Cicadas..Just Kidding: Politics!

So last night we were looking, waiting to see if Hillary would drop out and she said "Hells no!" Barry-O was to be graceful in supposed victory and he's all "I will be the Democratic candidate fo sho." And John McCain, completely in line with what we have all come to expect, was a lying douchebag.

Let's do a quick rehash using some demonstrative images from their respective speeches.

John McCain



McCain, with his background, now apparently represents the Green Party. But the real star of the show was Smilin' John's Shit-Eating Grin. The speech itself was angering and unenlightening:

• Democrats are baaaaad and hate America
• I love America and won't let'em ruin it
• Show off the wooden teeth and allow the automatons applaud
• Rinse off the poop and repeat.

It was lack of vision, lack of substance, lack of character.

Barack Obama



Expectedly, Obama pulled the necessary delegates and the media drooled and jizzed all over the story and coverage. His speech was strong, decisive, and inspiring. And that's what got him where he is.

I guess the Obama staffers were in a rush to portray the pale white support that Obama has because - I know it's not as good a shot as the television - they had represented everything from strawberry blonde to deep auburn. That's right, Barack Obama has the full support of the redhead coalition:


And finally... Hillary Clinton



Hillary, while a bit reserved in her speech, was overshadowed by her supporters. As opposed to the Obama Redhead Alliance, she was able to pull in a few African-Americans, a questionably Indian gentleman, white men, and the token homosexual male in yellow stripes pictured here.

The best part of the entire speech was immediately after this image was taken: Mr. Flamboyant was optioned by the African-American on his left, at which time his exuberance flatlined and he mouthed "what?" His leash tightened, he was at heel within seconds.

Estimation of the conversation of Hillary supporters behind her back:

Stripes: Woohoo! Yeah! Hillary 4-ev-R!
Dignified African-American (DAA): Dude!
DAA: Dude!!!
Stripes: What?
DAA: You're on fucking national television. Behave yourself.
Stripes: Really? You're --
DAA: Do you want Hillary to lose?
Stripes: Um...no.
DAA: Behave.
Stripes:Um...okay.

Yet Obama still wins...until the convention. Crazy bullshit in play, much politicking to go around, and Batshit McCain to spread more lies. I think we have a long way to go.

Cincinnati Cicadas, Round 5 - Brood XIV

For those of you who are avoiding my blog because you are sicked out by the Cicada pictures, I apologize. I really do. Mrs. Shambles is - at the very least - irritated by my fascination for these 17-year insects. It's not looking likely, but if they mate and take to swarming, she'll be in the basement for the next three weeks.

So if you don't want to see pictures of bugs, please bear with me one last time. Yes, this is the last one. I promise. Unless they swarm. One guy I talked to yesterday said when they hit Cincinnati the last time (2004), you could drive down the street, not even very fast, and 50 could hit your windshield at once. Let's just say I filled my washer fluid reservoir today. Not really, but I should've.

So today's Cicada excitement comes in a couple forms. All of them photographic.

NOTE: All images used in my Cicada posts - good or bad - are all original photography and I did not watermark it because that's a pain in the ass. If you want to copy and post it yourself, I ask for two things: 1) Make a mention of my blog. A link would be nice. 2) Don't leech; that means: copy the image and save it yourself and upload it to your image hosting (I use Photobucket) or blog site itself.


Cicada husks in the shrubbery. Bastards!

So let's go through some life-cycle action:


What it looks like after emerging from the ground


At first I thought "Albino Cicada!" but that's the emergence.


Emergence with an early riser in the background.


Believe it or not, same cicada as in the previous 2 pictures about an hour and a half later.

So how do you feel about this series? Gross? Vile? Enlightening? You hated bugs already and now hate me? Let me know. My comment box is always opened and never monitored.

Still working on the noise...

That's Mr. T-Shirt Hell to You

Have you heard of T-Shirt Hell? If you're not jumping up and down, flashing gang signs, and holla'n "Heall yeah, mothafucka!" then you're probably someone I would like to have a conversation with. Can't stand bad grammar.

So T-Shirt Hell. This is not a "funny t-shirt" site. This is a blatantly offensive t-shirt site. And it just happens to be funny. If you are easily insulted or offended, do not - I repeat - do not go there.

But, if you do, please note that if you go there by clicking one of the links in this post or the soon-to-be-added link on the left - and you purchase a shirt - I get credits towards free shirts.

If you don't buy any shirts and forgo the previous warning about offensiveness, then, hey, free entertainment. We know where you live.

Shirts I own:



...and another that has been discontinued (and is therefore imageless) that says:

TOOL
Not the band, I'm just a tool.

...and I was going to put the most offensive shirt I could find right here but Sesame street characters, suicidal and taking recreational drugs, dead Muppets, jokes about eating pussy, sucking cock, and angry pirates: it's all just humor to me and the subjectivity of our world dictates that you will probably be offended by something and that thing will be different for each person.

So how about I recant my previous warning and you just go there to see if there is something that actually does offend you. I dare you. Prude.

So enjoy the site, buy a shirt, and don't toss any "I'm offended" sanctimonious bullshit in my direction.

Cincinnati Cicadas, Round 4 - Brood XIV

More pics and scientific information this time.


Got a picture of one of them emerging, before the molt.


The ground appears as swiss cheese, or at least like the brain of a mad cow.


...and the husks continue to pile...

And teh science on Cincinnati Cicadas (or at least the news)!

"Individual songs can be heard right now," Kritsky said. "They will start chorusing over the weekend and be at their peak by June 7. By July 4, they'll be gone."
...
"I once measured the sound of a cicada singing in a tree at 96 decibels," Kritsky said. "That's louder than the planes flying over my Delhi Township home."
...
For cicadas to emerge from their 17-year subterranean slumber, the soil needs to reach 65 degrees.
...
As with every cicada emergence, the fundamental things about these insects apply: They do not carry disease. They do not sting or bite humans. They do not taste good.

"I ate one from the last brood in 2004," Kritsky said.

He rated the cicada for mouth feel: "Like eating something squishy from a cold can of asparagus."

And taste: "The juice from that same can."

Mmmm...asparagus!

So it looks like 5 or so days to the peak. The noise is currently at an antagonistic annoyance level - cranking the Sirius much higher this past week. Hopefully I can figure out how to get you wonderful readers a sample of the noise. It's really quite lovely.

DJ Spooky and Obama

I'm not an Obama myrmidon, but this is pretty damn good. If this is the spirit, then I'm ready to believe that we can make America better.

Protecting the Holy Sausage Party

I remember back in the late 80's, early 90's reading an article about an increased call for women to have the right to be priests in the Catholic faith. At that time, Pope John Paul II called bullshit on these devout women and invoked the Infallibility Clause, stating that by being the Pope, he is receiving this direction straight from God and since God is infallible, what he's saying must be right. Because these women believed in the faith and, by proxy, the power of the Pope, they had no recourse but to snap their fingers and grumble "Nuts!"

Well, Benedict didn't want to be left out of the scuffle. Namely:

The Vatican insisted Friday that it is properly following Christian tradition by excluding females from the priesthood as it issued a new warning that women taking part in ordinations will be excommunicated.

In other words, if you are a female and love Jesus so much - in the Catholic tradition - that you want to serve in the best way you know how and become a pastor to spread the word and love of Jesus, and if you're not happy with just becoming a nun, we're going to remove your connection with God.

This is equatable to me loving America so much that I worked very hard to build the support of my ideas and ran for President of the United States, and instead of the media just ignoring me, the US Government said "You are not allowed to do that; you will no longer be allowed in the United States."

Except that it's God, and personal salvation - not citizenship - at stake. The Pope is giving women who love him and love Jesus and love God and the Catholic religion and want to express that by becoming stewards of Jesus himself and giving them the red card to Hell. Because they're women.

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find Him laughing

So, with that in mind: How is the Catholic religion even relevant today?

Cincinnati Cicadas, Round 3

They're here. More numbers today. Here's my white picket fence (I know; I have a white picket fence: WTF?)



Every one of those dark spots is a husk.



Remember I mentioned molting? They crawl from the ground, gain ground on trees or - in this case - a man-made object, and pop out of their exoskeleton, reborn with wings. I have yet to see one of them climbing, one of the wingless before they break out.

But since I've been watching all the live bugs crawling and flying around in the yard all day and see none now, I'm guessing the daily cycle is emerge in the morning, husk-out, fly and eat and - I guess - mate. I've got to do some more reading.

I did hear more horror stories today at my daughter's 6th grade graduation, about the streets being a bug muck, about people who say it looked like their front porch was moving, so covered it was. And the smell. If all these bugs do, while covering our reality, is eat to mate and die, that's a lot of organic material. One rotting bug is not a concern. A million is said to be pretty awful.

And the noise is already pretty bad - during the day, at least. I guess the misleading aspect of the first few days is that everything eats them - birds, bats, spiders, etc. But they're so big, that soon these animals get tired of the snack and/or fill up. And then the high point of the bell curve of population hits. And as the cicada shit hits the proverbial peak, I'll be there with my camera, making you squirm.

But back to the husks. You know you want a close-up.

Cincinnati Cicadas, Round 2

Today, walking by a couple in the parking lot, I heard one of them say "I'm just worried about the cicadas."

As I mentioned, I'm excited. People are netting their trees. More photos tomorrow.

Bugs, bugs, bugs, yay!

When Patriotism isn't Patriotic Enough

Veterans For Peace was kept out of the Memorial Day Parade in Washington, D.C.

WTF?

500!

I don't know what this means, but it showed up on the image search for 500

This is my 500th post.

Yay!

I dumped verbal yesterday, so I'm not going to pontificate today. It's been a long day. And I must plan for the cicadas.

Bless the internets.

Ricky's Treatise on Religion vs. Spirituality

I've heard the rants of the right wing radio hosts: "He says he's spiritual but not religious. What the hell does that mean?"

Here's what it means:

I grew up Catholic.

No, that's not the whole thing. I grew up Catholic, where I learned about sin, repentance, and all the codes and rules that are necessary to be a part of a higher power. Many of the things I learned labeled as "sin" were things I already picked up as a human being as bad: lying, stealing, killing, etc.

When I grew up, I eschewed the Catholic Church in search of other modes of religion. Every form of Christianity I studied and explored held - even if in diluted forms - the necessity to congregate in a "House of God" in order to be a part of Him. The problem was, for me, that a church always housed obligatory visitors, those that are resentful of having to be there, those that would much rather be doing other things.

And as soon as I learned about God, I wanted to be part of it. And I do mean It; I think at some superficial level that I believed that God was a Big Man in a Flowing Beard, but I always felt cheated on a practical level when it came to Him: Where was He? Why couldn't I talk to or even feel him? Would I ride around to different churches, to different temples until I felt some sort of connection?

And then came nature. Around 15, I started studying the Wiccan religion, Pagan precepts - "Do what you will, though you harm none" - and felt more at home. The wind and trees said more to me in minutes than any priest on a thirty minute homily. You can smell the Earth, touch the soil, stare at the stars and feel an awe that I still experience to this day, and technology only makes it more intense.



When I look at that picture, I see hundreds of galaxies like our own, each holding billions of stars, each holding planets, perhaps some holding life, and I get teary. That is beauty. That is god.

So after much searching, mostly amongst stories and fairy tales, I finally came to the conclusion that all religion was about being a part of - or at least getting a chance to touch - god. And that all the religions of the world were elaborate rituals evolved from cave people about how you can and why you should want to and who was out there. Fire, incense, chanting, dancing, blood, wine, ritual. And you may never even sense "inside" because even then, only those in power could touch the center of control. Because if everyone could touch it, there was no control.

And without ritual? You had it down to: yourself and the ultimate power of the universe, should you choose to believe in it. You had the power of the mind that took the form of prayer or spells or practice. They were all words for a single, basic idea: you can connect with something Higher: no cage to dance through, no arcane rules to follow, just you and your heart and your innate sense of good and evil. And you could do it.

And when you take away the box or maze or cage of religion, you are left with Something Higher, and you don't have to dance the dance or wiggle through the maze or get the ointment to pass: it is You and Whatever You Call God and you are free to smell the ocean and cry at the sky and feel a connection with Everything that Is.

So for all the Conservatives who laugh at anyone who says "I'm spiritual, not religious," here's the crux: Religion is the cage. Spirituality is the connection with what's inside. I prefer to focus on the locus and live with my own conscience and deeds. There is no cage, though you keep pretending to rattle it.

Can you live with that?

Cincinnati Cicadas, Round 1

Taken by Me on my front porch

This bug digs itself from the ground, molts, looks like it does above, fucks, and dies. Its offspring burrow into the ground to do the same thing. And in Cincinnati, Ohio, that means 13 years later.

Question 197 for God: Concerning cicadas, WTF?

Lore is that 68°F ground temp makes them come out. Lore is that - in these old neighborhoods of Cincinnati - it gets pretty damned bad.

Today, I had one fly at me, saw several dead and half-dead on the driveway. Should lore be correct, we should be swimming in the next week. For someone who has never experienced it, I am excited. It'll probably suck; I'll probably bitch; but sometimes you just have to go see Poison twenty years later because you want to shiver and bathe in the suck. (Okay, Poison rocked - bad analogy. Substitute with: your comments - hand it to me!)

And out of the smoke locusts came down upon the earth and were given power like that of scorpions of the earth. They were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any plant or tree, but only those people who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads. They were not given power to kill them, but only to torture them for five months. And the agony they suffered was like that of the sting of a scorpion when it strikes a man. During those days men will seek death, but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them.

     - Revelation Revelation 9:3-6

Mmmm...I can't wait.

Quitting? How About Joining?

Ricky the Dolphin from e-Reef News

As many of you may know, one of my favorite ways to read blogs is to get them sent to me via Feedburner. Which is why I joined for the pleasure and ease of others (except for the embedded videos that never appear in the email), so they may receive Ricky in their box.

I do not have many official subscribers (hey - now's the perfect time to enter your email on the left to subscribe via Feedburner!), and yesterday I received a cancellation from Feedburner for "Reason 2: Offensive, does not agree." What-what?

How do you read my blog for the regular offensive, often witty, and sometimes even inspired commentary about everything from tech gadgets to local and world politics to parenting to - very often - religion - long enough to say "Hey, I want to see these posts in my inbox every day" and then say "Ooh, that's distasteful! Shame!" Huh?

I appreciate and love all my readers. I appreciate and love all comments, even those from trolls. I'm almost at 500 posts and my actual numbers increase every month, slow and steady. And it gives me a jump to see that people like it. But I want to lay it out, just in case I haven't offended you yet:

I'm a liberal, a progressive. I'm a registered Democrat and will vote for either of the current candidates despite what may happen in the coming months, despite my vigor for Kucinich's reasonable, not-for-profit health care plan and the media's rape of the electoral process.

I believe in god, but not God. I believe in spirituality, but not religion. Jesus rocked out, but he was a radical that went directly against conservative thought of the time and now he's embraced by conservatives who stand for exactly what he stood against. I think all organized religion has the same potential for good and evil and that balance is constantly in flux. I have tattoos and piercings. I smoke. I drink. And when we finally realize that marijuana is not the devil and put it on the same footing as beer, I will smoke the shit out of it. Again. I do not fit in a box.

I think people should have the aid of the community if they fall on hard times but have no tolerance for people riding the welfare wave. I have pity on sorrow but no tolerance for "poor me." I've lived in - and occasionally return to, for a brief hour or two - complete and utter despair, but have no tolerance for depression as an excuse. Maintenance medication in general is an oxymoron.

Sex education should be taught in schools; condoms should be given out. Kids are having oral sex at 9 years old, if not younger. Abstinence programs have resulted in more pregnancy. And that is the fault of the parents. Not one parent, but unless all of us give a shit, it is all our fault. See Violence, Apathy.

I love my wife, my daughter. I love cats, like dogs, and am allergic to both. I love listening to the trees and staring at the clouds, the stars. I love Necco Wafers, Spree, and Penn Station Artichoke subs. I love nuance, irony, and people-watching. I play video games.

If these things turn you off, rile you up, or simply get you pissed: subscribe. You may just get the motivation to fire your own rockets into the blogosphere. If these things resonate: subscribe. You'll only get more of the same.

Either way, here I am. The center may not hold, but I promise to. Regardless.

Orthodox Jewish Youths, The New Testament, Fire

In case you were wondering what the love we pour out to Israel has wrought, from the International Herald Tribune:

Orthodox Jews set fire to hundreds of copies of the New Testament in the latest act of violence against Christian missionaries in the Holy Land.

Or Yehuda Deputy Mayor Uzi Aharon said missionaries recently entered a neighborhood in the predominantly religious town of 34,000 in central Israel, distributing hundreds of New Testaments and missionary material.

After receiving complaints, Aharon said, he got into a loudspeaker car last Thursday and drove through the neighborhood, urging people to turn over the material to Jewish religious students who went door to door to collect it.

The books were dumped into a pile and set afire in a lot near a synagogue, he said.

Just in case you were under the impression that Islam was the only religion that wasn't on the table with Christianity.

McCain as The Christ Figure

From ajc:

Georgia Republican Party chairwoman Sue Everhart said Saturday that the party's presumed presidential nominee has a lot in common with Jesus Christ.

"John McCain is kind of like Jesus Christ on the cross," Everhart said as she began the second day of the state GOP convention. "He never denounced God, either."

Everhart was praising McCain for never denouncing the United States while he was being tortured as a prisoner of war in Vietnam.

"I'm not trying to compare John McCain to Jesus Christ, I'm looking at the pain that was there," she said.

He's no Billy Budd (full Melville text). That's for sure.

Damn the Vegan Terrorists!

Some BoingBoing love:

What they were looking for, Carroll says, was an informant—someone to show up at “vegan potlucks” throughout the Twin Cities and rub shoulders with RNC protestors, schmoozing his way into their inner circles, then reporting back to the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, a partnership between multiple federal agencies and state and local law enforcement. The effort’s primary mission, according to the Minneapolis division’s website, is to “investigate terrorist acts carried out by groups or organizations which fall within the definition of terrorist groups as set forth in the current United States Attorney General Guidelines.”

I would bet a great deal of money - by my standards - that we don't have FBI sidling up to any prude, impressionable, socially-awkward college students to infiltrate the bible-thumping nutters who plan to fall into the category of DNC protesters just in case they might be homegrown terrorists.

Media bias rolls back and forth depending on the time, cause, and source, but I think more dangerous - and, really, terrifying - is a governmental bias that always predetermines who "The Bad Guys" are. And when Bush and Cheney are the moral and political measuring stick of what constitutes "The Good Guys," then, yes: that is true, real horror.

Fake TV

Basically, LEDs make burglars think you're watching TV during every second of darkness. It's fucking brilliant.

FakeTV via DVICE

Ricky's Wisdom Today - 5/21/08

When we fall on the ground it hurts us, but we also need to rely on the ground to get back up.

     -Kathleen McDonald, How to Meditate

Obama and the Masses

When I found this picture of Obama speaking to folks in Portland, Oregon, it said 65,000 attended. Now I'm hearing from grumpy-angst Lynn Samuels that it was 85,000.

Impressive.

Even more impressive: just before Obama spoke, The Decemberists gave a free concert.

Those lucky, lucky bastards.

Stop Uwe Boll

For those of you who are not familiar with the travesty that is Uwe Boll, it is safe to say that he has horrified gamers and moviegoers alike by turning successful video games - namely House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Bloodrayne - into horrible, embarrassing movies. How bad? All three of the aforementioned movies are on the IMDB Bottom 100, more than any other director in the world.

We, the undersigned, respectfully ask that Uwe Boll give proper weight to the wishes of the video game community, the horror community, and the film going community in general and stop directing, producing, or taking any part in the creation of feature films. His distasteful handling of the subject matter and lack of acknowledgement of his failures simply cannot be abided any longer.

Mr. Boll has repeatedly shown a complete lack of comprehension regarding the videogames he has dragged, kicking and screaming, to the silver screen and his ham-fisted approach to horror has soiled future possibilities for anyone else who may attempt to bring videogames to film.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Visit the website. Sign the petition. Stop Uwe Boll.

U.S. Armed Forces = God's Army?

The Real News Network has been doing some great work providing the public with information you can't get anywhere else. This story is about the separation of church and state and how the evangelical movement in the U.S. Military is raping that dry.

Warning: this will make you angry.

California Overturns Bigotry

In a monumental victory for the gay rights movement, the California Supreme Court overturned a voter-approved ban on gay marriage Thursday in a ruling that would allow same-sex couples in the nation's biggest state to tie the knot.

Domestic partnerships are not a good enough substitute for marriage, the justices ruled 4-3 in striking down the ban.

This is exactly what the right wing calls "activist" judiciary, but in reality is what us educated folks call "checks and balances." Even if you vote on limiting the rights of certain individuals, our constitution - and judges serving true - will not stand for ignorance.

It's not a be-all, end-all, but a happy step in the right direction for human rights.

Now, if we could get someone to not just decriminalize but fully legalize marijuana, we'd be kicking some ass. Unfortunately, our government, in sanctimonious bullshittery (similar to "protecting marriage"), ignores all scientific data in order to spend billions in tax dollars as opposed to legalizing and accepting tax monies.

URGENT! Orphan Works Act of 2008

'Girl Sketching' - Sir Henry Raeburn (1756 - 1823)

If you're aware of current copyright law, you know that as soon as you create something - written piece, sketch, composition, sculpture, anything creative - it is immediately copyrighted. This copyright is good for your lifetime + 70 years. The Orphan Works Act will destroy this structure.

From Drawn! Blog:

This new Orphan Works legislation proposes a change in U.S. copyright that would (indirectly) require artists, illustrators, photographers, and any creative individual to actively maintain and defend their copyright by registering each and every work with privatized registrars. Failure to do so would leave everything you’ve ever created as an artist up for grabs by anyone who wanted to copy, reproduce, create derivative works of, or flat out steal your work since the act defines an “orphan work” as any work where the author is unidentifiable or unlocatable, and applies to both published and unpublished works, U.S. and foreign, regardless of age.

Main points based on research and interviews:

• This piece of legislation was written under the guidance of Peter Jaszi, a deconstructionist who believes all creativity is - and should legally be - communal


• This specifically affects pictorial, graphic, and sculpture works


• Nothing you have ever created or will create will be protected, even if you've already copyrighted it


• The only way to protect your works will be to pay a fee to Commercial Registries


• Commercial Registries do not currently exist


• Congressional representatives state that Commercial Registries will be created by the private sector - without regulation, oversight, or standardization


• It is your responsibility to monitor any infringement and your burden of proof should you discover such - your legal financial burden as well

There is terrible, terrible money here, and the reversal of logic running against international law is terrifying and mind-boggling. Basically, nothing created will be protected. And once these political asshats get a taste, how long before you think they'll generalize it to anything written or filmed (although filmed probably falls under "pictorial").

This is a horror and a fucking travesty. Listen to this interview with Illustrator Brad Holland for a more thorough and chilling view of exactly what this legislation means. Check out S.2913: Shawn Bentley Orphan Works Act of 2008 and H.R.5889: Orphan Works Act of 2008.

Got that? Good. Now contact your congressional representatives. Now. Use these templates to automatically send emails or find and write your rep through the government site. The Illustrators' Partnership of America has plenty more information.

This is frightening. Act now.

Real American Heroes: G.I. Joe

These images are all over the internets about the upcoming G.I. Joe movie and I'm probably a few days late on it, I'm giddy like I'm 9 again and here it is (images raped from JoBlo.com):


Destro - Brilliant actor, but I want some metal face.


Hawk - Dennis Quaid is on the look.


Scarlett - Impressive, but I'm missing on that yellow suit and grey turtleneck. Sorry, we treasure our childhood fantasies.


The Baroness - I'd like three slices of smokin' evil please - oh, it's already here! Mmmm...


Storm Shadow - Bad ass and sword brothers with...


Snake Eyes - Helicopter blades, blind ninja, tragedy, strength, beauty. Raw awesome.

Honestly, I want to see Shipwreck. Was always partial to him from the amnesia 2-parter "It's Always Sunny in Springfield."

"Frogs in winter!"

No, you can't take the kid out of the dork or the dork out of the kid. Damn you if you tried.

UPDATE: IMDB Page. The Rock as Shipwreck? Really? Where's Flint? Lady Jaye? Spirit? Snow Job? Xomat and Tomax? The Dreadnoks? I guess you can't have it all.

But no Lady Jaye?

How about a G.I. Joe website for you to waste half your day reminiscing about episodes? I'm done. Hit the Roll Call and Character Pages to dig deep.

Digg & Stumble - Good Times

You may just realize that I've now added a couple little buttons at the bottom of each post. You will now see representatives from:

Digg:



and StumbleUpon:



Down at the bottom, next to the Comments link, you can now click and share your favorite Ricky Shambles posts with other users of Digg and StumbleUpon.

Don't have a Digg login? Don't have a StumbleUpon login? Why not? Don't you love freedom and Jesus and fuzzy kittens?

Well?

Get on the stick!

Speed Racer, Christina Ricci

Christina Ricci is in Speed Racer, and I will be seeing the movie solely for that fact.

Yum.

Cum and Cat Piss: Spring in Bloom!

How's you're Spring coming? My olfactory senses have been pummeled by the usual strange and suddenly new scents of the blooming flora of lovely Cincinnati, Ohio.

The first scent I'd like to talk about began affecting me sometime between 12 and 14, when I realized exactly what I was smelling. This is the Bradford Pear tree:



The Bradford Pear tree, when in bloom, smells like semen. That's right: cum. I don't know what else to say about it, really; if you've smelled it, you know it.

More importantly, the past week or two I've been haunted by a new blooming smell here in the Miami River Valley: cat pee. Something that is blooming around here smells like feline urine.

The weird thing? I'm one of very few people who can smell it. The wife, the daughter, and even the visiting in-laws think I'm losing my mind. But I've found some vague evidence that I'm not. Specifically, a report by a mother that talks about how her daughter cannot be in the same room with Paperwhites because they smell like cat urine.



It's my best lead yet, thought I have yet to track them down in the neighborhood.

Anyone else aware of a flowering plant that smells like cat urine that not everyone can smell?

UPDATE: Cat pee smell is juniper. Hurting for the next month or two.

Name 'n' Date - Jimmy 1973

Wow, I'm predictable. Last time it was Jimmy 1972 and before I looked back to see what I did last time, I've all of names and time in the world and I chose the same name a year later.

To recap: I type a name and a year into Google Image Search and see what comes up, what inspires me. No Photoshop this time, but I think it's still a worth a look. Captions always encouraged.


Bunk 10 is Not Gay


We'll Have Chicken on Sunday
(Note: Someone in this picture was named Toehead. Seriously.)


"I totally won the shit out of that."

Achtung! Compulsory Patriotism! I Said Now!

A couple of kids in a "small-town" Jr. High were suspended for not standing during the Pledge of Allegiance. I remember this thing, I think maybe in Jr. High, that they taught: the Constitution. I may be wrong, but it gave us the freedom to speak, even if the Podunk Jr. High says "yous gotta" in the student handbook.

This compulsory idol worship is absurd in that it is part of the reason Brits fled England for a savage wilderness, part of the reason our Founding Fathers started a war against their own governing body. The flag is a fabric representation of all of our freedoms, including the freedom to see it as a piece of fabric.

You do not need to pray to Jesus in church on Sunday morning to believe in God and you certainly do not have to pray to a flag to believe in America.

The Terrifying and Awesome Bridge

From DVICE:

How brave are you? Because from the looks of it, the Sky Bridge in Langkawi, Malaysia will require some guts to gross. That's because this majestic cable-stayed bridge is supported by only one support column as it wraps its way around a mountain a whopping 2,250 feet above sea level.

Base jumping, anyone?

Ooh, and a video:

Nuns Get None in Indiana

The US Supreme Court said that it was legal to demand picture IDs from voters. Now, a gaggle of nuns have been turned away from the polls. Why? Because they are old and don't have drivers licenses. So they cast a provisional vote. Generally, it's about minorities and the elderly and the poor. Now it's about nuns. Good thing the Government hates Catholics too.

Unless you're Bill Donahue. Then you get your own glory hole.

weffriddles

When I first ran across these yummy, yummy web-based riddles, it was the end of 2006 and they only existed through the second Batch. Now they're up to Batch 6.

Here's the idea: it's like a scavenger hunt completely encompassed in your browser. You will have to dig into some code, some properties, enter things into the address bar, and probably visit the forums for clues to progress from level to level.

It's fucking brilliant. Enjoy.

The Great Dictator

Here's some YouTube Chaplin love for all of us:

Baghdad Disneyland? WTF?

Over at Think Progress, they have a FOX News interview with the contractor tasked with and American-style amusement park. In Baghdad. I can't embed it, but check the link; it's worth it.

They talk about the issues plaguing building an amusement park in Iraq like it's just going up in an economically depressed area. Except it's a war zone. And they're planning it outside the Green Zone, apparently being "fast-tracked" by the Pentagon.

Come to The Baghdad Zoo and Entertainment Experience: Bullets, IEDs, mortars, broken rides, and dead animals! Hopefully your family won't be taken for ransom. But that's part of the Experience!

This is not just the definitive example of lipstick on a pig, but lipstick on a mad, violent boar. We'd be better served to build a "Iraq War Experience" park where the military embeds regular citizens into the war. They'd probably pay more.

What the hell are we thinking?