Beckatopia: The Stupid on Saturday

I was tuned in to Glenn Beck's masturbatory mess on Saturday morning, once I was able to discern that it was only being fully covered by C-SPAN.

(NOTE: If you'd like to watch it in its 3-hour entirety for free, hit C-SPAN. Glenn is using his radio program to shuck his paid, premium service just to hear the damn thing. So much for being about the people.)

The first fifteen minutes began with Glenn talking about Manifest Destiny, Divine Providence, and carting out:

• A man, pastor, apparently direct descendant of the pilgrims who landed on Plymouth Rock
• A man and woman, apparently direct descendants of the Native Americans who greeted those pilgrims on our eastern shores.
• A Jew.

So the pastor was clad in modern garb, you know: like a suit. And the Native Americans were dressed like Disney's "Pocahontas." And the Rabbi? Suit and all, but why was he there?

So the Christian got the mic first and started wailing into it about the "One True God" of Jesus Christ.

I had to change the channel. Why this fable of the Thanksgiving story? How'd they get these Native Americans to do the Indian Uncle Tom costume getup for a rally where most of the assholes in the audience think Mexicans are foreigners? Why the Jewish guy? Why the screaming of the Christian to immediately ostracize any form of unification, including Glenn's Mormonism? Where was the representation of the Chinese, Vikings, and Philippine visitors to the USA who were here before Columbus and the pilgrims?

But you know I had to go back; I like punishment like that.

So I went back to hear Glenn pontificate and worship himself, Sarah Palin blabber incoherently, and listen to the token African Americans appear as Glenn himself hijacked MLK Jr.'s Dream Day while saying he wasn't hijacking it while playing film and quoting MLK Jr. and forgetting repeatedly to use the "Jr." to discuss him.

And you know he talks to God. You may have heard the jokes, but Glenn admittedly, specifically, speaks to God. I'm guessing it's the Mormon God passing himself off as the Christian God, but hey, that's just me. He talked about Moses and the Burning Bush, saying this event was everyone's burning bush moment, to get back to God.

And Glenn reinvented uselessness on Saturday by talking about the original Purple Heart medals, how they stood for merit, and then inventing his own medals for those pictures of the Founding Fathers that God had him paint: Faith, Hope, and Charity. And Hope went to a Dominican Republic baseball player Albert Pujols because immigrants are OK when they can play ball and even start charities.

Wait a second, what would happen if an Iranian moved here and started a charity? Holy shit!

Eventually, Mrs. Shambles cut me off about noon because it was getting too tiresome. Too horrid. Too terrifying.


FOLLOW-UP:

Reports from the rally range the attendees from 80,000 to 600,000. That was the serious report from CNN on Monday.

Glenn Beck, on Monday, in an apparent bid to knock down claims that he's a fear-mongering media whore, said that Saturday's true message was to "Get behind the 'Shield of God'" because it's time to say bye-bye to the world as we know it; the end is a-comin'. He again fake cried.

Right wing nutters all over in the last 2 days have used a very brief mention of Beck's rally with no conformable numbers to declare how "amazed" they are, that they've never seen organization of conservatives like this, etc., etc., etc.

The sad truth, conservatives, is that this was not you. It was the Tea Party. And you and them are not the same, except in perhaps a shared hatred towards minorities and immigrants. But that's another post.


SO - while you do a great spin on Mormon O'Beckerson's Scattershot Akimbo Vague Religion Rally, you have already lost. See you in November.

Facebook Marijuana - I Like Weed!

I'm conflicted.

I got an email in my inbox from Firedoglake saying the following:

Marijuana legalization has been censored by Facebook.
Facebook just banned our ads that support marijuana legalization. The social networking site says we can no longer advertise our campaign for marijuana legalization using our logo, which has a pot leaf.

We need to fight back against Facebook's censorship. Can you sign our petition protesting Facebook's unfair policy against legalization ads? We'll send the petition to Facebook and tell the media about the site's censorship of a popular political issue.

I'm as liberal as they get. I love Firedoglake. While I hardly ever smoke anymore, I love me some marijuana. And I am wholeheartedly, 100% behind any legalization efforts. Legalize it already!

But Firedoglake, I'm going to have to pass on this one. See, I've got Irish Dancer here at home. She's 14. And her and all her friends and kids much younger than her use Facebook every day.

She knows that marijuana is not addictive and not the devil because we're open as parents about the effects of drugs. She's also aware that marijuana use during teen years can negatively affect developing cognition. But that's a discussion for us to have with her as parents, and there are many more kids out there without that talk, without that openness, who are ignorant on the topic.

Our ads show marijuana leaves as part of a political campaign to change public policy. It's like telling a political candidate for office that it's unacceptable to show the candidate's face in advertising.

Hold the fucking bus, Gus. Irish Dancer could tell you that's a really shitty analogy. Here's a better one: Popping a marijuana leaf up on Facebook is like popping a leaf up in a loud, crowded theater before the premiere of Eclipse; it will go unnoticed by many, but subconsciously it'll be there. And that theater's full of kids.

And the point of the campaign is to change the fact that it's still illegal. I fully support legalization, but not with ads on Facebook. And when we're successful and we get it legalized, give me a call and we'll smoke a j and laugh about that time I was a dick 'cause I've got a kid. :)

Phase Dreaming?

I didn't do any research on this, but have you ever had a night of sleep like a surreal nightmare that bled into the real world and vice versa all night long? And no matter how awake you got in the middle of the night you couldn't break it? Yeah, weird.

(Note: I had one night when I woke at 5 or 6 and my nightlight was out and I saw angels - dozens of them, about 9 inches tall - floating around the room. Earliest memory. But I don't consider this the same thing.)

(Note 2: This is kinda long an rambling; don't feel bad to skip it, though it's fucking weird.)



The first time I remember experiencing this, I was probably 10 or so and my dad took me to see a Kent State basketball game. First basketball game I'd ever been to. And it was cool: the cheering, the screaming, the little pom-pom on a stick we got when we entered.

And then I got home and tried to get to bed and a little while later awoke - in the game. It wasn't anything as rational as if I were a player or in the audience, but all at the same time. My top bunk was simultaneously the court and the arena and the few square yards a player was making a jump shot. I was awake, but aware of the vivid, immersive dream I'd just awoken from - and could not let go of. I audibly heard the echoes of of the crowd and the squeaks on the court and all the chaos of noise and - if I remember correctly - caught visual glimpses. I closed my eyes, curled up, tried to make the insanity of it disappear. Then I'd fall into the same dream, then wake up. 3-5 times in one night, always the same. Once or twice I walked out of the room, to the hallway, the bathroom, thinking it would help. It didn't.

And the next day I was fine.

About a year later, I had another phase dream, but much more terrifying because it was so quiet. Imagine those "graboids" from Tremors, but about 12 feet fat and 80 feet long. Now imagine there are thousands of them, dead, rows, stacked 2-3 high on the right and left like hot dogs on a plate, ends pointed at you. Okay, I'll draw a shitty picture.



I tend to stay down the middle, but sometimes, climb the dead husks, which are huge, smelly, dripping, decaying, and covered by ash like everything else. The rows go on forever. This was about 2 years before the movie Tremors came out.

And I'd wake up and still see it and try just to go back to sleep, but it was the same dream, except this one was paired with something so abstract I cannot draw it accurately (even poorly). I can only describe it as a blue, wooden-plank swing going back and forth, back and forth, with some association with the number 1, a penny, and water. Those two were always together, one or the other, and they ran multiple evenings in my childhood around there. I'd wake up and sit in the hallway for hours, not wanting to wake my parents - because what do you say? "Some abstract concept I can't even describe in words is following me from my dreams." - but never being able to shake the phasing of it during the evening hours.

Eventually, I'd fall asleep long enough and the morning would come and it would be gone.

And I haven't had that - maybe vaguely remember once - since that time, about 20 years ago.


So I'm reminded about all this because of last night. I had a series of dreams which, in no particular order, happened like this:

I'm in a high end comic shop and am pushed through a Victorian book to a medium-sized dark mansion full of puzzles controlled by a young girl, probably 11, angry and demonic. I'm made to study the book and run errands to find these things while her younger sister - probably 4 - bounces around excited she has a playmate. Only her younger sister is actually a cracked-faced porcelain doll and I think "I've got to get out of here." I recall escaping and hugging the proprietor of the shop.

I'm at a camping retreat where I'm hanging out with (either or) my brother / best HS friend, and we're with a family that's kind of familiar and I keep panicking because I need to leave and need to go and the family keeps making things more comfortable and making time disappear and I see what they're doing in keeping me there, offering us drinks, relaxation, and it shouldn't be malicious, but it's looking that way which merges into...

I'm hanging out with my brother in a garage / junkyard and this guy is hanging out with us - skinny, weasely guy and he wants us there, keeps threatening us with a knife or something and at one point he goes to check something out and I grab my brother's arm and say "Run!"

I'm a car and sometimes a person driving/walking an odd concrete path under a dilapidated bridge several stories above us, water everywhere, very wind-y with juttings of natural rock coming up to mess up the path. Two men - mid 50's - ahead of me look back and say "it's something, huh?" and I gun it, almost running into a rock. "Woah," one of them says. "Take your time. You want to go that way." And I turn and move to the dock to be with my extended family and my cousin is on a boat passing us and I think "Good for him" while the rest of the family is sad he's not coming with us.

It's Christmas and there should be presents - are there presents? - but it's old carpet and damp and stale everywhere and where is everyone?

And in between an sometimes interrupting those phases, I would awake, and I was still there, still hearing the people, still hearing the noises, and wanting to shake it, but not really aware that I could. I honestly could've gotten up and walked to the bathroom and turned on the light and splashed my face. But part of me didn't know I could and part of me was afraid of leaving the bed.

And then it was morning and the alarm went off and the bits of sleep wore off and I got up and made coffee for the day.

But even then I had this lingering fog. Obviously, it allowed me to remember bits of several dreams. And I think it went away. For now, I guess.

So, um, anyone read this far and ever experience or hear of something like this?

Tea-Baggin' Football Coach Gets Sacked

Bryan Glover got fired. See, he was a 26-year old middle school football coach with mediocre aspirations as a singer/songwriter. So when he wrote a song about how Obama was awful and Republicans will take back the country in November and fix it all (so short their memories), he did what every sane person would do: send it to every person on your "personal email list." This included parents of kids he coached. D'oh!

Now, as with most shoddy right wing "journalism," none of the relevant questions were being addressed: Was he using his school account? Were the contacts in his personal list procured as a professional? Does anybody with any sense or knowledge of etiquette really do that (sorry Mom)? Why does he not understand that when you're a teacher/coach, you're a teacher/coach all the time?

Long story short: they canned him because a handful of parents went batshit. I don't know that they should have, but that's what happened.

When it comes to the GOP USA article above, their claim is that the liberal parents' claim was one of racism. I don't believe that. There's nothing in the song lyrics that points to race per se. However, the last lines of the song:

When we’re holding the hammer
Every one of them looks like a nail

I can understand mid-level understanding of simile and metaphor, but when you spend a whole song talking about how the hammer represents misguided and clumsy policies, getting ahold of the hammer does not empower you, but makes you subject to the same errors as your predecessors. Okay, so in that respect the song is accurate.

But this last line plainly incites the same Beck-esque language of violence reflected in oft-used words like "reload" and "open season on Dems." As represented by a handful of whacked-out "isolated incidents," this violence is not figurative but literal. And that prevalence is becoming ever-increasingly dangerous.

Sidenote: the comments on the story? Typical: He should sue the hell out of the school, join the Tea Party, open the Hannity Freedom Concert with his one song and then run for office (and presumably fail miserably).

Hannity-Limbaugh Muslim Gangbang

No, it's actually uglier than it sounds. Aside from Rush's lying comment about Bush living in "a shack" in Crawford, TX, every second I heard of his show today was discussing the poll saying almost 20% of Americans think Obama is a Muslim.

And the discussion proceeded as you might think: "Here's the poll." "Why do people think this?" "Let's take some callers who will say they knew it all along." "Allow me to interject some comments with Muslim undertones targeted at Obama."

[You freak, you fraud, you moral disaster of a human being: It is because of YOU and the other asshats on right wing talk radio and FOX that people ignorant enough to eat your daily digest like eager baby seagulls aching to shit all over the truth believe this madness. Our president is a practicing Christian yet almost 20% (much higher for Repubtards) of Americans are ignorant - NO, not ignorant, but suckered, believing the implication and lie of the simple fact of his (and his family's) religion is NOT Muslim. And they'll happily do it because everyone they listen to with their wide eyes and loaded guns believes it because YOU spout it and because he's the "other" and they don't want to hate him because he's black (even though they really kinda do) and YOU drive that fucking bus! You! And you're on the air talking about it like you're not part of it, not the goddamned REASON for the numbers?

There's a special place in hell for you.]

Now, repeat everything in brackets but as addressing Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, Michael Savage, etc. each, individually.

End transmission.


UPDATE: I'm not sure how this Examiner hack Byron York gets the label "Chief Political Correspondent," but he says it's all Obama's fault. After all, he's often "heading out to play golf or basketball on Sunday mornings."

So if you're not in church every single Sunday morning it's not that you're just skipping out on church, it's not that you're not as devout a Christian as people think you should be, it's not that you're secretly Jewish or a Hindu or Buddhist. No, it obviously means all the lies and misinformation about you secretly being a Muslim are true.

Byron, you're part of the problem, either purposefully or because of a lack of basic intelligence.

In Short: What, Rush Lie?

I just got to listen to some TIA-inducing Limbaugh in the car today and was still stunned that I can still be stunned by Rush giving fraud a living voice.

Asshat was commenting on How many vacations Obama was taking and then feigned outrage at the obvious liberal retort: Bush did it too. But, Rush retorts, Bush's vacations were always working vacations, and he retreated to "a shack" in Crawford.

Two clarifications:

1. Dubya, during his presidency, spent 487 days at Camp David and all or part of 490 days at his Crawford Ranch. 977 vacation days divided by 4 years (+ 2 leap days) will show you George W. Bush was "on vacation" 33.4% of his entire presidency. Now where can I get a job that offers 4 months a year of paid vacation?

2. Crawford Ranch is a 1,500+ acre river-bordering property that was reportedly acquired for $1.2 million - and then Bush built a custom-designed, 4,000 square foot house. Anyone who would call that a shack has a severely retarded understanding of wealth and what the common American considers normal. Oh yeah, it's Rush we're talking about.

Mosque in Short: Constitution!

The Framers or Founding Fathers found it completely appropriate to guarantee all Americans the right to freedom of religion. There was no asterisk.

Hell, freedom of religion predates even the Constitution. Amendment 1, however, reads:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

And that Amendment, like many others, is there for a very specific reason: to guarantee the rights of the minority in light of a majority who disagrees with that right. Hell, the Village of Skokie, IL (60% Jewish) got punked on their sensibilities because it was dwarfed by the Nazis to march in their town - so said the Supreme Court.

The survivors and those who lost loved ones are split. New York is split. But it is simply an issue of Constitutional law. And when it comes to Constitutional law, the Right is all about interpreting things in a new and creative way with supporting documents that are not the Constitution. But when it comes to the direct wording of the Constitution itself, they're at a loss.

This is a straw man, a "patriotic" pissing contest in the lead to an election. Mosques already exist 4 and 12 blocks from "sacred ground" - strip clubs and bookies and sex shops abound in that area as well.

And as Justin Mustian put it, "In fairness, we've been building 'ground zeros' near Iraqi mosques since March 2003."

I think this is a band of rabid conservatives, grasping onto whatever they can because they have no platform or ideas of their own. Their mantra since Obama was elected has been "Obama, you been bad!" (Goonies reference) And they've had nothing else to work with because they've spent every last breath on killing progress as opposed to creating it, killing legislation (that would be good for them and their constituents!) as opposed to proposing other ideas, and just drinking more and more Kool-Aid from the Right end of the AM band with the sole purpose of pissing on a black man from atop their mansions.

I'll deal with the "other"-ing of Obama in a different post. But be aware: The right has successfully positioned our president as a Muslim terrorist, and millions of Americans religiously feed on that tripe. And they have guns.

God bless America.

Juggalo Season Again!?

You may recall this post and video from last year around this time. Yes, that's correct: it's Juggalo Season. Again.

For those of you way out of the loop and not willing to click, Juggalos are a social scene wrapped around the music of hip-hop group Insane Clown Posse. They drink Faygo and some paint their faces like clowns. Scary clowns.

Well, at the just-past Gathering of the Juggalos this year, Tila Tequila (who apparently sings?!) decided to lay her rhythms on the Juggalos. They did not like it and pelted her with bottles and rocks, then chasing her to her trailer, which they rocked and broke out windows.



Oh, and for the record, they fucked up Method Man too :(

Ah, Juggalos.


UPDATE: From AV Club - "Excessive makeup, grating voices, oversharing of all things gross: The Kardashians are the new Juggalos."

Ah, Kardashians.

Misguided Celebration: Dee Snider

A town in NE Ohio will be renaming itself for one day to celebrate Dee Snider.



Will they be celebrating by showing Strangeland 24-hours straight at the local cinema?

Because I'm so Chipper These Days

via PostSecret.

Christian Tool

And I don't mean Tool like the band.




I prefer the Marilyn Manson Mashup:

In Short: Pam Geller is a Fucking Moron

From Crooks & Liars:

Geller: This is patently untrue. I love Muslims. The Ground Zero mosque is an offensive insult, it's a stab in the eye. I have no problem with mosques across the city. But we're talking about history, and Islamic history, of building triumphal mosques on the cherished sites of conquered lands.

Oh, the fucking mosque again?

Hey, wait, that reminds me of this one thing...you know what I'm talking about? The Christians overtaking every pagan altar in Europe to co-mingle beliefs and eventually convert or silently conquer them? Oh, yeah, and that other time...what was it? Oh, yeah, when Christians came here to find the USA totally uninhabited (except for them injuns) and drove those dark-skinned people out to manifest destiny and get some awesome land - on which they erected churches as a staple of any civilized settlement.

Oh, and it reminds me of that awesome new shirt from T-Shirt Hell that says "Learn to Speak Native American or Get the Fuck Out"

Pam, you are not just ignorant, you are stupid. And as a wise childrens' show host said one time when I was drunk in Toledo at 6am: "Ignorance is just not knowing. That's easy to fix. But stupid? There's no fixin' stupid."

So please stop talking and allow the collective of human intelligence heal for a while.

Bigot Me This...

We knew the gay-hatin' would come out (hehe) with a vengeance today and I was not disappointed. My usual 1 email from right wingy nutters was up to 5 by 3:30, all with one aim: "We want to keep marriage as a bigoted, limited, fairy-tale definition so give us money!"

National Organization for Marriage sent this drivel entitled "Keep Marriage Marriage":

An openly gay judge in San Francisco ruled that the votes and values of over 7 million Californians were to be thrown in the dustbin like so many pieces of dirty paper, that his imperial will trumps the voice of the people.

We expected this outcome, because Judge Walker has telegraphed his bias loud and clear. But the sheer audacity, the sheer ego mania of the decision is startling. One judge versus all of the voters of California, plus the 30 other states that have voted directly to protect marriage. One judge against the simple common sense notion that it takes a man and a woman to make a marriage. And he thinks that this will be the end of it...

But he's wrong. Very wrong. We will fight back, and we will win! This case is no doubt going to the Supreme Court and the National Organization for Marriage will continue to give generously to the Proposition 8 Legal Defense Fund. We've already given $100,000. We were the largest single donor to Proposition 8 and the successful efforts in Maine, New York and New Jersey to protect marriage. But now we're in the fight of our lives.

And here's the $10,000 question: If the judge was straight and ruled to uphold Prop 8, would you have raged that of course, he was straight, and should have recused himself? Of course not. You damn fraud.

Who's the damn fraud? Why that nice email even gave me a handy target. I even included his pic because he kinda looks like a douchebag.



Brian S. Brown
President
National Organization for Marriage
2029 K Street, NW, Suite 300
Washington, DC 20006
bbrown@nationformarriage.org



So, Brian, riddle me this: If the case is certainly going to the SCOTUS, then what's all the hubbub about? Your dirty bigot money doesn't have much of any influence in those chambers and, ideally, it's really just an issue of constitutionality at that point (I know, I know, split down party lines and for this one with the same hate you have in your heart).

I realize it's a silly question, but for the kids in the back, let's answer it out loud. You and your organization are using this event and hate and fear-mongering to scare the bejesus out of all those other Americans who can't stand to see them dirty fags gettin' murried. That way they'll dump money into your coffers, your bank account.

And if the Supreme Court makes the rational, moral, and right decision on this one? Why I'm sure you'll stuff my box again claiming you know just how to take this fight to the real top. Because it's not the Constitution you're all that worried about, is it? It's how you and your loyal followers can keep those icky gays from ruining your fairy tale.

Spoiler alert, Brian: The ending's kinda gay.

Bunch of Crap: Drudgery, Sun Blows Wad w/ Napolitano

How the Sun shot web

So Drudge decided to post some college kid's poor camera film of raw satellite that's like 7 minutes long and entitled Katie Couric RAW: Leaked footage of Couric Making Fun of Sarah Palin (FULL). OMG it's gotta be so crazy nasty and KC's going to lose her job over it OMG! Um, no. There's one reference that Katie makes while reading Sarah's kids names: "Where the hell do they come up with...?" And that's all. Yeah, that's it. But the comment-trolls fresh from Drudge act like it's apocalypse: She's an Obama tool, she can barely read, she thinks she's such hot shit. There's a special place in hell for Repub myrmidon trolls.

Speaking of apocalypse - as in the retarded "end of the world" version and not the "revealing" that it really means - the sun kinda exploded the other day. Seriously. Okay, not totally exploded. That'd be like saying I explode every time I have a coronal mass ejection. But that only happens sometimes.

"On 1 August, almost the entire side of the Sun that faces the Earth erupted in a blaze of activity known as a 'coronal mass ejection'." Holy shit! The "entire side of the Sun?" And that's the limit of the confirmation because we couldn't see the other side? Aurora as far south as Michigan? And that was just a low-powered glancing blow? Fuck, I think we've got a nasty peak activity cycle coming.

Which will tie in nicely with "End of Days" for the gay bigots pissing their bleached-pure tighty-whiteys over the judge that struck down CA's Proposition 8 as unconstitutional. Awww...snap! Even Kim Kardashian, who's not a real celebrity, got in on the Tweeted praise! Apparently the social troglodytes think a land where first cousin marriage allowances is rampant is better than them dirty gays gettin' hitched.

Oh, and Janet Napolitano has lied to you and saved and turned your nekkid airport scans into her personal shower-quality masturbation material. Sorries! I wonder if she's one of those women who, you know, ejects coronal mass when she explodes. Now that I might incorrectly call Apoca-lips.

Weed & Lesbians - Auto-Tune it!

Just watch. Hilarity.

Jesus, Anne Rice, & Lindsay Lohan - Rant

If you missed it or are blind to any reference to vampires aside from "Woohoo! Team Edward! Woohoo!" then you may have sauntered by a recent story about Anne Rice, author of Interview With a Vampire (and a couple dozen other novels) and arguable (grand?)mother of the current vampire craze.

She has 'quit' Christianity, as announced on her FB page. Yes, really. And, hell, I don't blame her. I renounced Catholicism at about 17 as an absurdly foolish path to any ultimate reality. A pastor has called her out to say that the people are the Church. I respond:

Dear Pastor,
I'm pretty sure Anne Rice understands the philosophies and underpinnings of the Church in general, and that's why she made that statement. Yes, the Church is the People, but every single division of Christianity has taken stories in a book and constructed this scaffolding around it in the shape it desires. And they have all declared: "There is no truth except through us."

And if you want to work through all that scaffolding you'll find people - mostly men - of the cloth that must aid you in that journey. By helping you climb the scaffold they built.

In Catholicism, the links are so disparate that you're 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon to get to the Pope who has the Red Phone. For the rest of them, it's ideas and thoughts as under-the-sink gradeschool crystal growth projects to build rules and implied judgments from the minds of men.

If you believe in God and want to make that connection a 1-on-1 call, there's NO Christian way to do it without being a part of that scaffold in some way. And within that scaffold, in many different factions of Christianity, lies a great deal of exclusion and hate that would never have crossed the mind of Jesus.

So shut up and let her write more great fiction.

Ricky

And I also saw that Prison Minister Marty Angelo said that Lindsay Lohan would've been way better off if she'd accepted Jesus as her personal savior and gone through religious-based treatment for her addictions.

On the light side, this is like saying gays can be cured through Jesus-ization. On the dark side, it's like a kid I had teaching tenth grade in NC, and on an essay question about Elie Wiesel's Night and how Faith played a role, he wrote me a one-sentence response: "If the Jews had just accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, then none of this would've happened." For those of you who missed that book, Night is a first-person recollection of surviving the death camps in WWII.

Christian healing only works for Christians. I don't think Lindsay has - or will - hit rock bottom. And if she does, she might do the addict dance I've seen so many times: Booze and coke to cigarettes, coffee, and Christ. And maybe then that treatment might work. But for now, Lindsay is a whackjob, out of her mind on excess and immortality and well on the way to the same grave that acted as the thoroughfare for so many other celebrities, except without the talent to pass into anything other than obscurity.

God save her soul.

* Tolerance Does NOT Include Islam

The Anti-Defamation League's Statement On Islamic Community Center Near Ground Zero

New York, NY, July 28, 2010 ... The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) today issued the following statement regarding the proposed Islamic Center near Ground Zero in Manhattan:

We regard freedom of religion as a cornerstone of the American democracy, and that freedom must include the right of all Americans – Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and other faiths – to build community centers and houses of worship.

We categorically reject appeals to bigotry on the basis of religion, and condemn those whose opposition to this proposed Islamic Center is a manifestation of such bigotry.

However, there are understandably strong passions and keen sensitivities surrounding the World Trade Center site. We are ever mindful of the tragedy which befell our nation there, the pain we all still feel – and especially the anguish of the families and friends of those who were killed on September 11, 2001.

The controversy which has emerged regarding the building of an Islamic Center at this location is counterproductive to the healing process. Therefore, under these unique circumstances, we believe the City of New York would be better served if an alternative location could be found.

In recommending that a different location be found for the Islamic Center, we are mindful that some legitimate questions have been raised about who is providing the funding to build it, and what connections, if any, its leaders might have with groups whose ideologies stand in contradiction to our shared values. These questions deserve a response, and we hope those backing the project will be transparent and forthcoming. But regardless of how they respond, the issue at stake is a broader one.

Proponents of the Islamic Center may have every right to build at this site, and may even have chosen the site to send a positive message about Islam. The bigotry some have expressed in attacking them is unfair, and wrong. But ultimately this is not a question of rights, but a question of what is right. In our judgment, building an Islamic Center in the shadow of the World Trade Center will cause some victims more pain – unnecessarily – and that is not right.

The Anti-Defamation League, founded in 1913, is the world's leading organization fighting anti-Semitism through programs and services that counteract hatred, prejudice and bigotry.

Maybe we should all make a point of stopping by the ADL contact page and letting them know you disagree - if, of course, you do. I did.

Your position on the Islamic community center and mosque proposed for New York City has made you a self-parody and seats you in the front of crowd of intolerance and hate that has been spewed by right wing media and well-known racists across the US. You should be ashamed. You have stripped yourselves of any credibility. "...to secure justice and fair treatment to all?" You should probably insert an asterisk to make clear that that position comes with a heaping helping of "However, ..."

Friday Videos: 7 Degrees of Alabama

Comedy Gold follows. Be prepared. And in the spirit of full disclosure, it's only really 6 from Alabama and a turtle fucking a shoe.

This is a news story from Alabama about 4 years ago. Some folks saw a leprechaun:




Another story from Alabama, apparently attempted rape - with a message:




And just in case someone starts waaambling about how attempted rape cannot be funny:



And yes, I knew (guessed) turtles made that noise when I was 14. I feel radically vindicated 19 years later.

UPDATE!

Holy shit, Alabama - what is wrong with you? This is a recorded conversation when a Huntsville reporter is interrupted by a bystander. WTF?




...and we can't forget the Flea Market video...




Oh, my Christ, make me stop Alabama!




Okay, Cullman Liquidation Ctr, but you're the last one!



Have a great weekend!

Muslims & Tea Party?

From TPM:

Diane Serafin, the leading of the protest against the building of a new mosque in Temecula, CA.:

"They hate Jews, they hate Chrisitans, they hate women, they hate dogs. [The idea of the new mosque] scares the daylights out of me. I want you to stress this -- I'm not prejudiced. I worked retail for nine years and I didn't even know my manager was gay until someone told me. And when I found out, I didn't care."

--Josh Marshall

*runs screaming from the room*

Trinidadian Slap Chop

Just like the title says, silly!



Okay, now you can say WTF?

Obama the Muslim

Maybe I should just make this Human Events week. The stuff they're coming up with is going in the "Classic Batshit & Lies" file forever! Here's a taste of this morning's poo stew:

Let’s see. President Obama says there is nothing more beautiful than the Muslim call to prayer in the evening. He says that the United States was not founded as a Christian nation.

Obama’s father and step-father were Muslims and he spent his childhood living in a Muslim country where his school enrollment records say his religion is Islam. As President of the United States he genuflects to the Muslim King of Saudi Arabia but not the Christian Queen of England. He thumbs his nose at America’s friends and bows to its enemies. In short, Obama quacks like a Muslim, waddles like a Muslim and acts like a Muslim, so is he a Muslim? My mother would say, “Yes! He’s a Muslim through and through.”

Growing up as a Muslim, Obama must have learned that according to the Qur’an it is acceptable to lie, deceive and live by a double standard provided in so doing one advances Islamic goals.

And I believe that's where my head about asploded. I can't even start let alone rant on this one. Very simple: If you already hate all Muslims because of right wing rhetoric, we're simply shoving Obama so deeply into that "other" that you, too, can be confident you hate him because he hates America like a terrorist and not because he's black!

I just don't know how they can get away with what is effectively libel.

Tickle Me Melmo

You know, if Elmo was a misogynist racist. Right?

Democrats Target Bachmann?

It's true! Email in today's right-wing nutter slop pile, Daily Events:

Dear Fellow Conservative,

Nancy Pelosi and her liberal allies in Washington have just moved my race up to one of their top targets.

My opponent was named to the Democrats so-called "Red to Blue" list. These candidates will serve as the rubber stamp to the radical Pelosi agenda of higher taxes, out-of-control spending, and massive government overreach.

Click here to stop the liberal attack machines!

Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats are targeting me to keep their razor thin majority in the House to pass their extreme liberal agenda. We need to stop the Obama/Pelosi agenda and fight for our constitutional conservative majority. We cannot back down from this fight.

Will you help defend me and the conservative values we share?

Time is of the essence, I've got an important campaign deadline on August 10th, and it is critical for us to send a clear message and end on a strong note.

Please, click here now to make a contribution of $25, $50, $100, $500, $1,000 or more.

I appreciate your help, encouragement and prayers. I will continue to fight for a constitutional conservative majority and lead the effort to repeal government takeover and restore our great nation.

Sincerely,


Michele Bachmann

P.S. Nancy Pelosi would love nothing more than to defeat me this year and is willing to spend whatever it takes to win! And now with Washington's help, millions of dollars will be poured into my opponent coffers from all across the county. Will you help me against the liberal attack machine?

Heyyyyy...wait a second. Are you saying that because of [insert horribly generic Dems-R-Badd rhetoric here], conservatives need not only to vote for you but also give you money? And Human Events is helping you do this?

Shit woman, we (that'd be MOST Americans) are way the hell beyond platitudes, way the hell beyond the politics of "Ooh, Pewosi doesn't wike me!" baby talk with the rubbing of the eyes and the whining. You write this letter (or perhaps allow someone competent to write it) with the intent that anyone gives a shit? I mean, sure, there are plenty of brainwashed righties who'll drop a sawbuck on anything that comes across their inbox denouncing the Left.

But what would happen if you had to actually convince someone of something? What about what you've done or endorsed?

Ooh, that's why you're not touting your actual actions or beliefs. Dag.

You said Obama was the worst President in American History? You refused to fill out your 2010 census? You said that if the GOP wins the house in November that you should "do nothing but issue subpoenas"??? She runs a Christian counseling group with her husband that has taken $30,000 of state taxpayer dollars? She says Obama wants re-education camps for children? She blames Clinton, blacks, and other minorities for the current financial crisis? She's going to form a Tea Party caucus in the House? She introduced a one-page bill to repeal health care?

Sorry, I'll stop now. The fact is that the Repub echo chamber and its own over-echo, FOX News, are more than willing to push Bachmann as yet another seat as yet another non-Democrat. But they can't do it by actually talking about anything she's said or done. Why? She's batshit crazy! And while they continue to push her and allow her to earn a dime or two through Wingnut sites like Daily Events and support her in any way, she is dismantling the Republican Party. Slowly but surely. Note that thing I said above about the "Tea Party caucus?" Holy shit! Now you've got a bunch of ignorant goons running an actual caucus? Actually legitimized? And they're taking power from the other part of the Right?

Bwahahah! I can thing of nothing better than a Bachmann-Palin ticked in 2012. Just give the right enough juice to believe it and it will succeed...until it falls into flames in November.

Van Mural Wednesday - Giraffe!?

You'd think that a post with this title might have one...maybe two images. You'd be wrong! We've got 4 - count 'em 4 - images to share with you today!


Okay, not really a van, but a giraffe all the same - on a vehicle!


Giraffe in the snow? Not...computing....


Awwwshit. That's all giraffe.


And that's the Oscar Mayer Weiner of Giraffemobiles. Rock on! Probably got some giraffes in there, yo! Sippin' on some Hennessey ('cause giraffes like cognac - duh - check out your Wildlife Treasury, bitch!)


And that's how we roll...

Sen. George Voinovich (R-OH) is a Blind Moron

I saw a note on a blog the other day noting that George Voinovich's Contact Page had no mention of Unemployment or Jobs. I checked it out and - okay, you already believe it - in the "Topic" you'd want to choose as the subject of your communication, there is absolutely no choice for...oh, hell, let's just list all of Sen. Douchebag's choices here for us to all ponder over, shall we?

.....HOT TOPICS.....
Associated Health Plans
Broadcast Decency Act
Gas Prices
Internet Neutrality
National Security
Same Sex Marriage
School Voucher Program
Social Security
Terrorism
War In Iraq
.....CONSTITUENT SERVICES.....
Casework
Flag Request
Service Academy Nominations
Tour Request
.....GENERAL TOPICS.....
Abortion
Agriculture
Banking-General
Budget
Children's Issues
Communications
Defense-General
Economy-General
Education
Energy
Environment
Foreign Affairs
Government Affairs
Health Care-General
Housing
Immigration
Intelligence Issues
Judiciary
Labor
Nuclear Weapons
Seniors' Issues
Small Business
Tax-General
Trade-General
Transportation
Veterans Affairs
Other

We start with HOT TOPICS. Read: Scary, right-wing talking points. I'm surprised "Them Niggers is Votin'!" isn't listed. Case in point? "Internet Neutrality" The only people talking about it are right wing radio nutters who are bald-face lying about its basic definition (and probably calling it that when anyone in the know calls it "Net Neutrality" - alliteration anyone?). Everyone else knows Neutrality is what we have now. And I'm guessing his topic is not listed to quell the mis-directed "Obama Ownz Da Internets" shoutings of his idiot-driven constituency.

We can skip the services. Meh.

But now that we've seen that the HOT TOPICS (that don't include Voinovich getting all Goth/Emo on us) did NOT include anything about job security or unemployment, then it MUST be in the General Topics, no?

Um, no. Oh, you could choose "Banking-General" 'cause you don't have no money in it, or Budget because when paycheck-to-paycheck turns to unemployment-check-to-unemployment-check turns to "maybe I should rob that aforementioned bank," that might work. But then you might choose Banking-General again.

You could pick Economy-General because Ohio's has been tanking since the 80's with a weak 90's jump and the whole state's missing the latest jump shot in Lebron's rape of Cleveland. You could pick Defense-General because you might choose a rifle over gas in the car as your jobless neighbors become squatters then homeless and the homeless move in to become squatters next door; though that might be Housing. You could pick Children's Issues because the kids are starving because there are no jobs and no money.

What you cannot pick, when trying to contact Senator George Voinovich, is a category labeled "Jobs" or "Unemployment." But maybe because there are no jobs and unemployment's run out for many, he finds it irrelevant. Maybe Georgie figures poor people don't have access to computers or the internet and therefore can't email him. Or maybe he thinks since Obama controls the internets, it's not worth his time.

Republicans don't get humor or technology or compassion and that's fine. I understand that. I don't get why they keep getting elected, but that's a whole nother post.

The Republican Senator of the State of Ohio - a state that is over the 10% mark in unemployment - is missing "Unemployment" or "Jobs" or "Job Creation" or "Joblessness" as a BASIC category of communication online. How fucking out of touch with your constituency must you be to have "Internet Neutrality" in the HOT TOPIC section and not even mention that 10% of working adults...are NOT working? Are the expensive suits and great hotels and extreme taxpayer-paid vacations and fabulous homes all giving you a rich-man brain-wash enema? Because you and the rest of the Republicans are completely ignoring the jobless in our country, you've done NOTHING to create jobs in Ohio (and shitting every Democrat idea is technically LESS than nothing), and yet you yodel about breaking taxes for the fucking RICH! (I'm guessing you're on the "that pays for itself" shovels o' bullshit wagon.)

The Republicans are not going to "win" anything in the fall, Senator V. And that's a shame, because they've already lost their souls in arguing for the last two years against everything compassionate and progressive (as in "helping the human condition progress") while offering no real solutions except to say the other guy is wrong. You're going to lose because you keep shouting "budget" and "deficit" but we all know you raped those things under W. And now you're backtracking, while vomiting platitudes of feces out your mouths. But you don't - and never will - get it. People don't care about bigger economic bullshit theories when they can't make ends meet, when they can't put dinner on the table. They just want a damn job.

And you haven't done a damn thing to help those people.

As a matter of fact, you haven't even offered them a way to communicate with you.

Kitten in a Hat

Just a wash to help that last post descend a bit. Enjoy!

Whitest Kids U'Know: Clint Webb

Yeah, I've been kinda incommunicado as of late. And I'll probably dump my life-changing personal and social issues on you sooner or later, but until I decide that sharing pain anonymously is really going to dilute the process of going through it, please enjoy a clip from a show you can catch on IFC.

Hamsters Are Scary, KIA!

This is the new commercial from KIA. Featuring Hamsters.



It raped my eyes. CGI bringing Furry realities to us is not good use of technology. It is terrifying to us and just encouraging them. There are people jerking off to this!

Fuck you, KIA.

(okay, it was a little cool because I love advances in CGI)

Ladies & Comics: Dawn & Death

Based on some inspiration from Cal's fantastic blog post on Wonder Woman's new costume, there was a bit of discussion about the oversexualized women in comics (as one aspect of what keeps bringing the boys - and men - back) and I immediately thought of Dawn.

The series of different comics featuring Dawn, goddess of birth and rebirth, and her lover, Death is exactly what we describe when we talk about over-the-top eye candy. And the storylines weren't exactly the most brilliant writing in the comic world.






And in thinking about beauty and storytelling I was immediately drawn to a place I don't return nearly enough. When you take various artists and combine them with the sharp wit and brilliant writing of Niel Gaiman, you get Death, one of the Endless who pull the strings of existence.







Seriously, stare at the Dawn all you want, but if you haven't picked up the Sandman comics you are missing a true piece of literature.


...and then there's someone's take on the Little Mermaid. I have no reason or excuses.

Van Mural Wizards!

This week we're all about wizards! Why? Because they're wizards, ass!


Wizard!


...Wizard?


Hehe...Trim Wizard. Yeah, dat's wat dey call me!


And I don't even know who tagged this guy, but he just showed up on my GISRP. So...Viking Wizard!

Epic Undercover Cop FAIL

Milk is Like Oil Cause Obama's Stupid n Stuff!

If you've missed some of the recent goofy "Obama it the Devil" blasts over the past week or so, might want to take a look at this one talking about how the EPA has classified storage of large amounts of milk as something to be handled carefully, like storage of oil.

Obviously, this post and subsequent re-posts and stories about Milk=Oil were a lovely and timely right-wing sensationalism meant to paint Obama as a killer of industry, ignorer of the Gulf, having priorities wrong, etc.

So let's review a couple facts concerning the supposed slam:

• The EPA rule changes equating animal fat (and by extension, milk) storage to that of oil are part of the EPA Emergency Management Spill Prevention, Control, and Countermeasure (SPCC) Rule.


• The SPCC Rule was enacted in 2002 (under Bush), with implementation deadlines for facilities (including farms) by November 2009.


• Since Obama took office, in June 2009 an extension was added to give facilities until November 2010 to comply.


• Also, November 2009 amendments made to the rule currently under consideration include exemption of milk storage.

If we're going to sully an administration' s reputation on an absurdity of government handling, let's get the right administration.

If you care to dig more, feel free to start here: http://www.epa. gov/oem/content/spcc/

Internets: What is Odd?

Today's word is "odd." Let's see what the internets thinks, shall we?



If your glasses are odd and they reflect personality...what you sayin' 'bout my personality? I can guarantee with glasses like that her mouth opens much wider that it looks. And she's got little teeth ;)




Wait, if he catches it? So my personal enjoyment is based on the aptitude of a metal frog automaton that runs on 2 D batteries? That doesn't sound like fun. But I bet it's loud!




Yeah, totally odd. I didn't think they made Buick convertibles in the 80's.




Very odd. If you're going to go to that extent, might as well make it a SleepNumber. And must you wear platforms and have a Kid 'n' Play haircut to sleep in one?




Odd, I didn't know Gary Coleman and Dana Plato were an item.


So there's your odd for the week. Now get off my lawn!

In Short: Afghanistan: Seriously, We Can't Win

In light of the resignation of Gen. Stanley McChrystal, I think there's something we're overlooking: We can't win the war.

For every "Number 2 Al Qaeda Dead" headline we see, another takes his place. It's a Hydra, invoking religion in a reality with little more to grasp onto, every day creating hundreds of soldiers whose main goal is to die for the cause. Our troops want to complete the job and come home.

When will anyone see this discrepancy? Or are we cursed to feed American troops into the mouth of madness forever?

Where is the outrage?

Christian Children's Fund

Is it epidemic? Here's an older version of the Christian Children's Fund commercial starring actor Alan Sader:




I can't find a version of the new commercial online right now, but Mr. Sader's put on about 30 lbs. Isn't that a bad thing when it comes to pitching how badly kids are starving? Why not give them some of your food, Mr. Sader?

Warning to Mr. Sader: Diet time. Remember Sally Struthers?

Jon Stewart: Oil Independence

If you haven't seen last week's review of how badly we in America ca fail at something, do it. Do it now. You will laugh as a crust to the internal sadness of the reality of the situation.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
An Energy-Independent Future
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Van Mural Mural Van Again! Again!

NYPD, in a bid to cut costs, has gone with murals of paddywagons which are 90% cheaper than the real thing but only fool about 10% of observers.




And I like how the windows are painted over so you can't see the kidnapped kid struggling in back, dressed as a dwarf.

Dear God

One of my favorite songs of all time. Reminds me to be angry.

Original XTC



Get pissed off - not at the politicians, but the universe. Get angry. Turn up the music, jump around the room, scream at the top of your lungs, and punch the walls if you can afford to fix them. Break something. Shout. Holler.

Throw a fucking plate down on the road in front of your house. And scream again!

Sarah McLachlan



Then do something about it.

I'm worried that the anger us liberals feel is not so much about a president that talked about the stick then showed us a rope, but a need to call bullshit on a higher power.

Republicans don't have the nuts to make the call. We do.

BULLSHIT!

If it's time for change, WE make change! No one else!

Tricky Remix



More Mojo



Cry. Cry every second. Then bring fire. We need fire.

God's Got a Sick Sense of Humor

Depeche Mode for y'all.

I, too, expect to find him laughing...




...and my fav vid from XTC, just for kicks...



...a whole post on covers of that coming...

England: Grow a Dick

Oh, noes! Tea n crumpets! It's British-Bashing!

In the last 24 hours, I've heard that Obama's "echoes" comparison about how 9/11 showed us our vulnerabilities as did the BP disaster. I've heard Americans everywhere fling verbal poo at BP. And I've heard Glenn Beck call soccer a bunch of names to show what a wuss he is.

England's response? All these things are British-bashing. Bullshit.

I'm an unabashed Anglophile, and this is just unfortunate. Have a fucking pint of Bass and go cry in your Figurehead's crown. C'mon! Stiff upper lip and all that. Where'd that go? Stop your damned whining and pretend - for just a second - that at one time the sun never set on your empire. What? Did the US kicking your ass out and liberty for your other colonies and assassinating Princess Di and the Harry Potter fandom and a draw in the World Cup make your testicles ascend? You've still got Monty Python and The Mighty Boosh and Sting and the Beatles and Mick Jagger and Mr. Bean and good damn tea and icy lollies your own monetary system and part of Ireland (bitches!) and Vivien Leigh for fuck's sake.

Stop your whining and grow a dick.

The're Still Doing the Unpatriotic Dance

I recently got into it with some people of a mostly-political list I belong to full of intelligent people (starts with an M) on all sides of the aisle. And despite these folks being card-carrying smart, I still get posts saying Obama refuses to salute the flag. WTF?



So I broke it down. This is what I wrote:

For the record, the quips about Obama based on video presented at http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=3759803 should be clarified by Title 36 of the US Code, which states that during the National Anthem, all non-military personnel in attendance, when the flag is displayed, "should face the flag and stand at attention with their right hand over the heart." (http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/36/301.html). This confirms that all candidates were wrong in not facing the flag behind them.

However, I think the most interesting aspect of this back-and-forth is the purposeful abuse of language on the right.

According to this email & links, the following has happened once: President Obama did not place his hand over his heart during the National Anthem.

The first intentional manipulation of the language is the change of word choice to the verb "refuse": President Obama refused to place his hand over his heart during the National Anthem.

This turns the inaction to an active defiance of custom or observation. But just as I cannot refuse a cookie if not offered one, Obama cannot refuse to place his hand on his heart unless prompted or reminded. There is no such prerequisite action documented anywhere, any time.

The second intentional manipulation of the language is the generalization via tense of the already-inaccurate statement: This president refuses to place his hand over his heart during the National Anthem.

So now a single inaction has been transformed into a standard of defiant intent against our National Anthem.

The final manipulation is the generalization to all forms of observance: President Obama refuses to place his hand over his heart during the Pledge of Allegiance., President Obama refused to salute the flag., etc.

And in what I applaud as impressive propagandic efficiency, the last version of the "playing telephone" messages is what we hear as the peal of the bell from the right wing blog, radio, and Fox news. Unsubstantiated, some outright lies, all in a desperate attempt to turn one physical inaction into a malicious, deviant character trait that pervades his very being: unpatriotic.

And I think that's the most laughable aspect of the whole slime train: They go that far in defamation of character and land the deal with a sad attempt to objectify patriotism - love and dedication to country - something as subjective and personal as religion.

Unfortunately, most people on the right bow down to the AM band and wait for that cry of Unpatriotic to trigger and justify the disgust they feel for our current president without even thinking about it, let alone following the trail of falsehoods backwards to figure out where the declaration originated.

Personally, when I'm confronted with the dumbing down of something as complicated as Patriotism to whether or not you're wearing an American flag pin that was probably made in China and everyone scrambles for that signifier, I put my trust in the guy who says "No pin for me."

Tea Party Eats July 4th in Cincinnati

Here's the link.

Near where I live in Cincinnati, Hyde Park has a problem on the 4th of July: no one wants to subsidize the fireworks and parade venture. Who's going to save the day? Who's going to save America from potentially-unpatriotic non-shenanigans? The Tea Party!

They claim that there will be no proselytizing during the event, but [insert 5000 links here] documents how stupid and offensive they can be.

Oddly enough, Hyde Park is a younger, hipper, more liberal section of a city that is - for the most part - relatively conservative. Infiltration. And a great marketing move for a party associated with racists and gun-toting morons.

What's next?

I leave you with awesome:



Feel free to steal it :)

Say Hi to the Fab N00bs!

Last person of my following bunch I said hello to was Blueberry over at Texas Oasis. Hey there again!

And since then we've got a few more! So let's all give a hardy CFC Welcome* to (if there be no link, there be no blog):

Pearl
Camila Alvares
Debra, She Who Seeks
The Invisible Seductress
Chris at Rabid Intuition

Visit, comment, love.


*(Despite the tone you may have interpreted on this blog "CFC Welcome" is defined by clapping or commenting, not a pearl necklace and a Cleveland steamer.)

BP Oil Apology

h/t to Liberality!

Breaking Bad (Cleanses)

This is a follow up to This is Stupid: Cleanse post from yesterday.

As of this morning, 48 hours in, I'd eaten nothing except for the stupid juice and water and the oral enema. In 48 hours I went from feeling okay to being drained, grumpy, tired, lethargic, apathetic, all with a headache. Surprisingly, not all that physically hungry. They say it's only the first 3 or 4 days that suck. I have better ways to lose weight.

So I did my saltwater this morning and when that process was finished, P90X. And officially broke the fast with a sample pack of the Orange Julius -tasting recovery drink and a few saltines. See, after not eating for 48 hours, you need to start slow (10 days? you start with broth). I'm thinking a good vegetable soup for lunch here in a little bit and by dinner I'm at the bar to celebrate my joy with some beer and wings (per Lemmy's delicious suggestion)!

I'll update this post with actual food choices as well as any unforeseen side effects of jumping too fast into solid foods. What could go wrong? It's only been 2 days...


UPDATE: I was sated with the P90X drink for a couple hours and hooked up a mild lunch with a delicious Amy's No Chicken Noodle Soup with a little flax seed. Heaven.

And a couple things have happened in the last couple days kind of all at once. First off, I lost 7 lbs from this 48 hour fast. Then this video showed up in my inbox, so now sugar scares the hell out of me...



...and a video associate with it shows a 4 year old McD's cheeseburger that looks new:



So I think this past couple of days has been overall positive as an experience. I'm much more conscious of food in general, hyper-sensitive about high fructose corn syrup, and will probably never touch fast food (or at least McD's) ever again; Super Size Me did not do for me what that above video did.

Now, let the beer and video games commence!

Accepting Suggestions for Free Time

It's 4:19am. Mrs. Shambles has just left for the airport. Irish Dancer is visiting relatives.

I've got until Monday evening at 11pm - about 90 hours of alone time. And darn it, it's supposed to rain some every day until then, so I can't cut the grass or wash the deck.

I was going to spend my non-productive hours with my friends: Internets, Beer, Xbox360, and Wings (yes, Reading and Writing can come too but only if you bring Whiskey), but was wondering if you, fair readers, had any more constructive (or destructive) suggestions.

Van Mural Catch Up

She'll understand the look of pride in his face when she sees the inside, soon to be christened The Shag Love Bong Bone Palace.




Big Rich's career picked up significantly after getting a van mural ...and changing his name from Tiny Peasant.




This is a "trainer" for mentally disabled kids, a.k.a. a white delivery truck parked on the streets of San Francisco and unattended for more than 15 minutes.

Right Wing Logic

I believe I've found the mathematical root of right wing logic. Enjoy.

In Short: Hannity is a Moron

Today Sean Hannity made outrage cookies about how the military's equipment isn't the best technology out there and some of it's old - and it's Obama's fault!

Apparently he was high or deaf when the very vocal outcry went out about our American soldier being killed in Iraq because the HumVee's provided by Bush's management of the military weren't even providing basic protection from armor; they were cannibalizing scrapped vehicles and materials to add makeshift steel plating for protection.

Where was your outrage then, Sean? Oh yeah, it didn't exist because you had the Republican president's dick in your ear.

Cleansing: This is Stupid

This is stupid. This is a glass and gallon jug of stupid juice. In order to make stupid juice, you add 1 t of cayenne, 1 1/4 C each of fresh-squeezed lemon juice and real (expensive!) maple syrup to 1 gal of spring water.

Okay, it's not stupid juice, it's a lemon cleanse. Yay! Not really. What's in that jug? I'm supposed to have 10 12 oz glasses during the day. And that's all. No food. And as a prize at the end of the day? A mild laxative herbal tea. Yum. In the morning I take 1 L lukewarm water with 2 t uniodized sea salt. That's called an oral enema. Seriously. Just about the whole liter comes straight out the other end, and it's brought some friends.

Last weekend, my mother mentioned that my cousin does this cleanse once or twice a year, loses 10-20 lbs. Mrs. Shambles thought "we" should try it. I'm going along to support her for now.

A day and a half into it and I'm cranky - actually get a bit angry when I drive by a place where I smell food - I have a headache (I never get headaches), I'm tired, and feeling slightly emotionally fragile. Great. Clean out your body, wreck your soul. Thanks Mom.

And this is supposed to last at least 10 days.

But it's okay. Mrs. Shambles is heading out of town tomorrow and I've already figured I'd probably drop the cleanse tomorrow afternoon. I just can't do it. Every time I take down another glass of gross, a louder and louder voice somewhere inside me shouts "Hey, this is stupid!" generally paired with a mild gagging reflex. I'm already exercising. How about giving that a chance to work first?

So any of you ever go through a cleanse? Did it work? Was it worth it?

Oil Leak Bizarro World You Must Visit

The funny thing in this thought challenge or experiment is that - well, there's nothing funny about it except perhaps my writing, shielding the reality with the parody or reductio ad absurdum and thus revealing the ultimate sadness inherent in being a right wing radio talk show host. Without such magnanimous delusional egotism, I surmise suicides would be much higher in their field.

Today's Experiment: Obama & Oil

Scenario 1:
President Obama spent all Memorial Day weekend with the families of those killed in the rig blast and those already suffering the effects of the death of the fishing industry in the Gulf.

Right Wing Response:
"What's Obama doing? He's just placating them! He doesn't give a hoot about the crisis or about solving it - he just wants to make face time and look like he gives a crap. This is egotistical showmanship, nothing more.

"And besides, what about Arlington? Why isn't he there? He obviously doesn't care about the veterans either, those who gave their lives to guarantee our freedoms. Obama hates freedom! Nazi!"


Scenario 2:
President Obama invents a time machine and goes back to the beginning of the crisis to let BP know that if they drop the Top Hat, they should warm the top hat to avoid the creation of hydrates that might block the tube. The Top Hat solution vacates 90% of the oil spewing into the Gulf.

Right Wing Response:
"What is Obama doing? Is he suddenly Bill Nye the Science Guy? What does he know that BP doesn't? Sure the flow is stemmed, but it's only 90% - 10% is still ruining the lives of those who make their living from the Gulf.

"Obviously, he doesn't want a complete fix because then he wouldn't be able to take over the oil industry in America! Just like Hitler!"


Scenario 3:
President Obama equips his super-suit & jetpack and flies to the Gulf personally, dives to the bottom of the sea and with his super-heated welding materials, cuts the broken pipe and bends it shut, stemming the flow permanently. He takes the rest of the weekend to spend with families who have been affected by and will be affected by the disaster.

Right Wing Response:
"Who elected this show-boating goon? He's obviously making a play for governmental takeover of the oil companies and playing the 'face time' game with these families. If Hitler had a jetpack and supersuit, he'd have done the same thing!"


Scenario 4:
President Obama equips his super-suit & jetpack, fixes the oil leak, creates a pact with Israel for peace, destroys all Russia's nuclear weapons, forges peace with China and North Korea, kills Ahmadinejad, catches Bin Laden, feeds every starving person in the world with mana from heaven.

Right Wing Response:
"What about Arlington? Why isn't he there? He obviously doesn't care about the veterans of America or America herself while he's out hot-dogging the world! Obama hates freedom! Nazi!"


To bastardize Yoda for Obama:

"Try or try not. There is no win."

What's Sexy?

Here's something I just thought of that might happen with punctuated regularity. What does Google Image Search tell us is sexy?

Anime



I don't know that I can call that sexy. Then again, I'm not into transvestite cosplay.


Dude



I'm going to pass on this one.


Villians?



I really don't ...WTF? What in holy hell is this? A sexy Disney villain, of course. More here, if you dare click.


Firefox



Okay, that'll work.


Lesson: The internets does not know what I think is sexy. Beware you search yourself. O'er there, there be furries.

New Righty Rules for America

Muslims across America are being harassed and denied a chance to build or expand Mosques. Seems there's a trend going on here from the right.

New (Righty) Rules for America:

1. Freedom of Religion is guaranteed by the Constitution and the founding fathers, but only if you're a Christian. Jews will be tolerated as long as they don't get too loud. Hindus - Hahaha! Ah, Hindus.
2. Freedom of Speech is guaranteed by the Constitution, but only if you're patriotic and Christian enough not to be shut down by the Right; attacks on Mosques and Muslims are protected speech.
3. The workings of government follow written rules unless Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck say differently.
4. Double standards do not exist while criticizing Barack Obama in relation to what any other president has done; Obama is BAD
5. Guns, guns, guns! Get your ass down to the convention center to our gun show! We've got big guns, small guns, guns for babies, guns for girls, guns for God, illegal guns in pieces (shhh!). We've even got guns made of candy! But be careful - they'll kill you! Why!? They're guns!
6. Our history as a nation of immigrants does not extend to those with brown skin.
7. Since people who talk about our military are uncomfortable with them homosex'shls, gays will not be able to fight for our country unless they lie and hide who they are. We are working on a permanent pigment for brown-skinned soldiers and dildos for women. Unless they're hot lesbians.
8. Sarah Palin is a serious, intelligent, viable political candidate.
9. Anyone who does not abide by the above items can and will be tied to Hitler.

God Bless Amerikkka.

UPDATE: Question on my jest of guns made of candy came up in the comments. I am unfortunately able to provide examples. Chocolate guns, and even a misguided attempt by PEZ:

LOST

I don't have words right now as I just finished watching the final episode of LOST (yes, 2 days late) on DVR.

Many will deride it. Many will make poo-poo on its proverbial face.

I, for one, wept at least 5 times in the last showing. And while all the answers are not there, I agree now that they don't have to be.

We all need to see what we see. We all need to hear what we hear. We all need guidance to find what it is we need to find. For them, they had "the island." For us?

Best of luck.

Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince.
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

In Short: Obama's Memorial Day Plans

The right wing is all a-flutter about how Barack Obama is going to Chicago this coming weekend instead of laying the wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier himself.

1. Reagan and both Bushes did the same thing.
2. Obama has 2 little girls who might want to see their extended families during the holiday weekend.
3. HEY RIGHT: if you're really concerned about personal freedoms and a nanny state then why is it okay to impose your personal views upon a president you didn't even vote for and impose your ideals of action on an American citizen who wants to spend time with his family AND will be at a Memorial Day service, just not in DC? Might want to think on that.