Minecraft Owns Me Now

So I watched this:



And I was like...meh.

Then I saw this yesterday:

More Minecraft Videos

I thought: Hey, something I could check out.



That's my dog. Well, it's not really mine. I've got this house, which is just kind of a hole in a hill, and I put a door on it and lit it with torches and I keep digging and digging and I made a work table and chests to hold stuff... - sorry, so occasionally when I go out to kill cows for hides or chop down trees (only during the day; night has bad monsters) and I come home I find a skeleton has spawned somehow and the bastard shoots arrows but I kill him, sometimes after a spawn or two of my own (still working on good armor) and when I do I get a bone. I found some wolves and fed one of them 4 bones. And his/her collar turned red and a little heart <3 popped out of its chest and since then it just followed me. And if I accidentally hit it with a pick axe while mining, it doesn't even mind. But I don't like that so I tell him/her to sit on my bed.

I don't have a name for him (or her) yet because I'm viciously mining, as I mentioned. Actually, it's dead. Let's stop playing games while playing games. That screenshot was from when I had it sit on the bed. But I felt so bad, cooped up all the time? So I let him/her follow me (as he/she is wont to do) and while mining away from home a creature called a creeper came around a corner and exploded (as they are wont to do) and Dog-With-No-Name was just gone. And now I have to use my wood to make planks to make a sign so I can put it in that mine and give my dog a name post-mortem as a memorial.

Seriously, this post was going to be happy. I love this game. Then Ricky died. Of course: Ricky.

Well, Ricky will get a sign, and I need to get back to mining. Because maybe a skeleton will spawn and I'll kill it and take the bones and give them to a wolf and I'll name it Rickyz and it will never be allowed off my bed. Evar.

Yay Minecraft! Right?

Cute Break

Enough of all the bullshit and politics and Obama and Ryan and Trump and Hannity and Beck and sanctimony and flip-flopping and hypocrisy. STFU!



Okay. Now, back to business.

Romney Goes Legit 2 Quit

That's the logo. Apparently toothpaste is his thing. I smell nanny state and Romneycare and sister wives colliding with America. You know, those "true ideals" that non-Mormon conservatives change every six months.

Not sure what's suckier: the shitty branding or (if you look at the source code) that he chose to bring his message to America in a low-rent Wordpress template (ooh, probably the same source, a cousin perchance? who took this one course this one time on websites and totally can program and stuff?). Basic PR calls for custom design, programming, SEO, and that's just on the web side! Looks like he started his campaign by creating a job ...for an intern.


Sorry: Edit: Believe in America? Um, we already do. Thanks. Obama's message of Hope worked because many of us lost that with Bush. The left, the right, the gun-toting living bibles? We all believe in America. Well, our version. So, wait, what's Mitt's version of America? Mormon intifada? Sister Wives Sharia Law? Hell, we'll just get Glenn on Fox to expose... Holy Shit! He quit (was fired) and he's Mormon too!

What fresh torture have we just entered? What of Satan's carnal jubilation have we awoken? This is hell-jizz territory. Get a hat.

Jesus Babies: The Real Conservative Crusade

You've heard conservatives lament the horror of Anchor Babies: children born on American soil, making them American citizens, to the parents of illegal immigrants. It's the theme, purpose, and strategy of the immigrants and it must be stopped!

You may have also heard the paranoid rantings of some elected officials blathering on about Terror Babies. These are the Taliban counterparts to their Hispanic compatriots and should completely scare the crap out of us because, um, terrorists, duh!

(Your mission: draw cute, cartoon-y versions of stereotypical illegal immigrants and terrorists - as babies. Awwww...watcha watcha intafada taco? Brrth?)

But the real point of this post is that the sometime raving and ranting on the right over the Anchor and Terror Babies betrays the real reason for their perplexing focus of women's health care and Planned Parenthood: Jesus Babies.

It's the same reason (in my opinion) Christianity and other religions encoded into their doctrines the need to consummate a marriage and avoid birth control: more babies means more Christians. Some estimates have white people as a minority in the USA by 2042, and that scares the shit out of the rich, white right wing. More babies, more Whites, more babies, more Christians.

And yet they're wrong again. The growing secular population in America paired with the growing liberal - moving forward - crowd will actually mean less Christians, less 100% white people. It will mean more abortions - legal or not - and more deaths and more illness and more orphaned children.

In their heads, the brown people are winning the population race. And they don't know what to do about it. So? Apply Christian doctrine to law!

This is just me, but:

"Liberals look back at the last 50 years, figure we've done pretty well moving forward in the rights of women and minorities, but know there's much yet to do. Conservatives look back 50 years and are horrified that it still doesn't look like that now."

-Ricky Shambles


Sorry conservatives, but "Where's Mammy with my mint julep?" is never coming back.

Dear Washington: You're Assholes

You're all assholes.

Republicans: You lie and rely on your crazy wing and AM fakery to scare the shit out of everyone.

Democrats: You fold like a wet card castle and then whine about it.

America: You keep voting for people who want to be politicians.

We need to take representation like jury duty.

Why do things suck right now? WE made it this way.

Star Wars Perspective: Darth & Luke

I was in a client meeting this week that turned into a geekfest of sorts (as is wont with us web guys) and my client said something that I had not really considered before in relation to his son: the differentiation in the view of the six movies that we know as Star Wars.

For me, in my mid-30's, I experienced Star Wars - albeit not all in the theater (I saw RotJ with popcorn when I was seven) - as a wonderful trilogy, an arcing coming of age story of the development of a boy turned man who eventually knew the truth of his past and confronted his father. It was a story about Luke Skywalker. Re-watching this tale on VHS (over and over) only reconfirmed this reading.

When I was out of college and saw Episodes I-III, I saw it as an origin story: these are the tales that lead to the story of Luke Skywalker - and the coolest part is we see how Anakin grows as "The Chosen One" and (we all know) turns to the Dark Side to become Darth Vader. Oh, how wonderfully complex and nuanced! I just about literally drool over the presentation and resolution and composition.

But kids growing up now - or from slightly-pre-1999 on - see this basic culturally-relevant, pop-culture reality in a completely different way. Instead of starting with Episode IV and mulling over it for years, they start with Episode I, with Anakin. And that transforms everything.

In the generation quickly slipping just past me, there is an understanding that these six movies are a tale of Anakin Skywalker turned dark to Darth Vader, his interactions with his son, and, finally, his death. For them, Star Wars is the life story of Darth Vader.

The story had to be told (maybe without Jar Jar), and the younger generation will still get the overriding themes, but when I watched Episode IV, I was watching the beginning of the redemption of a villain. When they do, they begin with some level of empathy and understanding of who this masked man is.

Neither one is right, but I would argue that the original presentation provides a more dramatic experience, and would argue that: if you have children or know children being introduced into the Star Wars cannon, do IV-VI first and then present them with I-III.

And one day, when Lucas realizes the world will not actually end in 2012, perhaps we can look forward to some VII-IX with Leia and Han's kids, and we can all - once again - be children in awe watching this saga unfold.

Conservative Crazy #96: Kill the President?

You may recall I've been monitoring my right-wing email (Human Events) subscriptions for 365 Ways to Make a Liberal Crazy.

Today, I must report, ...shit man. I hate the "Really?" common phraseology, but - Really?

96: Say a Prayer
Dear Lord, you took my favorite actor Patrick Swayze. You took my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett. You took my favorite singer Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite president is Barack Obama. Amen.

Let's joke about the President's death and pair it with a Christian prayer. Awesome. As always, the lack of understanding of humor and the batshit crazy flourishes on the right.

In Short: Hannity is a Rube

And I don't mean Rube Goldberg.

Today on Hannity's Radio Debacle, he interviewed Vox Day, author of The Return of the Great Depression, and through the process of the softball sales pitch for Vox's book Sean gets more and more "troubled." "Well, I don't know; it's a little apocalyptic," he said.

Sean: Vox Day is the "brilliant economist" that is the basis of the ads on your show with the website address TheEndOfAmerica.com. What the fuck did you think he was going to talk about?

I swear every day is more surreal than the last.

April 1 is Internets Xmas

Seriously. On April Fool's Day, it rains meme seeds. Kotaku has the official round-up, but this, well... 2K games takes Duke Nukem to the next level: flinging poo.




And then there's the new Harry Potter TV Show:



Truly brilliant!

Take it Back: Album Covers

I took a shot at going back into my archives of lovely Photoshop pieces that perhaps you have never seen in I'm Hilarious in Iraq. Here are a couple album covers I did:

Combining two albums? Sure! Here's The Gray Album:




And in a double-entendre exercise, I would love to hear this band:

The White Kids Channel

Don't be mixin' races folks.



I guess if that didn't make you vomit (or have the skills it takes to hack and wipe out a website), you can catch the rest of Andrews videos at whitepridetv.com.

Mmm... Chewy

I was over at Cal's place and he was talking about Chewbacca - as one is wont to do - and he suggested a new Star Wars film which made me suggest "Wookie Nights" which turned into remaking movies with wookies.

I'm feeling an execution of about 8/10, but I'm pretty sure it's not as funny as it was in my head. Feedback is always appreciated!

Some Vampire Movie or Something

What if the picture above triggered no recognition in your brain, no social relevance, no movie connection, no thoughts of the scree of a tween clawing at your eardrums?

Over heard this week:

GAL: What's your granddaughter's name again?

GUY: Bella.

GAL: Oh, yeah. So pretty.

GUY: Yeah, I guess someone asked [my son] if they named her after, I guess there's some vampire movie or something.

GAL: Oh. Really? Hrm.

GUY: But [my son] just likes the name Isabella.

GAL: I don't know, I never heard of that.

GUY: Me neither. I'm not really a movie person.

GAL: Not unless it's free.

*they laugh*

My first reaction, after picking my jaw up off the floor, was OMFG! How can you not know Twilight? How can you be so much not a movie person that you're completely unaware of one of the biggest movie and literary sensations in years? Do you not read books either?

Is it even possible to be unaware of something that is so completely ubiquitous? This happened in a "work" environment, so the people in question leave the house every day. With billboards and posters and radio and television and conversations with people who know someone who read the book or saw the movie, you never heard about Twilight?

Then I stepped back and monitored my own reaction. This doesn't make these people any less people, but am I a media snob for reacting like that? I don't think I come across as "OMG I know everything about everything," even in my private thoughts.

So what are your thoughts? About the interaction and my reaction. I'd love to hear what other people think.

Limbaugh Stupid - Internets

Heard immediately upon turning on the car:

Rush: "No, if you put it in a PDF 95% of people won't be able to read it."

PDF stands for Portable Document Format. It is the de facto file format for electronic documents the world over. You can download Adobe Acrobat Reader for free. Well over 2/3 of all the computers in the world can open a PDF file because of this universality.

Rush regularly talks about things he does not understand, and when the funnel-eared myrmidons lap up his aural feces, they become even dumber.

Why is it conservatives/Republicans just do NOT understand technology, specifically the internet?

The Madness of the Right: Iraq, Libya, & Puppies

I swear that The Onion is going to go out of business. And it's all the fault of those damn Republicans.

Nine years ago when we invaded Iraq (again), all of us on the left were pretty damn vocal with a very clear WTF? Our question with two wars running? "How can you measure success?"

Today, I heard Sean Hannity wagging idiot-stiffies with Buchanan over how bad Libya was, how much of a debacle it is, a "quagmire (he will be creating a quagmire commercial for tomorrow, FYI)," and Sean was pontificating about what this "invasion" meant. "What is the measure of success?" He wondered what the extension of this would be - would it mean we'd just go willy-nilly into Russia, into China? "What's next? Saudi Arabia?" At which point the world turned upside-down, I was driving on the left side of the road, the guy in the car next to me was getting head from his sister, I wasn't drinking a Mike's Hard, and I vomited out my ass.

Bush drove a fear-of-self-preservation (& freedom) bill through congress and invaded Afghanistan cause we thought a guy who might've planned 9/11 was hangin' out somewhere there - almost 10 years later we don't really know where he might be. We invaded Iraq because of warmongering lies. We DIDN'T attack Saudi Arabia where almost all the terrorists came from. Bush's vague, unicorn-fart version of "finality" was somewhat along the lines of "when we get the terr'ists." And that was an AWESOME answer for everyone on the right and Fox News and Sean and Glenn and Rush and they threw down palm fronds and attacked any rational people by calling them cowards.

But since our president is "the other," since he might be a sekret terrrst, he can't use that. Actually, he can't do anything right. He can't be tough enough or compromise enough. He can't promote war and he can't promote peace. He can't act in concert with an international theater and he can't act unilaterally. But most importantly, he's either too black or not black enough.

As Ezra Klein tweeted, " If the president proposed the ‘More Puppies Act,’ the minority would discover it holds fervently pro-cat beliefs."

(Sidenote: check out Buchanan's website. It sucks my nads. In 1998.)

That Guy Who Sends You Emails and They're Not That Bad ...Until...

Got this from one of those guys. WTF?

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical support.

Some people think this is funny. You should be terrified at that.

Okay, wait. Let me try.

For centuries, Christians have worshiped an idol of a man nailed to wood. Most of us have naively thought this was...

Sorry. That is enough absurdity for today. Please fill in your own silliness.

Star Wars DJO Wondersynch

What I'm Havin' is Havin' You On

One of my fav Kids in the Hall skits, Season 2, Episode 1

Doggie Refugees in Japan

Seriously, teh sads:



Toldja.

Fox & William Tucker Say "Meh" to Nuclear Danger

Ahhhhhh! When will I learn? Ten minutes of Fox News is enough to give a thinking / informed person a terrible headache.

Last night I stayed up kind of late watching coverage of the tragedy in Japan and much of that coverage was on the danger of the nuclear situation there. After a few shows and many an animated graphic, I had a solid grasp. Here's the gist:

• Each of the 6 (!) reactors have an inner containment casing surrounding the reactor core, and an outer reactor casing.
• 3 of the reactors were offline for maintenance and contained no reactor cores.
• The remaining went offline with quake for safety.
• ALL six of the reactor buildings contain spent nuclear fuel rods, cooled by water, contained only by the outer walls.
• Because of quake damage, maintaining water levels has been a problem.
• Due to 2 explosions and 2 fires, outer walls of 3 reactors are severely breached (like the whole roof and most of the walls of #3)
• ALL 6 of the reactors pose varying levels of problems and concern.
• The local utility company TEPCO has a jaded history of not quite reporting the severity of situations.

Yeah, that about sums it up.

So imagine my surprise (and gag reflex) when I switched on Fox News for less than five minutes to see Doocy talking to William Tucker, author:



I paraphrase, but his assertion was thus: "Basically one reactor has a crack in it and might vent some steam, but it'll just dissipate. We've got 6000 miles of ocean between us and there's no reason for anyone in the US to panic or even be worried."

Wha-what?

Take all that exposition above along with the fact that the closest point between Japan and Sarah Palin's Alaska is 660 miles and, well, you wonder why Fox News viewers operate like barely-functional vegetables.