Hey, Homeland Security: What the Fuck?

Perhaps you've heard of the recent release by United States Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano of a brief entitled "Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment." (click here for the PDF)

Awwwshiit. What did we just do?

Now, wait a second. You may have heard the calls of the right wing radio nutters that this is classifying veterans and pro-lifers and end times bible prophecy goons as terrorists. Well, not entirely, but...yeah. It is. To be clear, the document (and I suggest you read it. Now.) defines "rightwing terrorists/extremists" as primarily hate groups and in a kickback to the 90's reminds us of Oklahoma City and (indirectly) of Waco with a nod to today's economy and a black president.
...
How about some excerpts just as a sampling?

The possible passage of new restrictions on firearms and the return of military veterans facing significant challenges reintegrating into their communities could lead to the potential emergence of terrorist groups or lone wolf extremists capable of carrying out violent attacks.
...
The high volume of purchases and stockpiling of weapons and ammunition by rightwing extremists in anticipation of restrictions and bans in some parts of the country continue to be a primary concern to law enforcement.
...
Prominent among these themes were the militia movement’s opposition to gun control efforts, criticism of free trade agreements (particularly those with Mexico), and highlighting perceived government infringement on civil liberties as well as white supremacists’ longstanding exploitation of social issues such as abortion, inter-racial crimes, and same-sex marriage.
...
Antigovernment conspiracy theories and “end times” prophecies could motivate extremist individuals and groups to stockpile food, ammunition, and weapons. These teachings also have been linked with the radicalization of domestic extremist individuals and groups in the past, such as violent Christian Identity organizations and extremist members of the militia movement.

Okay, that's about enough.

When Bush was president, did the administration monitor "people of interest" that included just about every person who had something bad to say about the president (hey NSA guys!)? Yes. Were they dumb enough to put it all down in a document so the fucking world could jump down their throats? No. Granted, they had Patriotism on their side, so all they had to do to activate their myrmidons was issue a press release saying "Hey, if anyone - your neighbor, cousin, or mother - is doing something suspicious, it's your Patriotic Duty to report the potential threat."

My thoughts? I know; that's what you're here for.

I think Napolitano and Biden wrote this thing on 48 hours and 6 gallons of 40 proof Kamchatka Vodka and she released it on a hangover.

From an organizational perspective (coming from a degree in Writing), this is a hack job. The organization sucks, flow is non-existent, repetition is rampant, and implications/non-implications/this-is-what-we-really-meant would confuse the bejezus out of anyone.

From a political perspective, it's a bomb. It wasn't right for Bush to turn half+ of America into potential terrorists and it's not right for Obama's administration to do the same thing. It's terrifying and it's wrong. Granted, I personally believe that people that stockpile food and guns because they think Jesus is coming back to turn our Black president White are a bunch of fucking nutters. But - first off - it's their right to believe that and act on any impulse that does not harm others. Secondly, the language used here is a conversation you have in a bar when you're sure you're amongst liberal friends, not something you put to paper (or PDF in HUGE font) and release as official government policy.

I think Napolitano needs to retract the document and resign. This is a bullshit move by an administration that was running on No Bullshit, a Bushesque move by an administration promising to be different. Demonizing ...any American citizen at this point is a betrayal of that.

Pirate Limbaugh's Racio-Religious Taunts

When the tales of the Somalian pirates started emerging, we were warned by everyone on the right how terrible this was because it showed us how desperate and dangerous Militant Islamic Extremists could be and how far their reach stretched.

After Obama gave the order to take out the threat because an American was hostage, and it was revealed that the pirates in question were actually in their teens, Rush Limbaugh asked his audience how they felt, how Obama could kill Black Kids.

Those are the words of a race-baiting mongrel.

Oh, and this week he off-handedly mentioned that brokering peace between the Bloods and the Crips would be easy. WTF Rush?

Brilliant, Weird Scrabble Commercial

Of course I found this at BoingBoing.

Wake-Up Walmart: Workers Still Fighting for Change

Even though Obama took the helm, there are still huge problems in the heartland.

Check the video. Do something.

Stereographic Tokyo Photography

Trippy, beautiful, magical. Go full screen and put on a helmet - this will blow your mind. Click and drag to navigate. Warning: motion sickness may ensue. Originally snagged from BoingBoing Gadgets.


Sangaku-tei in Japan

420 Joys: Apple IBong

Video Games - Video Game Cheat Codes - Attack of the Show

Happy 420, Marijuana Fans!

(2nd International Cannabis and Mental Health Conference Programme [PDF] Logo)

Out on errands today, I saw a state police sheriff's car sitting at the local gas station. And I knew he was there not to educate or enlighten the youth of America, but to intimidate anyone coming into the store to buy rolling papers.

Reminds me of the year I spent teaching high school. On 4/20, the staties came in about 1/2 of the way through the day, everyone was evacuated to the football field to tool around and not learn while the school was locked down and the drug-sniffing dogs were run through every building. The entertaining part of that day was explaining to other teachers what 420 was. The ironic part was that the War on Drugs for the Big 420 Show knocked every kid at that school out of class for half a day and not one arrest or find was made. Why? All the stoner kids skipped; they were at home getting high. Dur.

One day the majority and those in power will realize we're not only being stupid about policy but losing billions of dollars in potential taxes. One day marijuana will be legalized.

Until then, be informed. About today: 420 Origin Story. About the reality and progress of marijuana reform: NORML.

Get Your Iron On, Krofft Supershow, c. 1977

One of my favorite political and variety blogs is Monkey Muck. Check it out and see why for yourself.

But this isn't just a shameless "I love you, man!" I'd be remiss if I did not link to Monkey as the inspiration for the following online fun I found. Monkey does retro ...everything like no one else.



I'm guessing anyone under 25 is probably missing the reference to what an iron-on is. Anyone under 18 may not even know what an iron is. But that crazy Krofft Supershow; that's a class act.

Sweden's Lego Jesus Completed!

In October of '07 I wrote on how this church in Sweden was collecting Legos in order to copy this statue of Jesus. In Legos.



Thanks to some of my fab readers, I've been informed that they have pulled it off, having revealed the Lego Jesus on Easter Sunday:



Over 30,000 bricks. Amazing. Good show!

Pirate Bay Sends the Big Middle Finger Flag Up the Gov't Arse

Hells yeah. Pirate Bay was founded in Sweden and it was there that they got a media spanking. From The Telegraph:

Four men behind a file-sharing website that has hundreds of thousands of British users were sentenced to a year in jail and ordered to pay £2.5 million in damages yesterday for helping internet users to download music, films and computer games.

In a big victory for the entertainment industries, Fredrik Neij, 30, Gottfrid Svartholm Warg, 24, Peter Sunde Kolmisoppi, 30, and Carl Lundström, 49, were found guilty of breaching copyright law in Sweden, where The Pirate Bay site was founded.

The court ordered a payment of £900,000 in compensation for 21st Century Fox and £500,000 each for MGM and Columbia Pictures.

Despite the verdicts, the four announced that The Pirate Bay, which is used by 25 million people, would continue to operate from computers based in various countries around the world. The men, who plan to appeal, will not begin their sentences or have to pay compensation until the end of the legal process.

Yes, there are plenty of douchebags that just download content and use it as a substitute for purchases. But there is a large faction that would never have seen a certain movie or heard a certain album except that it was there to download. And that didn't cost the industry anything. If it wasn't there, it wouldn't have been seen. And they wouldn't have gotten that exposure.

There are also many others who download to get a taste of artists and then, if they like them, they purchase the album in a show of support. Perhaps if movie machines and cookie-cutter artists weren't churning out an absurd slurry of shit on a regular basis and the radio industry hadn't collapsed into centralized pimps for that crap then, just maybe, consumers would have a little more trust in the system and a little more reason to shuck out fucking $15 for a goddamned CD - the same price we payed 15 years ago when discs weren't $0.02 to produce.

My advice is research bands on MySpace and their main websites. If they have samples, download the album from Mininova.org or like sites. If you like the album and plan on listening to it for a while, buy a copy to support the artist.

I read a couple months ago one of the most brilliant, obvious insights: The greatest fear of almost every artist is not that they will have their novel or music or indie movie downloaded for free thousands of times, but that no one will ever hear of them.

Download. Support. And long live Pirate Bay.

Oh, and fuck you Sweden (that is, not the people but the government entities that fold to corporate pressures like so many bendy straws; it could've been just as easily our elected douchebags here in the US).

Susan Boyle - British Star

Here's a taste:


Get the full taste at this link.

Bad Photoshop Gun Ad Fuels...Bad Ads

Found this on Drudge. No, do not let it come to this. What is "this?"

Bad Photoshop. Obviously a ditch superimposed with a gun that is completely out of place and poorly 'shopped into the ground.

Does this look natural to anyone?

Lesson: no matter what message you are pushing, get professional help. Hack jobs like this make your message and purpose stink of douchebaggery and, more importantly, appear laughable.

Friends don't let friends hire a cousin who took a Photoshop class to make an ad.

Chapter 15 of Life, The Universe, and Everything

One of my favorite quotes in every sense is "A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed him."

Brilliant.

Douglas Adams.

But that comes from whence?

Here. Chapter 15 of Life, The Universe, and Everything.

Two months later, Zipo Bibrok 5 / 108 had cut the bottoms off his Galactic State jeans, and was spending part of the enormous fee his judgments commanded lying on a jewelled beach having Essence of Qualactin rubbed into his back by the same rather nice member of the jury. She was a Soolfinian girl from beyond the Cloudworlds of Yaga. She had skin like lemon silk and was very interested in legal bodies.

"Did you hear the news?" she said.

"Weeeeelaaaaah!" said Zipo Bibrok 5 / 108, and you would have had to have been there to know exactly why he said this. None of this was on the tape of Informational Illusions, and is all based on hearsay.

"No," he added, when the thing that had made him say "Weeeeelaaaaah" had stopped happening. He moved his body round slightly to catch the first rays of the third and greatest of primeval Vod's three suns which was now creeping over the ludicrously beautiful horizon, and the sky now glittered with some of the greatest tanning power ever known.

A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed along the beach, and drifted back to sea again, wondering where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the beach again. It drifted back to sea.

"I hope it isn't good news," muttered Zipo Bibrok 5 / 108, "'cos I don't think I could bear it."

"Your Krikkit judgment was carried out today," said the girl sumptuously. There was no need to say such a straightforward thing sumptuously, but she went ahead and did it anyway because it was that sort of day. "I heard it on the radio," she said, "when I went back to the ship for the oil."

"Uhuh," muttered Zipo and rested his head back on the jewelled sand.

"Something happened," she said.

"Mmmm?"

"Just after the Slo-Time envelope was locked," she said, and paused a moment from rubbing in the Essence of Qualactin, "a Krikkit warship which had been missing presumed destroyed turned out to be just missing after all. It appeared and tried to seize the Key."

Zipo sat up sharply.

"Hey, what?" he said.

"it's all right," she said in a voice which would have calmed the Big Bang down. "Apparently there was a short battle. The Key and the warship were disintegrated and blasted into the space-time continuum. Apparently they are lost for ever."

She smiled, and ran a little more Essence of Qualactin on to her fingertips. He relaxed and lay back down.

"Do what you did a moment or two ago," he murmured.

"That?" she said.

"No, no," he said, "that."

She tried again.

"That?" she asked.

"Weeeeelaaaaah!"

Again, you had to be there.

The fragrant breeze drifted up from the sea again.

A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed him.

Remember The Failure

Today I was privy to Glenn Beck's proclamation that the show tonight will be LIVE From the Alamo.

Specifically, he said "remember tonight, live at the Alamo. It's time to take a stand."

I know it's too late to reach him, but perhaps, in post, his research folks might let him know that the Alamo is the poster child for Epic Fail.

The basement is where Pee-Wee's bike is hidden.

Suggested names for tonight's show: "Tower of Babel 2" and "Titanic 2."

How do people like this get a show?

The Republican Tax Day Teabaggin' Party!

I've written repeatedly about how out of touch Republicans are when it comes to things like technology, entertainment, and pop culture. And now, as if staging a deliberate attempt to prove themselves fools, Fox News, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity (the Teabaggin' Triumvirate) - along with their multiple conservative mouthpieces - have been billing tomorrow's myopic homage to the Boston Tea Party as a "teabagging" event.

Here are the three biggest problems from my perspective:

1. The Boston Tea Party was a revolt in response to paying taxes to England, a form of "Taxation without representation." We currently have elected representation in America.
2. As of tomorrow, revolting against taxes will actually be revolting against the George W. Bush tax structure as no federal tax (save cigs *argh*) has been enacted by President Obama.
3. UrbanDictionary.com defines Teabagging as: To have a man insert his scrotum into another person's mouth in the fashion of a teabag into a mug with an up/down (in/out) motion.

Some days I just want to jump up and down and shout in wonder: How can you be so lame?

Where were the revolts when Bush killed thousands of Americans? Where were the revolts when he spent billions and billions of our dollars on Iraq - and didn't find it necessary to put it on the books?

If you look at the pictures on the teevee concerning tomorrow, you've got a bunch of assclowns holding up signs about Obama being a socialist, blah blah Wilkow/Hannity/Beck/Limbaugh juice. So apparently they're really protesting money that they pay in taxes that they do not get back in equal share? Not quite sure as the answers can range from confused to unintelligible.

So let's put it this way: I will take these people seriously as soon as they sign a federal, legally-binding document stating that they will never touch one dollar from Unemployment, Social Security, Medicare, or Medicaid for the rest of their lives. And if they do, we will toss them into Boston Harbor. Teabagging is optional on the deportation boat.

Marilyn Chambers Dies

Tragically at only 56 years old, Marilyn Chambers, known as one of the first "cross-over" actresses for going from slinging Ivory Snow to mainstream pornography, was found dead by her 17 year old daughter.

She will be missed.

And I now have a valid reason for downloading classic porn to my computer. Yay history!

Some New and Old News - Sex, Religion, Killin'

Octomom porno? I'll wait while you cause yourself great pain to block the memory of reading those words. Reality show? Believe it.

Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) is worried capping CO2 will take away plant food. Seriously.

SHIMKUS: It’s plant food. … So if we decrease the use of carbon dioxide, are we not taking away plant food from the atmosphere? … So all our good intentions could be for naught. In fact, we could be doing just the opposite of what the people who want to save the world are saying.

Even better to watch:


Obama's administration dropped the War on Terror rhetoric. Officially. Hells yeah.

Last week OPEC said oil had nothing to do with climate change. In related news, cigarette manufacturers said smoke is nutritious, and AIG released a report that borrowing money you cannot afford to borrow increases life expectancy.

Bob Barker came close to a career in porn. Just scratch out one eye, so you can read the rest of the post. Unless that happened at Octomom. Better to be blind.

Apparently Americans are still dying in Iraq.

And if I remember my Catholic School upbringing, it's Good Friday, so 9am to 12pm represents the walk up the hill, then Jesus hung out (hehe) for 3 more hours, and it's 2:59, so 3...2...1. Jesus just died.

!SPOILER ALERT!

No worries; he comes back to life on Sunday morning.

Have a happy Easter.

You Know What They Say About them Chinese in Texas...

No?

Think Progress has this one, telling us about how Texas State Rep. Betty Brown recently stated "during House testimony on voter identification legislation:"

Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?

Betty continues to back her comments, refusing to apologize, even in the fake, non-apology way most politicians do.

And the Republican party wonders why they have a continual problem attracting minorities.

Storm o' Gay Commin' ta Getcha

National Organization for Marriage has put out this video because in the last week both Iowa and Vermont have made the very rational decision that "separate" is not "equal" when it comes to same sex marriage.

[UPDATE (thanks, Namoi!):the District of Columbia's City Council approved, 12-0 (w00t!), that the District will recognize same-sex marriages from all 50 states.]

Some people are afraid of teh gay, and because they can't just say "we just don't like them queers" they want to make you afeared as well so everyone can be scared together and blame a common gay enemy. So their argument is by giving same sex couples the same rights as straight couples, straight people will lose their rights. What rights? Well, don't worry about that. Explanations are just for those elitist homos anyway.

Try not to throw up in the back of your throat while being slathered with mediocre production values and ignorant bigotry.



[UPDATE AGAIN!]: Think Progress packed in a couple of the Anti-gay screen test auditions for those fake doctors and mothers reading thorough the scripts. Yes, it will make you even madder.

Legend of Zelda Trailer!

No, not really. Well, really, but it was IGN's "tits" 2008 April Fool's joke to the world. And if you haven't seen it, take a look.

It actually looks a little better than a SciFi Original. I'd torrent it.

ShamWow: You'll Say "Hooker, Gimmie My Fucking Tongue Back" Every Time

The Smoking Gun is my hero today.

You know Vince from ShamWow, right? How about a refresher on the mug:



Wait! Holy asshats, Vince? Why do you look so disheveled?

Turns out that Vince picked up this girl:



Wait! Why does she look like that?

Can I tell the fucking story? Cause ya know we can't do this all day.

Vince was propositioned by the girl above, took her back to his hotel, gave her $1000, and apparently at first kiss, she clamped down on his tongue which prompted him to struggle and then repeatedly beat her about the face and head at which point she finally let go. Vince ran down to the lobby, bleeding, cops got involved, and they were both stitched and booked. Not surprisingly, it appears they were both drunk.

Ah, Vince, 15 minutes can be so short. Ya won't find Billy Mays whoring it up like that.

Hannity, Catholic, Obama, Notre Dame Bullshit

Rut-roah. Obama's inflaming the Catholics!

Well, not all Catholics. Obama is set to deliver the commencement speech at Notre Dame College. Notre Dame is a Catholic school. And Obama is openly pro-choice. OMG!

The truth of the matter is that there are and have been Obama detractors out there looking for any damn thing to pin their dislike of Obama on (you know, besides that he's black). Our case in point is my favorite assclown and yours:



Last week Sean Hannity went into a tirade about how wrong it was for Notre Dame to allow Obama to speak at commencement. He then proceeded to remind listeners that he had received his own flap from Catholics for saying that he prefers birth control over abortion.

The problem here is not with Obama's politics but with a mix of detractors and Catholic doctrine. The pro-choice argument is bullshit; Obama is a man and has not and will never have an abortion, will never commit that sin. And by Hannity's own admission, he himself has said things against Catholic doctrine and should not be allowed to speak at Notre Dame. How about anyone who's not Catholic? By doctrine, they are sinning against God. How about a war hero who killed people in battle? Where do you draw the line?

Well, when you're trying to implicate someone you simply don't like, it appears you just draw the line at Obama.

Note to whiny Catholics: shut up and look in the mirror. I think Jesus said something about that too, didn't he? Without sin and all that? Then again, Catholic doctrine tends to focus more on the Vatican's rules, pomp, and circumstance than on stuff that guy said in that one book.

UPDATE: Pat Buchanan, in an address to the choads who spoon up the Human Events newsletter by sackful - an Irish Catholic himself - dumped this bullshit in a brief bit entitled "Is Notre Dame Still Catholic?" :

To Catholics, abortion is the killing of an unborn child, a premeditated breach of God's Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill." The case is closed for all time. Any who participate in an abortion are excommunicated. Catholic politicians from Nancy Pelosi to Joe Biden who support a "woman's right to choose" have been denounced from pulpits and denied Communion.

First point: no one's excommunicated from the church anymore, except in perhaps very rare circumstances. So Pat knows very little about his own religion.

Second point: Neither Biden nor Pelosi have ever been physically, in-person denied communion. Bishops have whined and threatened and shook their fist in the air, but no one has refused to give either that flavorless Necco wafer we all call a piece of Jesus's flesh.

So Pat lied. And that makes him a sinner. And that might just preclude him from speaking at Notre Dame. So I guess Notre Dame's still Catholic. Are you Pat?

And I am a Dork

So I was playing Mass Effect - my new Xbox addiction - and I took out this rogue virtual intelligence and an army of bots and when it dies, it takes over all airwaves in binary over and over with this:

01001000
01000101
01001100
01010000

And without looking it up, I knew it translated to "HELP."

Reminded me of a photoshop in my archive. No, featured image is not me.

Censored

I've been a fan of the Project Censored emails I receive in my inbox from time to time for a couple years now. So I was quite surprised to see that they had a blog, The Daily Censored.

The Daily Censored focuses on under-reported stories and generally features a liberal tilt, which is why it's so lovely.

What's on the front page: Bill O’Reilly Show looses UPS advertising thanks to Think Progress Bill O’Reilly Show looses UPS advertising thanks to Think Progress, CIA Reports Predicts Israel Will Fall In 20 Years: Zionists to emigrate from Israel to US, Europe and Russia, and G20 protests: Cry havoc - and let slip a rainbow alliance of summit protesters.

Blogroll soon. Take a look. It's some seriously good reading.

Welcome New Folks!

It appears that I've been placed in Mike's Blog Roundup over at C&L. An unexpected and lovely surprise!

For those of you new to the area, I'm an unapologetic, godless liberal who has plenty of moments against the grain (shut up about AIG!) and on occasion I use my real-world expertise as a web and graphic designer to do things like this:



And, mmmm..., I love this:



Enjoy, read through the varied posts, comment if it strikes you, and have a great day!

What They're Saying About High-Fructose Corn Syrup

If you've seen the ads put out by the Corn Refiners group where some actor-playing-douchebag says "Well, you know what they say about high-fructose corn syrup" (apparently aware of all foods that contain it but not what the concern is) but cannot come up with one thing that "they say" and the other person intelligently and succinctly states some crap about it being natural, you might have had two thoughts concomitantly: 1) What is it who's saying about HFCS? and 2) Ooh, it must be natural and ignorant whackos are causing a fuss.

And that's what the Corn Refiners group would like you to think.

But here's just one of the things "they're saying" about why HFCS is some funky shit:

A new study in mice sheds light on at least part of the reason for the insulin resistance that can come from diets high in high-fructose corn syrup, a sweetener found in most sodas and many other processed foods.

Fructose is much more readily metabolized to fat in the liver than glucose, and in the process can lead to nonalcoholic fatty liver disease. NAFLD in turn leads to hepatic insulin resistance and type II diabetes.

Researchers showed that mice fed a high-fructose diet could be protected from insulin resistance if a gene known as transcriptional coactivator PPARg coactivator-1b (PGC-1b) was "knocked down" in the animals' liver and fat tissue. PGC-1b controls the activity of several other genes, including one responsible for building fat in the liver. This suggests an important role for PGC-1b in the pathogenesis of fructose-induced insulin resistance.

But, hey, what's so bad about insulin resistance and nonalcoholic fatty liver disease?

Anyone else find it weird that people who are supposed to sell corn are selling medical advice that benefits their bottom line?

MSNBC and Ed Schultz? Tasty!

Speculation abounds about Ed Schultz getting his own show on MSNBC:

Speculation about Mr. Schultz’s future role at MSNBC has focused on two time slots: the 6 p.m. hour (currently anchored by David Shuster) and the 10 p.m. hour (which currently features a repeat of Countdown with Keith Olbermann).

I think it would be a fine addition to the rapier wit of the current Olbermann/Maddow lineup. He's one of the few radio hosts I can listen to - on either side - on a regular basis.

Keep your fingers crossed; this could get tasty.

Sexy, Sexy Slime. Naughty Square Enix!

I got an email this morning. Here is the picture that greeted be before coffee:



Does this strike anyone else as a thinly-veiled attempt at piquing the interest of our subconscious sex drive by tossing the letter Q into "Sex Toys?" When has Square Enix EVER abbreviated their name as SQEX?

And then there's the whole idea of DragonQuest (or Dragon Warrior) sex toys. Video game porn, anyone? And I will leave that to you in the comments.

Two Video Thursday!

No, this won't be a regular feature. Or it might be. I'm just wont to say it will because some days I get busy and some lazy and some days I want to curl up in the fetal position under my blankets with the fan on high (I know, weird, huh?) and wait until the sun goes away again.

There's something epic and beautiful about the tragedy that is the rise and fall. Maybe it was Shakespeare. Maybe it was Goodfellas. Maybe I should see a shrink before I decide to go over one ledge or another (figurative ledge, of course).

Now you're saying: Ricky, you walking vag purse, could we see some videos?

So, hey, how about those videos!

This is sheep. And LEDs. And dogs. I think it's cool, but shouldn't the sheep be sleeping at night and not running around fields with light nets strapped to their backs? I know if someone tried to strap lights to my back at night with the intent of making me run around in a field I'd be all "Dude, I'm playing Mass Effect." Or I'd be sleeping and when they woke me I'd punch them and then go play some Mass Effect because I'm up anyway.




And then there's this bit of interest. I didn't vet it, but it appears mostly correct in its numbers. Maybe I just think its suspect because it came from my father and - while not 100% shitty - most of the stuff that comes from certain people I know needs to be pushed through Snopes. Wait. This didn't come from my father at all. It came from Dr. Mercola. Oh, wait. He's on the list too.

Interesting? Yes. Astonishing? Not unless you live in a cave. And if you've been living in a cave for a while, you probably think everything that has to do with modern technology is astonishing. So then this might be. But if you did live in a cave, shower, then watch this. You stink.

Adopt an Actor: Michael Rappaport

I've seen it around and, really, am late to the party by like 2 years, but I have decided to Adopt an Actor per I, Splotchy (who I guess began the project).

And as soon as I decided, the choice was obvious: Michael Rappaport.



I first fell in love with Michael Rappaport's work in what has become, over the years, what I refer to as "My favorite movie:" True Romance (1993). Patricia Arquette was, of course, hot. Christian Slater was fab. But who made the movie? The character roles like Brad Pitt, Christopher Walken, Dennis Hopper, Bronson Pinchot, and the most delicious Gary Oldman. Hell, even James Gandolfini and Samuel L. Jackson hit with that.

Michael's work has gone through respectable character roles through the years appearing as voice talent on blockbuster video games and recurring roles on Friends, Boston Public, My Name is Earl, and now Prison Break. Michael's appeared in films such as Higher Learning, The Scout, Basketball Diaries, Cop Land, and Hitch. I jokingly used to call him "the hardest working actor in Hollywood."

At first, when seeing the Adopt an Actor program, I honestly thought it was a "has-been" joke. Now I realize that it's much more about unsung heroes. When I see Michael Rappaport on screen or hear his voice, it's something familiar, something close to home. And I appreciate that.

Thank you Michael Rappaport. May your films and roles ever grow. Visage on the right.

Enough About AIG. Seriously.

Seriously. Shut the fuck up. I know you're pissed. I'm pissed too. But maybe we're not pissed about the same thing.

See, I'm a very liberal person when it comes to politics. I am also a business owner who works very hard for the money I earn in today's economy. America, and even Obama today, is expressing outrage over AIG's couple hundred million in bonuses. And it's the most absurd symbol of all the skullfuckery going on in our economy to date.

I'm not pissed about AIG's bonuses. Sure, perhaps they shouldn't have them since American taxpayers own 80% of the friggin' company, but Chris Dodd (D) is the one who put language in the stimulus bill that says any contract in play before Feb. 11th is to be honored. That's our guy behind the source of the outrage.

And the saddest thing is that everyone's pissed about AIG's couple hundred million dollars. Let me say it again: shut the fuck up about AIG. Last year we dumped $700 billion into banks and whatever-the-shit with no checks, no balances, and no accountability under the auspices of The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008. And we don't know where much of that money is right now.

So what happened in this stimulus bill? Did we learn from what George W. Bush did with the war bill? Did we learn from what happened last year? Did the Democrats with a commanding lead in congress grab the reins and inject rules and provisions and accountability into this bill?

NO! Congress - our Democratically-led Congress - pulled the same shit they did last year. Obama pulled the same "gotta happen now or DOOM!" bullshit Bush pulled with the Iraq War legislation, pushing a bill through that was physically impossible to read in the allotted time before voting. We've tossed another $700 billion into the air and Congress is only NOW saying "hey, we should've put something in there about what if it's windy...."

This isn't a problem with our President; he's as hopeful and optimistic as anyone can be in an economic time like this. This isn't an issue with accountability or learning our lessons; if Congress wrote the bill again and America wasn't dealing with misplaced aggression, they'd do the same shit again. This is a problem with Congress.

You want Change with Obama, we start with the Legislative branch. House? 2 terms. Senate? 1 term. Then get the hell out. Without the worry for extended re-election, we won't have to deal with as much bullshit and lying. Without the potential for a full-on career in DC, you'll only get people who want to do the job.

Will it have problems? Sure. But last month our government took a shit-ton of our money for a second time in 6 months, stuck a pole up our asses and didn't even have the courtesy to give a reach-around.

Shouldn't we do something other than shake our fist at a company that has a fart-in-the-wind role in the process?

Did they muck up the financial waters? Yep. But when everyone was getting fat and happy, no one was shaking fingers. Did they take a ton of taxpayer money? Yep. But no one tied any strings. Are they handing out bonuses with that money? Yep, because a Democrat said they could.

If you're going to be angry, at least be angry at the right thing.

Six Minutes of Ass-Kicking Awesome

I like to think that, in a bind, my viewing of videos like the one embedded below, would allow me to take control of the situation. Truth is, I haven't been in a fistfight since I was ten or so and in that one, I got my ass handed to me. Kind of. One kid bruised up his hands by repeatedly punching me in my forehead (hardest part of your skull) while the other one held me in a full nelson. I cried, both while being pummeled and then that night when I told my parents about it. You see, I was with my friend (no help) with whom I was traveling at the time. We were going with his parents to see the new Bond film, The Living Daylights. The kid who beat on me was my next-door neighbor, and I'm guessing he's in jail now. Or dead. He was sent to juvie six months after the beating because he fired his dad's gun in his backyard. We were home to hear it and watch the cops take him away.

Sorry that turned into a sad trip down Lame Ave. You know what would cheer you up? 6 minutes of ass-kicking awesome.

The Lost Generation

AARP commercial (do not let that dissuade you). And because I love language, it's awesome. And inspiring.

The Rush Billboard Vote

Democrats (i.e., the Democratic Party) is taking the fight to the streets. Or at least viewable from the streets.

On this page you can vote for one of five phrases for a billboard put up by the Democratic party that look like the one above.

* "Americans didn't vote for a Rush to failure"

* "Hope and change cannot be Rush'd"

* "Failure is not an option for America's future"

* "We can fix America, just don't Rush it"

* "Rush: Say yes to America"

However, do not vote for the last one.

Why, Ricky? Why not?

I guess Obama lured all the good linguists to the White House.

Yes, the last one, "Rush: Say yes to America" can translate into "Hey douchebag, please say 'yes' to America." However, it can also translate into "By choosing Rush you are saying 'yes' to America."

(and for total inclusion, it can also be translated into "Rush is a fucking awesome band and if you don't recognize that then you hate America, you terrorist.")

So if you would like to keep the spirit of what the Democrats are trying to do, avoid the duality and avoid the last one. But vote!

Taking Pause - a Reality Rant

Oh, stop it. For a day. And it's not even a pause because I'm actually posting. Really. You're reading it right now.

I'm making some French Onion Soup and sniffling from that and still have a couple calls to make for business purposes and nothing really caught my eye or ear and dragged me to the computer and smacked me in the back of my head and shouted "Blog about it!" Which is what happens most days.

Wait a second, have to stir the onions. Yummy. Starting to caramelize.

Okay, so I was talking about how I didn't really have any impetus today, no driving political or religious purpose to tell you how Obama is totally sweet or Limbaugh sucks or the Pope's a douchebag. Honestly, I'm still reveling in yesterday's post on Rush Limbaugh and laughing my ass off every time I see that photoshop. **small pat on the back**

Okay, okay, let's take a look at Drudge.

Bullshit, bullshit, Rush is lovely, Obama's not, ugly cats, Russia wants to kill us, China wants to kill us, Palestinians are terrorists and they want to kill us, and no one - still - gives a shit about Michael Jackson. Nothing new.

So the point of all of this was not to have a point at all. I haven't done a free-form, stream-of consciousness thing for a long time. Ever? I don't know, but it's liberating, in an odd way. I don't necessarily have to write about anything yet the act of writing about not writing about anything is, in fact, writing about something.

So, go hit that Rush article. Just don't choke on your poi when you see the pic.

The Limbaugh Mind Meld Hula on Obama Fail

There's been much hullabaloo surrounding Rush Limbaugh and his calling out the Fail Whale (Wail) on Obama. Pundits say he did, he says he was misquoted, blah blah, insert sanctimonious bullshit.

The regular conservatives openly want Obama to fail. Remember all that bullshit they spewed during the election that Democrats want the troops to fail so their argument wins? Add some truth to the angle, and you've got what Republicans need right now: Obama fails means they win. But because most of them are smacking with one hand and begging for stimulus handout with the other, it's kind of a two-faced mess.

Rush, on the other hand, is not beholden to stimulus money, so he has concocted a much more devious rhetoric. Coming from Rush Limbaugh's mouth on today's radio show, he does not want Obama to fail; he wants Obama's plans to fail.

Let's follow the lack of logic, shall we? Limbaugh's entire argument is built upon the pretense that Obama's plans (stimulus, etc.) are not designed to help America. Entertaining any other thought on this premise or reflecting on what success means and how it affects "helping America" is cut off as "a trap" in his language.

This is the setup. A setup to what, you ask? To the two possibilities that drape Rush with success like purple-print muʻumuʻu.

Possibility One: In 6 months, perhaps a year, if our economy is in the shitter worse than it is now, Rush laments. Obama's plans were not good for America and Obama's success was America's downfall. My dear, faithful listeners, I fear I was right.

Possibility Two: In 6 months, perhaps a year, if our economy is in much better shape than it is now, Rush laments. Obama's plans were not good for America. And by a combination of Obama failing and the perserverence of the private sector, America has prospered. My dear, faithful listeners, I'm glad I was right.

Of course, this is the worst form of flawed logic. He's telling all his listeners that he's playing chess. He knows enough to know he's not playing chess, but he also knows his listeners don't know how to play chess. And anyone calling bullshit on his stunt will suffer an ad hominem attack parallel to the sandbox bully shouting "dummy" at you. Only this bully has many, many parrots.

So, to be clear: Rush is setting himself up for a path to success despite what the outcome of reality is. And anyone who attacks his custom-made Puff-a-Lump Beanie Baby Easy Chair is nailed by him as trying to trap or trick him.

Congratulations, Rush. Well-played. Now, if we could get the media off the semantics of misquotes and into the nuance of your bullshittery, we might be on to something here. Unfortunately, a lot of folks on our side don't know how to play chess either.

Drudge Uncertain of Reality

Had this poking around for a couple days. Shot of Drudge's site:



Question for Drudge:

Where the fuck have you been for the last 8 years?

Cops N (Weed) Brownies

I have watched this repeatedly. Laughed every time. A cop confiscated some weed, was obviously ignorant about how to use and the effects of marijuana, and freaked the fuck out. And called 911.

This isn't new, but damn it's good.

Joking About Octomom

Octomom is a disease of humanity and media.

Listening to Stephanie Miller tonight, I heard a lovely joke:

Did you know IHOP is doing a new Octomom omlette?

It's 14 eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you paid for it.

How do you punish someone who doesn't do anything illegal, but something morally and socially wrong? In our society, you give her an international platform so everyone can talk about how you punish someone who doesn't do anything illegal, but something morally and socially wrong. And everyone watches.

And nothing happens, though I cannot come up with an answer as to what should. Besides, perhaps, sending all her kids to foster care.

Masters of the Universe, answer our prayers.

Bobby Jindal Epic Fail - And Racism by Proxy

This bit of David Brooks on Bobby Jindal's epic fail (h/t Wonkette):



And during a brief jaunt today I had the unfortunate chance to digest a bit of Rush Limbaugh. He said that Biden probably wondered who sat in for Bobby Jindal's shift at the 7-11.

This is racism by proxy. By saying someone was probably thinking something racist - especially when it is your political party that is known for exacerbating race issues - no one is fooled. You had that thought, Rush. And because it wasn't appropriate for you to have, you put it in the feigned imagination of a democrat.

Another laughably ironic piece of the story. I recently heard Rush lamenting pop culture, that everything in pop culture is looked at as liberal, that it's a foregone conclusion. Of course, someone who was even remotely in the loop on "what's hip" probably wouldn't be making an Indian/convenience store reference with an expiration date a decade old.

Everyone knows a call center or Slumdog Millionaire extra reference is much more apropos.

There are exceptions, but conservatives do not do funny and they do not do hip and they do not do technology. And Rush is case in point.

Parenting Adventures - Who's the Adult?

Let's just get this over with. Little Shambles is no longer little and turns 13 in a month, so she will be henceforth referred to as the Irish Dancer as that is the closest thing to a passion she currently has developing in her life. We shall never speak of this again.

So Sunday morning found us at The Original Pancake House in Montgomery where they have enormous, delicious omelets like you've never seen or experienced before unless you've been to The Original Pancake House. It was a good meal with the family and after we paid I walked out into the foyer and, in attempt to embarrass the Irish Dancer - a fine pastime of mine - stated in an impaired voice "Yeah, I like Spongebob too!"

The Irish Dancer looked at me with overtired tween disdain, huffed, and said "What does that have to do with anything. We were talking about dicks."

Of course, what she actually said, having been mid-conversation with Mrs. Shambles about softball, was "We were talking about Dick's [Sporting Goods]."

But I laughed. Hard. I laughed all the way to the car and I laughed all the way home and chuckled out loud several times for the rest of the day. She had said it with such conviction and fervor.

So last Sunday, the Irish Dancer learned that men will laugh at jokes like they are twelve years old, pretty much until we die.

Politics in Absolutisms - I Say: Shit Sandwich

8 Years of Bush Special. At least you get a pickle.

I don't often blog about comments, but as I get few comments and have dropped to 6 followers, I thought I'd hit this one that someone from the Silent Majority recently left lauding the day when liberals would be "a footnote in history."

First off, I've never liked that phrase because it's often misused and inapplicable, such as in this case. Dems and Repubs share pretty much equally in the history of America and neither will ever have a day as a footnote.

And as much as I'm a self-proclaimed vehement, godless liberal, even I know that all politics are cyclical. You would have to be 5 and live in a cave not to have at least an inkling of that:

One party will make a bunch of promises, eventually the public will say "yeah, that's what we need now," and then that party will gain power and favor. But because they're politicians they will become corrupted by power, fail to do what the majority had in mind, and the other party will ramp up their rhetoric of a bunch of promises. The middle will migrate in the opposite direction - not because of loyalty, but disappointment - and say "yeah, that's what we need now...." Rinse and repeat.

As much as I voted for and appreciate Obama right now, it's only been a frickin' month. I think there is a lot of potential but I'm not on board with the folks the Right jokingly refers to as Obamessiah worshipers.

What makes me laugh about the Right in the last couple weeks...okay there's a lot that makes me laugh. But let's just talk about one thing.

For the last eight years, America has been glutting on a double-stacker shit sandwich, served on a plate of war, extra side of scandal, hold the Constitutional rights. No comment on that from wingnuts. But less than a month - hell, as soon as the election was over, the Right nutters start shouting "hey, this don't smell right!"

Note to the Right: eating shit for 8 years may alter perceptions to the point that anything that is not shit "smells funny." Take a break from your feces panini and grab a glass of water. "This" is much better than "that."

Papal Support of Censorship

No, I'm not going to start calling this blog The Pope Follies. I've got a political itch coming back and will be talking about it very soon.

So that goon Benedict and his bullshittery:

"The Assembly of Catholic Ordinaries of the Holy Land has publicly expressed the disdain and protest of Christians over a television programme transmitted in recent days by the Israeli private television station 'Channel 10', in which the Lord Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary were ridiculed with blasphemous words and images."

So what was the issue? It turns out that Channel 10 in Israel had a late night show that did a spoof on religion.

In the show, Mary is said to have become pregnant at 15, thanks to a schoolmate.

It said Jesus could never have walked on water because "he was so fat he was ashamed to leave the house, let alone go to the Sea of Galilee with a bathing suit".

Boo fucking hoo. So someone on a show known for comedy makes a joke about religion. A bunch of sanctimonious Christians whine which is backed up by the sanctimonious Catholic papa and gets a sanctimonious apology from the Prime Minister of Israel.

Which just goes to show: you can make up a bunch of shit and put it in a book and cook it in dogma and blind belief for 2000 years to the point that when someone makes a joke about that book the world takes notice and the leader of a sovereign nation makes a public apology.

See, the late-night show just needs a book and a couple millenia and everyone will be okay with it. Until someone makes a "Jesus was so skinny..." joke.

GOP: The Blacks and the Midgets

Out of the mouth of RNC Chairman Michael S. Steele from Washington Times:

”There was underlying concerns we had become too regionalized and the party needed to reach beyond our comfort” zones, he said, citing defeats in such states as Virginia and North Carolina. “We need messengers to really capture that region - young, Hispanic, black, a cross section ... We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings.”

But, he elaborated with a laugh, “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”

How many times does it have to happen in order for it to become a generalized archetype? A high-ranking member of the GOP finally, reluctantly laments the lack of inclusiveness in the 99% old white guy gang and before you can even think the phrase "Well, maybe he's...," in the same breath he makes any attempt at taking such comments seriously nothing but laughable.

"Hey, how'm I supposed to know whatcha call them Munchkin people?"

What an asshat.

This is what has been wrong with the GOP, is wrong with the GOP, and will be the base reason behind them losing even more seats in 2010.

Stupid Sick & T Shirt Hell Returns After Not Going Anywhere

Missed the last couple days on updating anything on the blog here, originally because of working on my real job, but the last couple days have seen projectile vomiting of everything including just water paired with ejecta from the other end. It was lovely.

Well, I'm back, and managing my time more efficiently at that.

Speaking of back, T-Shirt Hell was going out of business a couple weeks ago and now they're not. Actually, they never were. Yeah, I'm a sucker just like everyone else. Just a quality stunt to introduce new folks and get the old fans off their asses to open their wallets.

Yay! Plenty of time for you to get me that Pimp shirt...

It's Your Home! A Moment With the Pope and God

Another bit on the Vatican because...damn.

From the Vatican Information Service:

BENEDICT XVI ASKS GOD TO WATCH OVER THE VATICAN

The man who supposedly has a direct connection with God and owns the lineage of His corporeal time on Earth, and he feels the need to issue a press release in which he asks God to watch over the only country or international entity that can be called "God's Home?"

Doesn't God already live there? What did Benedict do? Walk up to His room and ask him to keep an eye on the place?

BENE: Hey, God, you got a minute?
GOD: Always for you, Ratzie.
BENE: I wish you wouldn't -
GOD: I know. You know I know. Why complain?
BENE: Could you at least put down that book when I'm talking?
GOD: Sorry omnipresence isn't enough for you.
BENE: I never said -
GOD: You did in your heart.
BENE:...
GOD: You were bugging me for a reason? This Asimov had his shit together. Seriously.
BENE: Yes. I was wondering if you could keep an eye on the place.
GOD: And omnipresence - seriously?
BENE: Over Vatican City?
GOD: Who's the next Pope going to be?
BENE: Well, I think there are several good - Wait, don't you -
GOD: Gotcha!
BENE: If you'd just -
GOD: Are you still here? I've got a book and a bottle of bourbon to finish.
BENE: You drink too much.
GOD: You don't know me! You can't know me!
BENE: God, sorry, I -
GOD: Yeah, I'll watch. You want me to do anything if anything happens? Put a giant force field over the joint? Wag my cock at the bombs? Or just watch. Cause I'm already doing that.
BENE: Bombs? Sorry. Watching will be fine I guess.
GOD: Good. Go get me my slippers.
BENE: Yes. Douche.
GOD: I heard that. Before you said it.
BENE: I'm sure you did.
GOD: Dick.

The Vatican Cracks Me Up

Oh, that crazy Pope.

The Vatican Information Service summary for February 7-9 came yesterday and the following headlines elicited such snark that it was my duty to comment upon them.

ABSENCE OF GOD IS MANKIND'S MOST PROFOUND SICKNESS

I would argue that one of humanity's utmost illnesses is over-reliance on the structure of organized religion, the heeding of the barker at the tent of worship for our two pence. You can still have a relationship with God from outside the tent. If God couldn't see you outside, He wouldn't be God. If he doesn't want to listen to you if you don't pay the toll, He's a Dick.


APPEAL FOR PEACE IN MADAGASCAR



Hell yeah, peace! That zebra always be bustin' shit up and don't even get me started on them penguins.

Don't even.


PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN POPE AND GERMAN CHANCELLOR

POPE: Seriously?
CHAN: Really. It happened. We have proof.
POPE: Damn. For reals? I always thought the Holocaust was an old wives' tale.
CHAN: Nope. Pretty serious shit.
POPE: So that bishop thing -
CHAN: Way wrong move.
POPE: Cause, ya know, I'z -
CHAN: You'z was not just playin'.
POPE: ...no. I'z wasn't.
...
POPE: So we cool, though, right?
...
Click.

Not Cheap Window Plastics: 3M Post (Color) Corrected

This weekend I noted that during Obama's now-famous call to cap the salary of corporate big-wigs, it looked like the window behind him had been poorly-sealed with 3M plastic. You know, the kind that stops drafts from freezing you out in the winter if you have crappy windows.

Turns out it was not cheap plastics over the windows. It was expensive window plastics.

My post got play on C&R Blog Roundup and one of the comment-folk brought the light (sorry -- lamp):

Murphy Tinsley said...

What you are looking at is a sheet of neutral density with color correction put on the window by the MSNBC television crew. This material allowed them to balance the light level of the exterior with the level inside the office. There is also color correction to balace outside daylight with the lights they were using inside (unless they were HMI's.)

A credible and completely valid response.

I thank all my readers for visiting and my comment-folk especially for setting me straight. Even I am not without ignorance.

Even if the 3M explanation was more fun.

Beer Bottle Dominoes

Yes. Beer Bottle Dominoes.

3M: the White House Energy Plan

Obama recently made a now-famous call to put a ceiling on corporate earnings when those corporations accept gov't money.

But what you may have missed is the 3M plastic-over-windows in the background.



Okay, it's not very obvious in stills. Check out the video:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

So do we laud Obama's team for plasticating the windows in the White House, or do we rail them for not doing it well enough that it doesn't waver and show up in the shot?

You tell me.

Kid on Drugs (After the Dentist)

(via BoingBoing)



Is this gonna be forever?

New York and a Dragon!

I was reading this article about how shady New York Republican politics have been shitting on a man's sense of accomplishment and duty, when I ran into this paragraph:

A member of the Passamaquoddy Tribe in Maine, he said he is being discriminated against because of his national origin and retaliated against for having sued the state.

Did you just see what I just saw?

That's right: Passamaquoddy


Yes, I did own this record/book as a child.

Pete's Dragon represent!

The Magic Woodworkings of a Stimulus Plan

The stimulus plan has all the creeps coming out of the woodwork, most of them tossing everything - including the kitchen sink - at the Obama administration cause day wont day monies!

Las Vegas, which by some accounts already glitters, wants $2 million for neon signs.

Boynton Beach, Fla., is looking for $4.5 million for an "eco park" featuring butterfly gardens and gopher tortoises.

And Chula Vista, Calif., would like $500,000 to create a place for dogs to run off the leash.

These are among 18,750 projects listed in "Ready to Go," the U.S. Conference of Mayors' wish list for funding from the stimulus bill moving through Congress. The group asked cities and towns to suggest "shovel ready" projects for the report, which it gave to Congress and the Obama administration.

Let's just call bullshit on all that fuckery. Now and forever.

You want to dance around the money game? You want to propose projects the Federal Government should fund? Fine: line item how much it should cost and how many jobs it will create. If you get that money and do not create those jobs, you are accountable for creating those jobs within 2 months. If you do not create those jobs, you lose 50% of funding to the state until you do.

Accountability. How are we going to get anything done if it's just a bunch of liars and cheats?

Answer: we won't.

Sarah PAC - Here We Go. Again.

Sarah Palin has started her own PAC with the stated purpose of "building America's future, supporting fresh ideas and candidates who share our vision for reform and innovation."

The actual purpose, of course, is part of the "Pack it in like Kobayashi" strategy so that in three years she can shit out an Alaska-sized hunk of political capitol all over America. Or that's one of the guesses. When asked what a PAC does, Palin only replied "Ms. Pac-Man is sooooo fun!"



Seriously, though, what's up with the logo? Alaska in the middle of the US?

The imagery represents:

• Blowing an Alaska-sized hole in the breadbasket of America "'cause carbs just don't sit well on my hips."
• "Alaska's big and America is big so that means I'm qualified to be President."
• "When I'm President, this is the area we'll fence off for all America's enemies."
• "Swimming pool!"
• "I can see North Dakota from my house."

But those are just a couple thoughts. What are yours?

Kinda Like Tripping

Stare at this for the minute or so it runs, then look at stuff and you might get a 5% feeling of what it's like to trip for 20 seconds or so.

Don't watch if you have any issues with seizures!

Barack Obama - Fuck Yeah

Unexpectedly ran into this wonderousness earlier today.



Fuck yeah.

(via DothBrands via Inauguration)

How Voter Fraud Can Follow You

Two days ago, on my Twitter account, I commented on the fact that Ken Blackwell, walking example of both voter fraud and questionable interests in DieBold from the notorious 2004 election (He pushed the no-paper-trail electronic machines in Ohio, then was found to have investments in them) had created a Twitter account.

I said:

That fraud, that traitor of a human being, Ken Blackwell, has a Twitter. http://twitter.com/kenblackwell

WTF to my surprise, yesterday, I was greeted with this:



At the very least, that guy's got his social online thing going on, even if his financial interests at the time cost Democrats the 2004 election.

But he's still a horrible person. And fuck if I'll follow his antics.

February 3rd - Blogroll Amnesty Day

Link love, get down, do it right.



Thanks BlueGal!

Pork Chop Sandwiches - G.I. Joe

Hit this at the end of a tedious task and - damn, this is funny, even if it's a bit aged. But I guess because it's retro...sorry. Just watch the 'toon.



Tidbit: I found it again because I want to make pork chop sandwiches for dinner. Srsly.

T-Shirt Hell Shutting Down

I've been a fan of T-Shirt Hell for many years now and am sad to see they are closing their doors.

We're sorry to bring the news that T-Shirt Hell will be closing its doors on Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009. Everything is now on sale during our final days.

For a message from the creator of TSH, Sunshine Megatron, go here. To view our final new shirts, plus 14 shirts we are bringing back as a thank you to everyone (including some of the best of our old Worse Than Hell section), go here.

It's been a deliciously wicked ride. Devilspeed to all who supported us.

(Customer service on all orders will continue for 60 days beyond our close date.)

Visit. Purchase. Weep.

And, hey, my birthday's coming up. My fav?



(and the obligatory social marketing one as well)

XL on black ;)

T-Shirt Hell, you will be missed. Never forget. :'(

RatherGood.com - The Cure - LOLCats

OMFG

Haggard Going Down (Again)

The enchantment of dick-suckin' lips

It was almost two years ago that I batted around the Ted Haggard dirty homo meth story. Please note that Ted Haggard has opened himself up to the ridicule I ladle upon him because he is a hypocritical monster of a human being. When you're an evangelical megachurch pastor and shit grin your way to stardom by a doctrine of clean livin' and how homosexuals are going to hell and then trade drugs for gay sex and when you are caught try to shrug off culpability by saying you have a drug problem and hiding in rehab, you deserve a shitstorm of pain.

Well, it appears that our pastor cum persona non grata has another skeleton hiding in the closet with him. Looks like Haggard buggered a 20-year old male volunteer to the church. Say it ain't so, Ted.

Oh, he does. Kinda.

There was a little sumpin-sumpin going on, it came out at a low level or he knew it would come out, he met with his wife and the man to apologize for an in appropriate relationship and then the church paid the guy for moving expenses, counseling fees, and his college tuition. And Teddy bear says there was no physical contact.

Exactly. Because he was so fucking forthcoming last time. Clinton never inhaled and Haggard never swallowed. That's why there's egg on his face. Well, maybe it's not egg...

The only conclusion that can be drawn from these events, encounters, and bald-faced lies is that Ted Haggard doesn't truly, deep within his heart, believe one goddamned bit of the drivel he's been preaching for years. For if he did, he would act in such a way as one does when they have a conviction that one day they will have to answer to the God of the friggin universe for their transgressions.

Or maybe he's at peace with an eternity of hell for a little cock. Or a lot of cock - he's still young and there's a lot more tail (between the legs) to be had.

Why I Removed My Tongue Piercing

2001 - 2009

The other night, I just took it out.

Around eight years I held that stud in my mouth, originally put there by my wife. It was time.

I guess the main reason I removed my tongue piercing was that after all that time, it's inevitable - even if you're careful - that you're going to chip a tooth or two. I was working on my third. The reason I held onto it for so long is a different story.

As soon as I was eighteen I drove downtown to have my left nipple pierced. I may have almost passed out, but I was hooked. Soon after was my first tattoo. After I met my wife, she pierced my tongue, then my right nipple. Before we were married we each sat for almost 8 hours to get the same piece: I on my right upper arm and her on her back. I'm still aching for another tat.

About four years ago, I removed the nipple rings. My nipples were sensitive before and piercings added a level of sensitivity that was actually beyond comfortable or pleasurable. Turns out, after the removal, they're at the exact level of sensitivity I was hoping for with the piercings.

But the tongue.

The tongue I held onto. I mentioned in a recent post that I'm soon to turn 32, and I think my holding onto my tongue piercing was a holding onto something edgy, something youthful, not that I think having one's tongue pierced makes one edgy or young.

Some of the logic I was mulling through said that cunnilingus was why I was holding on to that archive of my life. Why do I have my tongue pierced? Wink wink.

I realized the other night, in one single moment, that the flash, the edge was not in my piercing, it was in me, my charm, my personality. My talent was not in the stud, but in the tantalizing undulations of my tongue. "So you can make me come that doesn't make you Jesus." No, but at maybe St. Peter. Would you like to see my St. Peter?

Basically, it was a question of Samson in reverse. Samson believed - didn't God tell him? - all his power was derived from the length of his hair. And when his hair was cut off, his power was gone.

I realized my power was not in my "hair" but in me.

Then again, I've been trimming my "hair" for many years. Makes the power look bigger, they say.

So goodbye tongue piercing. I will miss you only in the funny way my mouth feels in your absence. You may have helped flick the bean, but the muscle was all mine. And that talent remains.

OMG! Earthquakes in California?

Next month I'll be 32. As I would guess my hard-issue mind for scientific inquiry got rolling about the time I was 7, I've been listening to this shite for some 25 years now.

Large earthquakes have rumbled along a southern section of the San Andreas fault more frequently than previously believed, suggesting that Southern California could be overdue for a strong temblor on the notorious fault line, a new study has found.

Exactly. WTF? Since I was a kid I've seen them; every couple of years, someone comes out with another report saying "Ooh, those California tremors are likely signs of a Long Overdue Event." No shit. The San Andreas Fault is supposed to explode like a golf ball hit with an axe and blow LA into the Pacific. (Yes, I know that's not how plate tectonics works)

I guess it comes down to the idea of worry. Predictions are fine and a wonderful tool, but when it becomes a prediction and a "warning" over and over again it loses all scientific value and turns into panic generation.

CHANGE: Sorry. Ever start writing and have a vague idea of where you're going and then, suddenly, it goes away and you're left with a waning buzz in the back of your skull and a pile of words that has no future? Yeah, that just happened to me. Might have something to do with the trance-inducing "How to Disappear Completely" by Radiohead pouring from the stereo speakers.

Science Tattoos, Without Research

If you are planning on getting a tattoo, at the first inkling, you must be thinking about your artist. Who is going to put permanent ink into your skin? You should probably not run out to the first tattoo shop you find.

Maybe I'm biased because when Mrs. Shambles and I were planning our matching pieces, we dug in deep and found Marty Holcomb working out of Columbus, a brilliant artist who was only taking ink jobs by appointment (yes, I'll add a pic of the finished piece within 2 days - promise).

But when I caught this bit on Discover's website, my first thoughts were "Oh, no, you didn't."



Take the time. Check out Discover's Science Tattoo Emporium. And please, please realize that just because you have a brilliant idea doesn't mean the artist knows what you want or can execute it well.

The bigger the piece, the more research you need to do, the more portfolios you need to view, and know that there is never a better time to say "um, no" than when you see the mock-up of what they are planning. Walk away. Better a pissed-off artist than thousands to remove something you look at a week later and think "WTF?"

Which comes back to the demonstrated art bit. Never let any tattoo artist tell you "everyone I've ever inked has been happy." Of course they're happy, initially. They just let you put permanent ink into their skin. If they admitted to themselves that they were not happy, they would have to admit that they had made a grave mistake, and in the ever-looming interest of self-preservation, I would guess that 99.999% of people who get tattoos, no matter how horrendous, initially claim happiness with the work.

Boil it down, now: Research. If you're a scientist, research more. Find the name of an artist, an actual person. View many, many portfolios. Get a good representation of what will be on your skin. Then - and only then - commit.

Rinse and repeat times the speed of light.

Pickle Pringles

I was going to rant about a crappy experience I had today, but found in my searches that it had already had been done for me.

Check out this post on the Pringles Extreme Screamin’ Dill Pickle.

If you like pickles, if you like Pringles, it just plain sucks. Done. No more than that. I feel so betrayed. I need to take a shower.

UPDATE: No, after a shower, the tennis ball tube in my pantry still haunts me. $2? WTF? I don't even think the pigeons would eat it. I don't even think I have pigeons!

Ah, painful pickle spice, three Pringles down, what to do with the leftover pain?

Darth Vader's Tray

Animation of Eddie Izzard's routine.



Brilliant!

Non-Believers Are Americans Too

Americans who do not fit nicely into an accepted, organized religion box like "Hindu" or "Christian" have found it difficult to legitimize themselves in the eyes of those who live in those boxes. Atheism itself is looked upon as a defect or disease.

Yesterday we saw a change:

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus--and non-believers.

In once sentence, non-believers all over America got the kind of boost, a legitimate form of recognition from a world leader, that we were not expecting.

Granted, this fuel will feed the right wing "godless liberal" machine for a long time to come. I think it is a step in the right direction.

Brent's Inauguration Photo

My friend Brent who does not have a blog or a Twitter or a website woke his ass up super early and made it to the Capitol side of the Washington Monument. One more reference and he'll get his own blogger label.

This is the image he sent me.



The reason they're staring away from the Capitol Building is that you can't see anything from that far away and the closest Jumbotron was in that direction. He said, as you'd expect, that it was amazing.

Yes, I am jealous much.

Inauguration - Bestest So Far

Eh, we're at about 4:40 EST right now and I've been witness to over six hours of awesome, some by audio, some by television. And there's still more to go throughout the evening, balls and what-not. Olbermann at 8 should be good.

But I wanted to break in because plopping this down on a Tweet is just not enough.

History, pshaw! The best part of today was when the Bush chopper, Executive One, was circling over the National Mall, and Chris Matthews, the Constant Constitutional Tool, decided to pine poetic and went with "besides seeing so many teeth of happy people smiling today" and continued to speak of the minority makeup of the crowd, voicing amazement that no one seemed pissed or short-tempered that it was cold and everything was taking so long.

Yes, Chris, it's all teeth and eyes and watermelon in a sea of black like that, sippin' on some Courvoisier. And those people would, of course, treat world-history caliber news and being there for that event like they would a long line at an un-air-conditioned BMV. WTF?

Best Matthews gaffe evar.

A Wish and a Hope for Obama

Mall Madness

I look at those images, the Mall in D.C., not one patch of green visible in any direction, the smiling, excited faces, cheering and chanting, and my eyes well up. Partially because I'm excited too, and partially because I see these masses as I might see my own daughter, smitten with a new love.

And I just want to put my hand on his shoulder and say "You've already got our hearts. Please don't break them."

Can't wait for his speech. Because that Nazi Youth Pastor was a little over the top. Ooh, Aretha Franklin!

Dreams of War: A Nuke in Tehran

We were in Iran, in a green valley surrounded by mountains. It was daytime, but overcast. Hundreds of people, spread out, for miles the valley was before us. Everyone was cheering as planes flew overhead, back and forth. In the distance, you could hear gunfire, bombs being dropped.

I was running through the grass, recognizing some of the people, people from high school, and every person I recognized loved war, lauded the first Gulf War, some had even gone on to the military. And they were all cheering. And hugging. And smacking each other on the back as the planes buzzed us in the valley.

And I was cheering too. I was excited, jumping, running, hugging. And as I smacked the back of one of my other jovial celebrants, I asked "so who's delivering the nuke?"

"US Army," he replied.

Then, suddenly an overhead view of a map and a missile falling straight for Tehran.

My alarm clock woke me at 4:10am with that entire scene to run over and over again in my head. I don't believe I've ever had a dream that could be called a premonition, but when they're as vivid and memorable as that one was, it rattles you.

I knew politically we would never drop a nuke on Tehran. But Israel would. And our involvement with Israel is so tight, who's to say we wouldn't deliver it and allow Israel to take credit?

Sorry. Overthinking. Hell of a thing to wake up to on inauguration day, huh?

Dear God - XTC

I just heard Sara McLachlan cover of XTC's "Dear God" and thought you might like a taste of the original. I haven't heard it in a few years and it still gives me chills as shuddering as when I first heard it.

No Pants Subway Ride 2009

Improv Everywhere is brilliant. Always.



Now if we could just get something like this together in Cincinnati.