAD: Muwahaha! Now go. You're lucky I'm DVRing this. Make me a mojito.

Sorry. That was ridiculous. They'd be speaking Russian, of course.

And even after this story broke, a Russian reporter was whacked for investigating Russian arms sales to Iran and Syria. Official reports say he jumped out of a window.

Jumped out of a window? That's not even Matlock mysterious. No one has purposefully jumped out of a window to end their life since the 80's, and even that was suspect. There are much more efficient ways to end your life, like buying a rifle at Wal-Mart and blowing your head off by pulling the trigger with your toe. Jaw-droppingly simple.

So Putin's plans progress. Assassinations digress to Cold War mob absurdity. But antics aside, as we discussed in Where in the World is Vladimir Putin? he's a man with a plan. China recently visited for a strategic meeting. China's Military Might is strong and growing. And they have something else in common with Russia: nukes.

Ancient Chinese Secret is starting to look a little more dangerous. And Vladimir Putin and Russia are looking a couple shades redder.

All Things Democrat: Bleeding the Coulter Beast

Over at All Things Democrat I've got something angry to keep the masses happy. Bleeding the Coulter Beast.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. To wit, pimping myself as a writer on a different blog from my own blog is not something I'm comfortable with. I want to keep my fans informed without the egregious faux pas of the double post.

Enough. If I offend, comment. If not, read the damned post. You'll enjoy it.

Photoshop Love: Religion Roundup!

For the coulrophobic theophobic in all of us. At least the kids didn't get bored.

Many stories, all crammed full of Jesus, all in one post. Giddyup!

UPDATE:Hannity's Talons
Hannity uses Religexplodera spell on Obama! To say Hannity has stepped in it would be inaccurate as his shoes are made of it. First the madrasa smear, now Hannity says Obama's Chicago church is more like a cult. His guest had never even been to the church.

Yes, sometimes I do want to punch something.

(Updates also at end of Catholic and below as Mark of the ...Minister?)

Our Taxpayer Monies
Our dearly beloved Combative Supreme Court heard arguments yesterday by a bunch of atheists. Bias: So the hand-picked, right wing lifers recently appointed to SCOTUS still leave it liberal enough to be pegged as combative by the far right, and the Irish Catholics in Boston aren't lettin' atheists get past them.

Here's the story without the bullshit: The President is spending our taxpayer money on religious organizations through his "faith-based initiative." And per the religious tunnel-vision of our Minister-in-Chief, you can imagine that Caucasian churches (not temples, not mosques) are getting the biggest slice of pie. And the least bit of oversight. Many people (ooh, me! me!) don't agree with this. They want to sue the government to stop it. Georgie says no one's allowed to file suit about how he spends taxpayer money. SCOTUS is going to decide whether or not it is allowed. Plain and simple in the center, surrounded by fire and brimstone.

I've Found Jesus. He's in my Trunk!
Okay, I haven't found him, and he's not in my trunk, but an ossuary, or series of them. Researchers have found a grouping of tombs that contained a Jesus, Joseph, 2 Mary's, and ...a son of Jesus, Judah. Dag, yo. If Jesus had a son - ? Stop right there with your dogmatic slippery slope. Nobody is challenging your faith (least of all you). FOX already called them names (sur-prise, sur-prise), throwing out words like "preposterous" and "fraud." If you'd like information about the movie (bankrolled by James Cameron) without the bullshit, you can check it out at the Discovery Channel. March 4th, 9pm (ET).

The Jesus Machine

The Jesus Machine is a'rollin'. "How James Dobson, Focus on the Family, and Evangelical America are Winning the Culture War." First reaction: Must Read This Evil. But then I did some digging. I'm taken aback. The information I was able to find appears to reveal that this book doesn't lean.

"Dan Gilgoff has written an excellent account of the political activities of Focus on Family and its important role in national elections. Fair and factual, this book can be profitably read by allies and adversaries alike."
–John Green, Director, Bliss Institute, University of Akron

It's like this everywhere. I am in awe that someone can write a book about something so charged, something so fundamentally driving the country into subcultures, without saying if it's bad or good. Just telling what happened. There's some Buddha/Jesus action going on just in that.

But the picture on the cover still looks like a John Hagee wet dream.

Cherry-Pickin' the Bible
A pediatrician has refused to treat a child because the child's parents have tattoos.

Hippocratic Oath? Mmm...not so much. Do unto others? Screw that. It's against my religion.

This is the manifestation of what is wrong with religion.

Catholic Shenanigans
We all heard about the Edwards bloggers, Amanda Marcotte and Melissa McEwan, and how they wrote some things that offended Catholics, and how they resigned because Ultra-Bigot Bill Donahue of the Catholic League flipped out on them and the smell of blood attracted the vultures. It hasn't gotten much better.

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the greatest Wednesday of all, ushering in the season of Lent. But some folks' hearts weren't all wrapped in swaddling Jesus love on the high holy day. The problem? The theme for Lent in Orange and LA counties of California was to focus on immigration reform. And that pisses people off, even in church:

"It goes to show you that the Catholic Church has no scruples when it comes to separation of church and state. The church should stay out of government business unless it wants to lose its tax-exempt status," Gilchrist said.

The man has "christ" in his name! But not his heart. Fuck empathy. And sympathy. Right in the butt.

Pope Benedict XVI has officially spoken out against designer babies. No, not the ones with Louis Vuitton embroidered on their foreheads, but the hip new bandwagon all the cool kids are jumping on: embryonic screening for defects. After all, if God wants to give you a baby that will live a miserable existence in order to punish you for your sins, that's His right.

Truthfully, he's afraid. Refining human genetics could jeopardize the advancements he has made in preparation for his Clone Wars.


There are some things only Catholics are good at believing: that saints aren't idol worship, transubstantiation (that's where the wafer/wine actually, physically turn into blood...ewww), and exorcism. Thanks to the last of these and some extra zeal, the Catholic faith is down one nun. 23-year-old Sister Maricica Irina Cornici thought the devil was talking to her. Daniel Petru Corogeanu went all Ol' School Catholic on her ass and she "died of dehydration, exhaustion and suffocation."

Huh? Generally, only one thing is needed to kill someone, and if you are listing the three above, while all three can result in death, suffocation has a certain finality to it that the others don't. But hey, bust out the Pope Juice, 'cause win or lose the life, the evil spirit's gone. Cheers!

Mark of the ...Minister?
Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda says he is God, filled with the actual spirit of Jesus. He has a "666" tattoo and his followers are following suit. Innocuous? No. This church has a twenty year history ...and bullet points.

• Followers have protested Christian churches in Miami and Latin America, disrupting services and smashing crosses and statues of Jesus.


• De Jesus preaches there is no devil and no sin. His followers, he says, literally can do no wrong in God's eyes.


• The church calls itself the "Government of God on Earth" and uses a seal similar to the United States.

That's about 15 lbs. of crazy too heavy for me. Damn.

Crazy for the Environment/Jesus
The Reverend Jerry Falwell says global warming is "Satan's attempt to redirect the church's primary focus" from evangelism to environmentalism. Ha ha hah ha ...um, are you serious?

Nutty Haredis...
Some crazy sector of Judaism is treating women like Rosa Parks. Wait a second, I wrote about this (If I Were a Bitch, Man) two weeks ago. I guess the Brits don't listen to NPR.

Taunting
So in lieu of some earth-shattering denouncement or deduction about how we view religion in America, I've brought with me a gay dog (available for same sex weddings), lesbian koalas, and gay penguins. Who wears the suit? They both do. They're penguins, silly.

And to close? Bad Religion's MySpace page.

"I know I am God because when I pray to him, I find I am speaking to myself"
- Peter Barnes

U.S. Displays Iranian Tubes

U.S. Displays Bomb Parts Said to Be Made in Iran

"Among the confusing elements were cardboard boxes of the gray plastic PVC tubes...."

If they only knew. These are not weapons. It's obviously a carefully interconnected plot to bring the internets to Iraq.

Flashback: Ted Stevens.

"It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."

Enormous amounts of material. Terrorist material. On the Internets!

Is anyone checking inside those tubes?

Drudge Leaves Gore Defenseless

Drudge's link to FOX's content of "Gore Responds to Charges His House Uses Too Much Electricity."


Story enlarged for readability.

Conservapedia: Jesus Christ on a ...what?

Some of you may have already heard of Conservapedia, the conservative, retarded cousin of Wikipedia. The speed at which it loads lends itself to the idea that it is hosted on a dial-up 386 in some teenage kid's basement bedroom.

There is well-founded outrage being shot all over the internet (Jack & Jill's a good one). Honestly, I was surprised the word "Coon" wasn't used (oh yes it was. Now if someone could tell me what the origin of the name Coon Rod is).

But where there is outrage, there can be entertainment! You can read about

• Feminism: "Feminism is the philosophy that the sexes deserve to have equal rights." No need to click; that's the whole entry!


• Siddhartha Guatama "was a Hindu" and five other sentences about the life and religion of the Buddha.


• Hinduism: "It dates back to the ancient days."


• Unicorns: "At the very least, it is likely that they were taken aboard the Ark prior to the Great Flood." They're serious.


• Pacific Northwest Arboreal Octopus (This is a spoof - dang kids!)


• And dinosaurs: "...created on the 6th day...between 6,000 and 10,000 years ago" and how the bible...good Lord. Literally.

You've got to be fucking kidding.

I did not doctor this photo. It is from the Conservapedia Dinosaur entry. No Photoshop needed. Yes, the Lord's holdin' a 'gator while riding Littlefoot sidesaddle.

Conservapedia: openly racist, entertaining, appalling, concise. With lots of clapping and pomp, Conservapedia gets the WTF Award!

This is junk science, junk history, and probably junk math, with the most terrifying friend: Authority. People will read this and believe it and relate it and quote it. It will spread like mullet-sportin' DNA.

These people must be stopped. Until then, have a laugh or two at their expense.

Sean Hannity: I am Junk Science

On Friday's Sean Hannity radio show, a caller named Terri brought a huge revelation to listeners concerning global warming. Or she may have thought. Here's the exchange (all emphasis mine, scan the bold parts if you're ADHD):

SEAN: Terri is next. Virginia Beach. Hey, Terri. How are you?

TERRI: Hi. I'm fine. Um, I teach meteorology at a university, and I'd rather not say which one, and, um, when you talk about the greenhouse theory of global warming, the theory is that we' re putting CO2 into the atmosphere and it's making the planet warm. That's the theory. And when you look at the data, and you see that, in the middle ages, they had the medieval warm period, where the planet was warmer than it is today, and they know that because England supported a grape - they grew grapes in England and they, uh, produced wine. So the middle ages was warmer. If it's the CO2 that is driving the warming, what made the CO2 go up in the middle ages? And no one has answered that. And when you look at the data, you see it's been warmer, it's been colder, and there is a correlation with the carbon dioxide But no one can say - except for right now - we're burning fossil fuels and we're putting CO2 into the atmosphere and that's making it get warmer. But no one can say what made CO2 go up and down in the past.

SEAN: I - B-boy, I'm listening to you and I'm thinking you need to write a book on this.

TERRI: And so It's really frightening that people - And, and if we stop all fossil fuels tomorrow, I personally don't think it would make a difference. What is very scary is that people are starting to talk about: let's sequester CO2, let's build mechanisms to take CO2 out of the atmosphere. And that's really scary. 'Cause that's messing with the climate.

SEAN: You know what, that's very, very well said, uh, I hope you'll write the definitive book on global warming hysteria. Would you do that for me?

TERRI: I actually sent you an email about a week ago. I was listening to you on the way home and I got so angry about the global warming discussion. And so I wrote you a, a pretty detailed email, and there's something called Milankovitch Cycles, which you probably haven't heard about unless you've actually looked into global warming. And what Milankovitch Cycles say, is that the sun, the intensity of solar radiation changes over time. And if you think about the Earth, the Earth is what, three-quarters water? And if you think back to you fre- to your high school chemistry, the gas laws tell you that cold liquid holds more gas than warm liquid. That's why your Coke goes flat if it gets warm, because the CO2 goes out of -

SEAN: Yeah, I hate that, by the way, when that happens. I want you to know that.

TERRI: Well, if our Earth is covered with three quarters water, and if the, what's making our Earth go up and down in temperature is changes in solar radiation, then wouldn't it make sense that CO2 goes into and out of a solution? And perhaps the warming that you see, if it truly is warming right now, is because of solar radiation, and that the CO2 is just following suit because it's going into and out of solution.

SEAN: You know what, Terri? I am a lucky host. You wanna know why? 'Cause I have smart people like you and others in this audience that really just, you said it so well, I, I could never, ever even venture that I could ever get that close to being that articulate and knowledgeable. So thank you. And, and write this book.

Serenity now (not the Seinfeld episode, the ship.)! Take me away.

No, don't punch the screen. Let's hit some points, shall we?

Medieval Warm Period
Yes, grapes were grown in southern Britan during the Medieval Warm Period, but it was not their (or Europe's) greatest time of wine-making. They make wine in Alaska now. Climate is only one of the considerations to good wine.

Yes, it was warm then, but the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change disagrees that the MWP was actually warmer, world-wide, than it is right now.

CO2 went up in the Middle Ages? It did not. Just the temperature. Check the graphs.

Milankovitch Cycles
Acutally, "Milankovitch studied changes in the eccentricity, obliquity, and precession of Earth's movements." These do not correlate with the changes we can predict (outside of the 100K ice age) and have nothing to do with the last decade. The NOAA says "While Milankovitch cycles have tremendous value as a theory to explain ice-ages and long-term changes in the climate, they are unlikely to have very much impact on the decade-century timescale."

'Cause that's messing with the climate
Pumping as much CO2 as we are into the atmosphere is messing with the climate. Trying to capture and "undo" that is not.

This is why your Coke goes flat
Admitted Nitpick: Your Coke goes flat because you leave it out too long. The CO2 escapes. If you leave it out in the heat, it happens faster. If you open it at room temperature, or even in the heat, it is not flat when you open it. (clarify)

I Am a Lucky Host
Sean Hannity has a large audience of ignorant people who already think him an expert on everything. When he verbally bows to a caller who waves around the tag "college meteorology teacher," the listenership is being inoculated from reality by something bordering on papal infallibility. And don't get me started on papal infallibility.

What happened in this exchange was junk science, well propagated. Today, thousands more people are not only misinformed, but have the "proof" they heard on the radio, even if they can't remember how to pronounce "Milankovitch."

This is ignorance. This is grabbing onto pieces of handholds on the discarded scat of what any informed person calls science. It is not research. It is not credible. It is uninformed opinion. It is the goiter on the body conservative that is threatening to take over the organism. Run.

Our caller admitted to not wanting to identify her university affiliation. Neither would I. If I said the things she did, it would not be from an unbelief in global warming that I might be fired, but a public statement of disbelief and lack of faith in the field in which I claimed to teach. Or just plain ignorance.

"Ignorance is easy to fix. That's just not knowing. Not like stupid. There's no fixin' stupid."

60 Minutes: It Will Hurt, but Watch It

60 Minutes, Sunday at 7pm, Laura Logan will be interviewing a few of the brave 1000 active duty and reserve members of the U.S. Military who have petitioned to withdraw U.S. troops from Iraq.

"Just because we volunteered for the military doesn't mean we volunteered to put our lives in unnecessary harm and to carry out missions that are illogical and immoral."
-Marine Sgt. Liam Madden

They're still serving, still following orders, but objecting at the same time and not letting their voice be quieted. Impressive.

WINGNUT ALERT:
On the same episode of 60 Minutes, one of the FOX/Talk Radio pantheon, Bill O'Reilly, will be interviewed by Mike Wallace. And what story comes right before Bill O'Reilly? and...wait for it...Nazis! Seriously. Nazis. Brilliant!

My advice would be TiVo/DVR the good pieces. Otherwise, hold your breath. You might feel a little prick.

HPV Vaccine Steamrolling ...and (whew!) Takes a Break

This issue has been a long time brewing in my head and now that Merck's taking a lobbying break, it needs to breathe.

Gardasil, the Merck-created HPV Vaccine, is the figurative minuteman at the Vulva border, preventing the crossing of four types of HPV, and shooting them in the ass if they make it through, is causing a stir. Why do we need to protect against HPV? HPV is linked to cervical cancer (and even penis cancer).

Laws & Profits
At the National Conference of State Legislatures, you can see what laws states are proposing concerning HPV. Merck has been driving through state and federal legislature halls like a Juggernaut to get this mandated. Seeing the public outcry against motives that seemed a little too altruistic to be real, they have paused their lobbying efforts.

What other motives could they have? What does lobbying always concern? Money. Merck pocketbook might be hurting in the coming years as many of its drugs finally fall into generic domains. Merck "face[s] the serious problem of potential erosion of over 50% of their 2005 revenues."

Merck's push is a vaccine of a sort too: a vaccine against low profits. It is estimated that the three-course vaccine will run $300 - $500 for each girl or woman. Getting mandated distribution and mandated insurance coverage (also in some proposals) would be a friggin' goldmine for Merck. A very few people getting very rich.

Equal Access vs. Mandate
Ann over at Feministing is a proponent of mandatory vaccination. And based on the comment "every state allows parents to refuse to vaccinate their children for moral or religious reasons," I almost agree with her. In Ohio and North Carolina, you can claim bona fide religious exemption, but they can deny your child public school access until college. Personal beliefs about vaccines have no bearing (i.e. "My Jesus said that shot'll make my girl a whore" = valid objection, "I have serious concerns about the efficacy, safety, and necessity of that shot; here is my research" = invalid objection).

Making this vaccine available and affordable to the entire population is important, but so is access to health care. (The survival rates for early detection are over 90%.) Making it mandatory is still potentially dangerous or, at the very least, potentially useless.

Religion
There are some conservative shelterists saying that by giving their daughters the HPV vaccine, it is giving them a license to be loose, immoral, and irresponsible. Those people do not deserve a link, need to stop being retarded, and shut the hell up. Not to worry, moralists: God's already givin' the gays the AIDS 'cause he hates fags, so by rights He'll make a baby in your girl's belly if she step outta line. That'll learn 'er.

Skepticism

• Merck is pushing way too hard, and it looks like it's for money.


• Faith in Merck after the Vioxx debacle.
  We have no long-term tests to reference whether this vaccine might actually be dangerous. Merck tested a couple thousand people and looked 4 years on the outset. They used abnormal cell smears as an indicator (CIN, which, while a potential precursor, technically only indicates cell changes). How do we know the vaccine won't hurt people? How do we know it'll even work in ten or twenty years when a female would be most likely to be exposed?


• Straight answers on HPV and cancer.
  "20 of the suspected 230 different types of HPV are considered high risk due to their association with cervical cancer." That comes from here. The National Cancer Institute agrees. Basically the vast majority of women will never get HPV. The vast majority of those that get it will resolve the virus on their own (immune system will take care of it). The vast majority of those who don't kill the virus won't actually have the high-risk version. The majority of those that do have the high-risk version won't develop abnormal cells. The majority that develop abnormal cells will not develop cancer.
  
  HPV is associated with cervical cancer; it does not "cause" cancer. And since HPV is associated with 70% of cervical cancer and Merck can not validate the long-term efficacy of its product, it is far from the "cervical cancer vaccine" it purports to be.
  
  Merck has a vaccine that they say stops A. A can sometimes cause B, so they measure B. There seems to be no B present for those that got the vaccine. B is related to C. Merck says "We've cured C!"


• Antidote Anecdote
  When my daughter was getting ready to enter kindergarten, the varicella vaccine for chicken pox had recently become mandatory for children entering school in Ohio. Her pediatrician didn't think it was a great idea and neither did my wife. But we didn't have a choice. Luckily, before they had to look into reasons for rejection, she caught the virus naturally. And ever since, there have been half a dozen kids out sick from every one of her classes every year - with chicken pox. The vaccine didn't live up to its hype, but it was another success story for Merck.
  

If Merck's vaccine works exactly like they say it does, then that's a wonderful thing, and it should be offered to (not forced upon) all women at a reasonable price or for free. But there are still questions about it and we don't have all the answers. And even when we do, it's a decision only parents can make with their daughters (and sons if the whole penis cancer thing gets press). The ACS estimates that 11,150 women will be diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2007. 3,670 women will die because of it. Early diagnosis says that number should only be a little over 900. Health care or vaccines, we have a long way to go. Girls getting vaccinated today will reach the mean diagnosis age of 50 in 25 to 40 years. I'd hate for them to be disappointed.

No WTF Award this post: there are too many targets. But since I can't let a serious post lie, here's a beaver shot:

No, we can't have anything nice.

The Brits and Sinbad's Iraq

Okay, now that we have that out of the way...

BBC is reporting that P.M. Blair will make an announcement today putting forth a timetable for British troop withdrawal.

Reason! Logic! Rationale!

Wednesday's expected statement comes after Mr Blair told the BBC's Sunday AM that the operation to allow Iraqis to take the lead in frontline security in Basra - Operation Sinbad - had been "completed" and "successful".

Okay, not so much. But at least less people will die. Completed and successful how?

This was not even going to be a topic today except for one part that made me perk up out of my AM coma during my morning NPR and say WTF Brits?

Operation Sinbad.

One year I spent a decade teaching English to high school kids in the South . During that time, we read the tales of Sinbad the Sailor. The British military has obviously not.

The setup for futility, 1001 Nights: Queen Scheherazade gets married to a Henry VIII on crack, King Shahryar, who kills his wives after one night with them in order to get a little taste of everything. But Queen Scheherazade is quite clever and tells her husband a tale every night that ends in a cliffhanger, not to reveal the ending until the next night (You may recall the Bugs Bunny version). She does this for almost 3 years.

Sinbad the Sailor is no better a representation for Iraq. He is from modern day Iraq, but that's where it ends. After squandering his wealth, Sinbad goes off to adventure, makes foolish decisions, and people die. After the first adventure, he gets bored with wealth, goes on another trip, makes foolish decisions, people die. He does this five more times. He never learns that when he travels that the ocean is out to get him and people are going to die.

I'm not saying that this is not an accurate representation of the war in Iraq: futility, poor decisions, death. But Sinbad is not a character after which one would name a war effort. It is nothing to emulate or strive for. Might as well be Operation Quixote or Operation Fallstaff.

How about Operation Beowulf? That's English Lit roots and quality hero shit.

But I'm nitpicking. My congrats to Britain for having much, much more sense than us in Iraq. Good show!

Photoshop Love: Scrotum

On Friday, it was announced that the book-burning, blood-letting (every motive escalate, automotive incinerate) mafia was out on the prowl. Taking a break from their Harry Potter anti-evil stance, some limiters of knowledge have attacked another book fit for burnin'. This is the Higher Power of Lucky.

Why would easy-going librarians be so shocked from a book that won the 2007 Newbury Medal? The author used the word "scrotum."

Scrotum.

In the book, a girl hears the word through a hole in the wall about a dog who was bit by a rattlesnake on the scrotum.

Everybody freak out. Do it now.

The word scrotum is not something to be taken lightly. With the testicles, it has some weight. But it is innocuous. Why? Because every male mammal has one scrotum (and two testicles barring birth defects or surgery).

But why is it an issue that something that every male mammal has is bit by a rattlesnake? Why isn't anyone pitching a fit about every time a bullet (which kills people) is mentioned or a gun (which uses a bullet to kill people) is described? How about blood?

Why? Because violence is okay. Sex is not. Even when mentioning the part of a dog's body that holds the organs that provide the sperm to the actual organ that facilitates copulation in a subordinate species.

Not okay.

Either way, I'm sure I'm not helping with this:


"It didn't hurt a bit"
Photo from here. Macro'd myself.

I blame it on bovine hormones.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Leaf Blower

He'll get his damn leaf blower back when he stops building that stupid deck!

I'm sorry, that's not really accurate. He's much happier when he's mowing.


My sister came over yesterday and, seeing that our part of the neighborhood was in disarray, asked what the local drama was all about. Well, let me tell you, I said.

It's a huge mess between Uncle Sam, Inc. (this contractor who thinks he owns half the town), my neighbors to the left, Sonni and Sheila, and the guy next to them, Ami.

You see, years ago, Ami's family owned the house he lives in now. Then USI came to town with their limey buddies and got the house resold. Ami's family bought it back, a lot of bad blood, blah blah blah. A couple years ago, USI tried to do something similar to Sonni and Sheila's place; they bought the place, halfway demolished it, and are still rebuilding it while keeping on Sonni and Sheila as tenants. I know, totally retarded.

And USI might actually be getting somewhere if it weren't for all the chaos. Sonni and Sheila are constantly fighting, sabotaging each other and the contractors USI has brought in, pulling down drywall, stealing lumber, dumping adhesive. USI didn't bring in enough contractors to begin with and now has to deal with all this extra crap, not to mention that their disorganization has them bleeding money all over the place. Some of the private contractors are just sucking down cash like fat people eat cake without doing a damn thing.

USI's not happy with how things are going. Sonni and Sheila are supposed to step up and take control of the remodel, but that's never going to happen. USI's still funding a similar project across town that they can't get a handle on. It's a mess, and now we've got some of the other neighbors getting in on it.

Ami's the worst right now, in their opinion. He's insisting on building a deck. But USI builds decks and they don't want him to have one. First you let him build a deck and the next thing you know, you're looking at a gazebo. Our Jewish neighbors would not be pleased.

At first, USI was blaming Ami for goading on Sheila, giving her some tools to make things a little worse, but now they think he's working both sides just to screw with USI. So they've hired some muscle to hang out in the street in front of Ami's house. So Ami shoots off fireworks in the street and walks around real close to Sonni and Sheila's house. Firecrackers go off in Ami's back yard? He says USI's screwing with him.

And if you think USI has some friends, Ami's not alone either. He's been talking to our neighbor Sarah, and they say they're going to take USI down. He's buddies with the Russian down the street who's got a shit-ton of fireworks pointed at everyone and the Venezuelan who talks about USI like a great Satan.

And I just found out today that USI has some specific ideas about how to take over Ami's place.

I swear, one of these days they're going to bring out their guns and blow the hell out of everything. And they'll love it. More destruction means more construction and USI's one of the biggest names in town.

I just wish they all understood that this is my neighborhood too.


Who are the people in your neighborhood?