Bush Commutes Libby's Sentence; I Yell at Television

Liberals's springs were still tensioned on the issue, and an overdue Bush finally sprung the trap: Georgie Porgie commuted Scooter's sentence.

This would be the only actual power Bush has over sentences of any kind ("All them words, they trip me up.") And no, it does not mean they carpooled yesterday.

President Bush decided - with complete legal right and no actual thought - to make Scooter Libby's punishment go away. Democrats pounced with good reason, but I'd like to look at this from a different angle.

Let's reduce this scenario: Imagine for a moment a "hypothetical" situation in which my daughter tells one whopper of a serious lie; Mrs. Shambles was asking her about something important, specifically warned her that lying would be an awful offense, and she lied anyway. Appropriate punishment in this case would be, say, 30 days grounded. But the next day, just before she was sent off to her room, I came out and said "No, the punishment was excessive. Why don't you go play with your friends - no grounding - but we'll be keeping an eye on you."

Aside from getting into a heated argument with the Mrs. for undermining our partnership of authority, I'd be undermining the very idea of justice.

Now, expand that to a national - nay, world - stage. Many people have made jokes about the impression our president makes on behalf of us, and this is a prime example. Let's close with the article:

Douglas A. Berman, a law professor at Ohio State University who is an expert on federal criminal sentencing policies, said it is "hypocritical and appalling from a president whose Justice Department is always fighting" attempts by judges and lawmakers to lower the punishment called for under federal sentencing guidelines. Berman said Bush's message amounted to "My friend Scooter shouldn't have to serve 30 months in prison because I don't want him to."

Our president is a complete asshat.

And, yes, I did yell at the television.

House Members Get What We Don't: a Raise

Cincinnatus

House members are seeking a "cost of living" raise.

Can I get a raise, too? I, too, am a lawmaker in the sense of voting for these choads.

Most members support the pay raise as a means of retaining experienced lawmakers and of making sure that Congress is not simply dominated by wealthy people. Many lawmakers maintain homes both in the expensive Washington housing market and back in their districts. On most days, they meet with lobbyists making far more than they do.

So by raising their own income, they will be "making sure that congress is not simply dominated by wealthy people."

What kind of idiot statement is that? They are already "wealthy."

But pushing it to $170,000 per year - what the shit?

Congress, you get the WTF Award for bullshit and greed.

I'm living in Cincinnati, named after Cincinnatus, the man who saved his country but after serving went back to farming. Where is that? Where is dedication to country with humility? And how can we tell congress that making a career out of "serving in office" is not an option? We'll have to vote you out. All of you. And only accept those who accept term limits as your replacements.

Or start a revolution. Seriously. Tear it down.

Any takers?

Book Burning, Bloodletting...

It's a long train, but it's worth the crash. From Jenkins Group, Inc., via Robyn Jackson, via New Pairodimes:

• 1/3 of high school graduates never read another book for the rest of their lives.
• 42 percent of college graduates never read another book after college.
• 80 percent of U.S. families did not buy or read a book last year.
• 70 percent of U.S. adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years.
• 57 percent of new books are not read to completion.
• 70 percent of books published do not earn back their advance.
• 70 percent of the books published do not make a profit.

My initial reaction is sadness for the imaginations never ignited and worlds never explored through books.

This is immediately followed by a quick spout of stomach acid hosing the back of my throat and sadness for our country; these people vote.

And then inevitable, intellectual superiority.

I want to help motivate people to register and then vote. But what good is it if this many people have no understanding of the importance of books, in entertainment and history and science and literature, people who have never experienced the joy of losing four hours entangled in the language, the story, who have never felt the quiet dance of the author's words and the reader's imagination?

I feel a need to console words and receive consolation from them. Go hug a book. Then hug somebody you love. Then read them a book, or read with them.

Gary Oldman: Beethoven Bitten by Dracula, Cures Acting Bug?

I was going to go to bed, but got an email from a fellow Oldmanophile.

From cinematical:

In what I hope is fleeting, Luc Besson-sort of earnestness, Gary Oldman seems to be fed up with acting. Although he's had some super-successful mainstream stints recently in the Harry Potter and Batman franchises, the spark appears to have dimmed for the actor. He says: "I've had a great career, and I'm very lucky to do what I do. But I've been doing it a long time, and you can get tired. You might say I want to change careers or to do something else." He's tempted to return to the stage, but he fears that it's not just a movie-related disinterest: "I get misty-eyed about it, yeah. And I get offers. My love for acting... It's withered."

It has been 21 years since Oldman had his breakout role as Sid Vicious in Sid and Nancy. While two decades is a decent chunk of time, is it really enough for him to say adios? Since starring as the troubled music icon, he's made a great career, morphing into a myriad of roles -- one of the few chameleons that we actually have in the movie biz. He played Lee Harvey Oswald in JFK, vamped out for Dracula, took on dreadlocks for True Romance, became the maestro for Immortal Beloved, modernized as Zorg in The Fifth Element, played a Russian terrorist in Air Force One, tried a stint as Pontius Pilate on television, played a little person named Rolfe in Tiptoes and of course, he also plays a great Sirius Black and James Gordon. I really can't imagine a movie world without him, although it would be nice to see him in the meaty, gritty films of his past. While shining a bat signal or helping Harry Potter is fun, perhaps he'd feel better about his career if he could sink his teeth into another Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, or Leon.

As an actor, I am saddened by this news, as Gary Oldman is one of the idols that I have held in what is the magic of Range. And I have craved his appearance in any film I have seen.

I was going to add some research on contacting Gary, but I think if he thinks it's done, it's done. If the acting has soured for him, it has soured. And there's no fan-pining we can heap on the man that will change anything. I respect his decision and only pray he can again find joy in the art that I can't even find the time to practice.

Or maybe that's a wakeup to me to stop living vicariously through amazing actors and pining - myself - for things that I could make happen, and making the time for it if I truly wanted to.

But we should weep.

"What's a Drexel?" indeed.

Ricky's Commercial for the 100th Post!

I finally have a commercial!

Okay, it's for Subaru, but it's got serious animals saying my name.



Winner: Tittering porcupine with an honorable mention to the moose. But since the moose could kick the porcupine's ass (with necessary nose and hoof piercings), I'm at an impasse.

And for those who are counting, this is my 100th post. So who buys me a beer?

Impromptu interview with the writer by the writer:

RICKY: So, what's been going on lately?

RICKY: I've moved from Winston Salem, NC to Cincinnati, OH with the wife and kid. It's a great city with much to offer. One word: Skyline.

RICKY: And your blogging?

RICKY: It's going well. I've just hit 100 - Woo! - I'm still doing posts for All Things Democrat, and may accept an offer to mobile blog for 80108.com, should they accept me.

RICKY: So why do you hate God?

RICKY: Hate God? Wait, who's conducting this interview?

RICKY: You are part of the liberal, drive-by media. Why?

RICKY: Because only liberals are fighting for the Constitution of the United States of America right now. Are you serious about the drive-

RICKY: So you think illegals should overrun our great country?

RICKY: Who the hell are you?

RICKY: Ann Coulter said-

RICKY: That's it (scuffle)

RICKY: I'm sorry, our interviewer has been "detained" under the Idiot Act. For those of you unfamiliar with the act, it sanctions nipple clamps hooked up to a car battery for anyone unfamiliar with the Constitution.

And that's where I get off.

More to come. Enjoy. Sign up for the Feedblitz to the left of this post if you love it so much you want to marry it. Or just make occasional, sweet love to the words.

The words is all you get. Sorry.

Roy L. Pearson, Jr., Embarrasing Humanity and Washington

At a time when SCOTUS is pissing away reason concerning free speech, religion and campaign finance cases, a new judicial plague is a foot; actually, it's a single judge as plague manifest: Roy L. Pearson, Jr. You've probably heard, but here's a brief synopsis:

• Roy takes suits to Custom Cleaners, owned by Ki, Jin and Soo Chung
• Roy picks up suits, notices pants are missing from one suit
• Roy wants $1,000 for the suit
• Chungs say "no"
• Roy sues for $67,000,000
• Chungs try to settle for $12,000
• Roy says "no," eventually bumps down suit to $54,000,000
• Court says Roy's a choad
• Choad may yet appeal

Roy Pearson is a U.S. Administrative judge (although currently not hearing cases?) who has seriously financially damaged a hard-working family. I'm pleased that the court ruled against him, but I can't leave it alone. This should probably go further.

Surfing this morning, I was searching for some information to post here and came upon Planck's Constant. Delicious. Just what I was looking for:

If you would like to leave a message expressing your outrage you can snail mail to:

Pearson, Roy L Jr
3012 Pineview Ct NE
Washington, DC 20018-1617

Or leave a message on his answering machine (he doesn't answer his phone directly anymore): (202) 269-1191

Or send him an email: roypearsonjr@verizon.net

...
According to Marc Fisher of the Washington Post, a legal defense fund has been established. You can contrubute through the Chung family's lawyer, Chris Manning.

Chris Manning
Manning & Sossamon PLLC
1532 Sixteenth Street NW
Washington, DC 20036
202) 387-2228
202) 387-2229 (Fax)
Email: cmanning@manning-sossamon.com

Remember to always be kind when expressing outrage.

Now, if CNN would just shut the hell up about Paris getting out of jail (sur-prise, sur-prise, the exemplar of journalism scat, Nancy Grace, covers the Paris release on her show tonight. Whee!)

Fight Hate Crimes with the Human Rights Campaign

Watch this:



Weep.

Now go to the Human Rights Campaign and add your voice.

Christ on a Bun! $190 Million: That's Alotta Church

What would Jesus build? Would Jesus spend $190 million on flash and glass? From the California Catholic Daily:

According to the Oakland Tribune, the city’s rising Cathedral of Christ the Light complex is "the most expensive in American history." The complex, which includes the nuclear reactor-like church itself, chapels, a plaza, a mausoleum, a conference center, diocesan offices, "gathering places," and Bishop Allen Vigneron’s residence, is currently running about $190 million – $10 million more than the Los Angeles archdiocese’s Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels, which opened in 2002.

What pomp, pride, and excess. But not everyone's happy about it.

Some have criticized the project, saying the money could be better spent elsewhere – on schools, for instance, or services for the poor. The diocese, however, says the monies for the cathedral ($91 million raised by last December) will not come from diocesan funds but from earmarked contributions.

Good job diocese; you've verbally exemplified your illogical puffery! Who cares where the money came from? Who cares where or in what building you worship? If you are in charge of the diocese, you are in charge of God's mission on your little piece of Earth.

God's mission is not to win architectural awards; it is love and compassion for others, perhaps just like the Vatican's Guidelines for Pastoral Care of the Road, released the day after this overspending report. The Vatican's release focuses on the "pastoral care of road users, pastoral ministry for the liberation of street women, the pastoral care of street children, and the pastoral care of the homeless."

This is exactly what $190 million could be used for.

"Neither shall they say, Lo here or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you."
- Luke 17:21

Perhaps they should take some time, read their own book.

Free Genarlow Wilson

Demand Attorney General Thurbert Baker drop his appeal.

Genarlow Wilson remains in prison for a victimless crime: participating in consensual oral sex with a 15 year old when he was 17. After a Superior Court Judge voided his conviction on Monday, Georgia State Attorney General Thurbert Baker appealed the ruling over the outcry of thousands of Americans, with no reasonable justification.

Keeping Wilson in prison does nothing to keep Georgia safe. It simply continues the unnecessary destruction of a young man's life. Join us in demanding that Baker withdraw his appeal now.
_____

The inhumanity of some humans has long since ceased to amaze me, but has not numbed me to the sick feeling in my gut every time something like this comes up.

Go to the Free Genarlow Wilson page on the ColorOfChange website and add your voice to the outrage.

Then call/fax:
Thurbert E. Baker
Attorney General
Phone: 404-656-3300
FAX: 404-657-8733

Remember to be professional when voicing your disgust.

China Attacks with Tech Geeks...and Russia?

A little more to feed the Chinese obsession/paranoia. From the Telegraph:

China's People's Liberation Army had established units to develop viruses to attack enemy computer systems and networks, the Pentagon said.
...
The clearest example so far of cyber conflict came earlier this year when Estonia claimed that state-sponsored Russian hackers had attacked official websites in retaliation for the removal of a Soviet-era monument in its capital, Tallinn.
...
The Chinese foreign ministry rejected the Pentagon's report as "brutal interference" in internal affairs and insisted that Beijing's military preparations were purely defensive.

So China's planning, Russia's already executed, and they're all buddy-buddy?

Denial of service attack reports pop up from time to time, like military exercises by armed forces. A focused attack by powers outside and daemons inside the country? Well, if a Russian techno-fart could take down secured banking websites in Estonia, I think there's something there to be worried about.

Mr. Wizard, 1917-2007

Don Herbert, better known as Mr. Wizard, has passed away. I don't know what to say. Heard this from Phil Plait over at Bad Astronomy, Yahoo obit via BA. He popularized science in the 50's and 60's, but I was a child of the 80's and Mr. Wizard's World on Nickelodeon was my bread and butter. It was directly responsible for my love of all things science. If Mr. Wizard had been my college chem teacher, I may have stuck around to become a biochemist.

Mr. Wizard, you will be missed.

I didn't know an 80's television show intro could make me weep:



And yes, you can get it on DVD now. Here's the promo:



Mr. Wizard on (old) Late Night with David Letterman:



...and one more. Mr. Wizard's 1988 Energy Facts PSA:



You can see his official website at http://www.mrwizardstudios.com/.

More on China, Big 5 is 6 and Growing...

This is crossposted from my rant at All Things Democrat. I just started writing and researching and came up with too much good information for it not to be here as well. If this is paranoia and not conspiracy, it's mad uncanny.

Let's do a little focusing on China and why they're doing a little bit of scaring the hell out of me. China has a population of 1.3 billion. They have 2.25 million active troops in their People's Liberation Army with over 7 million troops total. They are a nuclear power with a spending limit that is growing by bounds and bounds every time we blink because their trade surplus is skyrocketing, recently bumping $22.5 billion (our trade profile uses the word "deficit"). This has to do with our trade practices (Wal-Mart itself imports 10% of all China's products) and our invariant deafness to still-shady human rights practices when someone's flipping a wad of Bennies in our ear.

China's feeding an already corpulent army with our fatback patronage. Some people are linking this to a history of threatening Taiwan, should they decide to get all batshit crazy and declare formal independence. So what are we doing? Surprisingly, nothing new: we've been Taiwan's primary supplier of arms since 1979; they're asking for more and we're saying they want even more than that.

Looks like we're building our own pickle just so we can be in it.

We're feeding the beast at both ends with complete ignorance about both halves and a blind eye to the military reality of the situation. We don't see the other pieces. China, this growing behemoth, is not just hungry for wealth, but to placate the masses, they must also devour oil. And today they were talking to Iran about becoming oil buddies. You remember Iran, who wants to wipe Israel off the planet? That country that Senator Lieberman (I) would like to attack?

Well, Ahmadinejad in Iran talks to Nicaragua in an "anti-US summit" and has a past of buddying up with Chavez in Venezuela (called Bushy the devil), and we call all three of them "tyrants" (or so say the Turks). Chavez is also deepening ties with North Korea, because they have a budding nuclear program and Chavez wants a piece of world domination. There is an apparent improvement in ties between Iran and North Korea, and they are both being supported by China. Russia and China are now entering their second ten-year period of "strategic partnership," Putin's got ties with Venezuela at "peak level," and last week increased marine ties with Iran were the order of the day. And this was all in the news in the last two weeks.

It appears to me that there is a growing group of malcontents who are only malcontent with us. We don't really like them and they don't really like us; they put up with us because we're big. But they're getting pretty buddy-buddy - carpooling to the office, happy hour on Thursdays - and they're coming into an understanding that if they all got together, they'd be hella-strong, like Voltron on crack. And hey, if the Ro-Beast keeps driving out to the desert every weekend, why not just keep hanging out, growing ties, and pooling resources.

And pretty soon? Well, they just came to the party to drink some oil and kick some ass. And it looks like we're all out of oil.

Kate Chase is right about Russia: there is a larger picture here. It is a web that includes China, Iran, Venezuela, Nicaragua, North Korea. Syria's not entirely out of it either.

Our only hope (besides Obi-Wan Kenobi)? Doughnuts. Yes, doughnuts. The doughnut chains are making it to China. Our best bet is to allow the delicious yet deadly pastries to infiltrate the country and hope fat travels like the clap in a trailer park. Lack of motivation and resolve will follow and they they'll be on par with us and our administration. If only we could make them stupid too...

VA Abandons Friend, Veteran - Needs Help, Insurance

By now you know that except for the tastiest of intermittent morsels, I don't do much writing about my personal life. The antics and idiocy of our political and religious leaders offers more than enough potato gun fodder for the masses to consider.

However, today I write about a friend of mine, a veteran of the Gulf War. Because of bureaucracy, he may lose his legs. Allow the letter I've written to my members of congress speak for itself:

Dear -----,

A very close friend of mine is a Veteran of the Gulf War. One day soon, he will need to have his legs amputated because Veteran's Affairs has abandoned him under a blanket of bureaucratic nonsense.

David was honorably discharged from Little Creek Amphibious base in 1998. He later married, had a son, and maintained a lucrative union manufacturing job. At the time that he held that position, the rules governing Veteran's eligibility were changing. In order for someone to get medical coverage, they had to register to be grandfathered in. Having excellent union insurance coverage for his family, David did not register. Soon thereafter, he unexpectedly began experiencing back pain. After a few treatments, the doctors said he could not work, and now he takes care of his son full time at home. In a shady move, his insurance company held on to a check until the coverage lapsed, sent it back, and canceled his insurance.

David's back is tolerable right now thanks to the treatments he did receive. However, David is also diabetic. With a house, bills, and insurance for herself and their son, David's wife is barely able to make ends meet. Adding him to her insurance would would be a preexisting condition, and would be excessively expensive because of it. Independent insurance is cost prohibitive. Purchasing any medication without insurance is laughable. Were David to get a job, it would barely be able to cover the cost of daycare for their son. Back to the plant could put him in a wheelchair.

But that's what he's looking at anyway. Without insurance, David cannot afford the testing supplies and medication necessary to control his diabetes. A couple months ago, blood began to pool in his legs due to poor circulation. Amputation is not far down the road. David gets the same answer from the VA: he is not eligible for any coverage because his wife makes too much money. I do not know the math behind this decision, but I do know what his wife makes.

I'm not asking for a handout for my friend;I am asking for his due. David honorably served our country during wartime. He has just about lost hope that anything can be done.

When did we stop taking care of our own?

You can keep a father, a veteran, my friend, your constituent, out of a wheelchair. Won't you?

See letter online (http://utteroutrage.blogspot.com/2007/06/va-abandons-friend-veteran-needs-help.html).

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Ricky Shambles

I am in the unique position as of now to be able to write 4 Senators and three members of congress with residences in two states (FYI, writing a senator or member of congress is sometimes made impossible unless you are a constituent).

As I said in the letter, I'm not looking for a handout. But I am looking for publicity. If you'd like to write your representative about my friend, I'd appreciate it. If you do, please comment about your experience below.

Members of Congress I have written with the above letter:
Senator Elizabeth Dole
Senator Richard Burr
Representative Mel Watt
Senator Sherrod Brown
Senator George Voinovich
Representative Jean Schmidt
Representative Dennis Kucinich (c/o relatives)

Thank you all.

Russia, Iran, China, Venezuela, North Korea ISO U.S. Ass to Kick

This image is being reposted for posterity. The topics that follow are not so recycled.



I have made these connections before (Jesus Built My Hot Rod But Muhammad Pumps the Gas, Putin's Pedestrian Poisoning, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Leaf Blower). It just seems like everything is ramping up as of late.

• Russia: U.S. keeps dry humping their missile defense cock against Putin's knickers and he's not having any of it, despite the polite lip service we saw at the G8. Russia's spies are at cold war levels. Are ours? Oh yeah, lotsa nukes.
• Iran continues to further its nuclear program, although reports of weapons are a little Pre-Iraq-Intelligence for my palette. He's got oil, he's got game, and now Mahmoud Ahmadinejad uses the word 'countdown' to describe Israel's end. And we still have newscasters who joke about the pronunciation of his name. Most Likely to be Invaded Before the Next Election Award goes to...
• That wacky, "ronery" Kim Jong Il is still launching missiles like a bandit and still abusing human rights in that wall-up hermitage he calls a country. Nuclear power. Most Likely to go Nuts Award.
• China continues its constant military buildup, reinforcing the People's Liberation Army over 2 million strong. Human rights abuses. Nuclear power. Wait. How many did you say?
• Looks like good ol' Chavez has the 5th largest armed force in Latin America. Venezuela is also the 5th largest supplier to our crude oil habit, making up over 10% of the top 15. He could cripple us and potentially put up a pretty good fight, especially if he's just backing his buddies. On/off talks with Iran ('bout nukes?).

The issues have shifted some, but the point remains the same: We need to watch our ass. While everyone's pointing their dick at the Middle East, the rest of the world still goes about its business. If these five countries continue the camaraderie I've pointed out before (it's been going on and it continues to do so), the U.S. could be in for a serious ass-whoopin'. You don't need all five players to join forces to get that whoopin' done either. The most interesting thing about a bar brawl are the unexpected players that jump in; and when the shit goes down, they're not always on your side.

Surgeon General: An Appointment for Bush

"Gays concerned by surgeon general nominee"

Ooh, watch it MSNBC and the several hundred other news outlets spitting out very similar headlines. It's not just those wacky, socially deviant queers that are concerned about Kentucky cardiologist Dr. James Holsinger. He's got us married straight freaks all in a tizzy too. He's a right whack job.

From MSNBC:

Sixteen years ago, he wrote a paper for the church in which he likened the reproductive organs to male and female "pipe fittings" and argued that homosexuality is therefore biologically unnatural.

"When the complementarity of the sexes is breached, injuries and diseases may occur," Holsinger wrote, citing studies showing higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases among gay men and the risk of injury from anal sex.

Pipe fittings? What the hell kind of analogy is that? Pipe fittings: bump one hole against another, turn and screw. That's typical: he's down with the tribbin' but thinks the man sex is dirty.

And did I mention that he "believes homosexuality is a matter of choice and can be 'cured.'"

And this is the man the president would like to be "America's chief health educator." Someone should tell President Bush that the best place to hide a bottle of whiskey is not under his skull, even if there is enough room.

And the person currently acting as Surgeon General? The person this insecure, bible-thumped homophobe will be replacing?

Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu.

Yeah, sometimes I'm 10.

Exploring the Americas: Tastes Like Chicken

...or Polynesians. Or Polynesian chicken. What?

From LiveScience:

Popular history, and a familiar rhyme about Christopher Columbus, holds that Europeans made contact with the Americas in 1492, with some arguing that the explorer and his crew were the first outsiders to reach the New World.

But chicken bones recently unearthed on the coast of Chile—dating prior to Columbus’ "discovery" of America and resembling the DNA of a fowl species native to Polynesia—may challenge that notion, researchers say.

But I heard something a while back about the Chinese explorers:

After reading "1421," Liu Gang, a Chinese lawyer, realized the potential significance of a map he'd purchased for his private collection. Dated 1418 and clearly depicting the outlines of both North and South America, the map could be used to support Menzies' theory if it proves legitimate.

Authoritative? Not by any means, but enough to suggest there may have been at least one other...hold on, I'm getting some information from the first double aughts A.C.E. Seems that there's some evidence the Vikings may have been involved in exploration as well:

The latest evidence confirms that Scandinavians reached the North American continent almost 500 years before Columbus. Find out where they came from, how they traveled, what they did in America and how long they stayed.

So there are at least three civilizations that have a reasonably - if questionably - credible claim that they were in the Americas before Mr. Columbus.

Why do we still worship Chris Columbus, even if he never set foot in what is now the United States? Why is Columbus Day (Oct. 8th in 2007) a federal holiday?

He wanted to spread Christianity, you silly.

Christ on a Bun! Discovery Pimps Joyce Meyer, Jesus

How is it that I turn on The Discovery Channel one fine morning to find Joyce Meyer Ministries?



I flip through my favorites, longing for science and knowledge and I get this:

Joyce Meyer Ministries has a God-ordained mandate to impact the world. We are called to present the Gospel to the lost, disciple nations, feed the hungry, clothe the poor, minister to the elderly, widows and orphans, visit prisoners and reach out to people of all ages and in all walks of life. God requires that we teach people how to apply biblical truth in every facet of their lives, and encourage Christians to influence every aspect of the world around them.
...
Our goal is to reach every nation, every city, every day with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hot damn. WTF?

Immediately, I thought it was the evil doing of Time Warner Cable, the monopoly moneybags pimp! So I called. I had to go from general call center to customer service to technical support to find out that it's not the necessarily evil provider of cable, but the Discovery Channel itself that is the woman of ill-repute, la bête du jambon, who is selling it's air time and spending early mornings whoring out the jesus junk to millions of science-seeking viewers.

Hold on. Perhaps the myrmidons of the Time Warner RoadRunner had infiltrated the tech support office and were feeding me misinformation. But there it was, right on Discovery Channel's FAQs:

Why do I get infomercials instead of programming?
During certain late night hours of each day (for example, 3 a.m. to 9 a.m. ET/PT for Discovery Channel), some of the Discovery Networks may contain paid programming or infomercials. Please go to the "TV Schedules" on our website to see the specific programming schedules for your favorite Discovery Networks.

Why is this a bad thing?

Joyce on evolution:

I encourage you not to swallow every story you see, hear or read about man’s origins. Check things out for yourself…do some research on the subject of creation so that your foundation of faith in God is sound, secure and immovable.

Whether it's Time Warner or Discovery, putting someone who disregards science and the scientific method on the television, it is not appropriate. Joyce Meyer does not belong on the Discovery Channel, just like "intelligent design" does not belong in the science classroom.

Feel free to visit Discovery's Viewer Relations page and kindly explain it to them.

UPDATE:
Here's my letter:

Why, in the name of all things science, would The Discovery Channel sell time to Joyce Meyer Ministries? Her money may be as green as everyone else's, but her science is not. The "Ministries" part of it should have given that away. If you are still unsure, please visit http://utteroutrage.blogspot.com/2007/06/christ-on-bun-joyce-meyer-discovery.html, as I have outlined the mess of anti-science inherent in the poor judgment I have observed. I am not anti-religion, but when a science channel pimps their time to an anti-science organization, it is a disgrace to all things reasonable.

Thanks for your time,

Ricky Shambles

[In reference to a check box labeled "Would you like us to use your e-mail address for Marketing Promotions" :]

p.s. "Would you like us to use your e-mail address for Marketing Promotions" is not a question without the "?" and does not indicate whether checking the box would imply a "yes" or "no" answer, should anyone actually perceive it as such.

Asshats.

Feedblitz: Ricky Shambles in Your Box!

You know you want it: No more waiting longingly for your RSS feed reader to catch up or pounding F5 like you're powering up in Archery in Track & Field II before you got the NES Max.



So after you get over that delicious old skool Nintendo reference, take a look to the left, under the "View my complete profile" link. If you put your email in that text field, click the button, fill out a captcha, and verify your subscription, you too could have Ricky Shambles in your box.

I first learned of this magic called FeedBlitz after subscribing to Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy. Now, every time he updates his blog, I get an email containing all updates from the day before. We could be like that, you and I. Shhh. Don't think. Do or do not; there is no 'try.'

Other Changes
I know you don't like changes. But these are for your own good. I promise.

I have changed Link-o-rama to Linktastica! That really shouldn't matter to anyone except those with a o-ramaphilia which is - please note - completely different from Obamaphilia. Amazing how one letter will take you from a rally party to a party rally. Okay, I'm done.

I must welcome xkcd (A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.) to my Linktastica! Why? Because it's fucking brilliant. And don't ask again.

Once more: If you like this blog, keep up by FeedBlitz. If you love this blog, you cannot marry it, but you most certainly better put your email in that box! And if you hate this blog, you better subscribe to monitor what nefarious, liberal, progressive, evil-ities I will conjure up next. That would leave Homeland Security: Have at it, ya buggers.

Thank God for British Comedy: Spoons

So sometimes - no, all the time - I feel like this:



The American version of me, but you get the point.

Here's a taste:

...or how you better not have another drink because you never used to get hangovers but just recently you've been feeling rather groggy, and I really can't afford not to be at my best tomorrow because I've gotta do a presentation for some people who are coming over from Holland and it's a Big Fucking Deal, so I better just have a Diet Coke...

Quit the shit, let's get to the meat of life/politics/religion.

No, sir, the Queen in Virginia is not a valid topic.

Texas Kids Protest TAKS Decision, Look Silly

From WFAA in Dallas/Fort Worth:

About a dozen young people, carrying signs and chanting, began picketing at 8:30 a.m. Thursday. They represent the 613 Fort Worth seniors who did not pass the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills exam.

Crystal Martinez complained that while she finished at the top of her class with a 3.5 grade point average, she is now blocked from graduation by failing the TAKS test.

"We know we're not going to get our diplomas, but we just want to walk across the stage," Martinez said. "That's all we ask for right now."

No, dear. The only reason to be at commencement is to get the little piece of blank paper that represents your diploma. You did not graduate. You don't get a diploma and, by extension, you don't get a fake diploma. You don't get to walk.

But there is more: the picture used in the online story.



What can I even say about that? Kids: Just go home and stop embarrassing yourselves.

Worst. Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show. Evar.

"Are UFOs and bible stories and space aliens real?"

Check it out at The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show! It's a bit old, but if you haven't seen it, prepare yourself.
(better version in Update below)

This show has it all:

Mr. Gray the singing alien


"Chip the Black Boy!"


...and much more! Complete with Bible readings, extended remix improv songs, reverb, space angels, puppetry apparently executed by a blind, three-year-old retarded child, and production values as beneficial as necrotizing fasciitis (apparently executed by a blind, three-year-old retarded child preoccupied with puppetry).

This is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever seen on the internets. And I'm familiar with goatse and tub girl.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

UPDATE: I just had to dig, didn't I? More Videos...
Chip the Black Boy explains Aliens
I Love Christmas Jam Session
Larger YouTube version of primary video VVV

Wait, what am I doing? This is the internets. Here.

It's Write Your Congressman Day! Melvin Watt (D - NC)

It's fun for the whole family!

Today I decided I was going to write my congressman. He's been a non-entity in the world of Winston Salem (he's also got to worry about Greensboro through Charlotte). I went to Congressman Melvin Watt's website, filled out the form, and wrote the following:

Dear Congressman Watt,

I can't say I know much about you or have ever even really heard about you; until I looked it up, I thought Virginia Foxx was my representative.

I can't say I respect the gerrymandered district you represent. But that's not your fault.

And while Katrina suffering is important, repeated attempts to ban flag desecration (although you voted against H J RES 10?) only furthers limitations to free speech and wastes my tax dollars.

My question to you, sir: where is the legislation for your constituency? What are you doing about gas prices? What are you doing about our wasted time in Iraq? Why isn't your voting record on your website? Now that I've found it elsewhere, how did you end up as one of three members of congress not to vote on H R 1591 (that was a pretty important one)?

Fair banking practices also concern me. Congressman Kendrick B. Meek (FL) introduced legislation last year to boost financial literacy in the form of H.R. 4413-15. How did these bills not win popular support? Oil, insurance, and banking institutions are bleeding Americans dry. What is congress doing about it? What are you doing about it?

I'm sure being a member of congress is a complicated job, but I feel abandoned by my representative. That is what you are: a representative of the people of your district. Please do not forget that.

Your constituent,

Ricky Shambles

p.s. Push Inslee-Manzullo Internet Radio Equality Act, H.R. 2060, and stop an Iran war before it starts.

And then I clicked the Submit button.

And it showed me a 404 (error: page not found).

Disappointed, once more
Disillusioned, encore
I think I love you, for sure

Wait, no. Nix that last line. I was fucking pissed. Mr. Absentee (in voting and regional showmanship) has again punked his constituents.

So Congressman Watt: WTF?

Background
Here's the district:


Here's the original manifestation of Gerrymandering:


Any questions? While I'm quite happy that we can pull a democratic district out of the ass of a Bible, Guns, 'n' Muddin' South, what is this guy actually doing in congress?

From this Yankee-turned-Southerner-pre-re-Northerner: not much at all.

p.s. Fake update: I called Senator Richard Burr and Senator Libby Dole about saving internet radio. Sen. Burr's secretary was more than willing to give me the time to speak my mind and "pass it on to the Senator." Libby Dole's dance card was full. Nothing but busy signals. Yay Legislative Branch!

Christ on a Bun! Jesus Gets a Hand Job

That guy there? The statue? Yeah, the one giving a little wink-wink-nod tit shot of the sacred heart, and a hand out like some toothless, homeless hooker asking for a five-spot for a taste? That's the lord. And he done broke. But not in that way, exactly.

Who wants some Denver Post?

The nuns at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden were thanking God on Sunday that no one was hurt when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and struck their 33-foot statue of Jesus.

The lightning bolt broke off one of Jesus' arms and a hand and damaged one of his feet, sending marble plummeting to the ground during a Saturday afternoon storm.

Sister Ilaria said "it was only a freak act of Mother Nature." A-ha! But if that same lightning bolt hit the statue and Jesus started pissing Berry Blue Kool-Aid out his eyes and shitting Twizzlers, that would be an Act of God. Little bit of a double standard there, sister.

So if God controls everything because He's, um, God, then why in the heavens would God strike down a statue of his son?

Idol worship? Tacky carving? Revenge of Zeus? Hookers?

You let your little imagination run crazy with that one.

UPDATE! Bonus! Synchronicity! License plate seen less than 2 hours after posting:



With those bedroom eyes, how could you say no?

Movin' On Up, to...WKRP

I must apologize for the intermittent transmissions from last week and those coming. I am in the process of moving to Cincinnati.



Yay, Cincinnati! Home of the Reds, Bengals, and the 2001 Race Riots!

Can we get a Wiki?

Cincinnati was founded in 1788 by John Cleves Symmes and Colonel Robert Patterson. Surveyor John Filson (also the author of The Adventures of Colonel Daniel Boone) named it "Losantiville" from four terms, each of different language, meaning "The city opposite the mouth of the Licking River." "Ville" is French for "city," "anti" is Greek for "opposite," "os" is Latin for "mouth," and "L" was all that was included of "Licking River."

John Filson was a fucking showoff and trying way too hard.

In 1790, Arthur St. Clair, the governor of the Northwest Territory, changed the name of the settlement to "Cincinnati" in honor of the Society of the Cincinnati, of which he was a member.[5] The society honored General George Washington, who was considered a latter day Cincinnatus—the Roman general who saved his city, then retired from power to his farm.

Much better.

But more importantly than all the historical or meaningful crap, we something up there that we don't have down here:


Sweet Mercy

...and:


Notice Frank Bonner's own brand of the Shocker

I do, however, believe the biggest upside to moving to Cincinnati will be my ability to have more impact and a stronger voice in the crucial state of Ohio in the 2008 election. Expect more activity and activism as a result of the move.

I will, of course, still be here. Just a little less often for the next couple weeks.

And don't forget that if you're into the blog, subscribe! It's the funny-lookin' orange thingies on the right. Cheers!

Hungry Like a Wolf-o-witz

I'm on the hunt, I'm after news.

Today WaPo reported the finally ending saga of Paul Wolfowitz. Here's the short version:

"...a committee report found that he broke ethics rules in awarding a substantial raise to his girlfriend." But Wolfowitz raised a stink: he would not resign, forcing the rest of the world in a vote against America in a World Bank high noon showdown. Unless...they said nice things about him. Everyone else: eh, okay:

In a statement released last night, the board conceded that "a number of mistakes were made by a number of individuals in handling the matter under consideration," and the bank would need to improve its ethical procedures. The board declared that Wolfowitz "assured us that he acted ethically and in good faith in what he believed were the best interests of the institution, and we accept that."

The statement added: "We are grateful to Mr. Wolfowitz for his service at the bank. Much has been achieved in the last two years."

That's the job I want: screw the World Bank, go all kinds of unethical, just to get my girlfriend a raise, and then get a raving review after they proved it just to see you go. Holy damn.

Don't know how many of you have seen Shaha Riza:


This is apparently the only picture ever taken of her.

So to recap a story that has already been told in so many ways: America gets what it wants, looks like douchebag; Rest of the world shrugs, looks weak.

Christ on a Bun! Bill Keller Stays True to Crazyhate

Why all the crazy, Bill? Why all the hate?

As I mentioned yesterday, crazy Bill Keller said voting for Mitt Romney is a vote for satan and his whole Mormon cult. And he's back today to defend it.

I'm disappointed, really. This defense is nothing more than a whiny tirade saying he doesn't care if his donations go away, Mitt Romney will lead people to hell. Here's the conclusion (caps not mine):

I REFUSE TO TRADE IN A FEW YEARS OF POLITICAL POWER IN THIS WORLD THAT WILL ONE DAY SOON NO LONGER EXIST FOR THE ETERNAL SOULS OF THOSE WHO WILL END UP JOINING THE MORMON CULT AND BURN IN HELL!

In His love and service, Your friend and brother in Christ, Bill Keller

Aside from the inherent misspellings, grammar, and punctuation errors that pepper the 2600 word rant, that's about it. You almost feel sorry for the little bitch, especially when his promo shot looks like this:


But if you do feel compelled to read the whole of the logorrhea, don't miss the link on the side and the bestest conversion story of all (almost as good as a Chick Tract): Harry Potter finds Christ! The kids'll love it. Then they'll burn their books.

Christ on a Bun! I've Found Jesus!

He's ...preaching? Really?



Really.

The Church of Satan. Catholicism. Put-'em-together-and-what-have-ya-got? Bippidy boppidy ...Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda. Time has recently done a report on this guy.

"...his apostles have taken to tattooing "666" on their hands."

Damn, yo.

His believers believe there is no sin. They base it on scripture. No one is hurt. I say shut your hole and let 'em be. Creepy? Yes. Governing a country and sacrificing human beings for a war based on a lie? Not there yet.

Page seven, please.

Christ on a Bun! Bill Keller Brings Crazy to the Masses

We've got some hot livePrayer.com action for you today:

If you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for satan! This message today is not about Mitt Romney. Romney is an unashamed and proud member of the Mormon cult founded by a murdering polygamist pedophile named Joseph Smith nearly 200 years ago. The teachings of the Mormon cult are doctrinally and theologically in complete opposition to the Absolute Truth of God's Word. There is no common ground. If Mormonism is true, then the Christian faith is a complete lie. There has never been any question from the moment Smith's cult began that it was a work of satan and those who follow their false teachings will die and spend eternity in hell. This message is about the top Christian leaders in our nation who are supporting this cult members quest to become the next President of the United States.

You like your religious extremists with an American flavor? You've come to the right place! 31 flavors of fundamentalist fucknuttery for you to sample. Giddyup!

Jesus was a radical, but respected the beliefs of others. He wanted to change the world for the better, not dominate it. He sent his apostles to deliver a message, not lay siege. But this is what we see in fundamentalist America. We see a crusade of hate, a campaign that will disembowel America just to burn the "bad parts," a sticking the hand in the boiling pot to prove our sanctity. I call Bullshit on Bill Keller.

This statement is so absurd and hateful that it hearkens Team America: "It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now, because I'll put a jihad on you, too." Bill Keller is putting out a fatwa on voting for Mitt Romney. WTF?

Exactly. Bill Keller gets the WTF Award today.

Bonus:
I get to tell you tomorrow what the DoppleChrist mouthpiece is spouting as he's preparing a double bonus SuperJesus response in his Daily Devotionals to the crazyhate. Yay! Crazyhate with all the trimmings!

Extra:
On their "About the Reich" page:
"The most compelling reason to support Liveprayer.Com however is because every dollar is going directly to personally minister to hurting people worldwide."

Hahahaha!

Gerunds make baby Jesus cry. A jihad on gerunds!

Holy Spider-Goat, Batman!

I'm a dork. Phew. It's good to be out.

I was reading a Sci-Fi Channel post this evening about superhero powers and reality's manifestation and came across this:

BioSteel: Spin Your Own Web
Our beloved arachnid can do more than scale walls so you'll need the ability to sling webs, too, if you want to be a legit Spider-Person. Nexia Biotechnologies is eager to assist your pursuit of power. After injecting spider genes into a goat, researchers were able to extract a silk-like material, dubbed BioSteel, from the goat's milk. Because of its compatibility with the human body, BioSteel appears to have some remarkable real-life applications (artificial limbs, tendons and ligaments). Stronger than steel, and with a breaking strength of 300,000 pounds per square inch, wannabe webheads will undoubtedly dream about using the technology for a swing through New York City.

This is writing about real science, not trying to tip the producers of SpiderMan4 in a certain direction? You wouldn't, by any chance, happen to be fucking kidding me, would you? Spider genes injected into goats to make them spin their own web, harvested from their milk?

No. Nextia is producing Bio Steel. They reside in Canada and specialize in goat ...stuff. Science of goats, genetically manipulating goats, feeding goats out of balls with holes? What kind of place is this?



So take a mammal that attacks with a hard head butt, eats just about anything, and juice it up with genetic wonkieness. One word: Neigh-ay-ay-ains!

If you're outraged and want to yell at someone (in a calm and reasonable manner, cleverly working in the phrase "Oh, the humanity!"), you can hit their email web form here. If you're a more vocal person, check out the other info:

Nexia Biotechnologies Ltd.
P.O. BOX 187
Branch Jean-Talon
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
H1S 2Z2

Phone: 780-486-2317
Fax: 514.371.7880

Just do it before it's too late. I'm going to have to get Max Brooks on this.



...before it's too late.

Double Weak Rush Bash Freaks Out Wingnuts

This is from the Baltimore Sun.

The skinny: Robert Murrow of the Department of Public Works told The Sun about a vandalized Rush Limbaugh billboard. He said "It looks great. It did my heart good."

Rut-roh. The goose-stepping multitudes of EIB automatons immediately sensed the red light flashing in their heart chamber. [Alert! Vandalism of Rush billboard! Public figure condones it!] Some blogged. Some called. City hall fielded many calls and Robert's boss yelled at him. Bad boy.

The bigger story here is the act of vandalism:



How. Fucking. Weak.

They splashed four colors of paint on a billboard. It's not even clear if it was someone who even disliked Rush or just someone who found extra paint laying around in the shed after eight Blatz and a pull of Wild Turkey. What the hell?

Quality vandalism should have a message. If you're going to deface a Rush Billboard and do not have the time or intelligence to make a poignant political statement (i.e. a background mural with a 12-year old Dominican child prostitute and Viagra), at least have the decency of a fourth grader:



What? Don't even have that much time? There's the always-classic phantom penis in the vicinity of the mouth:



This is an example of half-assed defacement. Just think what you could do with your whole brain. Please practice safe and thoughtful illegal political activism.

Uncle GrumpyDick: No Love to al-Maliki

They planned it that way.


(click for bigger)

It's a bird (is it bombing us?)! It's a plane (is it bombing us?)! Oh, shit, it's worse; it's the Vice President of the United States.

Vice President Dick Cheney dropped in on Baghdad this past Wednesday, unannounced (Surprise, surprise!). unkl_grumpyDick41 (a.k.a. lonelygirl16) immediately berated the Prime Minister of Iraq, Nouri al-Maliki, from an undisclosed bunker via IM:

unkl_grumpyDick41: ur so not going on vacation
pm_almaliki50: doodz, my peepz need vacation. how bout hello?
unkl_grumpyDick41: um, ur fightin a war?
pm_almaliki50: you so started it, dick
unkl_grumpyDick41: imho, your in charge lol
pm_almaliki50: why the lolz?
unkl_grumpyDick41: im in charge, douchebag
pm_almaliki50: don't start, gD. you did this. i want fly fishing
unkl_grumpyDick41: were you goin fly fishin?
pm_almaliki50: wit u?
unkl_grumpyDick41: love you, man
pm_almaliki50: love you two
unkl_grumpyDick41: but no f****n vacation
pm_almaliki50: dick
unkl_grumpyDick41: you know it
pm_almaliki50: one day i'll make you a muslim
unkl_grumpyDick41: satan sayz no
pm_almaliki50: satan said dance
unkl_grumpyDick41: dood!!!11!! I luv clap your hands
pm_almaliki50: good shit
unkl_grumpyDick41: good shit
pm_almaliki50: so no vaca?
unkl_grumpyDick41: nada
pm_almaliki50: shiznit
unkl_grumpyDick41: wherez the vaca comin from anyway?
pm_almaliki50: from you, dad, i learned it by watching you!
unkl_grumpyDick41: omg lmao rofl
pm_almaliki50: lolz
unkl_grumpyDick41: l8r
pm_almaliki50: l8r

Maybe, if this scenario were true, maybe, if there were IMs floating around the Green Zone with jovial misspellings in spite of horror unimaginable outside the walls, there would be lolz.

We wonder why there's no peace in Iraq?

No lolz.

Support our troops. Support lolz.

And impeach the insurgents living in Washington, D.C.

Truth Blocked in Congress About War Profiteering

So angry...can't speak...

From PoliticsTV.com:

The video on war profiteering Republicans don’t want you to see
Progressive film director Robert Greenwald is scheduled to testify at a hearing on Thursday, May 10 about war profiteering. He requested to show a few minutes of one of his films, but Republicans blocked his request. Here’s what Congress won’t see:

Guantanamo's Cultural Legacy

This was posted in February, but seemingly has had very few hits. I ran into it doing some searching on a Grumpy Dick piece I'll be posting tomorrow (and yes, the Hannity Shenanigans is also on its way).



Has it been 5 years already? Lest we forget.

Boycott Gas Boycott on May 15th

Gas has topped $3.00 nationally and is bumping $3.40 in Washington state. And we keep drinking it down, shrugging our shoulders with a "Whatchagonnado?" grimace on our face. Unfortunately, there are still some asshats out there that believe that by not purchasing gasoline for one 24 hour period (May 15th this year), the public will be able to affect gas prices, sending a "message" to big oil.

It's bullshit. And here's the Snopes definitive review of the topic to prove it.

Main point of the argument? By not buying gas for one day (especially with people stressing "you can top it off the night before"), you are not buying less gas. You are still patronizing the gas companies. You are still buying the gas you normally would, just not on that day.

You really want to effect change? How about a driving boycott? By finding an alternate method for transportation for one day, you would be actually accomplishing what many think is happening on the gas boycott day. You would not be using gas that day (or at least a smaller amount in terms of public transportation).

But that's not enough. If we want to stop this disaster we have to make gasoline less valuable than it is now. We do that by cutting our consumption across the board: ride your bike, carpool, take a bus. For real. You have a job an hour away? Get a closer one. Don't have a bike? Buy one.

If you are unwilling to make changes in your life to help the environment and stem the "fat kid wants cake" mentality of consumption we have in this country, what do you expect to change outside of yourself? Bitching about it is not going to hack it. Get off your ass and do something.

I Can Has Digg Hits?

I'm still reeling. No, that does not mean spinning uncontrollably in a wild dervish with a condom-sheathed plunger handle protruding from my ass. Nor does it mean I'm fishing. Or Irish dancing. This is the figurative kind of reeling.

Tuesday, my post on marijuana, the media, and psychology got picked up by Crooks and Liars in Mike's Blog Roundup. Cool. I usually get about 20 people daily feeding their brains at this mental food cart I call a blog, and the last time they linked me, I saw almost 1000 hits.

Wednesday, I noticed I had over 30 comments on the post (most ever: 12). I checked the numbers:



Ho. Lee. Shit.

Over 10,000 hits Wednesday. Over 6,000 hits yesterday. Wha happon?



I been Dugg. Here's the Digg post linking my blog to, well, lots of people. It's called BREAKING: Marijuana/Schizophrenia Study Debunked, Nobody Surprised.

Shit again. Wait. I didn't debunk anything.

Sorry, Mr. Shambles, the Internets say you do, and what the internets says, is.

Well, it did finally get me registered on Digg. And it spurned a good deal of discussion. 46 comments on my post as of now, 164 on the Digg post. Most popular topics/points:

• Legalize pot!
• OMG this guy my friend knew smelled pot at a party and now he's totally schizo.
• Marijuana has kept me sane.
• OMGLOLZ Digg <3 Liberals, hates Microsoft
• Natural medicine can cure [enter disease here] but drug companies won't make money
• I've been stoned every day for [??] years and I'm fine / have Ph.D. / own business.

A nice, broad spectrum. Criticism came from readers who were obviously expecting some official debunking with research and resources to back me up. And while I am working on a journalistic piece about lead paint, paint companies, and shady lawyers, this - as most of the blog - is social and political commentary with some occasional fun images.



Best comment from Digg (cheezit9109): Wait, this is a BLOG? You fucking idiots.

The macros are mine. Was reading Live Grenades's Trek Macro post which lead me to I Can Has Cheeseburger? I was inspired.

So enjoy, and I'll see you later today with some Hannity Shennanigans.

You Can't Veto the Truth

Today Americans United for Change released this ad in response to President Bush's veto of historic legislation to wind down the war in Iraq.



Make a difference. Call: 202-456-1111

I did. It's kind of fun.

Marijuana Duck, Duck, Goose - Same Old Story

(2nd International Cannabis and Mental Health Conference Programme [PDF] Logo)

Today, 13 states currently have active medical marijuana programs. Illinois, Texas, and Connecticut are chompin' at the bit (Connecticut just did the civil union thing - watch out). Grandma in the Bronx (colorectal cancer) isn't getting tagged for smokin' the rope. Hell, even Sanjaya's fam is in the growing business. Good reports? You got it: Marijuana has shown to cut lung tumor growth in mice and a marijuana-like compound may slow Alzheimer's.

So what has to come out? Marijuana makes makes you crazy and damages the brain. Sorry, that's FOX News. How about a more credible reporting source like Reuters through Scientific American?

Quick Psych 101: Psychology is only useful for broad, sweeping statements and we don't have a true understanding of all aspects of the brain or how they work, let alone how drugs interact with it (note: Not talking out of my ass; I have a Psych degree and recently had a great conversation with a neuroscientist on this exact topic).

From the article: the two main active components of marijuana are cannabidiol (CBD) and tetrahydrocannabinol (THC). CBD produces a calming effect. THC is associated with the paranoia, euphoria.

There are upwards of 300 active compounds in marijuana. This study took the two most abundant (THC and CBD), and looked to see where the brain was affected. Because of anti-drug taboos, these studies are almost always conducted with synthesized THC. And an MRI will give you an image of activity or inactivity, but - as already mentioned - we don't know all the details of activity in certain areas of the brain.

To sum up: Doctors treated patients with a synthesis of a compound known to cause mild paranoia. They then put their patients in this machine:

and reported that the brain scan showed affected areas related to paranoia. No shit.

I am not trying to slam the study. The media and its fervor, however, can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut on this one. Reuters has this article titled "Brain scans pinpoint cannabis health risk." But they didn't. The brain scans show activity or inactivity of the brain, and and the implications affect mental health outlook, while "health" implies physical health or brain damage. First sentence: "Brain scans showing how cannabis affects brain function...." Hold it right there. Function is not measured but by behavior. See previous explanation of what is being measured.

"It's no longer a contentious issue. The expert community, by and large, accepts that cannabis contributes to the onset of psychotic symptoms in general and the severe form of psychosis, schizophrenia," [Professor Robin Murray, conference organizer] said.

Wrong. That sounds like the "Weed makes you crazy" defense. Dr. Zerrin Atakan, author of the study, was found to be an astute, reasonable human being completely void of the sensationalism that would follow a story like this. He was quoted in the Telegraph in 2004 as saying:

Cannabis psychosis is a very vague term. If we ever use the phrase, it is only to describe very short-term effects immediately following smoking, and it certainly doesn't refer to users having a psychotic disorder. People may feel frightened or paranoid, but these feelings pass in a matter of hours or, more rarely, days, and practically never require treatment.

He even laid out some very lucid guidelines in a message to the 2005 Cannabis Education March & Rally, telling everyone to make up their own mind about marijuana, but hitting on some basic facts about smoking before your brain is done growing, smoking if you have mental illness, or smoking every day. Very understanding and well-understood.

So why the hullabaloo? Two words:


(note: The Movie is public domain and the Musical is phenomenal.)

The media loves a good weed story; Marijuana's been tried by 1/4 to 1/3 of the US population, probably twice that have been affected by proximity. Sensationalism sells. So if you can blow a study into a headline, go for it, especially if it concerns marijuana and something bad. The federal government is in love with that. It wants to marry it and kiss it on the privates.

As for Robin Murray and his "weed causes schizophrenia" sensationalism, you might want to ask him to tone it down a bit. Of course, he may have to conference in the pharma behind his conference: Janssen-Cilag and Sanofi-Aventis. But I'm sure that their involvement and their production of schizophrenia treatment drugs are all just a coincidence.

I'll dismount the soapbox now and spare you, fair reader, a venture into legalization, the justice system, hypocrisies, and alternative energy, and leave you with this:

"Casual drug users should be taken out and shot"
Darryl Gates
Head of Los Angeles Police Department
United States Senate Judiciary Committee (1990)

For real information about marijuana, please visit NORML.

(Bonus: 420 Origin Story)

Christ on a Bun! Christ on the Battlefield!

Over at the fabulous Princess Sparklepony's Photo Blog, I saw this lovely with the comment that it hadn't been commented on (h/t, BFF?). A semi-orderly analysis follows.

For shame:



Let's get all analytical on the Lord, crown to boot.

The Lord of...?
Who uses this representation to imagine or dwell on Christ? Granted, the entire site, wearefishermen.com, is absurd (really, go there, see all the Jesi, then cry), but Jesus armed like some bad Kirk Cameron remake of the Matrix?

JESUS: I'm the Lord.
GUARD: Lord of what?
JESUS: Lord of y'all.
[His robes fall open to reveal a rifle. JESUS drops the dove, raises the gun, pops COMMIES (1-7) in the head, guts OSAMA BIN LADEN, and dives, sliding on the tile floor of one of Saddam's palaces, just in time to catch the dove.]
JESUS: Yippie Kai-yay, God-haters. I am peace.

This isn't what Jesus was about.

Antithesis
Some quotes from Jesus:

Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
...
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
- Matthew 5:7,9

If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.
- John 8:7

Love your neighbor as yourself.
- Mark 12:31

This is what Jesus was about.

The look, the feel, of Jesus, the Fabric of our lives.

• What was the sculptor thinking? This guy looks like Tommy Chong after a weekend and a QP! "Peace, man. Though I'm holding a dove, I'm not happy about it because Jenny ganked my last two pinners and I totally thought I had a bag of Cheetos but Billy must've mowed it. Wanna get high? I gotta crown. We could use it to buy a bag. Um, dude, I think the dove just shit in my hand."
  (Tommy looks way more with it than the Lord.)


• Hinted in the last point, this Jesus looks sad, like he's riddled with clinical depression or PTSD or both or on medication for one or the other. Why is Jesus sad? This may be the only bit of truth in this sorry exhibition; This is where the sculptor was "touched" by God, and made Jesus sad. Sad because of the truth of the situation: he wasn't a violent fighter, a soldier. And maybe Jesus didn't want anyone to think otherwise.


• He has a gun. Appropriate quote (Full Metal Jacket): "Yea, though I walk in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest motherfucker in the valley."


• Plastic crown of thorns, rubber dove, and bathrobe: Wal Mart, $23. Wasting Muslims lookin' like JC? Priceless.


• Hey, shoot that Arab! He stole a US Uniform!


• Combat Jesus makes Baby Jesus cry. But when Combat Jesus moves to comfort baby Jesus - BLAMMO! Damn. Those insurgents'll IED anything.

The Lord of...
Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, John Hagee, Ted "Dick'n'Meth" Haggard, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and George W. Bush. This is the kind of Lord they can look up to, this is the kind of Lord they seek approval from. A large chunk of our country believes in this Arm for Peace mentality with the mental backup that Christ is there to allow us to kill the millions of people who don't believe in Him.

The Message
The underlying message of this figurine is not "Gilded thorn crown will get you free dove if you are visibly armed. Lucky Numbers: 2, 15, 16, 25, 33, 39." It is "We can have peace and Jesus, as soon as we kill every single non-believer out there. Only then, only then..."

This makes me sadder than Combat Jesus.

Photoshop Love: Blue Gal Contest, Round 2!

Okay, Round 2 of Blue Gal's Contestation with the McCain picture.

Check out the last post, if you haven't seen it, for the original photo, concept.

I was feeling a little Dickens, or Dick Cheney I should say. Whole lotta Bah Humbug goin' on!


Click for bigger. All the cool kids are.

But McCain as a professional actor? Well, that's just...



*groan*

Okay, okay, so to bring this train to its proverbial yet inevitable wreck:



This is where I get off...

Photoshop Love: A Contest! A Contest!

I was perusing the world of Blue Gal today and found the McCain Photoshop/Caption Contest. Yummy.

We start with this image:



So...many...thoughts...

And I finally settled on one.

Meet Emo John:




Emo John is sad. The world hurts so much. He hurts so much. Sometimes he cuts himself just to feel. It's hard - so hard - running for president when there's so much pain in the world.

And I saw that it was good.

But why so surprised, Emo John? Why the look of awe and wonder? What makes someone who dwells in the deepest depths of suffering say "Wow!"

And while Blue Gal doesn't have an animated portion of the contest, I felt Emo John needed some impetus behind that gawking maw:



And that's my story.

I may make an update or two depending on my available Photoshop time before the deadline.

UPDATE: Round Two is Here.

No Cable, No Popcorn, No Patience

Fuck Time Warner in the ass with a white-hot, rusty, steel-splintered crowbar. Yes, the rounded side is wider and turns into a hook out the out-stroke! Yay pain!

This morning, I noticed the cable wasn't working. The internets is alive and breathing somehow through the same cable line, but none of the bright-flashy-stare-thingy TV. So tonight I miss Jericho. Tonight I miss Bill Moyers. Tonight (snizzleshit!) I miss Lost.

And this whole process would be much more serene with one less agitation: Our phone number is one digit from the cable company's phone number. As I'm sitting here, stewing in not being connected to a couple of my TV shows, I get to tally up almost 20 phone calls "Um, is this Time Warner?" "Yes. You and all the other thousands of idiots ringing the cable company will get busy signals until, one time, they answer. And they will say 'hello.' No, retard. Wrong number." No, I never actually said that. But I could. I only need wait another ten minutes.

Funny level 2 (in the past) is when they ring the house, no one's home, and they hear "Hey, you've got Ricky, [Mrs. Shambles], and [Rickina]. Please leave a message." And I hit the button when I get home and hear "Yeah, my cable's been out for about four hours. When you gonna get the trucks out here? Call me back!" High larious. Almost makes me forget about crowbars and asscheeks.

So in lieu of actual content, I guess I can give a local commercial since I've been bulking up the Bad Business blog next door.

I give you Frank Myers Auto Maxx.



Weep for our children.

Crap, I gotsta go. Phone's ringing.

Bill Moyers: Buying the War

It's popcorn time! Tonight at 9pm EST, Bill Moyers Journal showcases how the media was complacent in selling the war to us, how, exactly, we bought into it, and how we're still getting sucked in.



Watch!

Save the Radio on the Internets!

The RIAA's at it again, trying to squeeze blood from a stone, not quite realizing that by raising royalty rates so damn high that no one can pay them, no one will pay them and stream on the sly or just stop. That means less - not more - money. Douchebags.

I recently put this little piece of love into the left column:



It's my first ad, and they're not even selling anything!

Why do I care? Besides the fact that they're a bunch of douchebags, I maintain what hold I have on sanity while at work through Pandora.

And it really will die. The fee structure is scheduled to go into effect on May 15th, 2007. It will be retroactive from January 2006. I can't even imagine the fees. I can imagine the RIAA rubbing their sweaty little carny hands together, drooling over the prospect.

I'm not selling anything either. Check out the info at SaveNetRadio.org. Contact congress. Get a banner. Get the RIAA out of internet radio so they can go back to suing 12-year-old girls.

This is important.