Rush Limbaugh is a Moron

Last week, Rush - based on a "sample" of three people in the studio - proclaimed that all the skinny people he knows drink regular pop and the fat people drink diet. And therefore: diet pop makes you fat.

Today I heard him say that exercise does not matter; if you want to lose weight, you must change what you eat.

There are quarter or eighth-truths here, but it is clearly flawed, borderline retarded logic.

And with this wit he attacks the left, claiming Obama wants everyone in the country to be poor, wants to feed America to blacks for reparations.

How is it that this douche is the voice of the Republican Party? How do the Repubs not see why they're in this situation?

Keep giving them rope. More and more rope. It only gets better.

Rape Van = Van Mural Wednesday

Last week we introduced Rape Van Wednesday. Unfortunately, I self-defeated by posting the definitive image of a rape van. So from now on, Wednesday will be Van Mural Wednesday, as the standard I set was just too high. Worry not, though. Should I find a more exemplary or worthy (or should you point me in the right direction of an) example, I will gladly post it under the title Rape Van.

For now, we will mix it up with sometimes iconic, sometimes interesting, sometimes horribly shitty murals.

Today, we've got a shitty Star Wars mural on a modded gold van. WTF?



And I'm guessing JarJar is on the other side...

Penith

Just funny.

Jesus Florida Plate Stalls

The Jesus License Plate has been stalled in the Florida legislature.

Thank God.

Christians push the "Muslims Are Bad" rhetoric and yet a state mandate of a man nailed to a piece of wood is peaceful. FAIL.

Glad to see it has stalled.

But, damn, that man is buff.

Devil Bunnies!

Meet me at the racetrack, Jack
Push your pedal to my metal
Peel this sucker out
Devil bunny devil bunny
Go Go Devil Bunnies Go Go


Wow...forgot how short that song was. Thanks to My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult and Monkey for inspiration.

Education in America: Jumped the Shark?

Over the weekend, my father, who works for the mayor of a Cleveland suburb, was explaining that next year in the high school system everything but the state mandated minimum was going to be cut. That means that all the high school kids in the district will go to school for under 5 hours a day, cutting everything except English, Math, Social Studies, and Science. That means no music, art, or theatre.

This, of course, stems from the way schools in Ohio are funded: primarily by property taxes. The state lottery also funnels money into the schools, but as soon as that was instituted the crooked politicians channeled most of the non-lottery money into other projects. And despite a 1997 Ohio Supreme Court ruling that property tax funding of the schools was unconstitutional, in 12 years nothing has changed. Except the installation of No Child Left Behind which provides regulations but no money for implementation, further crippling struggling schools.

This is happening all over Ohio, all over the country. Schools are being stripped of enrichment as budgets fall off from a mix of shitty management and shitty economy. As of right now many children are being pushed through high school without some of the things we considered basics: writing a five paragraph essay, understanding of grammar, basic knowledge of science, history, government.

And then what do they do? They try to get into a college having had a year or two or three of 5 hour days, no extracurricular offered. And if they can get into college, they're looking at $30,000 for an inexpensive state college 4-year degree.

This weekend, as I was soaking in the collapse of the educational system that provided me with quality schooling, I came across this article (or one like it) about how colleges are entertaining the idea of a three-year degree to make college "more affordable." So don't knock down absurd spending levels or sick tuition hikes, but slim down your requirements and push the student through ASAP. That is if it's not a bait-n-switch: "Ooh, sorry, you missed the 3-year degree by 2 credits. Not going to give up now, are you?"

So we're pushing the high school students through at absolute minimum so they can barely get into a college that is too expensive so they can chug through that at the minimum 3 years so they can end up in a work force that - if they can get a job - will devalue their education, paying them much less whilst they sit atop some $20K+ in loans. And that's just the undergrad.

And we're spending trillions on banks and car companies? Where's the education reform? Where's the NCLB repeal? Where's the money for the important things?

Needless to say, it makes me mad. And as the father of a 13-year old, it scares the shit out of me.

ABC is Remaking "V"

OMG OMG OMG

Coming mid-season '09, so probably early 2010.



Will you watch?

Nostalgia: Atari 2600 - The Fun is Back

Under fifty bucks? Now isn't that nice?

Quickie on Health Care

I heard some Republican choad this morning say that they would never enact a system that would place a bureaucrat between a person and their health care.

I say that (or technically a law facilitating care) is much better than what we have now: a shady insurance company who's sole, driving interest is to DENY you access to that care in order to maintain a substantial profit margin.

But I guess Republican lawmakers can't get kickbacks from a law.

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Enemy Combatants?

So now Congress won't give Obama his $80 million to close Gitmo.

(Wait; why again does it cost $80 million to close Gitmo? As Ron Paul puts it: "A padlock costs about 10 bucks and buses are cheap.")

Well, where them terr'rists gonna live? I doan want no Osama bin Laden walkin' roun on my streets.

First off, they're not terrorists; they're enemy combatants. If we were being faithful to the Geneva Convention, they'd be called Prisoners of War. Second, they aren't being released into the wilds of Small Town America. They would go to one of our jails.

But them terr'rists could break out and come get me and my family cause they hate America cause of our freedoms.

There are about 2 million people in America's prision system at any given time. There are less than 250 detainees at Gitmo. Have you ever had an escaped convict enter your home and threaten your family?

Well, no, but they hate America cause they're terr'rists.

But I told you; they're not terrorists. Some of the people in America's prisons are actual terrorists. Like the Unabomber? Many of the other convicts are murders. They hate life. I saw a guy on Discovery the other day who was in prison at 15 and said it was his personal mission to kill as many people as he could before he died.

Aww, he's just a kid. But them terr'rists are tricky.

What about Montana? There's a prison up there that wants the terr- dang, detainees. Says it'll create over 100 jobs.

Yeah, but they'll break out and then it'll be terr'rists on our streets.

It snows a lot in Montana.

Hmmm...that might work. Snow is like poison lava to them arabs.

So we bring them?

Hell no. Osama'll kill my family. Obama- hehe. See what I did there?

Clever.

He's a Muslim, you know.

Lovely.

I really don't know exactly how to reason with anyone with an irrational fear that someone will break out of one of our prisons and specifically target them. They are retarded. Unfortunately, many of "them" are currently running the country. And a certain number will never vote yea on anything having to do with Gitmo unless it is a bill to pay for 250 bullets.

Let's just say I'm a little disappointed with the Democratic Party as a whole as of late.

For My Cleveland Friends

Having spent most of my life in Cleveland, I can post this with good humor:

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video (h/t @akbiocity)

Juxtaposition

Travel up I-75 around Troy, MI, and you'll pass this exit, as I was fortunate enough to do a couple times in my life.



Exit 69: Big Beaver Road

This Week's Rape Van

It's Wednesday and you know what that means. Oh, no, I guess you don't because I'm trying something new. I'm going to stick to it; and I mean it. Anybody want a peanut?

Yesterday on Twitter I started a new hashtag #rapevan in a tweet about limitations on the awful things credit card companies do to us. IM discussion with my friend Brent (he's got something to link to now!) brought up the spectre of an actual rape van and hijacking the hashtag. He provided me with an image.

All that just to say: Here's your weekly rape van.



Filthy? check
Rusting? check
Limited windows? check
Airbrushed mural? check
Airbrushed mural contains dragon? check
Bumper held on by wire coming from brake light well? check

Actually, as I have apparently found Plato's Form of a rape van, I don't know that there is any reason to continue posting mere facsimiles. Perhaps I have defeated myself in another regular feature.

Let me know. Would you like to see a weekly image of an mural van that makes you cringe? Any examples you would like to submit? How about best submission gets a custom Rape Van Hunter badge?

[UPDATE: "Rape Van" has been tastefully changed to "Van Mural"]

Welcome New Friends

I spent some time today and made a lot of new friends.

And yes, I now need to take some time and update (and winnow) my Blogroll. Maybe I'll even enter everyone in that fancy widget that shows your last blog post too. Oh so hoity-toity. But I'll get to it, so quitcha bitchin'.

I just wanted to welcome you. Have a look around. Make some new friends yourself in my follow list. Most people enjoy the original photoshops. Have fun!

Andrew Wilkow Continues

Over a year ago, after listening to Andrew Wilkow a few times on Sirius, I created a post entitled Andrew Wilkow: My New Pain in the Ass.

If you haven't read it, it's interesting enough. Calling out right-wing douchebags usually is. The reason I mention it is that is has consistently been the largest draw to my blog and even after a year still getting comments (many are mine, but I'm up to 89). Enjoy!

I believe tomorrow I shall inform you about what else seems to draw people here. It's quite interesting and involves elf porn.

Stop Starbucks ...?

I got an email today from Brave New Films, a great group known for bringing some of the evils of Walmart into the light for everyone to see. They sent me a link to the following video and a website to Stop Starbucks:



The shitstamp on the forehead of Starbucks, according to this video and its sources, is that Starbucks is engaging in union-busting activities. Okay, bad on them. That should stop.

But Brave New Films goes a few steps too far in demonizing Starbucks as something equivalent to Walmart. And they're not. And that's not fair if we're going to be claiming to stand upon principles based on all the facts.

How about the differences between Starbucks and Walmart?

• Starbucks has always paid well over minimum wage and offers benefits to part-time workers as well as quick advancement to dedicated employees.
• Walmart trims corners everywhere, refusing to pay anywhere close to a living wage, seldom offering benefits, has issues with equal pay and advancement for women.


• Starbucks gets involved in local, community projects to improve the neighborhood in which they're located.
• Walmart creates acres of parking lots, local traffic problems, and barely-scraping-by poor.


• Starbucks has engaged the Free Trade program, making sure the coffee growers are getting a fair cut for the product they supply.
• Walmart is known for strong-arming their suppliers into shifting their manufacturing to China, killing thousands of manufacturing jobs and exploiting millions of Chinese men, women, and children.

If we're going to complain about something - and something that by all counts needs to be exposed - then do it fairly and without the sensationalism. Otherwise we're filling our pleas with as much bullshit as the Right Wing anytime they raise an issue. And then who would believe our causes?

Baman Piderman

(Baman Piderman 2 can be found here)

Have a great weekend!

No Time to Blog, Damnit!

I'd like to sit down and have a nice talk with your about politics or religion or the world or spirituality or why our president is being a pussy about some photos, but I can't right now because my sister's in town for my wife's college graduation. She's bored, Mrs. Shambles is making dinner with a sour eye in my direction because of my extended work day, and there's just not enough time. Or not enough me time.

So I'll be back on Friday. Tomorrow. And we'll talk then.

Have a great evening!

I Don't Know Nothin' Bout Trackin' No Monies

This is Rep. Alan Grayson asking the Federal Reserve Inspector General about trillions of dollars of YOUR money and whether anyone's keeping track of where the money is and whether or not there are losses in the lending. Her answers are not encouraging.



Duuhh...ummm...I don't know. This is why we can't have anything nice. This is why, even if Obama's efforts are 100% genuine and could 100% fix the mess we're in, it won't. Everyone jumps up and screams FIRE and they bring out the money shooter and only months later do they say "Hmm. Is someone keeping track of this?" Of course because everyone assumes that someone's got the oversight thing handled, no one's got the oversight handled.

One day, in a futuristic, Planet of the Apes scenario, when we're pounding the beach in front of a decaying Statue of Liberty, maybe then we'll get it.

Michael Savage and Sam from Today's Special

I just recently hit on this as a part of one post, but thought it needed a little more attention and therefore have created an account with icanhascheezburger.com and this image:



If you don't know about Michael Savage, you need to get out of the cave and listen to at least two shows at least until you have to vomit. If you don't know about Today's Special, I can give you this link and show you this clip of the intro:


(holy fucking box of shit, I haven't seen this in over 25 years and watching it was like an acid trip back to my parents' basement in '85)

But if you haven't seen it, the reference simply won't be as funny. If you have, then you may just have shit yourself.

The Ladies Love Obama

Some folks are seriously dedicated to President Obama. In fact, here are two from Cincinnati:



These two are so dedicated that one of them ran into someone's house to steal a picture of him. So dedicated that the getaway driver would bring her 3-year-old son on the burglary trip with them. So dedicated that they are now in jail.

The weirdest thing is that they sought to abscond with a picture. This isn't a rare 19th century Daguerreotype. It's a picture that, if digital or scanned, could be recreated for less than $1. Images in our society are ubiquitous.

Ah, but that's Cincinnati for you. :(

Thoughts For Sunday: Caffine, Energy, Mustard, and Bible Hate

Friday night I bought a 12 of Miller Lite. The caps have now gone gold and are being touted as flavor savers or some shit. I think we all know it just means Miller Lite has gone caffeine-free.


I believe a leaf blower is a horrible affront to our environment, wasting gas or electricity to do something a little elbow grease and a rake can do.


(tell me you get this)

Also, I cannot afford a leaf blower.


I'm making meatloaf right now for my wife on Mother's day. I used a recipe that did not have measurements and I added too much mustard. I'm hoping it will be okayh. But it means that I've been spending the past hour, on Mother's Day, wondering if I cut the mustard enough.


If you're ever listening to someone spout Bible Hate about homosexuals, please remind them that Leviticus 18:22 says "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." but Leviticus 19:19 says "...neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee" and ask them if they're wearing a blend.

That is all.

Martin Jetpack: 90 Seconds of Untouchable Awesome

That's right folks, not for another year or so:



I keep thinking he's going to land feet first with the momentum still carrying the pack forward as the engine throttle is released, crushing him into meatbag mash.

Of course, then he would re-animate and we'd have a jet-pack zombie, which is deliciously horrifying.

Ah, Teens and Their Porn

One of the first trips I made on the internets this morning was to MSNBC. I saw the above graphic and read Teens Cutting Back on Porn. "Really?" I thought.

So I continued my visual scan: Like others, Elkhart's porn culture feels recession.

Sounded interesting, but I was not necessarily interested enough to click. "Guess the recession's hitting just about everything," I thought.

About ten minutes and half a cup of coffee later I looked at it again and my brain corrected its Freudian slip.

Obama Makes a Stand to Help Teen Pregnancy

Found at Think Progress:

Keeping with a campaign pledge “not continue to fund abstinence-only programs,” President Obama’s 2010 budget — further details of which were released today — cuts funding for “Community-Based Abstinence Education” and several other abstinence-education programs

Finally, someone who understands that "Just Say NO" doesn't work.

Thank you President Obama for killing stupidity.

This is kind of how today feels...

I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!

Name the movie without Google and I'll Photoshop you an award! Cheers!

A Couple Items to Catch the Eye

Ah, Good ol' Gordon Brown, PM of Britain, in an unfortunate juxtaposition to a high school project.



Brilliant.


The UK has said Michael Savage is banned from the UK. Michael Savage will officially reply with litigation. Michael Savage's real name is Michael Weiner. I do not believe Mr. Weiner would leave the loose borders of his beloved America. And WHY do news resources such as The Independent keep using the almost-hip sunglasses pic of Mr. Weiner when the following is an old pic?



The man is about 2 weeks from meat falling off the bone.



...and he looks like Sam from Today's Special.



US teacher broke law by describing creationism as 'superstitious nonsense'

Judge rules remark was 'improper disapproval of religion' and violated first amendment of US constitution.

Good on that teacher. Of course, he should have just said that it has no base in scientific fact and no place in public schools. And he probably should've been a science teacher. European history? Kind of a stretch, even if I completely agree with his statement.

Cum and Cat Piss II: Spring in Bloom!

Last year I posted about how the Bradford Pear tree blooms smell like cum. You know it when you smell it.

But last year at this time I was wowed by the lack of understanding and comments and information I could get on why I keep smelling stale cat pee. And now it's back. But I dug deep, sniffed hundreds of plants, and have an answer.

What's my deal? Juniper. It sometimes grows high and narrow, sometimes low and wide; it's everywhere (although I think somehow specific to a specie in Cincinnati/Southern Ohio/Northern Kentucky). Apparently just bugs me. Smells like cat pee. Stale cat pee. It's wafting in my window right now.

Anyone else smelled this way?

Conservatives: This is Why You Can't Have Anything Nice

Hey, guess what?

Jay Severin, the fiery right wing talk show host on Boston's WTKK-FM radio station, was suspended yesterday after calling Mexican immigrants "criminaliens," "primitives," "leeches," and exporters of "women with mustaches and VD," among other incendiary comments.

I guess he missed "lazy." Oh, sorry, that's black people. (that was a joke, folks)

It is people like this - and the fact that they keep showing up (or cracking their shimmery outer crust) - that detracts from ANY argument that minorities should be on the side of conservatives or Republicans.

And who says shit like that except raging, seething racists? Oh, and while I realize conservatives read this blog, please refrain from telling me "he's just racist against Mexicans." I've heard that argument before and it's a complete retardation of thought, like saying "That guy's just a pedophile for blondes." (No, I am not calling Severin a pedophile.)

Very high-end Republicans with NO record of bigotry need to stand up and repudiate stuff like this. Although the former end of the last sentence may leave a VERY small pool. Ah, well. Good on us liberals then.
___________
UPDATE: Rep. Steve King calls Black and Hispanic Congressional Caucuses "separatist groups" and House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) released a fearmongering video juxtaposing Chavez and the Congressional Hispanic Caucus.

Gary Oldman Goes Full Dwarf

Thank you to my friend, Mr Terrific, for alerting me to this video. And FilmDrunk for more information on it.

Shows I'm Currently / Recurringly Watching

For no apparent reason and in no apparent order, these are the shows I currently watch on the teevee. Yes, I watch too much teevee.

Lost
The Amazing Race
Survivor
Numb3rs
NCIS
CSI
CSI: Miami
Reaper
The Mighty Boosh
Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!
Robot Chicken
Eureka
The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Fringe
Dollhouse
The Mentalist

That is all.

Mighty Boosh - Vince Meets the Crack Fox

I've been catching Mighty Boosh's 3rd season on Adult Swim, and when I saw this bit last week, I just about peed myself. Squishy Boots.

Enjoy!

The Green Pizza Box of the Future!

No, this is not a "did you order sausage with that?" video. Nor is it a box for green pizza. Contain your disappointment.

Not Exactly "Just" In...

Caught this on the teevee a few minutes ago and because MSNBC doesn't have a live online feed, took a picture.



The first problem is with the verb agreement: "Centers for Disease Control Holds" does not fly with me. Centers hold; centers do no holds. "for Disease Control" is a prepositional phrase. CDC holds. "Things fall apart; the center cannot hold.."

The Gestalt of the language is also problematic. "This Just In" connotes news that has just popped up. "Centers for Disease Control Holds Press Conference on Swine Flu Outbreak" did not just pop up. A press conference is an ongoing event; just in means a punctuation. If you had news that they were "going to" hold a press conference, that would be just in. But by the time the CDC guy at the podium starts speaking, you must alter your "Just In" subtext to the contents of the news he is delivering as the press conference is already going on.

Just a thought.

Swine Flu: Ohio Represent!

That's right, motherfuckers! Oink! Oink! Ohio's in the mix. One of only 6 states to be visited by the piggy sickness.

I know you're jealous.

Prop 8 - The Musical

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

Hey, Homeland Security: What the Fuck?

Perhaps you've heard of the recent release by United States Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano of a brief entitled "Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment." (click here for the PDF)

Awwwshiit. What did we just do?

Now, wait a second. You may have heard the calls of the right wing radio nutters that this is classifying veterans and pro-lifers and end times bible prophecy goons as terrorists. Well, not entirely, but...yeah. It is. To be clear, the document (and I suggest you read it. Now.) defines "rightwing terrorists/extremists" as primarily hate groups and in a kickback to the 90's reminds us of Oklahoma City and (indirectly) of Waco with a nod to today's economy and a black president.
...
How about some excerpts just as a sampling?

The possible passage of new restrictions on firearms and the return of military veterans facing significant challenges reintegrating into their communities could lead to the potential emergence of terrorist groups or lone wolf extremists capable of carrying out violent attacks.
...
The high volume of purchases and stockpiling of weapons and ammunition by rightwing extremists in anticipation of restrictions and bans in some parts of the country continue to be a primary concern to law enforcement.
...
Prominent among these themes were the militia movement’s opposition to gun control efforts, criticism of free trade agreements (particularly those with Mexico), and highlighting perceived government infringement on civil liberties as well as white supremacists’ longstanding exploitation of social issues such as abortion, inter-racial crimes, and same-sex marriage.
...
Antigovernment conspiracy theories and “end times” prophecies could motivate extremist individuals and groups to stockpile food, ammunition, and weapons. These teachings also have been linked with the radicalization of domestic extremist individuals and groups in the past, such as violent Christian Identity organizations and extremist members of the militia movement.

Okay, that's about enough.

When Bush was president, did the administration monitor "people of interest" that included just about every person who had something bad to say about the president (hey NSA guys!)? Yes. Were they dumb enough to put it all down in a document so the fucking world could jump down their throats? No. Granted, they had Patriotism on their side, so all they had to do to activate their myrmidons was issue a press release saying "Hey, if anyone - your neighbor, cousin, or mother - is doing something suspicious, it's your Patriotic Duty to report the potential threat."

My thoughts? I know; that's what you're here for.

I think Napolitano and Biden wrote this thing on 48 hours and 6 gallons of 40 proof Kamchatka Vodka and she released it on a hangover.

From an organizational perspective (coming from a degree in Writing), this is a hack job. The organization sucks, flow is non-existent, repetition is rampant, and implications/non-implications/this-is-what-we-really-meant would confuse the bejezus out of anyone.

From a political perspective, it's a bomb. It wasn't right for Bush to turn half+ of America into potential terrorists and it's not right for Obama's administration to do the same thing. It's terrifying and it's wrong. Granted, I personally believe that people that stockpile food and guns because they think Jesus is coming back to turn our Black president White are a bunch of fucking nutters. But - first off - it's their right to believe that and act on any impulse that does not harm others. Secondly, the language used here is a conversation you have in a bar when you're sure you're amongst liberal friends, not something you put to paper (or PDF in HUGE font) and release as official government policy.

I think Napolitano needs to retract the document and resign. This is a bullshit move by an administration that was running on No Bullshit, a Bushesque move by an administration promising to be different. Demonizing ...any American citizen at this point is a betrayal of that.

Pirate Limbaugh's Racio-Religious Taunts

When the tales of the Somalian pirates started emerging, we were warned by everyone on the right how terrible this was because it showed us how desperate and dangerous Militant Islamic Extremists could be and how far their reach stretched.

After Obama gave the order to take out the threat because an American was hostage, and it was revealed that the pirates in question were actually in their teens, Rush Limbaugh asked his audience how they felt, how Obama could kill Black Kids.

Those are the words of a race-baiting mongrel.

Oh, and this week he off-handedly mentioned that brokering peace between the Bloods and the Crips would be easy. WTF Rush?

Brilliant, Weird Scrabble Commercial

Of course I found this at BoingBoing.

Wake-Up Walmart: Workers Still Fighting for Change

Even though Obama took the helm, there are still huge problems in the heartland.

Check the video. Do something.

Stereographic Tokyo Photography

Trippy, beautiful, magical. Go full screen and put on a helmet - this will blow your mind. Click and drag to navigate. Warning: motion sickness may ensue. Originally snagged from BoingBoing Gadgets.


Sangaku-tei in Japan

420 Joys: Apple IBong

Video Games - Video Game Cheat Codes - Attack of the Show

Happy 420, Marijuana Fans!

(2nd International Cannabis and Mental Health Conference Programme [PDF] Logo)

Out on errands today, I saw a state police sheriff's car sitting at the local gas station. And I knew he was there not to educate or enlighten the youth of America, but to intimidate anyone coming into the store to buy rolling papers.

Reminds me of the year I spent teaching high school. On 4/20, the staties came in about 1/2 of the way through the day, everyone was evacuated to the football field to tool around and not learn while the school was locked down and the drug-sniffing dogs were run through every building. The entertaining part of that day was explaining to other teachers what 420 was. The ironic part was that the War on Drugs for the Big 420 Show knocked every kid at that school out of class for half a day and not one arrest or find was made. Why? All the stoner kids skipped; they were at home getting high. Dur.

One day the majority and those in power will realize we're not only being stupid about policy but losing billions of dollars in potential taxes. One day marijuana will be legalized.

Until then, be informed. About today: 420 Origin Story. About the reality and progress of marijuana reform: NORML.

Get Your Iron On, Krofft Supershow, c. 1977

One of my favorite political and variety blogs is Monkey Muck. Check it out and see why for yourself.

But this isn't just a shameless "I love you, man!" I'd be remiss if I did not link to Monkey as the inspiration for the following online fun I found. Monkey does retro ...everything like no one else.



I'm guessing anyone under 25 is probably missing the reference to what an iron-on is. Anyone under 18 may not even know what an iron is. But that crazy Krofft Supershow; that's a class act.

Sweden's Lego Jesus Completed!

In October of '07 I wrote on how this church in Sweden was collecting Legos in order to copy this statue of Jesus. In Legos.



Thanks to some of my fab readers, I've been informed that they have pulled it off, having revealed the Lego Jesus on Easter Sunday:



Over 30,000 bricks. Amazing. Good show!

Pirate Bay Sends the Big Middle Finger Flag Up the Gov't Arse

Hells yeah. Pirate Bay was founded in Sweden and it was there that they got a media spanking. From The Telegraph:

Four men behind a file-sharing website that has hundreds of thousands of British users were sentenced to a year in jail and ordered to pay £2.5 million in damages yesterday for helping internet users to download music, films and computer games.

In a big victory for the entertainment industries, Fredrik Neij, 30, Gottfrid Svartholm Warg, 24, Peter Sunde Kolmisoppi, 30, and Carl Lundström, 49, were found guilty of breaching copyright law in Sweden, where The Pirate Bay site was founded.

The court ordered a payment of £900,000 in compensation for 21st Century Fox and £500,000 each for MGM and Columbia Pictures.

Despite the verdicts, the four announced that The Pirate Bay, which is used by 25 million people, would continue to operate from computers based in various countries around the world. The men, who plan to appeal, will not begin their sentences or have to pay compensation until the end of the legal process.

Yes, there are plenty of douchebags that just download content and use it as a substitute for purchases. But there is a large faction that would never have seen a certain movie or heard a certain album except that it was there to download. And that didn't cost the industry anything. If it wasn't there, it wouldn't have been seen. And they wouldn't have gotten that exposure.

There are also many others who download to get a taste of artists and then, if they like them, they purchase the album in a show of support. Perhaps if movie machines and cookie-cutter artists weren't churning out an absurd slurry of shit on a regular basis and the radio industry hadn't collapsed into centralized pimps for that crap then, just maybe, consumers would have a little more trust in the system and a little more reason to shuck out fucking $15 for a goddamned CD - the same price we payed 15 years ago when discs weren't $0.02 to produce.

My advice is research bands on MySpace and their main websites. If they have samples, download the album from Mininova.org or like sites. If you like the album and plan on listening to it for a while, buy a copy to support the artist.

I read a couple months ago one of the most brilliant, obvious insights: The greatest fear of almost every artist is not that they will have their novel or music or indie movie downloaded for free thousands of times, but that no one will ever hear of them.

Download. Support. And long live Pirate Bay.

Oh, and fuck you Sweden (that is, not the people but the government entities that fold to corporate pressures like so many bendy straws; it could've been just as easily our elected douchebags here in the US).

Susan Boyle - British Star

Here's a taste:


Get the full taste at this link.

Bad Photoshop Gun Ad Fuels...Bad Ads

Found this on Drudge. No, do not let it come to this. What is "this?"

Bad Photoshop. Obviously a ditch superimposed with a gun that is completely out of place and poorly 'shopped into the ground.

Does this look natural to anyone?

Lesson: no matter what message you are pushing, get professional help. Hack jobs like this make your message and purpose stink of douchebaggery and, more importantly, appear laughable.

Friends don't let friends hire a cousin who took a Photoshop class to make an ad.

Chapter 15 of Life, The Universe, and Everything

One of my favorite quotes in every sense is "A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed him."

Brilliant.

Douglas Adams.

But that comes from whence?

Here. Chapter 15 of Life, The Universe, and Everything.

Two months later, Zipo Bibrok 5 / 108 had cut the bottoms off his Galactic State jeans, and was spending part of the enormous fee his judgments commanded lying on a jewelled beach having Essence of Qualactin rubbed into his back by the same rather nice member of the jury. She was a Soolfinian girl from beyond the Cloudworlds of Yaga. She had skin like lemon silk and was very interested in legal bodies.

"Did you hear the news?" she said.

"Weeeeelaaaaah!" said Zipo Bibrok 5 / 108, and you would have had to have been there to know exactly why he said this. None of this was on the tape of Informational Illusions, and is all based on hearsay.

"No," he added, when the thing that had made him say "Weeeeelaaaaah" had stopped happening. He moved his body round slightly to catch the first rays of the third and greatest of primeval Vod's three suns which was now creeping over the ludicrously beautiful horizon, and the sky now glittered with some of the greatest tanning power ever known.

A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed along the beach, and drifted back to sea again, wondering where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the beach again. It drifted back to sea.

"I hope it isn't good news," muttered Zipo Bibrok 5 / 108, "'cos I don't think I could bear it."

"Your Krikkit judgment was carried out today," said the girl sumptuously. There was no need to say such a straightforward thing sumptuously, but she went ahead and did it anyway because it was that sort of day. "I heard it on the radio," she said, "when I went back to the ship for the oil."

"Uhuh," muttered Zipo and rested his head back on the jewelled sand.

"Something happened," she said.

"Mmmm?"

"Just after the Slo-Time envelope was locked," she said, and paused a moment from rubbing in the Essence of Qualactin, "a Krikkit warship which had been missing presumed destroyed turned out to be just missing after all. It appeared and tried to seize the Key."

Zipo sat up sharply.

"Hey, what?" he said.

"it's all right," she said in a voice which would have calmed the Big Bang down. "Apparently there was a short battle. The Key and the warship were disintegrated and blasted into the space-time continuum. Apparently they are lost for ever."

She smiled, and ran a little more Essence of Qualactin on to her fingertips. He relaxed and lay back down.

"Do what you did a moment or two ago," he murmured.

"That?" she said.

"No, no," he said, "that."

She tried again.

"That?" she asked.

"Weeeeelaaaaah!"

Again, you had to be there.

The fragrant breeze drifted up from the sea again.

A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed him.

Remember The Failure

Today I was privy to Glenn Beck's proclamation that the show tonight will be LIVE From the Alamo.

Specifically, he said "remember tonight, live at the Alamo. It's time to take a stand."

I know it's too late to reach him, but perhaps, in post, his research folks might let him know that the Alamo is the poster child for Epic Fail.

The basement is where Pee-Wee's bike is hidden.

Suggested names for tonight's show: "Tower of Babel 2" and "Titanic 2."

How do people like this get a show?

The Republican Tax Day Teabaggin' Party!

I've written repeatedly about how out of touch Republicans are when it comes to things like technology, entertainment, and pop culture. And now, as if staging a deliberate attempt to prove themselves fools, Fox News, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity (the Teabaggin' Triumvirate) - along with their multiple conservative mouthpieces - have been billing tomorrow's myopic homage to the Boston Tea Party as a "teabagging" event.

Here are the three biggest problems from my perspective:

1. The Boston Tea Party was a revolt in response to paying taxes to England, a form of "Taxation without representation." We currently have elected representation in America.
2. As of tomorrow, revolting against taxes will actually be revolting against the George W. Bush tax structure as no federal tax (save cigs *argh*) has been enacted by President Obama.
3. UrbanDictionary.com defines Teabagging as: To have a man insert his scrotum into another person's mouth in the fashion of a teabag into a mug with an up/down (in/out) motion.

Some days I just want to jump up and down and shout in wonder: How can you be so lame?

Where were the revolts when Bush killed thousands of Americans? Where were the revolts when he spent billions and billions of our dollars on Iraq - and didn't find it necessary to put it on the books?

If you look at the pictures on the teevee concerning tomorrow, you've got a bunch of assclowns holding up signs about Obama being a socialist, blah blah Wilkow/Hannity/Beck/Limbaugh juice. So apparently they're really protesting money that they pay in taxes that they do not get back in equal share? Not quite sure as the answers can range from confused to unintelligible.

So let's put it this way: I will take these people seriously as soon as they sign a federal, legally-binding document stating that they will never touch one dollar from Unemployment, Social Security, Medicare, or Medicaid for the rest of their lives. And if they do, we will toss them into Boston Harbor. Teabagging is optional on the deportation boat.

Marilyn Chambers Dies

Tragically at only 56 years old, Marilyn Chambers, known as one of the first "cross-over" actresses for going from slinging Ivory Snow to mainstream pornography, was found dead by her 17 year old daughter.

She will be missed.

And I now have a valid reason for downloading classic porn to my computer. Yay history!

Some New and Old News - Sex, Religion, Killin'

Octomom porno? I'll wait while you cause yourself great pain to block the memory of reading those words. Reality show? Believe it.

Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) is worried capping CO2 will take away plant food. Seriously.

SHIMKUS: It’s plant food. … So if we decrease the use of carbon dioxide, are we not taking away plant food from the atmosphere? … So all our good intentions could be for naught. In fact, we could be doing just the opposite of what the people who want to save the world are saying.

Even better to watch:


Obama's administration dropped the War on Terror rhetoric. Officially. Hells yeah.

Last week OPEC said oil had nothing to do with climate change. In related news, cigarette manufacturers said smoke is nutritious, and AIG released a report that borrowing money you cannot afford to borrow increases life expectancy.

Bob Barker came close to a career in porn. Just scratch out one eye, so you can read the rest of the post. Unless that happened at Octomom. Better to be blind.

Apparently Americans are still dying in Iraq.

And if I remember my Catholic School upbringing, it's Good Friday, so 9am to 12pm represents the walk up the hill, then Jesus hung out (hehe) for 3 more hours, and it's 2:59, so 3...2...1. Jesus just died.

!SPOILER ALERT!

No worries; he comes back to life on Sunday morning.

Have a happy Easter.

You Know What They Say About them Chinese in Texas...

No?

Think Progress has this one, telling us about how Texas State Rep. Betty Brown recently stated "during House testimony on voter identification legislation:"

Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?

Betty continues to back her comments, refusing to apologize, even in the fake, non-apology way most politicians do.

And the Republican party wonders why they have a continual problem attracting minorities.

Storm o' Gay Commin' ta Getcha

National Organization for Marriage has put out this video because in the last week both Iowa and Vermont have made the very rational decision that "separate" is not "equal" when it comes to same sex marriage.

[UPDATE (thanks, Namoi!):the District of Columbia's City Council approved, 12-0 (w00t!), that the District will recognize same-sex marriages from all 50 states.]

Some people are afraid of teh gay, and because they can't just say "we just don't like them queers" they want to make you afeared as well so everyone can be scared together and blame a common gay enemy. So their argument is by giving same sex couples the same rights as straight couples, straight people will lose their rights. What rights? Well, don't worry about that. Explanations are just for those elitist homos anyway.

Try not to throw up in the back of your throat while being slathered with mediocre production values and ignorant bigotry.



[UPDATE AGAIN!]: Think Progress packed in a couple of the Anti-gay screen test auditions for those fake doctors and mothers reading thorough the scripts. Yes, it will make you even madder.

Legend of Zelda Trailer!

No, not really. Well, really, but it was IGN's "tits" 2008 April Fool's joke to the world. And if you haven't seen it, take a look.

It actually looks a little better than a SciFi Original. I'd torrent it.

ShamWow: You'll Say "Hooker, Gimmie My Fucking Tongue Back" Every Time

The Smoking Gun is my hero today.

You know Vince from ShamWow, right? How about a refresher on the mug:



Wait! Holy asshats, Vince? Why do you look so disheveled?

Turns out that Vince picked up this girl:



Wait! Why does she look like that?

Can I tell the fucking story? Cause ya know we can't do this all day.

Vince was propositioned by the girl above, took her back to his hotel, gave her $1000, and apparently at first kiss, she clamped down on his tongue which prompted him to struggle and then repeatedly beat her about the face and head at which point she finally let go. Vince ran down to the lobby, bleeding, cops got involved, and they were both stitched and booked. Not surprisingly, it appears they were both drunk.

Ah, Vince, 15 minutes can be so short. Ya won't find Billy Mays whoring it up like that.

Hannity, Catholic, Obama, Notre Dame Bullshit

Rut-roah. Obama's inflaming the Catholics!

Well, not all Catholics. Obama is set to deliver the commencement speech at Notre Dame College. Notre Dame is a Catholic school. And Obama is openly pro-choice. OMG!

The truth of the matter is that there are and have been Obama detractors out there looking for any damn thing to pin their dislike of Obama on (you know, besides that he's black). Our case in point is my favorite assclown and yours:



Last week Sean Hannity went into a tirade about how wrong it was for Notre Dame to allow Obama to speak at commencement. He then proceeded to remind listeners that he had received his own flap from Catholics for saying that he prefers birth control over abortion.

The problem here is not with Obama's politics but with a mix of detractors and Catholic doctrine. The pro-choice argument is bullshit; Obama is a man and has not and will never have an abortion, will never commit that sin. And by Hannity's own admission, he himself has said things against Catholic doctrine and should not be allowed to speak at Notre Dame. How about anyone who's not Catholic? By doctrine, they are sinning against God. How about a war hero who killed people in battle? Where do you draw the line?

Well, when you're trying to implicate someone you simply don't like, it appears you just draw the line at Obama.

Note to whiny Catholics: shut up and look in the mirror. I think Jesus said something about that too, didn't he? Without sin and all that? Then again, Catholic doctrine tends to focus more on the Vatican's rules, pomp, and circumstance than on stuff that guy said in that one book.

UPDATE: Pat Buchanan, in an address to the choads who spoon up the Human Events newsletter by sackful - an Irish Catholic himself - dumped this bullshit in a brief bit entitled "Is Notre Dame Still Catholic?" :

To Catholics, abortion is the killing of an unborn child, a premeditated breach of God's Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill." The case is closed for all time. Any who participate in an abortion are excommunicated. Catholic politicians from Nancy Pelosi to Joe Biden who support a "woman's right to choose" have been denounced from pulpits and denied Communion.

First point: no one's excommunicated from the church anymore, except in perhaps very rare circumstances. So Pat knows very little about his own religion.

Second point: Neither Biden nor Pelosi have ever been physically, in-person denied communion. Bishops have whined and threatened and shook their fist in the air, but no one has refused to give either that flavorless Necco wafer we all call a piece of Jesus's flesh.

So Pat lied. And that makes him a sinner. And that might just preclude him from speaking at Notre Dame. So I guess Notre Dame's still Catholic. Are you Pat?

And I am a Dork

So I was playing Mass Effect - my new Xbox addiction - and I took out this rogue virtual intelligence and an army of bots and when it dies, it takes over all airwaves in binary over and over with this:

01001000
01000101
01001100
01010000

And without looking it up, I knew it translated to "HELP."

Reminded me of a photoshop in my archive. No, featured image is not me.

Censored

I've been a fan of the Project Censored emails I receive in my inbox from time to time for a couple years now. So I was quite surprised to see that they had a blog, The Daily Censored.

The Daily Censored focuses on under-reported stories and generally features a liberal tilt, which is why it's so lovely.

What's on the front page: Bill O’Reilly Show looses UPS advertising thanks to Think Progress Bill O’Reilly Show looses UPS advertising thanks to Think Progress, CIA Reports Predicts Israel Will Fall In 20 Years: Zionists to emigrate from Israel to US, Europe and Russia, and G20 protests: Cry havoc - and let slip a rainbow alliance of summit protesters.

Blogroll soon. Take a look. It's some seriously good reading.

Welcome New Folks!

It appears that I've been placed in Mike's Blog Roundup over at C&L. An unexpected and lovely surprise!

For those of you new to the area, I'm an unapologetic, godless liberal who has plenty of moments against the grain (shut up about AIG!) and on occasion I use my real-world expertise as a web and graphic designer to do things like this:



And, mmmm..., I love this:



Enjoy, read through the varied posts, comment if it strikes you, and have a great day!

What They're Saying About High-Fructose Corn Syrup

If you've seen the ads put out by the Corn Refiners group where some actor-playing-douchebag says "Well, you know what they say about high-fructose corn syrup" (apparently aware of all foods that contain it but not what the concern is) but cannot come up with one thing that "they say" and the other person intelligently and succinctly states some crap about it being natural, you might have had two thoughts concomitantly: 1) What is it who's saying about HFCS? and 2) Ooh, it must be natural and ignorant whackos are causing a fuss.

And that's what the Corn Refiners group would like you to think.

But here's just one of the things "they're saying" about why HFCS is some funky shit:

A new study in mice sheds light on at least part of the reason for the insulin resistance that can come from diets high in high-fructose corn syrup, a sweetener found in most sodas and many other processed foods.

Fructose is much more readily metabolized to fat in the liver than glucose, and in the process can lead to nonalcoholic fatty liver disease. NAFLD in turn leads to hepatic insulin resistance and type II diabetes.

Researchers showed that mice fed a high-fructose diet could be protected from insulin resistance if a gene known as transcriptional coactivator PPARg coactivator-1b (PGC-1b) was "knocked down" in the animals' liver and fat tissue. PGC-1b controls the activity of several other genes, including one responsible for building fat in the liver. This suggests an important role for PGC-1b in the pathogenesis of fructose-induced insulin resistance.

But, hey, what's so bad about insulin resistance and nonalcoholic fatty liver disease?

Anyone else find it weird that people who are supposed to sell corn are selling medical advice that benefits their bottom line?

MSNBC and Ed Schultz? Tasty!

Speculation abounds about Ed Schultz getting his own show on MSNBC:

Speculation about Mr. Schultz’s future role at MSNBC has focused on two time slots: the 6 p.m. hour (currently anchored by David Shuster) and the 10 p.m. hour (which currently features a repeat of Countdown with Keith Olbermann).

I think it would be a fine addition to the rapier wit of the current Olbermann/Maddow lineup. He's one of the few radio hosts I can listen to - on either side - on a regular basis.

Keep your fingers crossed; this could get tasty.

Sexy, Sexy Slime. Naughty Square Enix!

I got an email this morning. Here is the picture that greeted be before coffee:



Does this strike anyone else as a thinly-veiled attempt at piquing the interest of our subconscious sex drive by tossing the letter Q into "Sex Toys?" When has Square Enix EVER abbreviated their name as SQEX?

And then there's the whole idea of DragonQuest (or Dragon Warrior) sex toys. Video game porn, anyone? And I will leave that to you in the comments.

Two Video Thursday!

No, this won't be a regular feature. Or it might be. I'm just wont to say it will because some days I get busy and some lazy and some days I want to curl up in the fetal position under my blankets with the fan on high (I know, weird, huh?) and wait until the sun goes away again.

There's something epic and beautiful about the tragedy that is the rise and fall. Maybe it was Shakespeare. Maybe it was Goodfellas. Maybe I should see a shrink before I decide to go over one ledge or another (figurative ledge, of course).

Now you're saying: Ricky, you walking vag purse, could we see some videos?

So, hey, how about those videos!

This is sheep. And LEDs. And dogs. I think it's cool, but shouldn't the sheep be sleeping at night and not running around fields with light nets strapped to their backs? I know if someone tried to strap lights to my back at night with the intent of making me run around in a field I'd be all "Dude, I'm playing Mass Effect." Or I'd be sleeping and when they woke me I'd punch them and then go play some Mass Effect because I'm up anyway.




And then there's this bit of interest. I didn't vet it, but it appears mostly correct in its numbers. Maybe I just think its suspect because it came from my father and - while not 100% shitty - most of the stuff that comes from certain people I know needs to be pushed through Snopes. Wait. This didn't come from my father at all. It came from Dr. Mercola. Oh, wait. He's on the list too.

Interesting? Yes. Astonishing? Not unless you live in a cave. And if you've been living in a cave for a while, you probably think everything that has to do with modern technology is astonishing. So then this might be. But if you did live in a cave, shower, then watch this. You stink.

Adopt an Actor: Michael Rappaport

I've seen it around and, really, am late to the party by like 2 years, but I have decided to Adopt an Actor per I, Splotchy (who I guess began the project).

And as soon as I decided, the choice was obvious: Michael Rappaport.



I first fell in love with Michael Rappaport's work in what has become, over the years, what I refer to as "My favorite movie:" True Romance (1993). Patricia Arquette was, of course, hot. Christian Slater was fab. But who made the movie? The character roles like Brad Pitt, Christopher Walken, Dennis Hopper, Bronson Pinchot, and the most delicious Gary Oldman. Hell, even James Gandolfini and Samuel L. Jackson hit with that.

Michael's work has gone through respectable character roles through the years appearing as voice talent on blockbuster video games and recurring roles on Friends, Boston Public, My Name is Earl, and now Prison Break. Michael's appeared in films such as Higher Learning, The Scout, Basketball Diaries, Cop Land, and Hitch. I jokingly used to call him "the hardest working actor in Hollywood."

At first, when seeing the Adopt an Actor program, I honestly thought it was a "has-been" joke. Now I realize that it's much more about unsung heroes. When I see Michael Rappaport on screen or hear his voice, it's something familiar, something close to home. And I appreciate that.

Thank you Michael Rappaport. May your films and roles ever grow. Visage on the right.

Enough About AIG. Seriously.

Seriously. Shut the fuck up. I know you're pissed. I'm pissed too. But maybe we're not pissed about the same thing.

See, I'm a very liberal person when it comes to politics. I am also a business owner who works very hard for the money I earn in today's economy. America, and even Obama today, is expressing outrage over AIG's couple hundred million in bonuses. And it's the most absurd symbol of all the skullfuckery going on in our economy to date.

I'm not pissed about AIG's bonuses. Sure, perhaps they shouldn't have them since American taxpayers own 80% of the friggin' company, but Chris Dodd (D) is the one who put language in the stimulus bill that says any contract in play before Feb. 11th is to be honored. That's our guy behind the source of the outrage.

And the saddest thing is that everyone's pissed about AIG's couple hundred million dollars. Let me say it again: shut the fuck up about AIG. Last year we dumped $700 billion into banks and whatever-the-shit with no checks, no balances, and no accountability under the auspices of The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008. And we don't know where much of that money is right now.

So what happened in this stimulus bill? Did we learn from what George W. Bush did with the war bill? Did we learn from what happened last year? Did the Democrats with a commanding lead in congress grab the reins and inject rules and provisions and accountability into this bill?

NO! Congress - our Democratically-led Congress - pulled the same shit they did last year. Obama pulled the same "gotta happen now or DOOM!" bullshit Bush pulled with the Iraq War legislation, pushing a bill through that was physically impossible to read in the allotted time before voting. We've tossed another $700 billion into the air and Congress is only NOW saying "hey, we should've put something in there about what if it's windy...."

This isn't a problem with our President; he's as hopeful and optimistic as anyone can be in an economic time like this. This isn't an issue with accountability or learning our lessons; if Congress wrote the bill again and America wasn't dealing with misplaced aggression, they'd do the same shit again. This is a problem with Congress.

You want Change with Obama, we start with the Legislative branch. House? 2 terms. Senate? 1 term. Then get the hell out. Without the worry for extended re-election, we won't have to deal with as much bullshit and lying. Without the potential for a full-on career in DC, you'll only get people who want to do the job.

Will it have problems? Sure. But last month our government took a shit-ton of our money for a second time in 6 months, stuck a pole up our asses and didn't even have the courtesy to give a reach-around.

Shouldn't we do something other than shake our fist at a company that has a fart-in-the-wind role in the process?

Did they muck up the financial waters? Yep. But when everyone was getting fat and happy, no one was shaking fingers. Did they take a ton of taxpayer money? Yep. But no one tied any strings. Are they handing out bonuses with that money? Yep, because a Democrat said they could.

If you're going to be angry, at least be angry at the right thing.

Six Minutes of Ass-Kicking Awesome

I like to think that, in a bind, my viewing of videos like the one embedded below, would allow me to take control of the situation. Truth is, I haven't been in a fistfight since I was ten or so and in that one, I got my ass handed to me. Kind of. One kid bruised up his hands by repeatedly punching me in my forehead (hardest part of your skull) while the other one held me in a full nelson. I cried, both while being pummeled and then that night when I told my parents about it. You see, I was with my friend (no help) with whom I was traveling at the time. We were going with his parents to see the new Bond film, The Living Daylights. The kid who beat on me was my next-door neighbor, and I'm guessing he's in jail now. Or dead. He was sent to juvie six months after the beating because he fired his dad's gun in his backyard. We were home to hear it and watch the cops take him away.

Sorry that turned into a sad trip down Lame Ave. You know what would cheer you up? 6 minutes of ass-kicking awesome.

The Lost Generation

AARP commercial (do not let that dissuade you). And because I love language, it's awesome. And inspiring.

The Rush Billboard Vote

Democrats (i.e., the Democratic Party) is taking the fight to the streets. Or at least viewable from the streets.

On this page you can vote for one of five phrases for a billboard put up by the Democratic party that look like the one above.

* "Americans didn't vote for a Rush to failure"

* "Hope and change cannot be Rush'd"

* "Failure is not an option for America's future"

* "We can fix America, just don't Rush it"

* "Rush: Say yes to America"

However, do not vote for the last one.

Why, Ricky? Why not?

I guess Obama lured all the good linguists to the White House.

Yes, the last one, "Rush: Say yes to America" can translate into "Hey douchebag, please say 'yes' to America." However, it can also translate into "By choosing Rush you are saying 'yes' to America."

(and for total inclusion, it can also be translated into "Rush is a fucking awesome band and if you don't recognize that then you hate America, you terrorist.")

So if you would like to keep the spirit of what the Democrats are trying to do, avoid the duality and avoid the last one. But vote!

Taking Pause - a Reality Rant

Oh, stop it. For a day. And it's not even a pause because I'm actually posting. Really. You're reading it right now.

I'm making some French Onion Soup and sniffling from that and still have a couple calls to make for business purposes and nothing really caught my eye or ear and dragged me to the computer and smacked me in the back of my head and shouted "Blog about it!" Which is what happens most days.

Wait a second, have to stir the onions. Yummy. Starting to caramelize.

Okay, so I was talking about how I didn't really have any impetus today, no driving political or religious purpose to tell you how Obama is totally sweet or Limbaugh sucks or the Pope's a douchebag. Honestly, I'm still reveling in yesterday's post on Rush Limbaugh and laughing my ass off every time I see that photoshop. **small pat on the back**

Okay, okay, let's take a look at Drudge.

Bullshit, bullshit, Rush is lovely, Obama's not, ugly cats, Russia wants to kill us, China wants to kill us, Palestinians are terrorists and they want to kill us, and no one - still - gives a shit about Michael Jackson. Nothing new.

So the point of all of this was not to have a point at all. I haven't done a free-form, stream-of consciousness thing for a long time. Ever? I don't know, but it's liberating, in an odd way. I don't necessarily have to write about anything yet the act of writing about not writing about anything is, in fact, writing about something.

So, go hit that Rush article. Just don't choke on your poi when you see the pic.

The Limbaugh Mind Meld Hula on Obama Fail

There's been much hullabaloo surrounding Rush Limbaugh and his calling out the Fail Whale (Wail) on Obama. Pundits say he did, he says he was misquoted, blah blah, insert sanctimonious bullshit.

The regular conservatives openly want Obama to fail. Remember all that bullshit they spewed during the election that Democrats want the troops to fail so their argument wins? Add some truth to the angle, and you've got what Republicans need right now: Obama fails means they win. But because most of them are smacking with one hand and begging for stimulus handout with the other, it's kind of a two-faced mess.

Rush, on the other hand, is not beholden to stimulus money, so he has concocted a much more devious rhetoric. Coming from Rush Limbaugh's mouth on today's radio show, he does not want Obama to fail; he wants Obama's plans to fail.

Let's follow the lack of logic, shall we? Limbaugh's entire argument is built upon the pretense that Obama's plans (stimulus, etc.) are not designed to help America. Entertaining any other thought on this premise or reflecting on what success means and how it affects "helping America" is cut off as "a trap" in his language.

This is the setup. A setup to what, you ask? To the two possibilities that drape Rush with success like purple-print muʻumuʻu.

Possibility One: In 6 months, perhaps a year, if our economy is in the shitter worse than it is now, Rush laments. Obama's plans were not good for America and Obama's success was America's downfall. My dear, faithful listeners, I fear I was right.

Possibility Two: In 6 months, perhaps a year, if our economy is in much better shape than it is now, Rush laments. Obama's plans were not good for America. And by a combination of Obama failing and the perserverence of the private sector, America has prospered. My dear, faithful listeners, I'm glad I was right.

Of course, this is the worst form of flawed logic. He's telling all his listeners that he's playing chess. He knows enough to know he's not playing chess, but he also knows his listeners don't know how to play chess. And anyone calling bullshit on his stunt will suffer an ad hominem attack parallel to the sandbox bully shouting "dummy" at you. Only this bully has many, many parrots.

So, to be clear: Rush is setting himself up for a path to success despite what the outcome of reality is. And anyone who attacks his custom-made Puff-a-Lump Beanie Baby Easy Chair is nailed by him as trying to trap or trick him.

Congratulations, Rush. Well-played. Now, if we could get the media off the semantics of misquotes and into the nuance of your bullshittery, we might be on to something here. Unfortunately, a lot of folks on our side don't know how to play chess either.

Drudge Uncertain of Reality

Had this poking around for a couple days. Shot of Drudge's site:



Question for Drudge:

Where the fuck have you been for the last 8 years?

Cops N (Weed) Brownies

I have watched this repeatedly. Laughed every time. A cop confiscated some weed, was obviously ignorant about how to use and the effects of marijuana, and freaked the fuck out. And called 911.

This isn't new, but damn it's good.

Joking About Octomom

Octomom is a disease of humanity and media.

Listening to Stephanie Miller tonight, I heard a lovely joke:

Did you know IHOP is doing a new Octomom omlette?

It's 14 eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you paid for it.

How do you punish someone who doesn't do anything illegal, but something morally and socially wrong? In our society, you give her an international platform so everyone can talk about how you punish someone who doesn't do anything illegal, but something morally and socially wrong. And everyone watches.

And nothing happens, though I cannot come up with an answer as to what should. Besides, perhaps, sending all her kids to foster care.

Masters of the Universe, answer our prayers.

Bobby Jindal Epic Fail - And Racism by Proxy

This bit of David Brooks on Bobby Jindal's epic fail (h/t Wonkette):



And during a brief jaunt today I had the unfortunate chance to digest a bit of Rush Limbaugh. He said that Biden probably wondered who sat in for Bobby Jindal's shift at the 7-11.

This is racism by proxy. By saying someone was probably thinking something racist - especially when it is your political party that is known for exacerbating race issues - no one is fooled. You had that thought, Rush. And because it wasn't appropriate for you to have, you put it in the feigned imagination of a democrat.

Another laughably ironic piece of the story. I recently heard Rush lamenting pop culture, that everything in pop culture is looked at as liberal, that it's a foregone conclusion. Of course, someone who was even remotely in the loop on "what's hip" probably wouldn't be making an Indian/convenience store reference with an expiration date a decade old.

Everyone knows a call center or Slumdog Millionaire extra reference is much more apropos.

There are exceptions, but conservatives do not do funny and they do not do hip and they do not do technology. And Rush is case in point.

Parenting Adventures - Who's the Adult?

Let's just get this over with. Little Shambles is no longer little and turns 13 in a month, so she will be henceforth referred to as the Irish Dancer as that is the closest thing to a passion she currently has developing in her life. We shall never speak of this again.

So Sunday morning found us at The Original Pancake House in Montgomery where they have enormous, delicious omelets like you've never seen or experienced before unless you've been to The Original Pancake House. It was a good meal with the family and after we paid I walked out into the foyer and, in attempt to embarrass the Irish Dancer - a fine pastime of mine - stated in an impaired voice "Yeah, I like Spongebob too!"

The Irish Dancer looked at me with overtired tween disdain, huffed, and said "What does that have to do with anything. We were talking about dicks."

Of course, what she actually said, having been mid-conversation with Mrs. Shambles about softball, was "We were talking about Dick's [Sporting Goods]."

But I laughed. Hard. I laughed all the way to the car and I laughed all the way home and chuckled out loud several times for the rest of the day. She had said it with such conviction and fervor.

So last Sunday, the Irish Dancer learned that men will laugh at jokes like they are twelve years old, pretty much until we die.

Politics in Absolutisms - I Say: Shit Sandwich

8 Years of Bush Special. At least you get a pickle.

I don't often blog about comments, but as I get few comments and have dropped to 6 followers, I thought I'd hit this one that someone from the Silent Majority recently left lauding the day when liberals would be "a footnote in history."

First off, I've never liked that phrase because it's often misused and inapplicable, such as in this case. Dems and Repubs share pretty much equally in the history of America and neither will ever have a day as a footnote.

And as much as I'm a self-proclaimed vehement, godless liberal, even I know that all politics are cyclical. You would have to be 5 and live in a cave not to have at least an inkling of that:

One party will make a bunch of promises, eventually the public will say "yeah, that's what we need now," and then that party will gain power and favor. But because they're politicians they will become corrupted by power, fail to do what the majority had in mind, and the other party will ramp up their rhetoric of a bunch of promises. The middle will migrate in the opposite direction - not because of loyalty, but disappointment - and say "yeah, that's what we need now...." Rinse and repeat.

As much as I voted for and appreciate Obama right now, it's only been a frickin' month. I think there is a lot of potential but I'm not on board with the folks the Right jokingly refers to as Obamessiah worshipers.

What makes me laugh about the Right in the last couple weeks...okay there's a lot that makes me laugh. But let's just talk about one thing.

For the last eight years, America has been glutting on a double-stacker shit sandwich, served on a plate of war, extra side of scandal, hold the Constitutional rights. No comment on that from wingnuts. But less than a month - hell, as soon as the election was over, the Right nutters start shouting "hey, this don't smell right!"

Note to the Right: eating shit for 8 years may alter perceptions to the point that anything that is not shit "smells funny." Take a break from your feces panini and grab a glass of water. "This" is much better than "that."

Papal Support of Censorship

No, I'm not going to start calling this blog The Pope Follies. I've got a political itch coming back and will be talking about it very soon.

So that goon Benedict and his bullshittery:

"The Assembly of Catholic Ordinaries of the Holy Land has publicly expressed the disdain and protest of Christians over a television programme transmitted in recent days by the Israeli private television station 'Channel 10', in which the Lord Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary were ridiculed with blasphemous words and images."

So what was the issue? It turns out that Channel 10 in Israel had a late night show that did a spoof on religion.

In the show, Mary is said to have become pregnant at 15, thanks to a schoolmate.

It said Jesus could never have walked on water because "he was so fat he was ashamed to leave the house, let alone go to the Sea of Galilee with a bathing suit".

Boo fucking hoo. So someone on a show known for comedy makes a joke about religion. A bunch of sanctimonious Christians whine which is backed up by the sanctimonious Catholic papa and gets a sanctimonious apology from the Prime Minister of Israel.

Which just goes to show: you can make up a bunch of shit and put it in a book and cook it in dogma and blind belief for 2000 years to the point that when someone makes a joke about that book the world takes notice and the leader of a sovereign nation makes a public apology.

See, the late-night show just needs a book and a couple millenia and everyone will be okay with it. Until someone makes a "Jesus was so skinny..." joke.