Saturday, May 14, 2011

Cum Bubbles & Cat Pee: Ah, the Smells of Spring!

I've already written about the natural odors of semen and cat piss that accost me every Spring, so I won't got into all the details of self-discovery, but here's the skinny:


Juniper

This time of year I am overwhelmed with the smell of feline urine, like a poorly maintained litter box, and in this weather it's like a poorly maintained litter box in a warm, damp basement. I have discovered it comes from the Juniper, the fuzzy-looking bush that can grow narrow and tall or low and creeping. And I am apparently one of the very few people whose nose so knows the smell in quite that way. I've found about half a dozen online, but my family thinks I'm a little mad because they don't sense a thing.

Bradford Pear Tree
Bradford Pear

And every once in a while, if I'm lucky, I get a chance to whiff something familiar, though not something you'd expect while walking about or driving, like getting my nose rubbed into a wet dream: semen. This comes from the Bradford Pear Tree, and appears to be a much more common recognition than the Juniper cat pee connection.

So there you go. That's my olfactory experience of Spring. Every year. Yum!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Guns, Guns, Guns!

Hey, if you've got a good blog and I don't TOTALLY disagree with you and you're not trying to spam, and have something relevant for me to share with my readers, I'm happy to do it. Yay!

So today we've got http://mikeb302000.blogspot.com/ and Mike B talks, for the most part, about gun control - and our need for more. That makes me happy. And he's been at it since '08! Nice.

So take a look at his place, see what you think, comment there, comment here.

Incidentally, the title of this post is the title of an audio parody I'm working on for a gun show commercial. Seriously, folks: gun shows - WTF?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Miller Lite Thunder Thighs!

So I was on Pandora today and when it stopped after my Death Cab and I went to the window to click Yes, I'm Still Listening, I saw this:



Haha, okay, so silly Miller Lite - OH MY GOD! What in the name of all things holy?! From whence comes the flesh, woman? Whence?

Because I saw this:




...so. Either my graphics background kicked in or I've got a thing for ladies with giant, muscular thighs. Or, something.

People Teeth in a Fish

This is a sheephead.



Aah! People teeth!


Deer in the Headlights

Levi Johnston's new book cover has been released.



And I so wish I were joking. I am not.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Motherlover - Lonely Island

Happy Early Mother's Day!



Susan Sarandon & Patricia Clarkson, well, they are totally hot...

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Dear Sophie - Chrome Commercial

Saw this on TV just now and kinda lost it. Jesus, man.



Told you.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Right Wing Logic: Nuh-uuuuuuh!

I heard some conservative asshat on Hannity yesterday arguing that we killed bin Laden and now we have to hunt down every single person in the world who threatens the USA and do the same to them. The liberal (rational) counter argument was that killing one spawns another and another and another kill order to an absurd degree. She was labeled crazy by both the conservative woman and Hannity.

Reminded me of a conversation I had while riding in the car with my parents as a child, though the exact context escapes me. It went something like this:

ME: Well, what if I want the cookie?
MOM: You can't have it.
ME: Maybe I'll just take it.
MOM: Maybe we'll call the police.
ME: Then I'll beat up the police.
MOM: They'll send more police.
ME: I'll beat them up too.
MOM: Then they'll send police from other states.
ME: Beat 'em up.
MOM: Then they'll send the army.
ME: And I'll beat 'em up. I'll beat up the whole world.
MOM: Then they'll call God and you'll go to hell.
ME: Okay. Nevermind.

At a VERY remedial level, how does a self-proclaimed Christian who readily demonizes an entire religion based on a couple radicals justify their own Christianity while calling for the normalized assassination of all enemies of America? Um, if she was in any other country she'd be on our terrorist watch list.

It's Van Mural Time Again!

No better way to take a break from the stupid of government and politics than to have a Van Mural Day.




I don't know if you can make it out, but that is in fact Legolas tearing through the fabric of reality ...but only on the van.




Chess is a game of ...van murals?




Mom! Tell the Duke to stop hogging my van!

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Ah, That Old God & Gays Argument...

Oh, hells yeah. Could someone put this right-headed thought and concern upon every politician in America? (God? I'm lookin' at you! Shit. That's just the bathroom mirror.)



Representative Steve Simon (DFL Hopkins/St. Louis Park) says a proposed Minnesota constitutional amendment is largely about religion. He says if sexual orientation is innate as science is showing us, and not a lifestyle choice, then God created gay people. He asks how many gay people must God create before we accept that he wants them around.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Conservative America Reacts (pt.1, I'm sure)

Osama bin Laden is dead. The USA killed him. We have his body (well, the USA, not, like, at my house).

Pretty sweet news, and while I think Obama should get the cred (as Bush had so many years to do so), I'm expecting a flush of Fox cred for Bush for this as though he were still prez and #winning.

But almost 2 hours after the announcement, and I've been living on the TV and Twitter and FB and someone I follow posted this (I reversed it from the bottom-up feed, so the top was written first - less than 10 minutes from the second).



Shit, man. Is this - WTF? This is your first seal, readers. While knee-jerk reaction is "Obama wins!" it just means it has to get even uglier for them to properly defame him. Strap in. It gonna get stupid(er).

Saturday, April 30, 2011

1974 Sucked Butts

This man is on the path to a 5-figure salary. Poor bastard. (ad from 1974 Deathlok comic book)


(click to embiggen)

Fake colleges you don't have to go to: financially and mentally raping Americans for almost 40 years.

Smile!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Musee des Beaux Arts by W.H Auden

One of my all-time favorites. And how appropriate, with our Icarus, the Economy, the ploughman the Republican needing to shut down abortions and minority voting.


"Fall of Icarus" by Breughel

About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters; how well, they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;
How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting
For the miraculous birth, there always must be
Children who did not specially want it to happen, skating
On a pond at the edge of the wood:
They never forgot
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.
In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may
Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,
But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone
As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green
Water; and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen
Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky,
had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.


Monday, April 25, 2011

Quote of the Evar: Peter Barnes



I know I am God because when I pray to Him I find I am speaking to Myself.

- Peter Barnes


We Don't Own All The OIL!



Let me say this a different way:

Some of the conservatives are correct: if you announced that the USA was allowing the drilling of every ounce of oil under its land, gas prices would drop tomorrow while the speculators scrambled and if it actually happened, prices of the world market would slowly decrease until, like... anything happened in the Middle East, we realized China was buying even more (and now cheaper) oil, or the wells went dry.

But here's where it gets hinky, and I heard direct evidence of this on Columbus 610AM WTVN with Chuck Douglas: While Chuck stuck to the potential of drilling as potentially lowering the gas price, he gave callers a blind crazy license to say, basically "We've got enough oil and natural gas and coal within our shores to carry the USA forever and FUCK foreign energy!" Of course without even questioning them let alone correcting them.

Here's the problem: The same ignorant goons saying "We own our oil!" don't quite realize that it is because of the entrepreneurial free market, the "government out of business" that they tout that THIS IS NOT TRUE.

Drilling companies pay the US a fee for exploratory - then drilling - rights. They own the crude they drill and will sell it not to the US (but we needs it, precious) but to the highest bidder who in turn sells the next product down all the way to gas, everyone getting the highest price on the market. We will buy it off the same market as China, even if it was drilled from my Cincinnati, OH yard and I was on the drilling team.

The ONLY way these right wing goons saying "We own our oil!" could be right is if the United States Government got its hands into the drilling business, the oil business, the refining business, the gasoline and petrol products - Hell, let's call it TAINT-OIL - and then we can cut off the rest of the world and TAINT-OIL can keep and distribute and control the flow of the fuel ("Hell, you can be Joe Cocaine with it") - and our livelihoods.

[Pause: You get this, right? The right wing is basically calling for eschewing free markets and governmental control of our energy resources.]

So how do so many people, people who don't want "the nanny state" thinking about talking about looking at them sideways, NOT understand this basic fact, this absolute catastrophe of logic?

Because people like Chuck Douglas and Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh let them. Because while these show hosts should (and probably do based on their measured speech) know better, realize that the USA will never drill and take our own oil -- those hosts, their livelihood, their base, their ratings are activated, are generated, are receiving salvation from the Lord Above from ignorant people who want nothing more than to yell at the radio about how Obama is screwing them.

Ironically, would the US Government open TAINT-OIL, those talk show hosts would be on the front lines of WTF! And, ironically, Obama cares more for these gas-price-cursing AM-drooling myrmidons than any of the hosts do.

Ignorance abounds. I would say Obama needs to push this basic reality, but it would be discounted because Obama said it.

So I leave it to you: How do we explain to the indoctrinated AM listeners that their basic beliefs in the free market and governmental control are keeping them from getting them cheap oil?

(Note: I am adamantly opposed to our government getting into the oil industry. That would be a BAD idea; Oil conglomerates need to be checked, but NOT controlled.)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

OMFG, S.C., TEA? ROFL

"The fish is Glenn Beck."



That is all.

(h/t C&L)

Monday, April 18, 2011

When Can we Just Call a Racist a Racist? Santorum!

Today we've got a two-fer: a regular post AND a Take It Back.

Hey, remember when this happened?




For some reason it just fit here:




So then, this last Thursday, Think Progress pointed out that Santorum's (campaign? exploratory?) slogan is "Fighting to Make America America again" which is awfully close to a line in a poem by Langston Hughes that states "let America be America again"

Arguably one of America's most amazing poets, Langston Hughes also happened to be African-American and gay. Ouch. Not only that, but the stanza
O, let America be America again-
The land that never has been yet-
And yet must be-the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine-the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME-

clearly turns the Republican stance on looking back at Great America on its head, saying that that America never existed in reality.

At first when confronted with the similarity, Santorum said he didn't know the origin of the phrase, that he had nothing to do with it, that it might be on a website or something.

And now he's disowned it, distanced himself, and don't wanna talk about it. Somewhere in the last 48 hours in a back room somewhere the words "It came from a black faggot?" were spoken and taken very, very seriously.

The only thing scarier than this story is the fact that this man still thinks he can be president.

UPDATE: And then he turns around and says he's going to reinstate Don't Ask Don't Tell. AhhhhhHhh!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Minecraft Owns Me Now

So I watched this:



And I was like...meh.

Then I saw this yesterday:



I thought: Hey, something I could check out.



That's my dog. Well, it's not really mine. I've got this house, which is just kind of a hole in a hill, and I put a door on it and lit it with torches and I keep digging and digging and I made a work table and chests to hold stuff... - sorry, so occasionally when I go out to kill cows for hides or chop down trees (only during the day; night has bad monsters) and I come home I find a skeleton has spawned somehow and the bastard shoots arrows but I kill him, sometimes after a spawn or two of my own (still working on good armor) and when I do I get a bone. I found some wolves and fed one of them 4 bones. And his/her collar turned red and a little heart <3 popped out of its chest and since then it just followed me. And if I accidentally hit it with a pick axe while mining, it doesn't even mind. But I don't like that so I tell him/her to sit on my bed.

I don't have a name for him (or her) yet because I'm viciously mining, as I mentioned. Actually, it's dead. Let's stop playing games while playing games. That screenshot was from when I had it sit on the bed. But I felt so bad, cooped up all the time? So I let him/her follow me (as he/she is wont to do) and while mining away from home a creature called a creeper came around a corner and exploded (as they are wont to do) and Dog-With-No-Name was just gone. And now I have to use my wood to make planks to make a sign so I can put it in that mine and give my dog a name post-mortem as a memorial.

Seriously, this post was going to be happy. I love this game. Then Ricky died. Of course: Ricky.

Well, Ricky will get a sign, and I need to get back to mining. Because maybe a skeleton will spawn and I'll kill it and take the bones and give them to a wolf and I'll name it Rickyz and it will never be allowed off my bed. Evar.

Yay Minecraft! Right?

Cute Break

Enough of all the bullshit and politics and Obama and Ryan and Trump and Hannity and Beck and sanctimony and flip-flopping and hypocrisy. STFU!



Okay. Now, back to business.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Romney Goes Legit 2 Quit



That's the logo. Apparently toothpaste is his thing. I smell nanny state and Romneycare and sister wives colliding with America. You know, those "true ideals" that non-Mormon conservatives change every six months.

Not sure what's suckier: the shitty branding or (if you look at the source code) that he chose to bring his message to America in a low-rent Wordpress template (ooh, probably the same source, a cousin perchance? who took this one course this one time on websites and totally can program and stuff?). Basic PR calls for custom design, programming, SEO, and that's just on the web side! Looks like he started his campaign by creating a job ...for an intern.


Sorry: Edit: Believe in America? Um, we already do. Thanks. Obama's message of Hope worked because many of us lost that with Bush. The left, the right, the gun-toting living bibles? We all believe in America. Well, our version. So, wait, what's Mitt's version of America? Mormon intifada? Sister Wives Sharia Law? Hell, we'll just get Glenn on Fox to expose... Holy Shit! He quit (was fired) and he's Mormon too!

What fresh torture have we just entered? What of Satan's carnal jubilation have we awoken? This is hell-jizz territory. Get a hat.