Idiot Nerd Girl FTW?

Needed a laugh today and turned to Idiot Nerd Girl (click for meme info).



Realized my daughter's kind of like this.

My First Heartbreak: Firestar

Warning: sappy content herein.



From 1981-1983, NBC Saturday Morning aired an animated show Spiderman and His Amazing Friends. I was five or six at the time, but I loved it: Spidey was always a quick-quipping badass, Iceman was, well, he made fucking ice out of his hands, and then there was Firestar. *le sigh*

I was absolutely head over heels in love with Firestar. I was many years away from feelings of sexual attraction, but somehow felt such a desire, such an affinity towards the character, that it made a lasting impression on me, even at such a young age.

I specifically remember my father - working for the local NBC affiliate at the time - brought home a 5x7 promo glossy of the three heroes sliding / slinging / flying in action. And me: just staring at Firestar, alone in my room, until my emotive threshold met up with my realism that she was a cartoon and the awesome adoration exuding from my eyes turned to tears as I truly realized I would never be able to experience her beauty/persona personally. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Firestar had broken my heart.

And it's probably 90% of the reason I have a thing for redheads.

And I look back on that as a magical time of sorts, because at its core, it was pure, not an overwhelming desire to possess, but just to know more, comprehend more. And a despair that came with the inability.

Years later, I still see a little bit of that pull to know an inner beauty in every person I meet, though it only gets intense enough to tear up when I stare at the clouds or the Hubble Deep Field.

Beauty is in everything. And, in a sense, love is too. And I think I'm concluding that a cartoon character opened my mind to both and handed me the tools to appreciate them at just the right age to become the person I am today.

Yay! A New Conservative N-word!

Caught this comment on a conservative blog post earlier today:

I once made a wrong turn leaving the Philadelphia Zoo with my wife and son in the car and we got swarmed at a red light by Obama sons so I just floored it and blew right through the light. At the next corner I could see another large crowd of Obama sons gathering around so I barley even slowed down at the light. I preceded to blow through about seven traffic lights that day as I made my way to I-95 because on every corner there were Obama sons looking for trouble.

So to recap: an effort by our president to compel solidarity and compassion from an onlooking America two broken parents did not only become ridiculed as completely unnecessary (and race-bating and divisive), but is apparently now "Obama sons," the new racist euphemism to avoid that pesky N-word everyone gets so worked up about.

Octodad? Really?

Here's the trailer for Octodad: Deadliest Catch. Good lord, what in all tarnation? And why aren't they releasing it on Xbox360?

Awesomeness Videos: Biden Bad Lip Read & Two an Awful Music Videos & Slo-mo 'Splosions (UPDATED!)

Awww, we got knocked down to only ONE awful music video :( There was one up called "3 Second Rule" that was some bastard country music bad teacher in a classroom of cowboys singing that it was okay to catch an eyefull of lady, but only for three seconds. Removed by user. Boo!

UPDATE! My man Philip at pbump was able to find a re-hosted version of this terror we call "3 Second Rule:"



(4 more songs can be painfully listened to at this link. Don't click it. Here there be monsters.)


This one I described to someone on Twitter as Rebecca Black's Friday divided by zero:




Slow Motion Explosions. My favorite is possibly the wine bottle in the microwave. Science!




And finally, here's your Joe Biden BLR. Brilliant as always:

Ohio's Republican War on Women: Planned Parenthood

It may be entertaining to look at the Republicans rearranging deck chairs as the Titanic sinks and chuckle to ourselves and know how November goes down after they haven't done a damn thing about jobs but managed to alienate the entire female population, but there are real-world consequences for their actions.

State-level Republians have carried the torch of their war on women and bludgeoned the patsy of Planned Parenthood in several states, and Ohio has become the new battleground. In a mid-budget review bill, state republicans have inserted language that would functionally defund Planned Parenthood. Nice work on the unemployment numbers, guys! And here's a link to sign a petition because sometimes that has an effect. If you live in Ohio, PLEASE contact your state representatives and give this a voice.

SIDENOTE: One of the commenters in the link above aptly notes that this legislation alteration comes within one day of Ohio returning to capital punishment. Yep, one day we serve a grown, living human being an IV cocktail of death - next day we're crying bloody murder over a bundle of cells. Yay Ohio: showing the world how backwards we are every damn day.

Cat Piss & Cum Shots: Spring Stinks!

It's that time of year again! Oh, the stanks of spring. Cat pee is one of them. Semen is another. Now I love my honeysuckle and my lilac bush, but urine and jizz should not fit in.

You can read my giant treatise on cum bubbles and cat pee here, but here's the gist:

To me - and three other people I've been in contact with online - juniper smells like cat pee. My entire family thinks I'm nuts because they do not experience the same thing. And it's not a faint smell, a subtle waft of something encompassed in a cornucopia of exotic complexity; when I drive to the grocery store that's surrounded by it and my car vents are open this time of year, it smells like one of my cats just took a concentrated, stinking, steaming piss in the back seat. (I would love to talk to anyone who's had the same experience. It took me two years to figure it out.)

The Bradford Pear tree smells like semen. LOTS more people have experienced this one. It's not as horribly strong as the juniper, not like "Who just rubbed one off on my face?" - more like grabbing your laundry the afternoon after you had a wet dream and catching the odor of the semi-dry, cool, musty gob emanate from the pile.

It's spring! You've been warned.

French Cat Suffers From Ennui

Is it weird I feel like this cat? Often?

Child Celebrities Opposing Kirk Cameron (CCOKC)

CCOKC - Child Celebrities Opposing Kirk Cameron - watch more funny videos

Sketchy Alpaca is Watching You

Lost n Found Jumble Bag o Joy!

Here's some stuff I found while in the process of being on the internets today (and some stuff I just had laying around). Enjoy!

Titanic 3D ...Now With More 'Splosions!

What would happen if Cameron had brought in J.J. Abrams, George Lucas, and Michael Bay for the 3D re-issue special effects? Here's the brilliant answer:



(via io9)

My Senior Year Song: Tori's Winter

A little bit about me...

My senior year in high school, I was just popular enough to make it into the Senior Council and while we primarily planned the prom, we also chose the pool from which our fellow seniors would choose our class song.

During that meeting, I was sickened by the stupid, vapid choices presented. But I came prepared. When I was 18, Tori Amos's Winter was such a clear choice for a serious message of recognition of place and growth and fear that I couldn't but enter it.

Here's the song:



Lyrics? Yep:

Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove
I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change
My dear

And at the end of the day, I won. If by "won" you mean "got it on the ballot."

Two weeks later, the masses of our senior class, the masses that could not look beyond this wonderful, last year of their wonder, chose:



I wanna go back? And do it all over? Fuck that.

And that's why Winter holds a special place in my heart and why most of the people I went to high school with still live in Parma, Ohio.

Trayvon Martin & The Racist Gun Nuts

You might as well just embrace the rage now. It's okay. Let it come.



If you have not read about the tragedy of Trayvon Martin, an innocent 17-year old African American kid, and the racist, gun-toting nut who took his life, please take a minute to brush up on some of the bullet points of this horrible event - and the deplorable way it was handled.

Now, take into account the fact that this story, while not discussed or featured in any way by Fox, did appear on its website. Now imagine all those Fox commenters goin' buck nutty over this story and making their missives known to the whole of the internets. I know, it's an ugly mental image.

Little Green Footballs did the painful digging, and has come up with a grotesque pile of the worst of the worst of the comments from the Fox posting of that story. If you have the stomach, head on over there. Either way, here's a sampling:

What a shame—a tragedy, really— because the dead lil’ gangsta could’ve used “‘A-FIRM-TIV AK-SHUN” to go to kollige an play footballz and make lotsa cash munny!”

[…]

Let’s find out why the “po’ baby” was REALLY there!

[…]

The little thug ghetto monkey should have been home doing his homework, not out gang bangin.

[…]

I’m just glad Zimmerman didnt miss and hit an innocent bystander.

[…]

Whenever a prominent conservative is confronted with the idea that anyone conservative is racist or bigoted in any way, the first line of defense is that it is a liberal lie. Remember racist signs at the Tea Party rallies? Plants. Besides, Blacks would be better off in the Republican Party. Right?

I really don't have anything else but seething frustration to offer on this topic - it sums itself up, and Little Green Footballs has the long form.

Good luck and don't explode.

Of Bibles and Constitutions

On Wednesday, March 1, 2006, at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at American University, was requested to testify. At the end of his testimony, Republican State Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"

Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible." The room erupted into applause.

MoveOn's War On Women Ad is Awesome

Right Wing Dichotomy in 2 Videos

Jesus built my hot rod




...but Satan is my motor.



Which based on the lyrics of the former means Jerry Lee Lewis is my motor. So maybe it doesn't make as much sense as I thought. Or does it?

The President of Ireland delivers epic smackdown of Sarah Palin and the Teabaggers

Fricking amazing.

(via)

This Is What I Write at 3am

No apologies, no explanations. This is what you get:

Yellow and Red

Mom was acting funny.
"The robots," she said. "The robots are, they're talking to me."
"What robots?" I asked.
"In the teevee, in the computer."
"Mom," I tried.
She turned around, slid the drawer, and pulled the biggest knife I'd seen in the house.
"Mom, please. Stop."
"You don't understand, Ingrid, they want me to destroy."
"Destroy what?"
"Everything," she said and forced the blade into her neck. Blood. So much blood. "Everything." She dropped to the ground, mumbling "Yellow and red. Yellow and red."

The home computer was glitchy, kept showing abstract images of rings of yellow and bars of red. I watched only for a few seconds before getting dizzy. Yellow and red.

Pulling the cords under the desk seemed to do nothing. The monitor would fizz out and then pop into life with the same images.

And there was a hum. I smashed the monitor and waited for a second only to hear the noise from upstairs. It was tilting my brain, making me just a little bit mad. I was waiting tables at a bar I'd never been to. Someone asked why I hadn't been there to pick up the slack. "I can do it," I said. "Then why aren't you here?" she answered.

The car's dead and I'm making a quick stop at the gas station down the street and I'm looking for a bag of Funyons. Funyons. But they're out and there's no beer and the only energy drinks they have are warm. Funyons. Yellow. And red.

I'm back in the living room and Mom's still alive and the remote I have has a big ON/OFF switch but when I walk to the television, I can't read it and the fizzled signal is pulling me in. I want to be a piece of face on the clothesline outside. There are already three out there, smiling, waving in the wind, flapping with the wandering joy of resignation. And I go out of the room so I can read the ON/OFF button and hold it and walk back in to flip it - and I do. And the television goes off, but only for a second, and back on. And yellow and red and yellow and red.

I feel myself going, losing my ground, but I run upstairs and I'm late for work and so ashamed because I haven't been in for a few days with no excuse and I'm just waiting on getting reamed out, waiting on getting fired. And the computer monitor is humming at me, is strobing yellow and red and I'm in an ocean-front hotel room and the giant wave is coming and I don't know how to avoid it, don't know why no one is not running away. They're all staring at me. And the wave is coming.

The television is still humming and mom is on the floor. Red. Everywhere.

"Why aren't you helping me?" I shout to no one. I run around the house pulling cords from the walls, but the humming only grows. A plane passes overhead so, so closely and crashes a few miles away in a ball of fire. Red and yellow.

Everything is pulled from the walls. The television is still on, playing a version of Super Mario Brothers I've never seen. But it's pulsing, pullling me in.

I run upstairs, turn on the shower, get to my room where the pillows are pulsing. The people-faces from the garden are stretched out, bleeding on the mattress. I can't stop anything. I can't keep my mind moving outside of the yellow and red cycle that's taking my head out. The alarm clock is even doing it, somehow making colors where there should only be sound.

We can't keep it. We can't.

The colors are daunting, consuming, and so, so wonderful.

And so: blood.

What Did FOX Say About Gas Prices in 2008?

Warning: this will make you angry.



Spoiler alert! They say politicians are helpless to affect the market :)

American Teens are Dumb

At least in this school. And my daughter's school. C'mon, if it's not Twilight or Bieber or Ke$ha or Facebook, they're pretty much clueless. I give you Lunch Scholars. I suggest a helmet so you don't get brains everywhere when your head explodes.

Overheard: California Douchery at the Bar

I was in the bar the other day and was sitting near a self-professed filmmaker and producer (I know, in Cincinnati?) who was talking to a woman exuding vapidity. Both their accents were so stereotypically LA and conversation so tragically void of reason I had to take some notes.

Note: I've spent time in LA, have a brother who lives there. And many - MANY - of the people who live there are solid, reasonable, interesting folks. These were not two of those folks.

Also note: these quotes are all from the guy because the gal didn't say much in the presence of Director Diarrhea-Mouth and are not exact, but all real.

Dude looked like Joaquin Phoenix all hairy, though he was better-groomed, wore a vest, and a scarf, and an overly-trying trendy jacket.

• Producers? They make people comfortable.
• You have a yoga physique.
• I love it! (repeat 50 times)
• Yeah, I climbed Mt. Whitney with that guy. [Mt. Whitney is the tallest mountain in the 48 contig at 14.5k feet.]
• OMG the Spider-Cam [Can-Am Spider] is a beautiful machine.
• So I go back in the sauna then the shower and back - when ya go from hot to cold like that your body makes amazing noises. AMAZING!
• Evolutionarily speaking, yoga is the BEST thing for you.
• You know, the Scandinavians invented sauna.
• (Suicide Story) He's like barfing on my hand and I told him to call 911. ...in a weird psych unit - all dark - and they wouldn't let me in, but someone came through the door and I snuck in and I saw [Jim] on a gurney in the hall - alive. And I say "We can fix this." And I'm with a chick, so...

I love it!

Religious Freedom: Princess Bride

One of the more clever bits of meme I've seen passed around Facebook:

Van Mural Wizard!

More on the Van Mural tag!



You know you love it.

Santorum Splattered by Santorum. Ewww.

For those of you who are not aware of the Santorum Google bomb that redefined Santorum on Google Search for all time, please Google Santorum. For those of you who do, please enjoy this video by Santorum of "Romney Smear Campaign Guy" shooting paper cutouts of Santorum with what looks like, well, Santorum. Ewww. Splat!

Jesus Had a Dinosaur

Van Mural ...Thursday Rides Again!

It's been so long (May!?), dear van mural lovers, so we've got some catching up to do!

For those of you new to Van Mural [insert day here], I've been collecting some of the best van mural magic I can find on the web. The project started as RapeVan, but I found that somewhat limited and potentially offensive. [UPDATE:"rapevan" has been replaced with "van mural"] HOWEVER, the tag endures if you click the RAPEVAN VAN MURAL tag at the bottom of this post, all Van Mural posts shall appear for your joy and approval.

For clarification, it may not always be a van per se, but it will always involve paint on a vehicle of some sort.

Without further ado, I give you Van Murals:


Let's ease on in with a partial of a surreal desertscape.



NYC: I guess I hadn't realized the Statue of Liberty came with a sex doll mouth.



Jack in the WTF?



So much magnificence I had to retain the larger one for your scrutiny. Click image to embiggin. Hobbits and bellies and doggies (and a pic of a pic), oh my!

We should do this more often.

Meat Causes Cancer

I just watched the documentary Forks Over Knives that discusses in detail the evidence that the myth that we need to over-protein-ate (and, of course, processed sugar and bleached flour, and processed food in general) is killing us with cancer and explores clinical evidence that an entirely plant-based diet can actually reverse certain types of cancer. Trailer below:



My practical take-away was not that I'll go vegan and be healthy forever, but that I have WAY too much meat in my diet. Give it a look - it changed the way I think about food, even if just a little.

Sexy Sexy Star Wars Tattoo-ine

So I picked up this picture over at Failblog's Ugliest Tattoos page (as a win, of course). It's a few years old, but got a fantastic response. So I wondered: wouldn't there be more images of this tattooed wonderousness elsewhere on the internets?

And, of course, said pictures do exist.

(Other sidenote: the script on her side is the lyrics to Matthew Good's "Waiting for the Destruction" and runs all the way down to her calf.)

So after a little detective-ing, I was able to dig up something salacious. I think here is where I meet but do not cross the obscenity line with a carefully-cropped close-up:



And if you like that line and feel the temptation to cross it, I shall provide the tools but will not give you direct gratification from this blog post - that wouldn't be fair as some people read me at work - or maybe I just hope people read me at work.

Either way, if you'd like to cross that line and see more of this woman's tattoos in a semi-tasteful but not really safe for work version (naked but strategically posed to hide ladyparts), then you can do so here.

Now, if you'd like to Kessel Run past that line in less than two parsecs, you can do so with the following image. Warning: TOTALLY NSFW.

_____
Genuine question: Was that too stalker-y? Too pornographic? I ran it because I was genuinely interested in what other cool, nerdy tattoos this woman had - and they are pretty awesome. Did I go too far and fly right past tasteful and reasonable? I'd like to know what y'all think; I generally don't talk about or link to naked images on the internets even if they are geeky, nerdy, and lovely. To the comments!

Who's on First? Mitt and Newt

Romney's Secret Service Name?

Even though to get a cool code name, gossip is you actually have to be POTUS, Mitt Romney gets secret service detail today and Twitter is HAWT with code name suggestions for Mittens. Check out #RomneySecretServiceCodeName for some solid laugh time.

My suggestions will be in my twitter feed at this link and, of course, in the right column of this blog.

Cincinnati Casino Collapse, Bus Driver Got a Job to Do

There was a collapse at the new Cincinnati Horseshoe Casino during construction. Unfortunately, the press conference got in the way of one bus driver who hit a news van on live television. Awesome. Way to Go go Ohio!

The Face of Conservatism: Dead Kids Are Funny

From this piece of foul bloggery:

One would have to have a heart of stone to fail to be amused by the death of this little punk:

A 65-year-old man who was knocked off his bicycle by three teenagers on a Pennsylvania trail shot two of them, killing one, police said according to reports. The Reading Eagle newspaper said the wounded teen, 16, was taken to hospital and the third, aged 15, was taken in for questioning and was later committed to a youth center.... According to police, the 65-year-old was riding his bicycle when the teens knocked him to the ground, the station said. Police said two teens then assaulted the man, who drew his gun and shot them.

What a pity that's not on YouTube. Can you imagine the expression on the face of the dying little prick? One moment, he thinks he's a happy-slapping bad ass impressing his friends with a little casual assault-and-battery and the very next moment, it's game over. For good. Way to go, tough guy.

Concealed carry is certainly one of the more effective means of teaching the little bastards to show the elderly at least a modicum of respect.

Unfortunately, it speaks for itself.

Drudge's Pitchfork & Reagan's Corpse: Tonight We Eat Newt

Awww, shit. It was to happen eventually: the powers that be on the Right would have to make a move to determine their candidate outside the electoral process. As the above image shows (click to embiggin), a stand has been made. Drudge has picked up the pitchfork (or had it handed to him) and figuratively killed the Gingrich campaign by invoking the Holy Ronald and calling up from the depths the Newt-flavored betrayals on the "Real Conservatives'" hallowed Saint. Drudge is the Kraken and he has been released.

They couldn't shut him down personally, could not point out his multiple stands on multiple issues, could not address his personal manifestation of the antithesis of morality. They had to say "Dude dissed RayRay!"

The supposed high-brow political discourse that Gingrich stood for is dead. Long live low-brow political discourse.

Now, about that Romney fellow...

In Short: Hannity Didn't Watch SOTU

I know, I know. Every time I begin a post with "Yesterday on Hannity's radio show..." a little part of your soul dies and a dribble of vomit leaks inexplicably from your left ear. Me too. So weird.

However, yesterday on Hannity's radio show, after listening for a few minutes on the way to Kroger, it became apparently clear that Sean Hannity was relying on what other people had to say about the SOTU Tuesday evening:

• He mocked Obama for saying "the state of the union is strong," but Obama notably did not say that. He said "The state of our Union is getting stronger."
• He said that Obama's recognition of the Military as an example was a call to work together, but Obama's statement was using the US Military as an example to focus on a mission and get the job done.
• Working together obviously brought out the "If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun" quote from Obama, but it was directly implied that Obama had said that to the military (when it was a one-off to the press pool about a debate in Philly with McCain in '08).

I know Hannity artfully and gleefully spins facts and pulls emotionally charged rhetoric - however disproved or irrelevant - to be another powerful voice in painting Obama as "the other," but this seemed particularly ignorant, like he was spinning an intern's notes.

Or maybe he's purposefully deconstructing every argument against Obama into a single, timeless, reference-less amalgam of foul vitriol, an abstract, artistic work in progress that will culminate Election night 2012 in a single, forced, guttural syllable followed immediately by his very essence being expelled in a protoplasmic blob as his human shell collapses like an ancient paper wasp nest whacked with a snow shovel.

Or he's just being a dick.

Republican Response: Women Don't Count

Last night I watched the whole SOTU and Republican Response. The item that left the biggest impression for me was when Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN), near the beginning of the official Republican response, stated

One in five men of prime working age…did not go to work today.

Immediately after that, my brain went into a repeating loop of questioning stupid. Did he just say that? What sausage-fest proofed that speech? Did he really mean it? What the hell is "prime working age?" Was the intent to really address only the working men of our country?

I can find the quote a couple of places through Google and full text on his campaign page (he does not have an official twitter himself), but no one seems to be addressing the misogynist angle that's pretty damn apparent.

HARDCORE Juliet: 8 years old

I could watch this all day. Seriously. Agent. Now.

In Brief: Republican Debate as NFL Pre-Show

You ever listen to the pre-show of an NFL game? It reads like this:

In order to win we've got to fire that hot offense, knock it down with the defense, get first downs, get that ball to the end zone and if we can't, get it through the bars for something.

And that stupid obviousness is the definition of the debate tonight.

"We've got to fix the budget, get into vaginas, and give free enterprise every fucking right they may or may not need and that fixes America. USA!" *flagpin*

I'm working on my notes, but that's what you get tonight. Because I need to get the notes up, watch the last ep of Supernatural, and then we'll be good for tomorrow.

Blue Laws: Etymology Edition

(image CFC original)

Back in the day here in Ohio, you couldn't buy alcohol before 1pm on a Sunday (certain stores: NO ALCOHOL ON JESUS DAY). Now it's settled down a bit, but there are still these "blue laws" on the books to keep us from buying (state-controlled) liquor on a Sunday or Federal holiday.

Anything under the flag of "Blue Laws" tend to refer to control of alcohol or relate to antiquated "still on the books" stuff like banning sodomy. Some (more British) phrases speak of porn as "blue movies." So, clearly, any laws that are "blue" have something to do with sin and punishment.

But Why "Blue"?

If you read your terrible internets or emails from Uncle Joe, you may believe that they were called "blue laws" because "back then" they were printed on blue paper. And if you take that in without question, I've a cousin in Nigeria who wants to send you $5,000,000.

I did a minimal amount of searching and found this article on Snopes.

The listing talks about the Puritan colony of Connecticut and that "the Reverend Samuel Peters' 1781 book, General History of Connecticut, described onerous colonial laws in the following manner:

Blue Laws; i.e. bloody Laws; for they were all sanctified with whipping, cutting off the ears, burning the tongue, and death.

Okay, Still, Why Blue?

In the sordid etymology of "bloody," there are many considerations put forth about how people changed "hell" to "heck" and "Christ" to "Crikey" and "God" to "Gosh" in the avoidance of swearing or taking the Lord's name in vain.

Now this is entirely English-degree speculation, but I propose the Puritans did the same to the second degree: While "bloody" laws was a fine descriptor, as noted above, with a British origin, "bloody" also has many secondary, swear-y, uses, even if it is a first-tier morphology to avoid directly referring to the Virgin Mary or the Blood of Christ. So they switched it up to "blue."

Wouldn't want to be punished for a "bloody law" because you said "bloody law," right?

That's the linguistics and my own extension, but what do you think?

Hipster Jesus Sends Rich to Hell

Gingrich on Drudge?

Today I took my painful peek at Drudge's site and saw - prominently - something that read "Obama plays golf with hooker-solicitor." Awesome.

And I thought to myself: what would happen if Drudge actually had a site that talked realistically about conservatives?

Here's my answer, your little peek into an alternate universe:

Perry's Pounce Commercial

Rick Perry might just be the most awesomely-misguided candidate when it comes to his marketing department. Here's his latest video which I refer to as "Pounce."



So I was able to do this:

Perry Push-Up!



Perry Ninja!



Enjoy your evening.

Bad Lip Reading: Newt Gingrich

"NEWT GINGRICH" — a Bad Lip Reading Soundbite - watch more funny videos

Cafe Press: That's No Moon

So I opened a CafePress account finally because I'm fun and create some cool images that people might like on shirts and stuff.

This was actually brought on by finding an image online in reference to a story about Earth's moon. The appropriate response to any reference to the moon is the Obi-Wan quote from Episode IV: "That's no moon."



So I stumbled upon a mediocre Photoshop of René Magritte's "Ceci n'est pas une pipe"



But the 'shop was all wrong: the top of the Death Star was cut off and - *gasp* - it used an image of the Death-Star-in-construction, which only existed AFTER it was destroyed, which was after Episode IV. So I did this:



And now you can buy that on a t-shirt.

(CafePress killed it on an undisclosed copyright thing.)

Yay nerds!

Racist Spelling Bee?

2 years old, but still good.

Mark Simone is a Lying Idiot

In my daily adventures traveling the dark and terrifying highways of the AM band, I'm bound to run into monsters. Many have been demystified; most I've encountered before. But while quietly observing these beasts I may see some new depravity, like a wild creature eating its own feces.

Thus was today's experience with this guy:



Mark Simone's got a gig on WABC in NY but today was subbing for Sean Hannity. The topic turned to Ron Paul because Ron Paul showed up on Leno and said Michele Bachmann doesn't like Muslims. You can see it here:



Oh, the humanity!

(Sidenote: Michele Bachmann, back in '05, in reference to Muslims in France, stated "Not all cultures are equal. Not all values are equal.")

But we're getting off topic. So we're back on Ron Paul and Mark Simone is jerking the Paul-supporting callers back and forth, putting words in their mouth, extrapolating opinions, generalizing, and changing the subject - for which all right wing nut radio hosts must have a book.

During one call, in order to discredit a caller, Mark said Ron Paul goes nutty, says crazy things, implies you'd have to be nutty to support him. The caller disagreed. Mark Simone then stated (paraphrase):

Ron Paul said that we were to blame for 9/11. Do you believe that? No patriot would back Ron Paul.

Not 3 minutes later, Mark received a call from an active duty member of our military who mis-attributed "No patriot would back Ron Paul" to the previous caller and said that was an awful thing to say.

Mark responded by saying (paraphrase):

I don't know, I didn't hear him say that; that would be a wrong thing to say.

Thus, Mark Simone is a lying idiot.

This is a prime example of the psychological back-talk and denial of reality that has gripped conservative radio for so long. It's obvious; it always is to thinking people. Unfortunately, most listeners are not thinking people.

I Didn't Know Iowa was so French

Iowa state flag

I Can Has Boehner Tumblr?

I'm not one to brag, but I started a Tumblr.

Boehner Has A Sad

I promise more sad quotes, pics, and videos based entirely on Boehner.

I love Ohio.

Boehner Blue n Buzzed

I see you!

Seriously, I need to start a Tubmlr on Boehner pics.

S. 1867: End of America

I wrote my senators today because S. 1867 is going up for a vote very, very soon.

There are only four things you need to know about S. 1867 (PPJ Gazette):

(1) Explicitly authorize the federal government to indefinitely imprison without charge or trial American citizens and others picked up inside and outside the United States;

(2) Mandate military detention of some civilians who would otherwise be outside of military control, including civilians picked up within the United States itself; and

(3) Transfer to the Department of Defense core prosecutorial, investigative, law enforcement, penal, and custodial authority and responsibility now held by the Department of Justice.

(4) John McCain is pissing his pants to pass this thing.

You won't find me getting all teary-eyed patriotic over America all that often, but this is truly affecting me. This legislation is turning the Constitution into toilet paper and our country into a potential police state. Every hear about some journalist or dissident locked up for months or years overseas and think "Holy shit, that place sucks balls." Well, that's what America is about to become.

Contact your Senators. NOW.

N00b Love, Long Overdue

As I slouch towards the Babylon Bethlehem of 1500 posts and 6 full years doing this, I realized yesterday that I'm up to 75 followers! W00t!

[EDIT: I was attempting to quote Yeats "The Second Coming"

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

]

Because it's been so long, some of the shout-outs are people who have been following me for a bit, so not all n00bs, but damnit - recognition is due!


(for purposes of this post, everyone after Jan 2011 is a n00b)

I see Massey
and Kyna at Crystal Coast Gardener
and Zev at Swords Into Plows
and Karla Marx.
Ooh, there's GEORGEPER
and CramCake at Finding Meaning in the Everyday.
Why it's Cake Betch at The Hot Mess Chronicles
and Goofy Girl at There is Grandeur...
and Courtney
and Mikeb302000.
I spy Jang chub Ozer at Mocksure (and others)
and Mike Spicer
and jane j Chiccoreal.
Hello Kris Bunda!


Link juice to you all through my post and Linktastica Magic Box! blogroll.


...I'd still like to have a Superman day...

Gov. Kasich: "I don't read"

Just kidding. That was taken out of context. He doesn't read newspapers in the state of Ohio. The state of which he has been elected Governor. I guess that's why he doesn't understand the constituents in his own state. Oh, so it's not a right wing conspiracy to decimate the Democratic voting base via disenfranchisement; he just doesn't know any better. Silly.

Watch it here:


(via ThinkProgress)

Hannity's Conservative Tomfoolery

Sean Hannity is choosing ideology over Democracy. Is that the right message?

If anyone submits themselves to the torture of listening to Sean Hannity's radio show as I do on a regular basis, you might be aware of his insistent retort any time someone "mistakenly" refers to him as a Republican. It goes a little something like this:

I'm not a Republican. I am a registered Conservative.

Aww, isn't that so ...maverick of him?

One of the other things Mr. Hannity insists on is that - right now - he's still not backing a single horse in the race; he's holding out to see where it goes. This is, as one might recognize, a total cop-out to make sure he's both not looking stupid and following the Fox playbook.

What no one seems to mention, though, is that it doesn't matter which Republican he decides to back, he cannot vote for them.

Sean Hannity, if he tells the truth, is registered with the Conservative Party USA dedicated to "true" conservative values, ending corruption, and a bunch of other things no politician will ever go for. And it's great for upping some Tea Party cred. But there are NO candidates running in the Conservative Party.

So Sean Hannity, registered in the Conservative Party, will, like someone who is a registered Independent, be unable to vote in the Republican or Democratic primaries; he will be unable to back his "support" with an actual vote.

What kind of message does that send?


(crossposted at All Things Democrat)

The Language of the Right: New English

Sure, it's been going on forever - language gets twisted and changed in ways that strike a nerve ("hot dogs") or are just laughable ("freedom fries"). I'll use Mario Piperni's delicious graphic as a reference:



It's funny, but allow me to enlighten the language some for those who don't listen to right wing radio. It's not called "crony capitalism" when republicans do it, obviously (last week I hear an "I've never heard" outcry from Hannity about Congressional insider trading with specifically Democratic references), but there's a new language from the Ay-Am band radio hosts making its terribly un-funny debut: Crony Socialism.

The Solyndra issue might be pushed through the crony mold, but it has nothing to do with socialism. At all.

Take note, now and forever: the language they use has effects - and sometimes it even sticks.

Boehner Has a Sad. Again.

Today John Boehner looked like this honoring Neil Armstrong. I guess someone woke up to scrambled eggs and Merlot this morning.

(from Politico)

Person of Interest

Have any of you been watching the new show Person of Interest where Benjamin Linus from Lost carries a limp and directs Jesus from Passion of the Christ who's an off-the-grid ex-mil man o' mystery towards people matched to Social Security numbers spit out by a super-AI computer program tied into the surveillance grid of all of New York? As weird as what I just wrote sounds, it's pretty damn good; serious A-Team vibe. You should check it out.

But today I'm not here to knock around teevee reviews. I'm here to be silly.

You may recall the 15 minutes of Rebecca Black when that horrid production shop video called Friday came out (if you haven't seen it, please do). Then everyone felt bad because the internet totally hated her because she was so easy to hate on, and she came back with a 5-minute extension of fame, My Moment and holy cookie crisps that sucked too.

We all thought it was over, but somehow she thinks she's doing well -- maybe? And today she released Person of Interest. As you can imagine, not so good.

So you're probably getting where this is going now. I present my remix of the Person of Interest (show) intro with a new, inappropriately TeenNick vibe.

Family Circus, The Other Family

Bill Keane has died.

So what better way to remember than to read one of the greatest parodies of him?



This is The Other Family, and there are about 2 hours of hilarity alt-titling Bill Keane comics. Language NSFW, and if you're easily offended, please avoid.

Enjoy.

Hannity Hypocrisy Cain Sources AAAHHHH!

Today I got a few minutes in the car with my good friend on the AM band, Sean Hannity. And as I've learned in the past few months, with the level of batshit crazy floating out there, a few minutes is enough. To make my head explode.

Can We Discuss the Ladies!?

Just late last week, Sean Hannity was decrying the claims of sexual harassment against Herman Cain, saying that it was categorically false and using it as a Standing Ovation to Conservative Values. Why? Did you see how Liberals attacked those ladies in the Clinton scandal? What OUTRAGE! Liberals are the anti-feminists, of course!

Today? (and I paraphrase) "And so now we've got these women and it looks like this latest one has a troubled history, looks like she's been often switching jobs. I'm not saying that this means anything, I'm just putting these women up to the level of scrutiny that liberals put the Clinton women up to. So what does it really mean she's switching jobs?"

*facepalm*

Out-Sourcing?

So just before I was listening to this drivel from Sean, I was catching up on Gawker posts and saw this one with a lovely clip from The Daily Show exemplifying the foolishness that occurs when the robo-dolls at Fox & Friends attempt to think. Click for the clip, but they decry the validity of the original complaints against Cain because of the anonymous source - followed immediately by an anonymous source backing Cain.

So then I hear Sean saying (and I paraphrase) "So CNN is now saying that the anonymous source is being backed by an anonymous source, her friend. This is reporting nowadays. Anonymous sources? What kind of schleppy news organization calls this journalism?"

Yours, Sean. Yours.


And then my head popped. But then it came back together when I got to vote down Issue 2 this evening. w00t! Suck it Kasich!

Ohio Issues and "All Things Democrat"

Some of you may recall when I wrote on occasion for a blogging outfit called All Things Democrat? No? Well stop on over there. I've been picked up again and will be doing something once a week. This week? Ohio's ballot Issues that'll be showing up tomorrow.

The gist:
Issue 1: Extends max age for judges which will result in a lopsided Republican majority all the way up Ohio's judicial ladder.
Issue 2: Kasich's union-busting bullshittery that will harm all public employees (except Kasich).
Issue 3: Kasich's Anti-Obamacare legislation, cleverly worded to include "preserve freedom" in the language.

Check out more of the outrageous detail over at ATD, and if you live in Ohio, remember: Vote 1, 2, 3, NO.

The Racism Race & Herman Cain

For the last 3 years, the conservative/Republican/Tea Party right has been working diligently to frame Barack Obama as non-Christian (Muslim), non-American (African), not-too-American (Exotic Hawaiian), nuanced (gay?), Capitalism-killing (Communist) America-hater (terrorist). The brush is broad and thick with the paint of the entity that is "the other," a well known psychological and linguistic methodology to indirectly (and incessantly) show that a person or group is "not like you." And with only an occasional slip-up, they haven't driven directly into the "he's black" otherness. But that doesn't mean it's not there. C'mon. I guess solidly half of all criticism of President Obama is an indirect attack that we have an uppity negro in the White House.

But along with all the innuendo and linguistic manipulation, the right has been vehement in one relatively-united message: it's not about race; it's about policy or past or ...not race. Stop saying it's about race. Why would it be about race? God, so NOT race already. Okay. Done. GTFO.

This is three years of constant attacks from all sides for the president orchestrated by hundreds of politicians and pundits and parroted by a plethora of hunt-n-peck bloggers (mmm...alliteration). All the while even the racist-tinged verbal diarrhea gets the notsoracist wash.


Then, two days ago, one single report from the Politico raised the fact that Herman Cain was accused of harassment at one point in his past.

(Subsequently, it was revealed there were two issues of settlements and now a third woman has come forward.)

And ALL HELL breaks loose! Why? Because a strong black man who can represent conservative values and family values can't exist because of the hypocritical left and liberal bias and they will tear him down as an Uncle Tom. Why? RACISM! (Note implied significance: Obama is "other" in that he is not strong and stands for NO American values. Also probably not black enough.)

It's not about his complete lack of political experience, his inability to navigate DC, his being a shitty CEO of Godfather's, his intenable 999 plan, his lack of campaign credibility with lack of infrastructure, his ignorance of foreign policy, the drunk smoker guy, the weird Yellow Flowers cowboy ad, his shady ties, or the man's creepy smile. It has nothing to do with a viable "hey, this has been a problem with a recent president" research into the past of a supposed sexual harassment complaint. It's racism!

Even Sean Hannity on his radio show wants to have a serious conversation about race now and all the negative things people are saying about black Republicans (read: Herman Cain and one other dude) and I caught Sean today in that serious, focused discussion yelling at an African-American caller who said he didn't necessarily think all the quotes he heard were offensive. Hannity replied (paraphrase) "You don't find that offensive? You think it's okay to say "bad apple?" That's not offensive? Oreo?"

So the reference to "bad apple" was Harry Bellefonte calling Herman Cain that. Racist? Meh. And the "Oreo" comment? Well, that was a couple people from the Congressional Black Caucus referring to Cain and Allen West as such (black on the outside, white to the core).

Wait, though, I seem to remember another direct reference to skin color and a cookie that might fit in here:

Well, it — what it’s going to be here, it’s actually a biracial cookie. You’ve got three of the chocolate wafers, and then you’ve got the white vanilla cream — the cream — and then there’s a chocolate cream. So you’ve got, you’ve got three — the stuff, the thing that says Oreo on it, the wafer.

In the midst of all this talk of obesity. And, I mean, every time Michelle Obama goes out there and talks about healthful eating, the food industry responds with, "Oh, yeah? Take this." And Kraft comes up with the Or-Bam-eo, the triple double-dipper.

- Rush Limbaugh

Now, I know, I know, that's not admissible because it was a conservative - a figurative colleague of Sean's of all things - who said that.

Ooh, I know. Wasn't there that whole "Barack the Magic Negro" song controversy? Oh, sorry. Rush was running that one too.

What about "Our blacks are better than their blacks?" Damn. Ann Coulter.


So, Sean, I guess the message is that if you want to actually have a serious discussion about race and politics, cherry-picking the few somewhat-ambiguous things tossed at Herman Cain and Allen West isn't going to cut it. Ignoring the sheer volumes of overt racist antics that have been hurled at our president would be hurdle #1.

You see, we, the liberals - the other - have a pretty good nose for bullshit, and when you stop making diarrhea come out of our speakers we might actually listen.


UPDATE: Holy Snooki, Cain's smoking campaign manager is calling out the Perry campaign for the leaks which makes this even weirder.

Drunk Rick Perry Just Lost the Primary

Every second is worth it. Addressing folks in NH:



Gets kickin' at about 2:00, and escalates horribly from there.

Pass it around.

via Gawker

Personal: Homeland Security Laws Suck

Main Point: Under Homeland security law, if your passport will expire in less than 90 days, you will NOT be allowed to travel internationally.

This afternoon, I drove Mrs. Shambles to the airport so she could go to France to visit her good friend's mother who was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. After viewing her passport, they said "Sorry, we can't let you on the plane." Her passport will expire in 82 days.

I went back to pick her up.

Through much phone calling and double-checking we found out that it is a law under Homeland Security: If your passport will expire within 90 days, you will not be allowed to travel internationally. France says: no problem; your passport is valid. Belgium agrees.

But how does anyone know that? Do they post an alert when you buy your ticket? NO. Is there a common understanding that something you pay the government to license you for for 10 years is NOT honored for the last 90 days of that license? NO. Passports are good for 10 years, so when this law was enacted, were all passport holders who would be affected by this law alerted to this new policy? NO.

So WTF? Isn't Homeland Security's plan of "security" to keep dangerous people out? How the hell does it keep our country safer by making my wife - trying to visit a dear, ill friend - inside the USA?

Dear Washington: This is case in point of why Americans don't trust bullshit laws and Washington, D.C. in general. You create a law and don't tell anyone and don't back it with anything but a wall - the airlines don't prevent you from purchasing a ticket or ask you for your passport expiration or even have a pop-up warning that this is a LAW.

I'd guess that it actually ended up as a rider to boost revenue by 90 days.

I want a check for a 90 day pro-rate. Assholes.

In Short: Conservative Conspiracies

In case you missed it:

College!
Barack Obama is now a dictator doing whatever he wants whenever he wants because he's upping the timetable for the aid to college kids - which is just a left wing ploy to socialize education, favor the elitist schools like Harvard, indoctrinate everyone into a humanities or social work degree and leave taxpayers with the bill. This will, of course, cause every college in the country to charge $50,000 per year. (Brian Thomas, WKRC, this morning)

Islam
We're going in and taking out leaders of Muslim nations like Hussein and Gaddafi and you know what the people are doing? Replacing them with Muslim people and instituting laws in line with their Muslim beliefs! Lybia's now in the throes of anarchy and Sharia and they're terrorists and there are 30,000 missing missiles and nuclear weapons up for grab. Islam IS terrorism; Muslims ARE terrorists. (David Horowitz, Sean Hannity Radio Show, yesterday)


Poking fun at Perry, chiding Fox news? That's peanuts. Above is the kind of serious right wing batshit crazy ignorance that's going out there every single day and being fully absorbed by the mindless myrmidons before the parroting ensues. I saw that Thomas drivel about college posted by someone I know on Facebook not two hours after it was spouted. And it had likes.

I listen so you don't have to. Happy Thursday.

Herman Cain: 9 Craziest Things He's Said

This is going to be a long primary season.

via ThinkProgress

NSFW Video - Duck Sauce: The Big Bad Wolf

I know you're going to watch it at least twice.

via i09

Columbus AM Radio Facepalm: Chuck Douglas

Almost forgot about this brief gem.

Last Sunday I was floating through Columbus on my way back to Cincinnati and, being the auditory masochist, was cruising the AM dial. Granted, on a Sunday it's much more nutritional supplements, computer shows, gun shows, etc. and not so much in the way of politics. But I got lucky: I found Chuck Douglas on 610 AM.

Chuck was talking about how the GOP re-drew the congressional lines - as happens every decade - for Ohio, the Democratic Party said "Woah, that's some crazy Spirograph shit!" and is challenging it by collecting signatures to put it to a referendum on the 2012 ballot. And he was very right on one count: it happens every time that the party in power takes advantage and shoehorns their map into law. Going referendum is a little stupid in this count since people will be running for districts that might be vastly different or not even exist after the election.

Of course, he immediately took the right-wing tack by picking whatever fit anti-Democrat purposes: what good is passing legislation if you're just going to turn around and take it to the people? Hrm? I'm pretty sure I've heard a multitude of cries of "shoved down our throat" and "put it to a vote" and "take it to the people" when it came to Obamacare. Of course, this is Republican-controlled Ohio circling the toilet, so the song is whatever it needs to be.

And then something stranger happened: Chuck vilified someone he heard on TV who mispronounced this practice because that person mispronounced and called it "gerrymanding" instead of gerrymandering. Three minutes later THE topic was gerrymandering and it happens every ten years and "there's a word for it because ...it happens on a regular basis." Fifteen minutes later, Chuck had repeated the "word for it" bit of wisdom twice without offering the slightest iota of definition or historical reference. It was obvious he really had no idea.

Quick lesson, Chuck:



Gerrymandering was first used in reference to this comic in the Boston Gazette newspaper on March 26, 1812 (it was also in every kid's Jr. High civics book). The caricature was demonstrating how Massachusetts legislature was drawing a district to favor then Gov. Elbridge Gerry and minimize the impact of the Federalists. As some thought the district looked like a salamander, the combination of Gerry and salamander gave birth to the term that still vibrantly lives today.

So now we all know what gerrymandering is and why it's called that. Yay! Secondary lesson: If you're going to be yappin' yer yaw about something, take a few minutes to pick up the basics.

Conservative Take, OWS: I Know You Want to Throw Up All Over Yourself

Or drive yourself to drink to blackout.

Then why not read the post on Conservapedia about OWS?

Leftist protest Occupy Wall Street is an ongoing anti-capitalism rally, with beginnings as an astroturfing campaign funded by a George Soros group called Adbusters; invoked by Bill Ayers "Days of Rage," the first Occupy protest was staged on September 17, 2011 in New York City after months of planning by co-founder of SEIU Stephen Lerner.[1][2][3] Occupy Wall Street protesters consist of radicals, anarchists, nihilists, college students, hippies, special interest groups, labor unions and vendors. They dislike capitalism, blame greed, Wall Street and the banks for economic hardship, and have been seen spitting on U.S. Military personnel.[4] Similar 'Occupy' demonstrations have spread to a dozen cities, and has caused thousands of arrests across the United States.
The Occupy Wall Street movement was inspired by the Arab Spring protests in Cairo that were organized by the Muslim Brotherhood.[5][6] Egyptians camped out in Tahir Square until Hosni Mubarak resigned.

Oh, it gets better. But I'm just here to give you the tools, not make you poke out your eyes and drink bleach because of the message. Happy hump day!

Mitt Romney - Bad Lip Reading Joy!

You peed yourself over Rick Perry, so here's some Romney from BLR. Enjoy!

Marijuana Majority

Who thinks the legalization of marijuana is okay? Most of Americans.



Giddyup! Oh, I mean Gallup.

Maybe it's time to get government out of our lives. What was that, Republicans? You don't like marijuana or hippies and need to save about half of Americans from ...themselves? Because you know better? Maybe like a Nanny would?

Well-played, control machine. Well-played. I have some alcohol to drink now.

Ohio's Issue 3: So Hard to Say NO

Ohio's Issue 2 on November's ballot is relatively straightforward. The Kasich administration is trying to kill unions, collective bargaining and anything that has to do with the Democratic base; and as opposed to Wisconsin, this includes police and fire. They tried to do this with SB5. After gathering many times over the required signatures, it turned into a referendum, Issue 2.

There is some confusion on whether you are voting yes on repealing or voting no on the bill (that is intentional), so here's a picture to help:



Vote NO on Issue 2 if you support your public employees including teachers, fire, and police.


"But wait," you're saying. What's this about Issue 3?

I saw an absentee ballot this weekend and was terrified by what I saw on that ballot as Issue 3.

Long story short, Issue 3 is Kasich's Anti-Obamacare amendment to Ohio's constitution. It's pure politics and nothing but BS. Why was it scary? Because the language is a little confusing except for the incredibly biased header which reads: To Preserve The Freedom Of Ohioans To Choose Their Health Care And Health Care Coverage

I mean, who doesn't want to preserve freedom?

This one's moving under the radar because so much has been put into Issue 2, but it cannot be ignored. Millions of Ohio voters are going to go to the polls this November and probably have a good idea about Issue 2, but know little about issue 3. How do you think that header is going to affect them? How will that affect their on-the-spot voting on an issue?

Vote NO on Issue 3 to stop Kasich's do-nothing, stop-Obama agenda.

Here's the page for info (and ballot language) for Issues 1, 2, & 3 in Ohio.


And have a great week!

Occupy Cincinnati: People Make Me Sad

I posted innocuously about Occupy Cincinnati because I'm totally going to go but because I own a business can't say "I'll be there fucking vampire corporations!"

Someone I consider a friend replied:

Socialism is not among the principles that have made this country the leader of the free world for the past 235 years... Life, liberty, property, pursuit of happiness... Socialism has failed everywhere it has been tried. Know history or repeat it.

Note: America has been the leader of the free world (kinda not so much now) because everyone else was either not industrialized enough, spending their money on kicking the shit out of someone else, or getting the shit kicked out of them.

Note: NOTHING about the Occupy movement has anything to do with socialism.

Note: It's about government-sanctioned corporate abuse of the system, lack of regulations on a financial level that - if they existed on the FDA level - would mean you'd be peeing out your ass once a week (or dead) because no one would make sure your Montsanto crops were anything more than leafy botulism.

Note: [person] knows very little about history, very little about the present. I'd guess he has a psychological receptor for anything that comes from the right-wing AM band. I still consider him a friend but mourn him as a casualty in the war of thought.

In Short: This is Government at Its Worst

Kansas is looking at decriminalizing domestic violence (via ThinkProgress)

Hey, since processing all those angry, violent people is so expensive, let's just NOT do anything to them; we'll make it fine to beat your wife or girlfriend or daughter or mother or anyone else you want to get drunk and beat the shit out of.

NEVER FEAR! We'll still be putting away those dirty hippie pot-smokers and other non-violent offenders.

Seriously: what the fuck are people thinking constitutes "savings?"

Rick Perry Will Make You Pee Your Pants

c/o Bad Lip Readers

Cleveland Muni Lot is Gold

A bastion of tailgating for the Cleveland Browns is and always has been the Municipal (Muni) parking lot.

I guess because drunk dude already has his shirt off, the rage factor is not met until he tears off his pants before attacking the other dude - who sounds sober and has a mic.



I miss you Cleveland.

Would You Like to Shave My Llama?

EDIT: Alpaca - thanks lunamother!



(via Twisted Sifter)

Big Dog

This is a real thing - tech awesome!

Republican Debates Make Me Angry

Meow! Romney and Perry!

But besides the suspect bullshit like Santorum's recalling of DADT and the weird Republican "OMG, what is this internet and Google thing?" for the proles, two items hit me pretty hard.

Bachmann on Religion

She figuratively said that all religious expression should be awesome and open to the public. No one mentioned her "scary Muslims" thoughts and ideals. So Michele, is it okay for Muslims to pray in public? I didn't think so.


Cain's Cancer

Honestly, I was unaware and AWESOME for him. However, he used his personal issue to say that Obamacare would have killed him.

So how about a thought experiment: if you were poor and unemployed and had no insurance, what would have been your chances then without universal healthcare? I know it's Rich People Problems, but, really? You basically said that because you're rich enough to pay for mad scannings and treatments you survived?


Overall

Perry won, except for his "badminton" remark. Romney made reference to the "side" people in the debate. Fox marginalized everyone else.

The most interesting part of the debate was the positioning of the candidates, the marginalizing, the posing of the questions to either push up or drop down certain candidates.

The only one missing was Jesus, the question: What is your position on killing prisoners? *Jesus gets booed*

Awesome.


Update:
Perry lost. His bit of jabbering was not endearing to the W crowd, and apparently everyone on the right wants to push Mittens. I would love to be there when they decide in their secret bunker that he's the candidate and someone says "Wait, will a Mormon pull the Evangelical Christian vote?" and everyone shits their pants.

The End of DADT!

So for realz it totally gonna be done like tomorrow or the next day or something like officially and until then, something completely different:

Pat Robertson: Make it Stop

The latest stupid from Pat Robertson? Alzheimer's is grounds for divorce.



Yeah, sanctity of marriage and all that.

NASA, the Right, 9/11, and Lies

Today, Mark Steyn in for Limbaugh revisited one of the biggest, hypocritical tropes available in the conservative grab bag: NASA.

"You see," they say, "NASA was a bastion of American exceptionalism, a sign of America the Winner, and now it's done so it's Obama's fault. Obama hates America."

This is a Lies & Stupid sammich.

• NASA was and continues to be government-funded.
• The race to the moon was founded on a pissing contest with godless USSR.
• Hundreds of billions of dollars of tax money spent by the government got us to the moon.
• NASA was defunded by BushII.
• NASA was defunded by BushII because private enterprise is supposedly a good thing.

So welcome to brain rape. Spending billions on anything? Bad. Unless it's to prove our machismo against non-Christians (see: illegal wars). Defunding a government program to let free enterprise move in? Good! Until the defunding command rolls over to a Democratic presidential term where we can blame that president for not believing in America.

And then Steyn rolled it over into 9/11 - You know what we did in the 60's? We said "We're going to the moon" and we fucking did, yo (despite the absurd espense). "Can you see us going to the moon now?" (No. Remember? Government spending = BAD.) So on 9/11, we should've jumped on that hole and built up that skyline so fast it made Al Queda's heads spin! Yeah! Except "We" as in "America" don't control that. That's private enterprise confronted with political infighting, egos, etc.

So here's what you've actually proved in your diarrhea-mouth diatribe: If the government is solidly focused enough and dumps enough tax dollars into something, we can do something amazing like get to the moon. Maybe develop and build an entire interstate highway system. If we leave it to private enterprise, we get a hole in the middle of New York City that's getting filled WAY slower than American Exceptionalism declares it should be filled.

Folks on the AM dial are mad in their rhetoric, and the goons listening for the most part are slurping it up with a straw, ignoring inconsistencies, and becoming dumber by the minute.

Good for us, I guess. Except they're more ignorant and own more guns.

I've Got a Huntsman Thang Going

After tonight's Republican debate, if you were to ask me who I would vote for on the Republican ticket, I'd go Huntsman.

Seriously. Even as a liberal so f'ing left I can't even see "right," I'm pretty pissed about some of the shit Obama has and hasn't passed.

You bring in Huntsman, I might have to pause.

I want me some Huntsman. Some awesome, loud, angry Huntsman. I want him to get angry and start yelling and hollering and showing up on Newt's doorstep in a cape. C'mon, gimme some Huntsman.

I'll say it again, solidly with all caps: IF HUNTSMAN IS THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE, I WOULD GIVE SERIOUS CONSIDERATION TO THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOR 2012.

Luckily (unfortunately), the GOP and GOP media will happily designate Perry (Paul "crazy" and Romney "Muslim" - I mean Mormon - and everyone else black, female, or crazy) the front-runner.

Heaven help us. I think we need some angels with swords right about now.

Rick Perry Will Tear Your Soul Apart

As Rick Perry bows to the conservative money machine, lies about jobs and everything else, and slowly sells his soul to earn what is totally looking like the full-frontal Republican nomination for 2012, I post this lovely 'shop o mine to celebrate the fact that I just realized I have 666 images uploaded to Photobucket in my Blog album - and it just happens to coincide with Rick Perry getting his own tag here on CFC.

Happy Hump Day!

Colin Powell's Totally Black

Colin Powell is this week's whipping boy, and I mean that totally in a race-related way. See, Dick Cheney released his book this week in which he misremembers and revises recent history in order set the record crooked should the small amount of evil still keeping him alive dissipate and leave him an unanimated corpse before long.

So he apparently takes some cheap shots at Powell because under the Bush administration, Boy didn't quite know his place and sometimes spoke up against Massa Bush or Massa Cheney. And so Powell, this weekend, said Cheney was taking cheap shots.

Ooohh, no, Coli, don'ts a-bee talkin' that strooong talks!

Seriously, the result of this single statement has the entirety of right wing radio Murica blasting the hell out of Colin Powell - not on the merits of anything he said, grant you, but on the fact that he said anything.

And what did race-baiting, foreign-boy-viagra-banging, blubber-puss Rush Limbaugh have to say? That Powell will vote for Obama again because "melanin is thicker than water."

I shit you not.



I don't need to say it because you're already seeing it: this election is going to be the ugliest many of us have ever seen in our lives.