Short News: G-Spot, Have a (Secret) Smoke

Um...Gee...

Do you have a G-spot? If you're British, you may not.

A bunch of British scientists did some sexy science and decided that the G-Spot does not really exist. And then the French scientists were like "Oh non, tu fais pas!" because they're the masters of their own baters and their own sexual destinies. Best quote:

The angry French gynecologists said they’d found the real problem with their British counterparts: that they're British.

Ah, those Brits and Frenchies. Always scrappin'.


Put That Out, Drew!

Oh, no. Not in Parma, Ohio! On March 1st, Parma Community General Hospital will begin a new policy: They will not hire smokers.

Okay, so we knew this was coming. No one is surprised.

But the reality of the situation is now wildly apparent. We are heading towards a society where you punch in to your job by standing on a scale and taking a quick blood test to check your cholesterol, drug content, triglycerides, and stress hormones.

Is that okay?

Just wondering.

I'm a Banana

Van Mural Wednesday: The Road

The Road goes ever on...



If you're talking about that Kerouac book, you've got it right. What a snoozer! But you're probably not. The road goes on. Then you meet that guy and he drives you instantly mad, drowns you, and takes your clothes. And next thing you know your friends are calling him by your name because he's wearing your sweet thermal. Madness, I say!

Jesus and Politics - Or How About Video Games? And...No, Just Video Games. Fallout 3? Dogmeat? Anyone?

Jesus was supposed to be yesterday, but I'm running a little wrong on the side of time because I finally started getting buried in this game called Fallout 3 for the Xbox 360. Engrossing. Potentially hundreds of hours of gameplay (and downloadable content!) and it's killing my productivity.

The most endearing and interesting part of the game is that I have been befriended by a dog named Dogmeat. I know. It says the words "dog meat" in my inventory and I imagine the 6 HP it provides is delicious as much as it is irradiated.

But this is a dog. A real, live, video game dog. And she chooses me as her master.

And I've got to live up to that.

In the Fallout 3 Wasteland, you never know if you're going to bump into a stupid raider that Dogmeat will tear into until you can get a relatively close headshot with the combat shotgun that will make his "momma had a baby and it's head popped off" pop off with requisite spurting blood OR perhaps a small army of super-mutants will crush Dogmeat in three bangs of a water main pipe.

And when that happens, whether you are there to see it or not, you get an impersonal dialogue pop-up that simply states "Dogmeat has died" and an "OK" box.

No, damn you! It's not okay! She's a dog! A dog! She ran after the super mutant on the third floor to protect ME and it took me a while to get up there and he clubbed her with his nail board and I couldn't get there with a stimpak to fill her HP and - SHIT! - a whimper and that fucking box again. Again!

Yes. It happens again and again. Why? Because telling her to stay there brings up a whimper (and if you tell her to stay somewhere and get carried away and forget where you left her, she's gone). So you keep her with you and when you say "Good boy," she barks like fucking Lassie (I realize my disconnect in animal gender, but I do have two female cats: Dorian and Godot).

Then Dogmeat dies. And you lament your decision. You start over at the last save. Because you keep her with you and you move on. The thought of your dog dead will ruin the rest of the game. And she's actually helpful as an alert most of the time with that growl and because for the love of all things Holy, the BEST thing she can do, the reality of the situation, the dialogue choice under "Talk to Dogmeat" that states "Go away and never come back again" makes me want to vomit and cry in that pile of puke for being such a horrible human being.

I'm not sure how I'm going to feel recruiting a Goul named Charon, whom I just met.

I doubt I'll replay as an evil character, though I long to blow up Megaton. I don't have the stomach.

And don't even ask me about Mass Effect 2. Until 2012 when I finally get to it.


I don't think anything about this post is right. I admit it upfront. And yet I'm certain I'm not alone.

And you should play. Obviously, it's engaging. Engrossing.
Happy Tuesday.


UPDATE: I've downloaded the Broken Steel component so I could pop the Level 20 cap. And I now have to deal with some terrible enemies that actually scare me, though I've not even entered the storyline of the download.

Funny plus: Puppies! It's a new perk you can choose at level up so if Dogmeat dies, you can return to 101 and have a new piece of the litter. Litter? I guess the female thing is not so wrong with Dogmeat.

In Short: Hannity 'n' Them Knuckle Sammiches

I heard Hannity on Wednesday, before getting owned by a Democratic congressman, say the following:

"I don't know if you've ever heard the saying... 'I'll hit you so hard your mother'll feel the vibrations.' Oh, now we sound like street kids, heh heh."

What?

Yeah, like street kids in the 30's. No, like street kids in a movie about the 1930's. What kind of mental throwback alternate dimension does Sean Hannity live in? What pre-cold war anachronism does he inhabit? No wonder his sense of reality is so skewed. Damn.

Friday FAIL: Webcast, iPad x 2, Rollerblade x 3!

So the first part of Friday FAIL is to discuss how I failed in my first week of posting per my guide list (way down on the right column). Sure, I got the Mon/Tues going strong, but Wednesday's Van Mural had to wait to Friday and I completely skipped Thursday. We'll have another go next week, then?

Enjoy!

Live Webcast Fail




iPad Fail




And will I ever get tired of the adaptations of Hitler? Answer: No. More iPad Fail.

Hitler Learns of iPad




I'm sorry. You came here looking for Fail in a more tangible manner. Here you go!

Rollerblade FAIL x 3







Cheers!

Van Mural Whatever Today Is

Who likes ass?

Wait. Who doesn't like ass?



Ass and surf. Don't get much better than that. For surfing people, I guess.

I prefer the pale emaciation that sometimes manifests in nerds and gamers.

Tuesday Politics: Republican NO-bama!

Day two of the scheduling plan and we've got some politics for you. So far so good.


Tomorrow night, President Obama is going to deliver his State of the Union Speech.

Now leaked: He's going to put a freeze on domestic spending.

So what do the Borrow-and-Spend Republicans say about a freeze on spending by their so-called Tax-and-Spend Democrats? Wrong!

Why? Isn't taking more financial responsibility for the country important.

"Wrong!"

Why?

"Democrat mean 'BAD.'"

So it just boils down to that, does it? Anything Obama and the Democratic party does is subject to ridicule and twisting and a good kneading and beating in the taffy-pulling machine that is the conservative media-political machine? Violently oppose anything proposed - even if it does some good for the country - in order to feign compromise, which the Democrats foolishly acquiesce to, at which point you'll still shout NO but now claiming that it's a weak bill in concert with liberals who say it doesn't go far enough?

"Yep."

But what about genuine health care reform, helping those that need the most help in an admittedly broken system?

"Socialism!"

Discounted meals for poor kids?

"Breeding machines!"

Cute puppies?

"Hitler!"


I see. And what about a Supreme Court that just allowed unlimited corporate campaign contributions from corporations, including foreign corporations, figuratively turning McCain-Feingold on its head (and even making McCain turn tail on his own legislation)?

"Oh, we were in power then. Dems may have been genuinely bi-partisan, but we just wanted to limit their funding. Now? No power. We've got to win in 2010 somehow."

That's what I thought.

"Democrat mean 'BAD.'"

Right.

Some Jesus Wrestling Rambling

So it's Monday and you know what that means! Or maybe you don't. Well? Read my post from thirty minutes ago; Monday means Jesus.

And if you're new here, don't turn heel on me yet. I'm a Godless Liberal and when I say Monday Jesus, I mean something tangential and irreverent. Kind of by definition. Might even be about a Latino now and then.

So today's media search was kind of a wash with every story mentioning Jesus having to do with the damned Trijicon scopes with Bible verses on them. Lame. You want to kill a Muslim's soul, shoot him with bacon bullets like everyone else does. Sheesh!

So what did I find about Jesus today? You're going to regret asking.



That's the image. The title of the article?

CM Punk The Version Of Jesus in Wrestling. Good Or Bad?

And, because I love you, I shall reprint the entire text of the article. English teacher marks [in red brackets]. Don't feel bad; this is someone listed as a contributor.

Ever since Punk turned heel, he has been nothing but an awsome [SP] competidor [SP] in the WWE.

Since his goal of ending Jeff Hardy´s career[,] CM Punk has become a really solid character in the SD brand. But now officials are really taking his gimmick to a real [RED] "EDGE".

Now don't get me wrong I really enjoy this story for Punk, I belive it´s really original and has a taste of reality that everyone likes[awk, RO sent].

WWE has donde [SP] a really nice job by taking thios [SP] character to the next level, just see it[frag]. Punk has started to gain [WC] a kind of Jesus look right? Or is it just me? Then in every promo he has made in [SP?] his quest to save the lifes [SP] of the adicts [SP] has been nothing but a very interesting copy of the message of Jesus [awk-restructure, please]. The most impresive thing is that the audience has identified with these gimmick[s] and more than ever they pay to go and BOO Punk out of the arena. [But if Punk is the Jesus figure, why does he get BOO'd? NC]

Some people think this is a really boring and anoying gimmick, but reallity [SP] is I belive is [awk] one of the best WWE has come up with these past year[?]. Just look who [SP?] funny and entertaining is every word Punk has to say in those "saving people" segments. Things like: "These women needs me I sense it" are[tense] just hilarious coming from a guy like Punk with his tatoos and wearing his wrestling attire [awk].

Come on people give this a chance, belive or not I think these is one of the best products WWE has released in a long time [RO].

The partnership with Luke [Biblical Luke?] makes it even more interesting, and on the other hand gives good old Festus a nice push, we all wanted these [number] for him since he is a really nice [WC] wrestler. And if the storyline rounds [?] around Jesus who knows maybe Luke will be the one that turns on Punk and serves him to the entire face part [face part?]of the locker room.

It´s a rellay [SP] GOOD thing for Punk, for Luke, for SD and specially for the WWE Universe. If you just hate the story I respect you're [your] opinion but I'm asking you to respect mine and give CM Punk (aKa ["a.k.a."] Jesus) a shot with this new gimmick.

Holy Christ, that was hard to mark up!

(FYI: When writing something that will forever be floating the circuits and aether that is the internets, either use Firefox or Chrome (spellcheck) or write it in Word and copy/paste.)

If "your" surprised by the contributors, you can see the fans on teevee. I went once. Ironically. Back when it was the World Wildlife Foundation.

Maybe "its" just lost "it's" edge.

A New Plan Theme Thing

Okay, it's not necessarily a "NEW" plan as in the blog is going to change or all the things you love will disappear like a cake in front of a fat kid, but I've noticed a lack of focus on my part. A lack of discipline.

So about half the time, my focus will fall into the outline you can see under Linktastica! on the right. Feel free to suggest anything. I'm sure it will be welcomed with joy.

So what've I got in store for my wonderful people? Only the best:

Monday
Jesus News!

Tuesday
Politics I May or May Not Give a Shit About

Wednesday
Van Mural Wednesday

Thursday
Images of Some Sort. Probably Funny. Occasionally Photoshopped by Yours Truly

Friday
Fail Friday Video(s)


As you may know, when I feel frisky or particularly motivated, I'll knock out 2 or 3 posts in a day. This list is positioned to make me knock out at least 1 on those days I don't feel so much so.

SO: Whatcha think?

In Short: McDonald's FAIL

I stopped into McDonald's tonight. While in the drive-thru pay window, I noticed a sign posted inside:

Due to slow sales, hours have been cut for all employees. When sales increase, you will be given your hours back.

And when I was driving away, I noticed a sign posted in the front window:

HELP WANTED


FAIL


Your thoughts?

Van Mural Wednesday: Eyes on Your Chess Battle

She sees your darkest secrets...




Chess battle!

Arctic Monkeys - Nick Cave - Red Right Hand

I love the Arctic Monkeys. I love Nick Cave. I love this fucking video. Love it with me.

Frisky Dingo, Meet Archer!

Remember that time I talked about that one vague show called Frisky Dingo? If not, feel free to visit the link and return or just watch a little love below:



I loved the hell out of that show - honestly the most consistently hilarious show I've ever seen in timing and pace and it just matched my brain in some way. And then it broke my heart when Season 2 ended and nary a word was heard.

And then, by chance, I caught a blurb on IFC with Dingo co-creator Adam Reed talking about his new venture entitled Archer about a whoring secret agent (think James Bond gone bad) that appears very similar to Xander Cruise in Dingo. The previews showed a perfect match in timing, non sequitur, and hilarity.

Here's a taste:


(Check out more on FXArcher's Channel)

And the best part is: you can get in on the ground floor! The clip I saw said the series started on FX on January 21st, but the first two episodes aired last week on the 14th. But they're airing the first two episodes ("Training Day" and "Mole Hunt") on Thursday again before the second showing of episode 3, "Diversity Hire."

FX. Thursdays at 10pm. We can watch and hope that they pick it up beyond its original 6 episodes.

Yay!

Stupid Shit Republicans Say

Let's focus on two. I keep pretty close with the crazy as it happens from conservatives but this first one really blew my mind.

Tiger Woods, That Naughty Buddhist

Tiger Woods will recover as a golfer. Whether he can recover as a person I think is a very open question, and it's a tragic situation with him. I think he's lost his family. It's not clear to me that -- whether he'll be able to have a relationship with his children.

But the Tiger Woods that emerges once the news value dies out of this scandal -- the extent to which he can recover, it seems to me, depends on his faith. He's said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith.

So my message to Tiger would be, "Tiger, turn your faith -- turn to the Christian faith, and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

That was noted asshat Brit Hume on Fox News. I don't care that he spewed his religion all over the air - I think Murdoch walks around with a loaf of blessed bread, breaking off pieces and swabbing up the sputum for lunch - but WTF?

First - He's knocking someone else's religion in relation to his own and his "I don't think" qualifies it as complete ignorance. It's like saying "I've only eaten cabbage all my life and if you want your nutrition I think that kale is wasting your life!"

What a fuck. What is he saying? Let's get together a big list of Christians who have BEEN Christians and screwed over their spouses or abused kids or molested kids. Who the hell are you?

And Buddhism is to blame?

Second - Imagine, for a second, if this was posited by Malcom X, and he said that Tiger's coming to Allah through the Nation of Islam would be a better solution to Buddhism.

Can you even visualize the nasty disaster of religion and hate and race that would ensue - from people at Fox News?

Hypocrisy is an ugly thing, and only uglier when unmasked and laid bare.


Giuliani and um...9/11?

RUDY: "What he should be doing is following the right things that Bush did -- one of the right things he did was treat this as a war on terror. We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We've had one under Obama."

Wait, wasn't there that shoe bomber guy and ...how did Giuliani forget about that part of his soul, 9/11? Didn't that happen during Bush?

What the fuck?

To be fair, Giuliani has since revamped his statement (according to Olbermann's team 4 times), but none of them clearly reach for the primary ignorance and none truly point to the true cause of the original statement: Rudy Giuliani and other Conservatives are now positing revised history as reality. Recent history, that we all remember, that we were all there for - if no in NY - that there are pieces of our memory that are at fault. That Bush was not.

It's a basic psychological ploy, really. Some people look at it and say "So because you say it 500 times, does it make it true?" Yes. It does. The sad truth is that the first time it's heard by many goons, it's true. The subsequent lies only prove to bolster those who've heard #1 and imbue more who haven't. And by the time they get to bullshit #500, everyone who is ignorant enough to eat up any conservative scat they can get their hands on (that other conservatives haven't already devoured)? They eat it like a fat kid eats cake.

We'll never buy the bullshit. But I wanted you to know that there are tens of millions who will. Who already have.


Epilogue

Today I heard Rush Limbaugh say that if you want to look at what Democratic corruption can do to a city to ruin it, take a look at New Orleans.

If I'm not mistaken (and correct me if I am), New Orleans was ruined by Bush-appointed asshats that didn't know how to organize the simplest of disaster scenarios, let alone the worst of imaginings.

More stupid. More drunk by stupid-drinkers. More waste of brain cells. More of burying intellect.

And that is conservatism. For today at least.


UPDATE!

Media Matters Reports:

After an earthquake devastated Haiti on January 12, Pat Robertson said on The 700 Club that Haitians had "swor[n] a pact to the devil" to get "free from the French" and that "ever since, they have been cursed." Robertson's comments follow a pattern in which he has assigned blame for tragedies and disasters, as well predicted them.

Is this because voodoo, which is practiced in Haiti, is an amalgamation of pagan and Catholic beliefs? Guess what? Christianity is an amalgamation of pagan and "new" beliefs!

I believe this post will continue in perpetuity...

In Short: Haiti ...WHA?

Right now CNN, MSNBC, HLN, etc. are talking about and extensively covering the earthquake that has rocked Haiti to its roots and killed hundreds - if not thousands - of locals.

Fox News is focused on Bill O'Reilly interviewing Sarah Palin and proving she's not retarded. No breaks for real news.

Fox itself must be retarded in its coverage of reality.

Case in point.

Dr. Oz on Reiki

Dr. Oz likes Reiki. I like Reiki. Cool.

Scrapbooking is Stupid

That is all.

Mentalist Fight: Amanda and Robin

Mrs. Shambles and I watch The Mentalist with that strapping Aussie Simon Baker who was in that terrible show The Guardian that gave me a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I saw it listed on the DVR. Wait - did we have DVR back then? I don't know. I don't remember the cable situation then. I do remember the sad, empty feeling though.

Anyway, I was thinking about my previous post mentioning the Oliva Munn / Morgan Webb post from a while back, and then The Mentalist popped up. It's a good show, nothing like The Guardian.

So, readers, feel free to chime in: I'm not putting any qualifiers on it like fight or beauty. Who wins? Why?

Robin Tunney



or...

Amanda Righetti




Personally? Well ...I'll let you mull over it and I'll update the post with my thoughts and any particularly clever comments next week.

Van Mural Saturday?

Yeah. What can I say. Feeling guilty about being busy. So here's your Van Mural action to make things better. I know: it's like a peck on a bruise when you're hoping for them to go down on you. Take it for what it is.

Found this gem and was almost hesitant to post it. I mean I'm not a surfer, so maybe it's cool. The art doesn't suck, though the van itself says "Collar-poppin Douchebag" to me. Not sure why. Judge for yourself.



But I know your expectations when it comes to vans here at Cause For Concern is not centered around talented art and quality craftsmanship. You want a big pile of suck with generous, dripping side of schadenfreude.

At your service!



Now let me admit, up front, that I am well aware that this is NOT a mural in the purest sense. A mural is generally painted, though mixed media is not out of the question. This is neither. This is shiny garland and tape. This is the scrapbooking version of Van Mural Wednesday.

But it does suck. And that we can appreciate. Or at least laugh at.


...and who the fuck gave smiley faces the right to get a driver's license? Jesus! Next thing you know, we'll be giving them to immigrants.

Holy Snickers! Traffic Update

Yesterday I was tooling around with some of the stats from my other clients and I thought I'd take a look at the numbers for this little corner of the blogosphere and - Holy Shit! - I've been getting between 200 and 400 visits a day. WTF?

Some Statties

Top referring Keywords:

naked (5.69%)
julianna rose mauriello (3.43%)
olivia munn maxim (3.43%)
shake weight for men (3.20%)
glenn beck is a douchebag (2.73%)

Shows you what kind of party I'm throwing. Although I tend to speak politics quite a bit, so perhaps it's a better representation of the people on the internets.

For those of you who don't know, Juliana is the pink-haired leading lady on a kids' show called Lazytown. She is a very attractive young lady and in May she turned 18, which makes that previous sentence slightly less creepy. Olivia is the female host of Attack of the Show on G4 and I once pitted her up against Morgan Webb - with mixed reviews. Shake Weight is always a party pleaser. And Glenn Beck is always a tremendous douchebag.

But #1 keyword is naked? You dirty birds.

The fun part about the internet and search engine mechanics is that by me posting about posts and linking the right text to my own blog - even from my own blog - it alters the numbers in the aether and may bring even more traffic, kind of like if I went back in time to my sophomore year in college and told myself to grow a pair and just pounce on K. on our first date she might not have later broken up with me because I didn't pounce on her on our first date. Okay, maybe not anything like that. Sorry. My soft-spoken college days sometimes haunt me.

But enough about me. Who wants more numbers!?

(last 30 days)

8,557 Visits
10,746 Pageviews
80.88% Bounce Rate (meaning they entered and left on the same page)
00:00:21 Average time on a page (yes, that's seconds)

And an interesting note: a full 25% of my traffic comes from Google Image Searches that lead to my page. Images are important! In fact, here's one apropos of absolutely nothing, an old favorite of my own making:


Liquid Jesus Beer

So overall, good numbers. Crazy numbers. And certainly tells me that I've got to focus on offering more to you good people, especially my regulars, on a ...well, regular basis. Even if I'm busy. So hopefully I'll get a couple more catch-up posts out today, some tomorrow, and my goal: To post 5x a week at minimum. Let's see if I can keep up.

Keep reading, keep commenting, even if you're here for non-existent naked pics :)

Learn to Speak TeaBag

This one's a little older, but delicious, as is everything at Mark Fiore's site. Enjoy!

A Retort: Guideline for Conservatives

I love getting comments. Granted, most of them are humorous or insightful bits from my regular readers. But every once in a while - every couple days or so - I get something from a conservative either (rarely) actually agreeing with something I said, (occasionally) contributing thoughtful criticism to my post, or (often) parroting Beck or Limbaugh and calling me stupid.

I respond to most of them, mostly to let them know that they are ignorant and what to do in order engage me in actual conversation. I generally do this quietly, commenting and leaving it alone.

But sometimes, like today, I'm going to place in my first post of 2010 an excellent bad example of how to comment and my reply as a guide to those conservatives who still don't get that independent thought might actually make others think a little.

The post was Right Wing Glurge SPAM: Political Correctness in which I discuss some junk mail that came through and the dubious claims of origin and how nowhere on the internet could there be found proof of such origins.

Someone said they loved the dubious definition. I called them a sycophant, and someone else - Canoebutt - replied:

About as educated a sycophant as one that would list his astrological sign on his bio page as if it actually meant something. How is life in your mother's basement?

I believe my reply covers it:

Canoebutt-
Sorry to disappoint, but I own my own home and my own business.

One of the things I tend to discuss from time to time is the technical ineptitude of conservatives. Thank you for proving my point.

For your education and benefit: Google inserts the astrological sign if you input your birthday as an obfuscation of the actual birth date.

Also: your attack, which is generally referred to as ad hominem means you have no argument against ideas and resort to attacking the person. But as we've already covered, you cannot even do that correctly.

Remove yourself from the Limbaugh man-teat and speak intelligently about things you actually understand. People might take you seriously.

Note to the trolls: Just plain mean or insulting will get your comment deleted. Parroting talk show hosts and Fox News talking points or ad hominem attacks will get you called out. Stupid might win you ridicule.

You think I'm wrong and you're right, then argue a solid point with decent backing. I will read. I will reply. We will converse.

If you don't think you can do that, while it may reduce my enjoyment, you might want to reconsider posting a comment. You'll just be proving all the zombie myrmidon stereotypes we already know to be mostly true.

And for the love of all things holy, try not to reference anything having to do with the internet. It's just better that way.

Happy New Year

In this time of Republican trolls, conservative asshats, neverending wars, and underpants bombers, I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to all you wonderful, wonderful readers who keep sticking around for one reason or another.

I wish you all the best tonight and for the new year.

Cheers!

Tiga: Shoes

I'm hip. I'm cool. So I listen to some sweet indie music, sometimes Canadian, so when that sweet song shows up on the new iPod commercial I can say "Oh yeah, I've been listening to them for months."

No, I'm not really a dick like that. Only sometimes. Maybe. Really, I just enjoy new, different, not overplayed music.

So I was eating up some delicious CBC Radio 3 and in the last few weeks this song "Shoes" by Tiga keeps popping in and it drives me goddamned batty! In a bad way. Annoying as hell.

So in the ever-engaging endeavor of lessening pain by spreading it out, I had to pull up the video and share with you my misery.

Only there's this one problem: When I clicked play, when I was fully expecting to wallow in the pain that is "Shoes," I found myself enthralled. And somehow now I love the song. Really. I've watched the video 3 times and it's delicious. I'm not joking.

See for yourself:



(I told you it was all fucking videos today.)

Star Wars / A-Team Mashup

Brilliant. And yes, it's looking like just videos today :)



(h/t BoingBoing)

Republicans Try to Fart Out Franken

Air America cracks me up sometimes.

Michele Bachmann: Welfare Socialist!

A story was released today saying that Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has received hundreds of thousands of dollars in federal subsidies for her family farm. These farmer subsidies come from our community tax dollars, leading us to ask the question, is Michele Bachmann a secret socialist?

Here's the link. I can't listen because I'm not ready to download Silverlight to my computer. Damn you Microsoft!

But I'm not going to leave you in the lurch. Here's the vid from Young Turks:



Over a quarter of a million dollars in gov't subsidies.

Sur-prise, sur-prise!

Let's get her to run with Palin.

Backatcha!

Well, I'm back from the outer space that is the holiday season. I trust you all had a great holiday?

Relatively uneventful on my end - just some good times with friends and family and usually a few drinks to close out the night.

Most interesting part of the holiday was that Mrs. Shambles's grandmother is in a nursing home right now. And when we visited her, the woman she's sharing a room with, separated by a curtain, kept asking us (apparently Nancy and Bob) how the food was in Jamaica and how big the plane was and why we kept talking about Cincinnati when she knew that we lived in North Olmstead before we went to Jamaica, of course.

When we said we lived in North Carolina before that, she got totally confused.

Oh, and that one of my relatives may soon begin smoking weed due to a medical condition.

And it was snowing and I'd had little sleep and a sugar free Red Bull, but driving back home I either saw the body of a giant sheepdog or a small Yeti.

So I guess it was a little interesting.

I wish you all the best in the coming week and year!

Why is Max Baucus Drunk?

Seriously. Drunk.

Of course, if I had to deal with the Republican asshats in the Senate I'd probably drink pretty heavily too. But not when I was going to be on teevee. Even if you don't consider CSPAN teevee.

R.E.M. on Letterman, 1983 - South Central Rain

Just when I don't think I can love the band any more, I find a gem like this.

The song is very, very sad (look up the lyrics), but wow with performance and holy shit Stipe with hair.

In Short: Mark Levin is Retarded

I just turned to SIRIUS Patriot to hear Mark Levin spout that the life expectancy in the US is not at par with other first world nations because people in the US drive cars with less steel and less size and you're not going to survive a crash in one of those tiny cars.

He has apparently never been to a foreign country, where tiny cars is pretty much the f'ing rule. Small cars, fuel economy, etc. Standard. Throughout Europe.

I suggest Mark to to Ireland and - if he can find it - drive around in an Escalade. He might be able to make it through the streets of major cities, i.e. Dublin. But he will never find a place to park, and if he ever has to travel outside the city, he will kill the first person he meets crossing many wide swaths of roads that are about 9 feet wide and lined with ancient stone walls.

That's why they have small cars there. Douche.

And he's going on, but I'll just say: Mark, the phrase is "Waiting for the OTHER shoe to drop" not "waiting for another shoe to drop."

Stop lying. Grow a brain.

(CLICK)

Lost Dog

You ever turn a corner or get out of your car or just unexpectedly see something that turns your act into accidentally walking into a bus, but one just big enough that it plows right into your stomach?

That was me tonight hitting the gas station for smokes after a networking event.

I parked, got out, and gave all the crap scotch taped onto the glass of the AmeriStop a rudimentary glance and then

BLAMMO!

I saw something that looked like this:



Scrawled like that, a faded poster, copied with a cheap nickel copier, terrier in the slightly-skewed picture on the sheet. The "C" was in caps. And no name of the dog. No phone number. Just a sad, silent plea.

And I looked, thought "Aww, sad." Then read the last line and just about fell over. Then supported myself on weak knees as it processed that there was not dog name or phone number.

And for that instant, I don't think I've been that sad in a very, very long time.

So I share with you.

I'll be in the area again next Tuesday and will get a pic if it's still there. I hope to God I just missed something and my memory fails me in sorrow and there was contact information on that poster.

Stupid Shit I Bitch About

This morning I woke up in a state. Grumpy. Angry. Well...hungover a bit to tell you the truth. It was 5:30am. But worse off for the media I imbued during the first 30 minutes of my morning.

I saw the Orbitz Valet commercial. And that killed me. Originally, it went like this:


"Ah, the Hernandez ...'s ...ez"

Brilliant! Hilarious! But apparently someone phoned in and pissed in someone's ear and the commercial I saw this morning went "Ah, the Hernandez's."

Who the fuck ruined that comedy moment? Fuck them!


And then I turned the channel to Headline News and caught the end of a story of some foul, stupid shit where the reporter stated:

"Some Santas are dropping their jokes that bad kids will be getting socks for Christmas. The kids are actually asking for socks in this economy, not video game systems, asking for library cards..."

Asking for library cards? What the fuck place do they live in? What the fuck kids are they talking about? Where did they find the humility that they're reporting on?

What kid is humble to ask for socks? Even if they're barefoot, they're still asking for a fucking Xbox360, begging for a PS3, living on the dream of a DSi. Most kids would eat cardboard while standing barefoot on glass to play a solid video game system.

NO ONE IS ASKING FOR FUCKING SOCKS!

What kid is asking Santa for a fucking library card? THEY'RE FREE!!! Kick Santa in the nads and ask Mom or Dad to take you to the library for your FREE fucking card!

Jeez. Sorry. It was a bad morning.

Continue rocking. Nothing to see here...

3 Flavors Man Moment: Video Games, Politics, and Long-term Crushin'

Bayonetta

I'm playing the Xbox360 demo of Bayonetta. She's some supernatural witch-lady with a suit of hair, square-rimmed glasses, and a mole on her chin in a game that I'd characterize as entertaining and thoughtful button-mashing akin to Devil May Cry.

And then E3 happened:



Damn.


Mika Brzezinski

This is the real reason I watch MSNBC's Morning Joe. At least "Morning Mika" has some alliteration.




Ricci All Day Long

I've been crushing for forever. My wife knows about it. My friend teases me that she has a fivehead. But I can't let go. Just something about her.




Oh, I guess that's about all I need for a man moment right now. Ahhhh.

Next time: that magic tingle slightly fucked up teeth give me. Seriously. Patricia Arquette? Noms. And, of course, the tragedy that comes with orthodontics. Boo.

Picard is Pro Apple Juice, Anti-Panda Rape

RAWR! Van Mural Wednesday!

Here kitty kitty...



RAWR!

In Short: Tear Down That ...Racism!

I was just doing some web work and came across this gem in a timeline:

MARCH 22, 1988

Overriding President Ronald Reagan's veto, Congress passed the Civil Rights Restoration Act, which expanded the reach of nondiscrimination laws within private institutions receiving federal funds.

But wait, isn't it them Republicans that championed Civil Rights? Isn't that what Hannity and Beck and Limbaugh said?

Skiddin' Tires 'n' Stupid!

...yet not the kind of stupid you'd think might end this clip.

Huckabee, Clemmons, and Hypocrisy

You can read a little more about the issue here, but the rundown goes like this: Clemmons was 16 when he was sentenced to 106 years for violent acts. 47 years later, Huckabee was governor of Arkansas and commuted his sentence. Clemmons moved to Washington state and killed 4 police officers. Huckabee say it wasn't his fault. It was Washington's.

WTF?

Standard Republican line: Every criminal, especially violent ones, should be locked up and the key should disappear. Bad enough then it's off with their head, despite that we're in agreement with the same countries we despise when the Good ol' USA breaches the topic of the death penalty. Empty prisons because of overcrowding? Hell NO! Tax and spend and build some more.

I think then-Gov. Huckabee had a Liberal moment, which is kind of like a senior moment but instead of being built on senility, this was built on understanding and compassion, something not generally exhibited by Republicans. Hell, I would've done the same thing.

So why am I even writing about this?

Because of the double standard. If it had been a member of the Democratic Party that had commuted this sentence, the Right Wing, their talk show army, and the Fox footsoldiers would've been all aflourish in and drunk on schadenfreude: Liberals ruining the country, the bleeding heart of the Liberal causes real bleeding, Liberals hate cops, etc. But when a Republican does it, he issues a non-apology and our alleged left-leaning press barely covers the issue.

I guess the silver lining of all this bullshit is one more down. I'm guessing this event, no matter how glossed over, is going to hurt him for Repub nomination 2012, which means my preferred DreamGirl and ClownLady, Sarah Palin, is one step closer to making a complete fool of herself as the nominee.

So what's your take on this whole debacle?

Nudist Streaker Love Story (SFW)

Brilliant and touching :)

OMG! Van Mural Wed on Wed! Eagle!

Are we really doing this again? On a Wednesday?

Well, then: tasty.

Rush Limbaugh is STILL a Big Fat Idiot

You know me and my talk radio.

Well, today I got to hear a particularly fierce breakdown of Rush when a caller challenged him on what he called the "covering up" of those idiot scientists who decided to play with the data in global warming and how their candid conversations would hurt the science behind the theory.

The caller in question said that he was surprised that Rush was all in a tizzy about this, but when the Bush Administration repeatedly censored papers and scientific findings about global warming and its effect on the environment (and the effect carbon emissions were having on the environment), there was not word one from him.

And then Rush got angry. He said that there couldn't be censorship because global warming is a hoax. Then he went on to my paraphrase here:

"There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming (repeat 3x. oh, let's just do it)! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no need for health care reform! There is no need for Obama. There is no need for you! You are a menace to our country and a threat to freedom and liberty! There was no censorship because it didn't exist! Those censors did us a favor because it's all a hoax! And they'll come for you first ...because people like you will give up their freedom as long as you put Bush in jail!"

I may have to hunt the actual transcript down because my rendition is pretty damn close, but for the record: the real thing is the very definition of blowing a golden fucknut and frying it in batshit crazy.

So, to clarify: If you believe what is being censored does not actually exist and suckle at the teat of one administration, it is not malicious, governmental overreach of power, but a gracious act. And when the next administration calls it censorship...well, you get it at this point. Rush is still a Bush ball boy and will say ANYTHING - regardless of how mad it sounds - to piss against the Obama wall, even if it's absolute madness because his listeners are so blind, they'll believe anything.

Case in point, an unreported listening last week where a caller stated "I just need you to tell me how I should feel about" health care or something. WTF? And he didn't even correct them, just verbally patted them on the head, sat them on his lap, and told a tale. Like he does every day.

It's getting worse and worse. But the crazy is all good. I'm still hoping for a Palin/Beck 2012 ticket. Yeah, that's what people really want: bring on the tea parties! When it comes down to it, a little too weird and crazy is still a little too weird and crazy and your average American doesn't subscribe to crazy.

Enemies of Mass Effect 2

When it comes to video games, I'm slightly behind the times. I have a PS2, Xbox360, and a Wii. In the last year, I've completed Portal, Mass Effect, and Bioshock, and am finally deep into Half-Life 2. Out of these 4, they were all 10/10, and each had their strengths, but for depth of play and replay value, I'd go Mass Effect hands down.

And so I'm tweaking over these teasers coming out for Mass Effect 2. Here's one embedded for your gaming geek pleasure.

Mass Effect 2 at IGN.com

Colin Meloy (Decemberists) Video

This just makes me very happy. Brilliant. Thanks to Jen ;)

Van Mural Wednesday: Turkey!

I looked and looked and couldn't find a van with a turkey painted on it. Boo!

So how about a van with a turkey in it?



Cause in Russia, van eats turkey.

No, that wasn't supposed to make sense.


But not to disappoint:



You could give 'em a call, but I think they're working on that tire. Or decaying inside the van itself.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Ret. Lt. Allen West's Letter: Tragedy at Ft. Hood

This bad boy's been floating around the internets and inboxes all over the place. Allen West is running for congress in Florida. I find the letter unfocused and misguided, but think it needs to be read in its entirety for what it is. Let me know your thoughts.

Tragedy at Ft Hood
by Allen West
11/09/2009

Last Thursday, 13 American Soldiers were killed and another 30 wounded at a horrific mass shooting at US Army installation, Ft Hood Texas. As I watched in horror and then anger I recalled my two years of final service in the Army as a Battalion Commander at Ft Hood.

My wife and two daughters were stunned at the incident having lived on the post in family housing. A military installation, whether it is Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, or Coast Guard, is supposed to be a safe sanctuary for our warriors and their families. It is intended to provide a home whereby our “Band of Brothers and Sisters” can find solace and bond beyond just the foxhole but as family units.

A military installation is supposed to be a place where our warriors train for war, to serve and protect our nation. On Thursday, 5 November 2009 Ft Hood became a part of the battlefield in the war against Islamic totalitarianism and state sponsored terrorism. There may be those who feel threatened by my words and would even recommend they not be uttered. To those individuals I say step aside because now is not the time for cowardice. Our country has become so paralyzed by political correctness that we have allowed a vile and determined enemy to breach what should be the safest place in America, an Army post.

We have become so politically correct that our media is more concerned about the pre-shooting stress on the shooter, Major Nidal Malik Hasan. The misplaced benevolence intending to portray him as a victim is despicable. The fact that there are some who have now created an entire new classification called, “pre-virtual vicarious Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)” is unconscionable.

This is not a “man caused disaster”. It is what it is: an Islamic jihadist attack.We have seen this before in March 2003 when a SGT Hasan of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) threw hand grenades and opened fire into his Commanding Officer’s tent in Kuwait. We have seen the foiled attempt of Albanian Muslims who sought to attack Ft Dix, NJ.

Recently we saw a young convert to Islam named Carlos Bledsoe travel to Yemen, receive terrorist training, and return to gun down two US soldiers at a Little Rock, Arkansas Army recruiting station. We thwarted another Islamic terrorist plot in North Carolina which had US Marine Corps Base, Quantico as a target.

What have we seen done with all these prevalent trends? Nothing.
What we see are leaders paralyzed and refusing to confront the issue, Islamic terrorist infiltration into America, and possibly further into our Armed Services. Instead we have a multiculturalism and diversity syndrome on steroids.

Major Hasan should have never been transferred to Ft Hood. Moreover, he should have been administratively discharged from the Army. His previous statements, poor evaluation reports, and the fact that the FBI had him under investigation for jihadist website posting should have been sufficient proof. However, what we have is a typical liberal approach to find a victim, not the 13 and 30 but rather the poor shooter. A shooter who we hear was a great American, who loved the Army and serving his nation, and CAIR stating that his actions had nothing to do with religious belief.

We know that Major Hasan deliberately planned this episode; he did give away his possessions. He stood atop a table in the confined space of the Soldier Readiness Center shouting “Allahu Akhbar,” the same chant as the 9-11 terrorists and those we fight against overseas in the Iraq and Afghanistan theaters of operation.

No one in leadership seems willing to sound the alarm for the American people. Our Congress should suspend further action on the preposterous and unconstitutional healthcare bill and resolve the issue of “protecting the American people”.

The recent incidents in Dearborn Michigan, Boston Massachusetts, Dallas Texas, and Chicago Illinois should bear witness to the fact that we have an Islamic terrorism issue in America. And don’t have CAIR call me and try to issue a vanilla press statement: they are terrorist apologists, not a civil rights organization.

We have Saudi Arabia funding close to 80% of the mosques in the United States, one right here in South Florida, Pompano Beach. Are we building churches and synagogues in Saudi Arabia? Of course not. Because they aren’t allowed by the Saudi government. So much for peaceful coexistence.

Saudi Arabia is sponsoring radical Imams who enter into our prisons and convert young men into a virulent ideology….one resulting in four individuals wanting to destroy synagogues in New York with plastic explosives. Thank God the explosives were dummy. They are sponsoring textbooks which present Islamic centric revisionist history in our schools.
We must recognize that there is an urgent need to separate the theo-political radical Islamic ideology out of our American society. We must begin to demand surveillance of suspected Imams and mosques that are spreading hate and preaching the overthrow of our Constitutional Republic……that speech is not protected under First Amendment, it is sedition and if done by an American treason.

I make no apologies for these words, and anyone angered by them, please, go to Ft Hood and look into the eyes of the real victims. The tragedy at Ft Hood Texas did not have to happen. Consider now the feelings of those there and on every military installation in the world. Consider the feelings of the Warriors deployed into combat zones who now are concerned that their loved ones at home are in a combat zone.

Ft Hood suffered an Islamic jihadist attack, stop the denial and realize a simple point.

The reality of your enemy must become your own.

Steadfast and Loyal,
Lieutenant Colonel Allen B West (US Army, Ret)

Van Mural Wednesday? On Wednesday? I Know!

And we'll give you two again because I love you all so much.

There's really nothing to say while basking in the glory of this mural and the rolled up pack of cigs in the short sleeve of that black shirt. No tells here, but the the place I found this named the van Bessie. Of course it is.




And this second one is more of a warning - specifically to Calvin - that the evil, tentacled sea monsters have now mounted a road campaign. Though when this picture was taken is anyone's guess.



Have a great tomorrow!

Mr. Brightside A Cappella

The Killers (kinda) Thank you Calvin:

I Have Seen Hell. It is a Cube.

As many of you know, in the real world I am a web designer/expert running my own business. And since business is not exactly eating up my time and aiding in the paying of the bills, I spent today interviewing for what looks to be a "real" job. I haven't worked in an office proper for about 2 1/2 years.

The interview itself was fine; I didn't know all the techy answers, but no one ever does. I seem to have wowed them with my knowledge and ability to elucidate my experience and skills.

And then it turned weird. I took the tour.



We walked through a very large facility of over 400 employees. It would be the largest company I ever worked for. Cubes everywhere. Cube-y's Cube-y's everywhere, but not a thought to think. I just kept spouting um-hmmm's and okay's as we walked through and more cubes and more cubes with signs above them and every job I've had since college flashed through my mind. Small cube farms, large cube farms, policy binders on shelves, the guy with all his personal crap in his cube, sanctimonious bosses spouting bullshit teamwork rhetoric, team playing, posters of SUCCESS and clever phrases and the HR tourguide lady occasionally glanced at me with a micro emotion of a sneer, behind the look was the true face of a demon and I was getting a tour of my hell.

I was sweating, my stomach sinking, my breathing quickening, and I felt like I was on acid, speeding towards the edge of a panic attack. I kept it together through the rest of it but breathed like I hadn't in a week as soon as I walked out the door. But it lingered - as dusk fell and I drove home, I recalled the temperature and the dimming light and the driving as past lives and jobs and the commute home and the knot in my stomach would not disappear but even tightened and floated around this surreal world that was the second half of my day. I was so wrapped in emotion and fear-control that I got on the highway the wrong way and didn't realize it for 10 miles. It is truly only now, only after a couple beers, that I'm starting to seriously calm.

And writing this helps.

Worst thing is: if I'm offered the position, I really have to take it. Financially, I don't have much choice. Good news is I have a week until they decide and 10 days after that to drum up as much business as possible.

I have never been more motivated in my life.

Positive thoughts and prayers welcome. I'm running the Tommy Boy stretch from here on out.

I have seen hell. It is a cube. A whole series of cubes. With managers' offices along the walls and a common kitchen area with a microwave and fridge. I only pray I need never return but as a visitor.

Sexist White Republican Men

Because that stereotype is a bunch of bunk. Right?

Actually, no. Last Saturday Repub asshole males talked over Democratic Party women talking about health care refrom and how it would benefit women. And a couple Republican women got in on the game to show they could be stupid and censor just as much as the Good ol' Boys Club.

5 minutes of Republican censorship and douchebaggery:

Goddamned Ignorant People

From Think Progress:

Alexios Marakis, a Greek Orthodox priest visiting the U.S., got lost in Tampa and tried to stop and ask directions from Marine reservist Jasen D. Bruce. But instead of offering help, “Bruce struck the priest on the head with a tire iron.” The reservist believed Marakis, who spoke limited English, was an Arab terrorist. Bruce chased the priest for three blocks, “and even called 911 to say that an Arabic man tried to rob him.” According to a news release:

“During the chase, the suspect called 911 and claimed an Arabic male attempted to rob him and he was going to take him into custody,” a Tampa Police Department news release states. “When officers arrived, the suspect claimed the man was a terrorist.”

Police arrested Bruce for “aggravated battery with a deadly weapon” and are investigating whether he committed a hate crime.

Stupid is as stupid does. One of my best friends, one of them Aye-talians, fairly olive-skinned, decided to grow out his hair: beard, stache, everything. And some drunk asshole tried to get into a fight with him in a bar, calling him "Fuckin' Taliban." (Truthfully, he did look a little like Sayid Jarrah on Lost.)

So what do Greeks, Italians, and anyone else with non-pasty skin have in common? They'll get attacked by ignorant, racist assholes any day of the week. Even the day before Veteran's Day!

Of course, the same people that talk about Ft. Hood as a terrorist act will blame this idiot's reverse-terrorism hate crime on psychological damage.

Scream with me now: Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhh!

For Fox Sake!

Jon Stewart puts down Fox like the dogs they are.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
For Fox Sake!
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

The Other Night...

I was leaving a meeting. It was dark. As I drove down the street, I first saw a pile of something in the middle of the street. Wondering what that was, I was aware of a couple on the side of the street, a woman in the throes of something and a man who was pulling a garbage can out into the middle of the road. As I approached, he waved me on.

I wondered what was going on for a few seconds, and as I passed the garbage can, I looked down to see a small terrier, a tiny dog, lying, lifeless. A large pool of blood surrounded its head on the asphalt.

And I wanted to scream, to jump from my car and yell "What the hell happened?" and "What can I do?" but I just kept driving.

I just kept driving.

I think I know that the poor animal was dead. At least I hope it was.

And the whole drive home, I wondered about the person that hit it: did they notice? did they care?

Eight years ago, my wife's dog was hit on a similar road, and the minivan never slowed down. Unfortunately for her, the dog lived and had to be put down.

But what about that dog? Who would do that?


This post has nothing to do with anything except that I don't know where else to dump my sadness from seeing that dead dog on the street - not a dead dog on the side of the road that you pass at 30 or 50 mph, but a dog that someone was putting a blockade in front of it, so no one would defile that furry body.

It was horrible. It will haunt me for years.

I cannot imagine what people who actually fight in wars go through.

That is all.

Van Mural Wednesday: Calvin & Radical Dude

Because I love you, you get 2 painted vans today. Yay Van Mural Wednesday!

I can understand liking Calvin and Hobbes, draw the line at the pissing and/or praying Calvin sticker, but to paint your van not just all kinds of Calvin & Hobbes, but to dedicate it not only to just Calvin, but one particular Calvin comic?

Batshit crazy.



And this van will eat your ass and the Radical Dude will dance upon your bloody sphincter. Or something like that.

Amazing Terminator 2 Rap

So is T2 one of the best movies ever? Spontaneously generating a top 5 is not something I do, but if I did, I'd have to pop Abyss in there with T2 but can't commit any further.

Deer for Breakfast

No, not venison omelets. Just this:


Love it, sweethearts!

Richard Dawkins Says "Science Is Interesting"

Van Mural Thor!

I missed last week, so this week you get a Monday Van Mural to tease you for Wednesday!



Thor gonna kick your ass with that hammer of his.

Ohio, Cincinnati Politics - Recap

Yesterday was that time of the year again: Me drinking wine out of a box until 1am! It was also election day!

Couple notes on the presentation, then to the issues and how they fared.

• WLWT - What was up with the giant "2" in 2009? You're channel 5. WTF?
• WKRC (channel 12) - not everyone has a 52" 1080p television. I've got a reasonably large tube TV and could not make out the results on the bottom of the screen.
• WCPO (channel 9) - Unrelated to elections, but "A travel trend with all the benefits?" Who's writing your naughty copy?

And on to the issues:

Ohio Issue 1 was funding for veteran care. No-brainer. Passed like nuts.

Ohio Issue 2 was to allow the state to outline guidelines for animal care. Well, you may say, that sounds cheery! Of course Yes! And that's why it was worded the way it was. The Humane Society was hard against it because it basically allowed the state to bow to dirty, mass meat producers and draw up guidelines that favor those mass producers so animals can be kept in tiny little cages, etc. The NO lobby was out to lunch on education, so it passed easily. Sad day for independent farmers in Ohio.

Ohio Issue 3 was ...Casinos! They've got 'em in Indiana, West Virginia, Michigan, but not here. The bill called for four casinos to be built: Toledo, Cleveland, Columbus, and Cincinnati. Aside from the churchy folks, it was pretty easily passed and means a great deal of income and jobs for our state. Oh, and gambling and maybe some hookers. So yay!

Hamilton Co. 4 was for family medical care, 5 for MR/DD, both passed.

Hamilton Co. 6 was a levy to support the Museum Center and 7 was to support the libraries as Ohio found it necessary to cut the state budget for libraries - one of our best resources - by over 25%. Until today, county has never had a hand in funding. Both passed!

Hamilton Co. 8 was to keep the Water Works a public utility (passed), and 9 was: a Yes vote meant you wanted anything having to do with streetcar planning to be put on a ballot for general vote. It went down, meaning the city can spend that money without voter approval when the time comes, after talking about it for a decade, that they might invest in a rail system.


Really, I thought this post would be a little more interesting. Sorry about that. But yay casinos!

Mark Levin is Poop!

Facebook captcha says so:


(please note: the text entered in the captcha box was deemed correct, should there be any disambiguation issues)

Dare not argue with the internets. Or be a whiny, annoying asshat. Or you, too, will be poop.

"I said 'Good Day' sir!"

What is Sexy?

I thought I had this great idea: look up the word "sexy" on Google Image Search and see if I can find something not sexy. Easy enough, right? Surprisingly not. The survey says: 75% scantily clad women, 20% animated scantily clad women, 1% lady robots, 2% meathead guidos, 1% Dane Cook, and 1% something like this:



And the only reason that showed up was because the pic was named "sexy1.jpg" Terrifying.

Oh, and what else is sexy? This is:



It's a photoshop of a comic cell that Monkey posted a little back. Click his link to see the original. Sexier with or without the monster?


Either way, I believe this will NOT be a regular feature. It took 20 pages of search results with a "break" in the middle to make this post.

But fear not, always new and interesting things from the internets.

(Yes, it was a lady robot break.)

Republicans for Rape

If this does not make you angry, I'm not sure what can. It's worth every second.

In Short: Drudge and Climate Change

That biased fool pushes every blurb of "colder than thou" at every chance he gets.

Today? "OMG It's snowing in Colorado in October!" Guess what? It usually snows in Ohio in October, but today's an unseasonably warm 74 F in Cincinnati. Colorado has fucking mountains. Surprise! It snows there! It's altitude!

I need to calm down. I'm pushing my exclamation point quota through the roof.

Point: Drudge is farting a biased view of reality carefully crafted to that everyone who's conditioned to believe him will eat his feces and say it tastes like yummy stew.

Gross.

Poppin' a Paper Boehner

Oh, such drama spouted over Boehner and his paper pile! Republicans are appalled by the length of the bill and the height of Boehner's penis paper pile. OMG it's SO BIG!

I want to know what the hell Boehner printed that fucker on. I recall reading Stephen King's unabridged version of The Stand at over 1100 pages and it was about 3-4 inches of book with a thick cover. And it was not rice paper or bible-thin sheets inside. So how does a Republican increase the weight of his ...prop? Printing on heavier paper, of course! Why the spectacle would be amazing! Some estimated 14 inches of paper? Brilliant! We'll fool everyone! Let all Republicans know that printing on heavier paper makes the pile bigger! We'll rule the world!

I think his prop is bullshit. And even bigger bullshit? He's railing about the bill and - I would bet a great deal of money - has not actually read the bill himself. Even bigger bullshit than that? They passed the Patriot Act (remember that bill that stunned half of the Bill of Rights?) and most of them admittedly didn't read that one - and that was less than 500 pages.

Republicans are asshats.

Bring the public option then change it to single payer and maybe things will be set right in the health care industry.

Wednesday Van Mural: Drippy Paint

The jizz of painted vans

Public Option - Keep Fighting!

Sign this petition to keep pushing for the public option. I apparently don't have the logic circuits to decipher Obama's waffling on the topic, but we need to declare in a united voice that a public option is not optional; it is necessary.

Sink Kitty

Back in the day when I apparently goofed off more than I do now and spent some 3 hours a day on the Something Awful forums, I did a lot of the Photoshop Phriday threads. I'll have to dig up some more, but thought about this one today and knew it needed to be included in the blog. I give you: Sink Kitty! which was the result of a "Products that have no purpose" thread or something like that.

Are All Anti-Science Nutters Out For Darwin?

Charles Darwin was a brilliant, religious man who meditated on his scientific proof and discoveries for decades before publishing Origin of Species. He knew the work would have huge implications for the worldview of the existence of life.

But his theories are irrefutable. The actual force of evolution is directly visible in hundreds of papers and tomes on how animals adapt and survival of the fittest. The Beak of the Finch is a brilliant read of evolution visible within a couple of generations. And I personally feel that the ignorance over "we're not monkeys" comes from a human mind that cannot comprehend the idea of thousands of years, let alone millions that would effect a change that profound. And because those people cannot imagine it, they collapse it and say that we're not monkeys and that God did it.

Which is why I laugh when I get emails from groups like The Conservative DVD Club (Through Human Events so I can see what the political right nutters are thinking and they spam their readership with books and DVDs) shucking me a "documentary" entitled "How the Cambrian Fossil Record Disproves Darwin."

Now, I've had my fair share of evolutionary biology and psychology in college, so hang with me here.

Darwin's basic idea was that, over time, traits more favorable to environmental pressures like food or weather or attraction would manifest themselves in future generations of their species because they would live to or be more successful in mating and having offspring. Take the finches for example. If there was a lack of rainfall for a season and water could only be found residing in deeper cracks, the finches with longer beaks could reach that water, survive, mate, and next generation the average length of a finch's beak goes up.

Flying in the face of gradual evolution is the Cambrian Explosion. So about 530 million years ago the fossil record was composed mostly of single cells or colonies of cells and then BLAMMO over the next 75 million years - give or take - we had the precursors to organized cellular construction of life in the fossil record.

Again, that's 75 million years. Uncomprehendable to most humans. But there it is. One of the ideas floating out there is referred to as Punctuated Equilibrium: everything's chillin' along, small changes taking place all the time and then w00t! - London calling! - and a huge change blows up in relatively short order, some say to radiation. Niches get filled. Life goes on.

So maybe Darwin wasn't 100% right. But evolution isn't wrong because of it. Evolution is just a little different than we thought.

But these asshats will provide the following, illogical argument: Darwin said this. Fossil records show this. Darwin was wrong. Since Darwin talked about evolution, evolution is wrong. God benevolently created the world 4000 years ago or some shit.

But what these assclowns should also keep in mind is how much Darwin devoutly reflected on God and Christ and Christianity. I guess all that's bullshit too?

Worst Rap Battle Evar

No words. Just watch.

The Return of Van Mural Wednesday!

At first I was concerned because this vehicle appears to be on fire in the front and was quickly relieved to see the river just behind it. Anyway, this delivery van is so out of this world, those flames are obviously from re-entry. Mt. Fugi, The Incredibles, TWO different Indians (arrows, not dots), a buck an eagle... shit. Just enjoy its wonder.

Shake Weight for Men

This is ...real? I can see how it might.... But the frantic, two-handed action is.... Just watch, I guess. :-S

Yay More Followers! Say Hello!

I'd like everyone to say hello to BookSteve (BookSteve's Library) and MonogramGirl (A Nantucket State of Mind), two new followers who have joined the ranks of Linktastica! and received a sweet follow-back from me.

The boobs icon is a fake, spammy person and while I do enjoy the female form, will be removing them (if I can?). But that will drop me below 30! Tell your friends to stop by!

A special thanks to all my readers and followers - I've only been doing this this long because of you.

Cheers!

Hate: Now in Green, Always Available in Stupid

Religion, guns, and golf clubs? This showed up on the 18th green at a Boston area country club.


(And somehow the assbags @ Photobucket say THIS image violates their TOS)

Note to vandals: as opposed to devouring the verbal diarrhea of the right wing like so much slop out of a trough, do some studying on your own, learn what Nazism actually was, and for the love of all things holy learn the proper layout of the swastika.

Because today not only is the Secret Service looking for you, but when they find you, the whole world will be able to put a face to "moron."

In Short: Sean, Stop the Religion BS

Sean Hannity: Please stop trying to debate religion. With anyone. You sound like an asshat, quote scripture at a bare random affiliation with something a caller just said and then warp it out of context and then, when someone directly quotes another part of the Bible, word for word without interpretation, you say "I think you're misinterpreting that." But according to you and other Christians, the Word is the Word.

Caller: "Jesus gave his life - "
Sean: "And I appreciate that but..."

What a tool.

Columbus Day

Columbus was not here first. Vikings certainly and arguably the Chinese were here way before. But when he did come, he and his men and other explorers did horrible things to the natives of every place they landed.

I agree - we need an Indigenous Peoples' Day.

Some Days on Facebook...

I read through the posts and the absurd, trite, hollow people that I have somehow decided it was important to friend, and wonder how they live their lives. And it's worse because I regularly think that about strangers, every time I see a nasty, sour face on the street or in a store - a lone wanderer in the UDF completely void of any feeling or zest for life, a man walking his child down the street with a "what the fuck did I do with my life?" blankness on his face, every single person working at or shopping in Walmart. But this is worse. These are people I know. People I at least did know in some capacity at one point in my life. And they're playing Mafia Wars or Farmville and requesting friends pitch in and going shopping or watching sitcoms and the terrifying part is that they are happy doing that.

And it makes me sad because they don't create anything, only consume, and - for fuck's sake! - have no passion for making the world a better place, or at least a different place. They laugh at canned laughter and devour terrible reality television and thrive on it - but only enough to consume more canned laughter and ingest more reality television. And shopping. And stuff. And more stuff.

One thing: if I get to the point of actually laughing at sitcoms and watching reality TV on MTV and finding any joy in shopping in the mall (other than book stores and GameStop), then they have replaced me with someone else. Put a bullet in my head.

I'll be one less ignorant person absorbing media I refuse to think about and voting for what I do not understand.

We've got enough idiocy in America already.

Call Out That Nutbag Bachmann

Call out Michele here.