Wednesday, May 28, 2008

500!

500
I don't know what this means, but it showed up on the image search for 500

This is my 500th post.

Yay!

I dumped verbal yesterday, so I'm not going to pontificate today. It's been a long day. And I must plan for the cicadas.

Bless the internets.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Ricky's Treatise on Religion vs. Spirituality

The Cage Holds the Secret

I've heard the rants of the right wing radio hosts: "He says he's spiritual but not religious. What the hell does that mean?"

Here's what it means:

I grew up Catholic.

No, that's not the whole thing. I grew up Catholic, where I learned about sin, repentance, and all the codes and rules that are necessary to be a part of a higher power. Many of the things I learned labeled as "sin" were things I already picked up as a human being as bad: lying, stealing, killing, etc.

When I grew up, I eschewed the Catholic Church in search of other modes of religion. Every form of Christianity I studied and explored held - even if in diluted forms - the necessity to congregate in a "House of God" in order to be a part of Him. The problem was, for me, that a church always housed obligatory visitors, those that are resentful of having to be there, those that would much rather be doing other things.

And as soon as I learned about God, I wanted to be part of it. And I do mean It; I think at some superficial level that I believed that God was a Big Man in a Flowing Beard, but I always felt cheated on a practical level when it came to Him: Where was He? Why couldn't I talk to or even feel him? Would I ride around to different churches, to different temples until I felt some sort of connection?

And then came nature. Around 15, I started studying the Wiccan religion, Pagan precepts - "Do what you will, though you harm none" - and felt more at home. The wind and trees said more to me in minutes than any priest on a thirty minute homily. You can smell the Earth, touch the soil, stare at the stars and feel an awe that I still experience to this day, and technology only makes it more intense.



When I look at that picture, I see hundreds of galaxies like our own, each holding billions of stars, each holding planets, perhaps some holding life, and I get teary. That is beauty. That is god.

So after much searching, mostly amongst stories and fairy tales, I finally came to the conclusion that all religion was about being a part of - or at least getting a chance to touch - god. And that all the religions of the world were elaborate rituals evolved from cave people about how you can and why you should want to and who was out there. Fire, incense, chanting, dancing, blood, wine, ritual. And you may never even sense "inside" because even then, only those in power could touch the center of control. Because if everyone could touch it, there was no control.

And without ritual? You had it down to: yourself and the ultimate power of the universe, should you choose to believe in it. You had the power of the mind that took the form of prayer or spells or practice. They were all words for a single, basic idea: you can connect with something Higher: no cage to dance through, no arcane rules to follow, just you and your heart and your innate sense of good and evil. And you could do it.

And when you take away the box or maze or cage of religion, you are left with Something Higher, and you don't have to dance the dance or wiggle through the maze or get the ointment to pass: it is You and Whatever You Call God and you are free to smell the ocean and cry at the sky and feel a connection with Everything that Is.

So for all the Conservatives who laugh at anyone who says "I'm spiritual, not religious," here's the crux: Religion is the cage. Spirituality is the connection with what's inside. I prefer to focus on the locus and live with my own conscience and deeds. There is no cage, though you keep pretending to rattle it.

Can you live with that?

Cincinnati Cicadas, Round 1

Cincinnati Cicadas
Taken by Me on my front porch

This bug digs itself from the ground, molts, looks like it does above, fucks, and dies. Its offspring burrow into the ground to do the same thing. And in Cincinnati, Ohio, that means 13 years later.

Question 197 for God: Concerning cicadas, WTF?

Lore is that 68°F ground temp makes them come out. Lore is that - in these old neighborhoods of Cincinnati - it gets pretty damned bad.

Today, I had one fly at me, saw several dead and half-dead on the driveway. Should lore be correct, we should be swimming in the next week. For someone who has never experienced it, I am excited. It'll probably suck; I'll probably bitch; but sometimes you just have to go see Poison twenty years later because you want to shiver and bathe in the suck. (Okay, Poison rocked - bad analogy. Substitute with: your comments - hand it to me!)
And out of the smoke locusts came down upon the earth and were given power like that of scorpions of the earth. They were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any plant or tree, but only those people who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads. They were not given power to kill them, but only to torture them for five months. And the agony they suffered was like that of the sting of a scorpion when it strikes a man. During those days men will seek death, but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them.

     - Revelation Revelation 9:3-6
Mmmm...I can't wait.

Quitting? How About Joining?

Ricky the Dolphin
Ricky the Dolphin from e-Reef News

As many of you may know, one of my favorite ways to read blogs is to get them sent to me via Feedburner. Which is why I joined for the pleasure and ease of others (except for the embedded videos that never appear in the email), so they may receive Ricky in their box.

I do not have many official subscribers (hey - now's the perfect time to enter your email on the left to subscribe via Feedburner!), and yesterday I received a cancellation from Feedburner for "Reason 2: Offensive, does not agree." What-what?

How do you read my blog for the regular offensive, often witty, and sometimes even inspired commentary about everything from tech gadgets to local and world politics to parenting to - very often - religion - long enough to say "Hey, I want to see these posts in my inbox every day" and then say "Ooh, that's distasteful! Shame!" Huh?

I appreciate and love all my readers. I appreciate and love all comments, even those from trolls. I'm almost at 500 posts and my actual numbers increase every month, slow and steady. And it gives me a jump to see that people like it. But I want to lay it out, just in case I haven't offended you yet:

I'm a liberal, a progressive. I'm a registered Democrat and will vote for either of the current candidates despite what may happen in the coming months, despite my vigor for Kucinich's reasonable, not-for-profit health care plan and the media's rape of the electoral process.

I believe in god, but not God. I believe in spirituality, but not religion. Jesus rocked out, but he was a radical that went directly against conservative thought of the time and now he's embraced by conservatives who stand for exactly what he stood against. I think all organized religion has the same potential for good and evil and that balance is constantly in flux. I have tattoos and piercings. I smoke. I drink. And when we finally realize that marijuana is not the devil and put it on the same footing as beer, I will smoke the shit out of it. Again. I do not fit in a box.

I think people should have the aid of the community if they fall on hard times but have no tolerance for people riding the welfare wave. I have pity on sorrow but no tolerance for "poor me." I've lived in - and occasionally return to, for a brief hour or two - complete and utter despair, but have no tolerance for depression as an excuse. Maintenance medication in general is an oxymoron.

Sex education should be taught in schools; condoms should be given out. Kids are having oral sex at 9 years old, if not younger. Abstinence programs have resulted in more pregnancy. And that is the fault of the parents. Not one parent, but unless all of us give a shit, it is all our fault. See Violence, Apathy.

I love my wife, my daughter. I love cats, like dogs, and am allergic to both. I love listening to the trees and staring at the clouds, the stars. I love Necco Wafers, Spree, and Penn Station Artichoke subs. I love nuance, irony, and people-watching. I play video games.

If these things turn you off, rile you up, or simply get you pissed: subscribe. You may just get the motivation to fire your own rockets into the blogosphere. If these things resonate: subscribe. You'll only get more of the same.

Either way, here I am. The center may not hold, but I promise to. Regardless.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Orthodox Jewish Youths, The New Testament, Fire

Burning the New Testament of the Bible

In case you were wondering what the love we pour out to Israel has wrought, from the International Herald Tribune:
Orthodox Jews set fire to hundreds of copies of the New Testament in the latest act of violence against Christian missionaries in the Holy Land.

Or Yehuda Deputy Mayor Uzi Aharon said missionaries recently entered a neighborhood in the predominantly religious town of 34,000 in central Israel, distributing hundreds of New Testaments and missionary material.

After receiving complaints, Aharon said, he got into a loudspeaker car last Thursday and drove through the neighborhood, urging people to turn over the material to Jewish religious students who went door to door to collect it.

The books were dumped into a pile and set afire in a lot near a synagogue, he said.
Just in case you were under the impression that Islam was the only religion that wasn't on the table with Christianity.

McCain as The Christ Figure

McCain gone emo, hot for Fall Out Boy

From ajc:
Georgia Republican Party chairwoman Sue Everhart said Saturday that the party's presumed presidential nominee has a lot in common with Jesus Christ.

"John McCain is kind of like Jesus Christ on the cross," Everhart said as she began the second day of the state GOP convention. "He never denounced God, either."

Everhart was praising McCain for never denouncing the United States while he was being tortured as a prisoner of war in Vietnam.

"I'm not trying to compare John McCain to Jesus Christ, I'm looking at the pain that was there," she said.


He's no Billy Budd (full Melville text). That's for sure.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Damn the Vegan Terrorists!

Vegan Heaven

Some BoingBoing love:
What they were looking for, Carroll says, was an informant—someone to show up at “vegan potlucks” throughout the Twin Cities and rub shoulders with RNC protestors, schmoozing his way into their inner circles, then reporting back to the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, a partnership between multiple federal agencies and state and local law enforcement. The effort’s primary mission, according to the Minneapolis division’s website, is to “investigate terrorist acts carried out by groups or organizations which fall within the definition of terrorist groups as set forth in the current United States Attorney General Guidelines.”
I would bet a great deal of money - by my standards - that we don't have FBI sidling up to any prude, impressionable, socially-awkward college students to infiltrate the bible-thumping nutters who plan to fall into the category of DNC protesters just in case they might be homegrown terrorists.

Media bias rolls back and forth depending on the time, cause, and source, but I think more dangerous - and, really, terrifying - is a governmental bias that always predetermines who "The Bad Guys" are. And when Bush and Cheney are the moral and political measuring stick of what constitutes "The Good Guys," then, yes: that is true, real horror.

Fake TV

Fake TV

Basically, LEDs make burglars think you're watching TV during every second of darkness. It's fucking brilliant.

FakeTV via DVICE

Ricky's Wisdom Today - 5/21/08

When we fall on the ground it hurts us, but we also need to rely on the ground to get back up.

     -Kathleen McDonald, How to Meditate

Obama and the Masses

Obama in front of thousands of people

When I found this picture of Obama speaking to folks in Portland, Oregon, it said 65,000 attended. Now I'm hearing from grumpy-angst Lynn Samuels that it was 85,000.

Impressive.

Even more impressive: just before Obama spoke, The Decemberists gave a free concert.

Those lucky, lucky bastards.



Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Stop Uwe Boll

Stop Uwe Boll

For those of you who are not familiar with the travesty that is Uwe Boll, it is safe to say that he has horrified gamers and moviegoers alike by turning successful video games - namely House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Bloodrayne - into horrible, embarrassing movies. How bad? All three of the aforementioned movies are on the IMDB Bottom 100, more than any other director in the world.

We, the undersigned, respectfully ask that Uwe Boll give proper weight to the wishes of the video game community, the horror community, and the film going community in general and stop directing, producing, or taking any part in the creation of feature films. His distasteful handling of the subject matter and lack of acknowledgement of his failures simply cannot be abided any longer.

Mr. Boll has repeatedly shown a complete lack of comprehension regarding the videogames he has dragged, kicking and screaming, to the silver screen and his ham-fisted approach to horror has soiled future possibilities for anyone else who may attempt to bring videogames to film.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned


Visit the website. Sign the petition. Stop Uwe Boll.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

U.S. Armed Forces = God's Army?

The Real News Network has been doing some great work providing the public with information you can't get anywhere else. This story is about the separation of church and state and how the evangelical movement in the U.S. Military is raping that dry.

Warning: this will make you angry.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

California Overturns Bigotry

California lifts gay marriage ban
In a monumental victory for the gay rights movement, the California Supreme Court overturned a voter-approved ban on gay marriage Thursday in a ruling that would allow same-sex couples in the nation's biggest state to tie the knot.

Domestic partnerships are not a good enough substitute for marriage, the justices ruled 4-3 in striking down the ban.
This is exactly what the right wing calls "activist" judiciary, but in reality is what us educated folks call "checks and balances." Even if you vote on limiting the rights of certain individuals, our constitution - and judges serving true - will not stand for ignorance.

It's not a be-all, end-all, but a happy step in the right direction for human rights.

Now, if we could get someone to not just decriminalize but fully legalize marijuana, we'd be kicking some ass. Unfortunately, our government, in sanctimonious bullshittery (similar to "protecting marriage"), ignores all scientific data in order to spend billions in tax dollars as opposed to legalizing and accepting tax monies.

Marijuana on the Brain

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

URGENT! Orphan Works Act of 2008

Girl Sketching by Sir Henry Raeburn
'Girl Sketching' - Sir Henry Raeburn (1756 - 1823)

If you're aware of current copyright law, you know that as soon as you create something - written piece, sketch, composition, sculpture, anything creative - it is immediately copyrighted. This copyright is good for your lifetime + 70 years. The Orphan Works Act will destroy this structure.

From Drawn! Blog:
This new Orphan Works legislation proposes a change in U.S. copyright that would (indirectly) require artists, illustrators, photographers, and any creative individual to actively maintain and defend their copyright by registering each and every work with privatized registrars. Failure to do so would leave everything you’ve ever created as an artist up for grabs by anyone who wanted to copy, reproduce, create derivative works of, or flat out steal your work since the act defines an “orphan work” as any work where the author is unidentifiable or unlocatable, and applies to both published and unpublished works, U.S. and foreign, regardless of age.


Main points based on research and interviews:
  • This piece of legislation was written under the guidance of Peter Jaszi, a deconstructionist who believes all creativity is - and should legally be - communal

  • This specifically affects pictorial, graphic, and sculpture works

  • Nothing you have ever created or will create will be protected, even if you've already copyrighted it

  • The only way to protect your works will be to pay a fee to Commercial Registries

  • Commercial Registries do not currently exist

  • Congressional representatives state that Commercial Registries will be created by the private sector - without regulation, oversight, or standardization

  • It is your responsibility to monitor any infringement and your burden of proof should you discover such - your legal financial burden as well
There is terrible, terrible money here, and the reversal of logic running against international law is terrifying and mind-boggling. Basically, nothing created will be protected. And once these political asshats get a taste, how long before you think they'll generalize it to anything written or filmed (although filmed probably falls under "pictorial").

This is a horror and a fucking travesty. Listen to this interview with Illustrator Brad Holland for a more thorough and chilling view of exactly what this legislation means. Check out S.2913: Shawn Bentley Orphan Works Act of 2008 and H.R.5889: Orphan Works Act of 2008.

Got that? Good. Now contact your congressional representatives. Now. Use these templates to automatically send emails or find and write your rep through the government site. The Illustrators' Partnership of America has plenty more information.

This is frightening. Act now.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Real American Heroes: G.I. Joe

These images are all over the internets about the upcoming G.I. Joe movie and I'm probably a few days late on it, I'm giddy like I'm 9 again and here it is (images raped from JoBlo.com):

Eccleston as Destro
Destro - Brilliant actor, but I want some metal face.

Quaid as Hawk
Hawk - Dennis Quaid is on the look.

Nichols as Scarlett
Scarlett - Impressive, but I'm missing on that yellow suit and grey turtleneck. Sorry, we treasure our childhood fantasies.

Miller as Baroness
The Baroness - I'd like three slices of smokin' evil please - oh, it's already here! Mmmm...

Lee as Storm Shadow
Storm Shadow - Bad ass and sword brothers with...

Park as Snake Eyes
Snake Eyes - Helicopter blades, blind ninja, tragedy, strength, beauty. Raw awesome.

Honestly, I want to see Shipwreck. Was always partial to him from the amnesia 2-parter "It's Always Sunny in Springfield."

"Frogs in winter!"

No, you can't take the kid out of the dork or the dork out of the kid. Damn you if you tried.

UPDATE: IMDB Page. The Rock as Shipwreck? Really? Where's Flint? Lady Jaye? Spirit? Snow Job? Xomat and Tomax? The Dreadnoks? I guess you can't have it all.

But no Lady Jaye?

How about a G.I. Joe website for you to waste half your day reminiscing about episodes? I'm done. Hit the Roll Call and Character Pages to dig deep.

Digg & Stumble - Good Times

You may just realize that I've now added a couple little buttons at the bottom of each post. You will now see representatives from:

Digg:

Digg!

and StumbleUpon:

StumbleUpon

Down at the bottom, next to the Comments link, you can now click and share your favorite Ricky Shambles posts with other users of Digg and StumbleUpon.

Don't have a Digg login? Don't have a StumbleUpon login? Why not? Don't you love freedom and Jesus and fuzzy kittens?

Well?

Get on the stick!

Speed Racer, Christina Ricci

Christina Ricci in Speed Racer

Christina Ricci is in Speed Racer, and I will be seeing the movie solely for that fact.

Yum.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Cum and Cat Piss: Spring in Bloom!

How's you're Spring coming? My olfactory senses have been pummeled by the usual strange and suddenly new scents of the blooming flora of lovely Cincinnati, Ohio.

The first scent I'd like to talk about began affecting me sometime between 12 and 14, when I realized exactly what I was smelling. This is the Bradford Pear tree:

The Bradford Pear Tree smells like cum

The Bradford Pear tree, when in bloom, smells like semen. That's right: cum. I don't know what else to say about it, really; if you've smelled it, you know it.

More importantly, the past week or two I've been haunted by a new blooming smell here in the Miami River Valley: cat pee. Something that is blooming around here smells like feline urine.

The weird thing? I'm one of very few people who can smell it. The wife, the daughter, and even the visiting in-laws think I'm losing my mind. But I've found some vague evidence that I'm not. Specifically, a report by a mother that talks about how her daughter cannot be in the same room with Paperwhites because they smell like cat urine.

Paperwhites smell like cat pee

It's my best lead yet, thought I have yet to track them down in the neighborhood.

Anyone else aware of a flowering plant that smells like cat urine that not everyone can smell?

UPDATE: Cat pee smell is juniper. Hurting for the next month or two.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Name 'n' Date - Jimmy 1973

Wow, I'm predictable. Last time it was Jimmy 1972 and before I looked back to see what I did last time, I've all of names and time in the world and I chose the same name a year later.

To recap: I type a name and a year into Google Image Search and see what comes up, what inspires me. No Photoshop this time, but I think it's still a worth a look. Captions always encouraged.

Jimmy Bunk 10 1973
Bunk 10 is Not Gay

Jimmy 1973 - Coon Killer
We'll Have Chicken on Sunday
(Note: Someone in this picture was named Toehead. Seriously.)

Jimmy 1973, Trophy
"I totally won the shit out of that."

Achtung! Compulsory Patriotism! I Said Now!

Pledge Wipes

A couple of kids in a "small-town" Jr. High were suspended for not standing during the Pledge of Allegiance. I remember this thing, I think maybe in Jr. High, that they taught: the Constitution. I may be wrong, but it gave us the freedom to speak, even if the Podunk Jr. High says "yous gotta" in the student handbook.

This compulsory idol worship is absurd in that it is part of the reason Brits fled England for a savage wilderness, part of the reason our Founding Fathers started a war against their own governing body. The flag is a fabric representation of all of our freedoms, including the freedom to see it as a piece of fabric.

You do not need to pray to Jesus in church on Sunday morning to believe in God and you certainly do not have to pray to a flag to believe in America.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Terrifying and Awesome Bridge

Sky Bridge in Langkawi, Malaysia

From DVICE:
How brave are you? Because from the looks of it, the Sky Bridge in Langkawi, Malaysia will require some guts to gross. That's because this majestic cable-stayed bridge is supported by only one support column as it wraps its way around a mountain a whopping 2,250 feet above sea level.


Base jumping, anyone?

Ooh, and a video:



Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Nuns Get None in Indiana

Nun Vote in Indiana

The US Supreme Court said that it was legal to demand picture IDs from voters. Now, a gaggle of nuns have been turned away from the polls. Why? Because they are old and don't have drivers licenses. So they cast a provisional vote. Generally, it's about minorities and the elderly and the poor. Now it's about nuns. Good thing the Government hates Catholics too.

Unless you're Bill Donahue. Then you get your own glory hole.

weffriddles

weffriddles

When I first ran across these yummy, yummy web-based riddles, it was the end of 2006 and they only existed through the second Batch. Now they're up to Batch 6.

Here's the idea: it's like a scavenger hunt completely encompassed in your browser. You will have to dig into some code, some properties, enter things into the address bar, and probably visit the forums for clues to progress from level to level.

It's fucking brilliant. Enjoy.

Monday, May 05, 2008

The Great Dictator

Here's some YouTube Chaplin love for all of us:



Baghdad Disneyland? WTF?

Over at Think Progress, they have a FOX News interview with the contractor tasked with and American-style amusement park. In Baghdad. I can't embed it, but check the link; it's worth it.

They talk about the issues plaguing building an amusement park in Iraq like it's just going up in an economically depressed area. Except it's a war zone. And they're planning it outside the Green Zone, apparently being "fast-tracked" by the Pentagon.

Come to The Baghdad Zoo and Entertainment Experience: Bullets, IEDs, mortars, broken rides, and dead animals! Hopefully your family won't be taken for ransom. But that's part of the Experience!

This is not just the definitive example of lipstick on a pig, but lipstick on a mad, violent boar. We'd be better served to build a "Iraq War Experience" park where the military embeds regular citizens into the war. They'd probably pay more.

What the hell are we thinking?

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Yeats' Version of The End

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

-- William Butler Yeats, January 1919


Truer now than then? Or is it always supposed to feel that way?

Friday, May 02, 2008

Ancient Chinese Secret ...for Destruction and, Apparently, Patriotism

Lovely Chinese Ladies

Wait, what was I writing about?

Oh, yeah, let's try this:

Chinese Nuclear Cave for Hiding Submarines

From those lovely Brits at the Telegraph:
Satellite imagery, passed to The Daily Telegraph, shows that a substantial harbour has been built which could house a score of nuclear ballistic missile submarines and a host of aircraft carriers.

In what will be a significant challenge to US Navy dominance and to countries ringing the South China Sea, one photograph shows China’s latest 094 nuclear submarine at the base just a few hundred miles from its neighbours.

Other images show numerous warships moored to long jettys and a network of underground tunnels at the Sanya base on the southern tip of Hainan island.
I shouldn't have to say this, but there are many, many ignorant "I'm a victim" folks out there, and apparently the Chinese are just as good at misplacing aggression as rednecks are: the following tirade is focused at the powers that be, the oppressive government of China, primarily, that has nothing to do with the Chinese people, who should overthrow their oppressors.

So...Aside from the obvious arch-villain mastermind cave lair issue, let's go over the political basics one more time:
  • China fucking owns us because they own a sick amount of our debt. They could shake their money-maker and cause a dip in the Dow. They shuck poison toys, smirking as they shake our hands with shit, smeared in their palms, mouthing "Whatcha gonna do?" all the while eying the vice in which they have out balls clamped.

  • China has one man and one woman available for military service for every American alive. Let me say that in another way: China's standing potential army (age 18-49) is well over twice the population of the entire U.S.A., all ages. Those fit for service are just under "twice."

  • Based on past diplomatic efforts of the past eight years, China can deal with Russia. Russia can deal with Iran. Iran can deal with China. Iran can deal with Venezuela. Iran can deal with North Korea. Russa can deal with North Korea. They're all kind of buddies in that they think we need to be taken down a peg.

  • We really don't want to talk to any of them.
Here's a reminder in the form of a delicious Photoshop I put together a little less than a year ago:

Putin, Hu, Jong Il, Chavez, Ahmadinejad all hate America

Everyone's heard the phraseology of "America the Bully." True dat. But our world, the playground, if you will, has recently seen some kids bulk up. And they're all talking in the corner. They may not have the abilities or the technology or the know-how on their own, but they can MacGyver it if they needed to, and together the numbers are in their favor.

And the US is just kind of mindlessly, dreamily staring at the sandbox. Invested, he'd whisper, were he asked.

And it has suddenly become very quiet, but US doesn't really notice.

So when the beatdown comes, we know who'll throw the first couple punches. But when US is bent over a little, when those accosting have proven weakness beyond a reasonable doubt, who else will join in? Who will come out of the woodwork? Who else will align with a potential "new bully?" Who else will come out with baseball bats or sticks or hat pins to give a whack "because it's about time?" or "just because?"

(pause)
I think the more frightening, "reality" question is: should this paranoid thought experiment play out as proposed, how would I react? I complain about America and I try to better America and I write and I vote and I participate in activism when possible and I do all these things because I do love and want to protect the freedom to do these things of which I speak.

So if America was the object of a military, world-wide, gang rape, would I leave my wife and daughter and take all my tech savvy and voice and passion and intelligence and potential firearm acuity and strap one on and blow the fuck out of anything that actually threatened this country and all that it stands for? To make this world safe for my daughter to blog and piss and moan about what's wrong with America?

You bet your ass I would.

Just like if the zombies attack.

Fuck. I think I just got all patriotic. And maybe emotional. Not to worry; it's a feeling, not a flag or a pin or a gun, so few will actually recognize it.

Shit, I've got to get a gun.

Let's just keep this between us.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Tennessee Principal Outing Gay Students

Principal Beasley sporting a Spring Stache

From the local Tennessee station:
Attorneys for the American Civil Liberties Union say Daphne Beasley, the principal of Hollis F. Price Middle College High School in South Memphis, went way beyond her role as educator.

The ACLU says in September 2007, Beasley asked her staff to give her the names of students who were couples, heterosexual and homosexual, because she wanted to keep an eye on them to cut down on public displays of affection.

She's accused of publicly posting the names of those students, including two boys, Andrew and Nicholas, who had just started dating. The ACLU says that in doing so, Beasley revealed their relationship to other students, teachers and even their parents.
This is where you think: "What kind of monster...."

You can find the school website here.

And feel free to call the school:

Phone: 901.435.1765

...and perhaps even email Principal Beasley directly:

beasleyd@mcsk12.net

Just try not to, in your frustration and anger, mention her mustache.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Ricky's April "Read It Later" Roundup

I've talked before about the Read It Later Firefox download, which is basically a button that files URLs in to a Bookmarks folder called "Read It Later."

It is both a curse and a blessing. Blessing because I otherwise might not keep track of some of the stories I come across and you would lose out. Curse because I tend to both procrastinate and lose track of when "later" should occur. Because of this, I need a steady cleaning session, and today's the day!

US-funded health search-engine censors all results for searches on "abortion"

From BoingBoing:
Popline is the world's largest health-information search engine, run by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health with funding from the US government. They have just changed their database so that queries for "abortion" show no results, even though the system has access to more than 25,000 documents on the subject. They say they've done this because they believe it's a requirement of their federal funding.
The Bush Administration limits most of their sex ed funding to abstinence-only training, the results eight years later show higher incidence of teen pregnancy and STDs, the media ignores it, and we're supposed to be surprised by this? Bush != Science. Surprise!

Flu Vaccine Not So Good

(fake update: where I Chanel the Flaming Fashionista)
Another one for the Sur-prise! cache. The CDC done fucked up. Again. It's not their fault; they have to guess, during the nadir of influenza outbreaks, what three, hot, fashionable strains will be picked up by the most folks in the coming season.

The reason they have to do all this mad guessing? They've freaked so many people out about the necessity of getting a flu shot that they've got to deliver. Okay, so it is their fault. And constant reminders that Bird Flu Gonna Getchu - not even going there, my chicken-lovin' sistahs. No Whammies!

And this time around, it looks like two of the three picks were duds. Better luck next season! Even Vogue gets it wrong some of the time. Who am I kidding; Vogue never gets it wrong.

Cafferty is Plated Chinese Shit Sandwich

I was going to go all out, rage for paragraphs on this one, but I think it's better in concentrated format.

What he said:
I don't know if China is any different, but our relationship with China is certainly different. We're in hock to the Chinese up to our eyeballs because of the war in Iraq, for one thing. They're holding hundreds of billions of dollars worth of our paper.

We are also running hundreds of billions of dollars' worth or trade deficits with them, as we continue to import their junk with the lead paint on them and the poisoned pet food and export, you know, jobs to places where you can pay workers a dollar a month to turn out the stuff that we're buying from Wal-Mart.

So I think our relationship with China has certainly changed. I think they're basically the same bunch of goons and thugs they've been for the last 50 years.
And he was right: China owns us and is using the leverage to make us smile while they walk on our nuts with a conga line of piss-poor products. Wal-Mart is King Pimp, whoring Chinese goods to us while assassinating American jobs in the back room.

The average Chinese salary is $0.35/day. A day. If the angry Chinese now protesting CNN pointed their concern at China and attacked the real problem - lack of human rights, product regulation, and a humanistic wage - then they might actually accomplish something. This is nothing more than misplaced aggression, throwing stones at the film critic when the movie truly, truly sucks.

But they're suing CNN. $1.3 billion. Enough to pay every Chinese citizen the average of about 3 days wages of the average worker. And the douchebox known as NewsBusters (semantic note: a douchebox can and often does hold many douchebags) decided to basically reprint the story and call Cafferty names. As I believe I've already noted: douchebox.


Thus ends the April Roundup. I hope you enjoyed. Good night and don't let the bed bugs bite.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Cuss-o-Meter for Cause For Concern

How did this fucking happen?

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?


Found this gem via angry ballerina and you can do your own damn blog here.

Incidentally, "This is 653% MORE than other websites who took this test."

I'm like a genius but for swearing. Kind of like I'm a chocoholic but for booze.

Office of Government Commerce: Down Wit OPP?

OGC Logo

The OGC, or Office of Government Commerce, some British governing outfit, released a new logo, placed on pens and mouse pads and other swag. It cost them £14,000 (or almost $28,000) for some lucky ad agency to stick three letters together so they touched. Unfortunately, no one thought to turn it on its side before release.

Wait for it...

...wait for it...

OGC Pole Stroking

Ah, the Brits are brilliant.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

From Whence I Blog

This is where I do my thang. Yay IKEA.

Twittered Out of Jail, Twitter Ricky Shambles.

I just read this story at CNN about a student who Twittered himself to safety by keeping his friends and family updated on his arrest in Egypt.

And then I realized that you may not know that I Twitter.

Okay, okay, but what the fuck's Twitter? you ask.

Twitter is another social content site based on the question "What are you doing?" You have 140 characters to answer that question. You can follow other Twitterers, have folks follow you, and - as the article adresses - even Twitter from a cell phone.

And most importantly, you can follow me on Twitter. Truthfully, I only hit it up once or twice a day, but if I can catch a couple more followers, I'd be more motivated to spend more of my life quipping wittily on life and all the things that affect me while bound to this reality.

Go, internets, go!

Children Blind to Color

In one of those moods. Today, this actually made me cry.



Friday, April 25, 2008

Recession

Here's a map from the AP:

Recession Map

Oh, hey, look: Ohio's brown-orange. No shit.

What any person living in any city in Ohio could tell you is that we were using the term "recession" five years ago, if not longer. And now that the retards in Washington finally walk on eggshells to touch the bum of The R Word with their twenty foot pole, people in Ohio are starting to use The D Word: Depression.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Nearly 80 Percent of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night


Study: Nearly 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night

Jenna Don't Know, You Know?

Jenna Bush Drunk

Yes, I'm simply making a big deal out of this:
KING: Do you have a favorite between the two, the two Democrats?

L. BUSH: My favorite is the Republican.

(LAUGHTER)

KING: Yours, too, I would imagine.

J. BUSH: I don't know.

KING: A-ha.

J. BUSH: But, I mean, you know --

KING: Are you open to --

J. BUSH: Yes, of course. I mean, who isn't open to learning about the candidates? But, I mean, and I'm sure everybody is like that. But I really -- I honestly have been too busy with books to really pay that much attention.


Penis theft panic hits city

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.
Damned sorcerers. WTF?

Link.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Motherfuckin Wizards Never Die

Quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen on the internets in the last ...month or two? Spinal Tap and Neil Patrick Harris reference included.



Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Earth Day Makes Me Angry

Earth Day

Well, not Earth Day per se. It's the satellite radio and right wing blogs that make me angry. They're all railing about being inundated with Earth Day and how bad and bullshit it all is. Right now I'm listening to Fox Across America with Spencer Hughes and he's crapping himself about what "brainwashing" his kids are going to come home with because they might have discussed Earth Day in school, because the War Against Global Warming is "war against capitalism" and "war against Western Civilization."

Spencer Hughes

The far right wing has gone from questioning popular and well-accepted science to abject quackery. Many believe the following:
  • At the top tier of batshit crazy is those folks who refuse to believe that global warming is even real, often citing the ignorance of Global Cooling in the 1970's and claiming we are going to be looking at more cooling to come. None of them acknowledge that a piece of Antarctica four times the size of Manhattan collapsed into the ocean a couple weeks ago.

  • If they do believe that Global Warming is a reality, it is not because of humans, but a long-disputed idea that it is solely because of a complex variety of the Earth's tilt and proximity to the sun. Wingnuts say it is insane liberal egomania to think that little ol' us humans could affect the environment, could affect the planet as a whole. These folks ignore well-established theories, basic scientific understanding, and anything any liberal has to say.

  • Not only is Earth Day a horror and brainwashing, but because of alternative and bio-fuel research, we have food riots (and that is the sole reason, of course). This is a first: because of a generalized liberal focus on Global Warming, we've got Conservatives to give a shit about poor people - in other countries.

  • Global Warming is a hoax and liberals are purposefully misleading the world in order to make themselves rich, damage American industry/jobs, and institute Socialism. No mention is made of conservatives beginning wars in order to make themselves rich, damage American industry/jobs, and institute a Police State.

  • The obviously pagan Liberals treat the Gospel of Al Gore as their Religion.
No, this is not a joke.

And Al Gore is to blame! Understand that most people who think that Global Warming is a hoax are Conservative Republicans. Right Wing whackjobs hate liberals so damned much and, by association, Al Gore. Al Gore has made the world more aware of the problems we face with "An Inconvenient Truth." So at the detriment of the entire planet Earth, conservatives will refuse to agree with a liberal, because to do so might somehow, indirectly lead to admitting that Al Gore should have been the president, legally, about eight years ago.

Wingnuts are not only sadly attacking liberals and science, but their own. The attacks have gone from "try the science" to "I'm throwin' my shoe at the stupid train because it's stupid. Trains 'r' stupid. Trains." Bush recently announced a focus on climate change and then there's Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House of Representatives, sitting on a couch with - gasp! - Nancy Pelosi addressing - GASP! - Climate Change. Take a look:



And then there's NewsBusters, the self-proclaimed Right Wing equivalent to Media Matters. Unfortunately for them and as is par for all direct comparisons between Liberals and Conservatives on the internet, we're piloting advanced aircraft and they're wearing a shit grin over the two pence kite they just bought. But we're on Global Warming on Earth Day today, so let's address Brent Baker's "NBC 'Green with Envy' Over Swedes for 'Showing Kindness to Planet'."

Let that title sink in for a second, because that's the meat and potatoes of it. Brent Baker is apparently outraged that NBC turned Earth Day into "Earth Week," changed their logo to green to signify something to pay attention to, and did a story on how Sweden pays attention to the planet by lauding and providing an accessible public transportation system, is trying to be fossil fuel (an admittedly-limited fuel source) free by 2020, and keeping the environment clean.

Thank God for Brent Baker for exposing "the network's activist agenda." Earth Day - or Week - is about understanding and trying to eliminate the horrible things us human beings are doing to our environment, an environment that we need to support us: plant trees, stop pollution, etc. You know, the basics.

Based on this outrage for keeping our planet habitable, Mr. Baker is ostensibly shitting on his dining room table, eating from the rim of his toilet, or both.

Athletes are fearing going to China for the 2008 Olympics because of what the Chinese have done to the environment. Of course, it's pure hubris to think that we can affect the planet.

This is the politics of Global Warming. Here's the reality: no matter what you believe, dumping tons and tons and tons of waste into the environment in the form of solid, liquid, and gas is going to affect the environment. Lil ol' us nothin'. No, even if we fired every nuclear weapon in every arsenal we would not "destroy the Earth," but we would make life as we know it impossible. We can affect the planet. We are affecting the planet. And should our houses not be in order very soon, it shall be a plague on both them, Conservative and Liberal alike.

Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene

From my brilliant friend Julie who found this over at glumbert:



Monday, April 21, 2008

Ricky's Wisdom Today - 4/21/08



If you have a reason, you don't need to shout.

-Zen proverb

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Berate Debate - WTF ABC?

For any of you who watched the debate the other night and thought "WTF?" you are not alone. From MoveOn.org:
Editor & Publisher called this week's ABC presidential debate "perhaps the most embarrassing performance by the media in a major presidential debate in years."

Moderators George Stephanopolous and Charlie Gibson spent the first 50 minutes obsessed with distractions that only political insiders care about--gaffes, polling numbers, the stale Rev. Wright story, and the old-news Bosnia story. And, channelling Karl Rove, they directed a video question to Barack Obama asking if he loves the American flag or not. Seriously.


An Engineer's Guide to Cats

Worth every second:



Thursday, April 17, 2008

Pope Blames Priest Rape on Society

Jesus Has Nads

I'm not kidding. In front of tens of thousands of followers and other assorted religiophiliacs, in direct reference to the Priest scandal - you know, that whole pedophilia thing - Pope Benedict XVI said that the degradation of society's values are to blame.

"Children deserve to grow up with a healthy understanding of sexuality and its proper place in human relationships. They should be spared the degrading manifestations and the crude manipulation of sexuality so prevalent today."

Perhaps he should make that clear to the priests that fuck little boys in the ass.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

NRRRD GRRRL Sofa King Hawt

One of my personal heroes, Phil Plait, posted about this video on YouTube: NRRRD GRRRL, lamenting that he was never able to see ladies like this in college. I know I saw a few, but it was in high school that I dated one...okay, two. And it was wonderful lovely delicious. If only we had a time machine. Watch the video:



The artist is MC Chris, and his new album will be out in May.

I'll be first in line. I don't know if I can wait.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Wal Mart in Drag

You might remember that Wal Mart has a sexist suit against it. You might remember that Wal Mart is ruining America. Either way, this Wal Mart Drag video is lovely.



Right Wing Glurge Spam - Political Correctness

I said SPAM, motherfucker!

Sometimes you don't know someone's political leanings until you land on their "hay, this iz funny!" forward list. And even after that, you still respect them. After all, how else are you going to know what sorts of ultra-pseudo-patriotic, right-wing "librulz r crap" emails are going around?

This came from one of those friends:
The following is the 2007 winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term was Political Correctness.

The winner wrote,
"Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Hahaha. Oh, those righties.

Unfortunately, it has not yet hit Snopes.com, but the first pieces are, unsurprisingly, unverifiable. The Texas A&M website is void of any reference to turds, save one that has nothing to do with the supposed contest. I've also looked at over a dozen blog and web posts of this quote: none of them link to an actual contest and most actually refer to a forwarded email. Good show, folks.

Note to self: Make up quote that quips on the definition of the Constitution or some such fodder that pokes at righties then disseminate quote by emailing a liberal who is known to flagrantly forward unjustified emails to others who will do the same.

Note to self: Make friends with a liberal who is known to flagrantly forward unjustified emails to others who will do the same, should such be found to exist.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Americans and Learned Helplessness

Sad Dog - Learned Helplessness

Beginning in 1967, Martin Seligman began a series of studies that helped buck some of the generalized ideas of B.F. Skinner's behaviorism and gave rise to the phrase "learned helplessness." I'm not going to go into the details of the study; you can read it here.

Here's the basis of the experiment:
  1. A dog given a periodic electrical shock and a lever to stop it can learn to use the lever and deal with it.
  2. A dog given a periodic electrical shock and a lever that does nothing can learn to deal with it.
  3. A dog given a random shock and no means to control that shock will fall into stressful depression which, for dogs, consists of curling up in the corner of the sometimes-electrified cage, shivering with stress, and wincing at the occasional shock. This "giving up" and "dealing with it miserably" is what is called Learned Helplessness
This I heard about back in my early college days, but not until I saw the gas prices do their magical dance over the past couple years did I bring it into relevancy.

We are the third dog. Americans. World citizens. Anyone who is not directly in power. Many of us have curled up in the corner of the cage, driving through our daily grind, making sure we have a job, not rocking the boat, just trying to stressfully survive and always, always, awaiting the next shock.

As I mentioned, this thought came to being because when I began driving, you could still find gas for under a buck a gallon. Typing it, it sounds like a fairy tale, sounds like I'm 100 years old, but it was in 1993. Fifteen years later, we're looking at gas quadrupling in price. But steady we could understand.

The gas does a dance, a random dance for those of us very normal Americans who do not have the mental window into futures trading. As it was rising, we'd see a peak of thirty cents in a week. All over the news. Then it would drop fifteen, maybe twenty. All over the news again. But the up and down introduces complacency: "Well, it's a little higher now, but at least it's not as high as it was." And we keep saying that and we keep saying that and it goes up 4 steps and down 2 and up an down. And before you know it, I'm driving to Cleveland two weeks ago and internally audibly said to myself "Wow, $3.19 isn't so bad." But six months ago people were talking gas boycott at $3.00.

Complacency.

This happens in government as well: slowly and slowly our civil liberties are evacuated and someone puts the breaks on the electrical current for a couple minutes and our tail's all wagging. Bush denies that global warming is real and suddenly says he's going to support legislation to aid global warming (details to come, of course). Our taxes go up, our insurance rates rise - but maybe not so much one year - and we're looking at a couple hundred dollars coming to us in May. This is worse than shock; it's shock and biscuits.

So what's the solution? To carry the analogy, one dog could break the leash, crash the door. But we have minders, and before a shit is taken on the floor, we're back in the cage awaiting our next shock.

No, all the dogs must break loose, surround the minders, and in one solid and strong barking voice shout "NO! No more!"

I know. Dogs can't talk. But we can.

We've been led to believe we are a government of the people, by the people, for the people, yada yada. I have yet to see that play out in truth in my lifetime. I'm guessing many of you haven't. And lest we sit around watching American Idol and the Superbowl, we never will.

Any suggestions?

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible, make violent revolution inevitable."

-JFK

Bend the bars. Make the change.

Rambling: Can Democrats Avoid Criticism?

As my always disclaimer states, I am not a fan of Republicans, but neither am I a mouthpiece for Democrats. I will vote Democrat in November.

That said, we've got Obama's new reason for being attacked:
You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate, and they have not. So it's not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.
Okay, this one doesn't need much background and can't really be explained away. The statement is angering because it's true. It terribly fucking true. I'm listening to Sean Hannity rail right now, How dare anyone claim that the great people of the United States of America are anything less than perfect!

But we are far from perfect. Obama said it concisely: Americans feel helpless because of continually being let down by their elected officials, because of seeing the economy fall apart, because of $4.00/gal gas and they can't do it anymore, they can't feel like they can control anything or have impact on how things are run, so they take refuge in things they can control: their religion, their beliefs, their hate. That's how mob mentality gains a foothold and the last refuge for learned helplessness (which I will attack in my next post).

But people - especially people who he is talking about - don't want to hear it; people like Sean Hannity who make their career on making themselves out to be the salt of the Earth like every good, hard-working, abused, and down-trodden American won't hear of it. Because from the Republican perspective, hard-working Americans with low-paying jobs in small towns are tough-livin' freedom fighters, but hard-working Americans with low-paying jobs in urban areas are lazy porch monkeys who don't know how to better themselves.

So Obama said something true about Middle America and everyone's outraged. I don't think he should've said it, but he did. He deserves to hear about it, but not from the angle that right-wing radio's running.

On the other hand, we've got Hillary doing shots in a bar in order to "connect" with Middle America. Crown Royal, to be specific. There are a very few points to make on this drinking op:
  • Most Middle Americans do not buy Crown Royal because it's a touch fucking expensive. They drink Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Wild Turkey. Perhaps even Paramount or another well brand. I drink Jameson, but that's because I'm an elitist prat who's not simply scraping by.

  • Crown Royal is not an American, but Canadian, whiskey. (It's better than American whiskeys because America has a rule that does not allow the aging of liquor in previously-used barrels; Crown Royal is aged in oak barrels previously used to age cognac, enriching and complicating the flavor.)
This incident is not a huge deal, but I've heard many a parody today on the right side of the dial.

So Hillary, in trying to connect to Middle America, was unable to get it 100% right.

I guess I'm tired of hearing all this prattle about our Democratic candidates on poor word choice or whiskey choice or church choice or gun choice. John McCain being elected will lead directly to the deaths of thousands of Americans and thousands of non-Americans, if not just in Iraq and Afghanistan, then in Iran, and maybe a couple other countries that could exacerbate the rest of the world balance, knocking us into a World War with ...well, everybody.

To the right: shut up about the nuance; the only true threat to our freedom is the possible election of John McCain.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Ricky's Wisdom Today - 4/12/08

I'm writing a graphic novel and will say nothing more at this point other than this is pretty much the defining quote of my novel.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you do not wish to go." Now this He said, signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, "Follow Me!"

-John 29:15

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Mike Church - Brainwashing Kids, Blatant Lies

King Dude

Sirius Radio has given me new perspective on the horrors of right wing talk shows. First it was Andrew Wilkow. I can almost stomach the whole show. Now...

Right wingnut radio neo-con, Mike Church - also known as "King Dude" because of an apparent unhealthy love affair with "The Big Lebowski" but ironically looks like every other straight-laced repub - was spouting flat earth global warming "myth" garbage and bragging about how well-versed his daughters are in the mythos of global warming caused by the proximity of Earth to the sun on Thursday.

Specifically, he talked to his daughters about how the lumber industry is doing the world a great service because if they didn't cut down those trees, those trees would grow old and dry out and die. Or some shit. He went on to say that because of hippie lawsuits, the lumber market is suffering, and that the folks on the show "Ax Men" on the History Channel are actually Canadians because they couldn't find any Americans who were loggers anymore.

Couple things, Mike:
  1. Cutting down trees kills those trees. As you stated, those trees are reseeded. This is not a "natural process." Lightning and fires and decay are.

  2. The lumber market is suffering because of the failure of the housing market which was artificially inflated by rich, white repub bankers.

  3. The History Channel show "Ax Men" features American loggers logging in the American Pacific Northwest. Take two seconds not to sound like a boob.

Oh, Jesus, he just said the Liberals demanding religious tolerance in Tibet have no desire to extend the same tolerance to Mormons here in America. If he's referring to the recent spat in Texas where over 300 kids were taken into custody, Mike must be equating under-age sexual abuse - rape - to something that lives in the realm of acceptable religious practices. For someone with an 11 year old daughter, he should be ashamed.

I could write all day on this, but listening to him spew verbal diarrhea, yelling over the callers, putting everyone on defensive because of a perceived level of intelligence, and showboating musical parody as high comedy is giving me an ulcer.


UPDATE: 2 years later, I've been noticed by Mike Church. Read the comments here, then go to the modern post.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Waterworld Sees Steampunk Resurgence

Waterworld

Late Tuesday night, Lane Chancellor, avid steampunk aficionado and Chocobo breeder, caught the first twenty minutes of the oft-lauded Hollywood flop, Waterworld, starring Kevin Costner.

"I never knew," he said in a first-ever interview. "I'd seen it when it came out, but that was before I was totally into steampunk. It's like the movie was a story about the future - our future in loving on steampunk."

Chancellor shifted in his chair and subtly eyed his mother poking her head into the basement, wondering "what the hell's going on down there with the lights and the talking and the -"

"Shut up, mom! I'm interviewing," Lane shouted.

"Granted," he continued, "the jet-skis are piss-poor mock-ups when it comes to steampunk, but that balloon? Costner's sail rig? That's fucking hot! Steampunk gold, baby."

At which point, Chancellor waved his hand in a sad attempt at a Jedi Mind Trick, muttering "You will leave now. I have more important matters at hand," and lit the welding torch, continuing to work on his steampunk dildo. At which point I was terrified and allowed Mrs. Chancellor to pack me some cookies before I was on my way.

The Time Traveler's Wife

In one of those crazy incidences of synchronicity, this past Saturday night saw me at the home of some of my favorite people. Let's call them Art and Music, for as I am Writer, they eat their names with savor.

Saturday evening, after many a libation, we were visually walking the bookshelf and Art told me about a book she'd been given but never read: The Time Traveler's Wife. The next morning, mildly foggy from the aforementioned evening, I appeared back at my parents' house. Before I went home, without mentioning the previous conversation, I was handed The Time Traveler's Wife and told to read it.

The Time Traveler's Wife

So now I must.

But I don't just spill trivial bullshit on a regular basis, so here's the crux: I've barely begun the book (working on Harry Potter 6 right now as well), but caught this poem in the opening pages. It's called "Love After Love" but is more appropriately entitled "Love During Love." Because we need it. We forget, sometimes, during a relationship and especially during a marriage, that we are solitary figures, that we have an individual personality. We forget to know ourselves, our desires, our dreams. And sometimes we need to give ourselves a giant fucking hug.

(note: I realize this punches in the face the Zen Buddhist parts of my idealistic life, but I'm an admitted walking dichotomy, so get the hell over it.)

I almost cried the first time I read it. I cry now reading it again and again. Because I've forgotten.


Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.


Derek Walcott


Don't Go Breakin' My Heart

Aaaaaughh.

This is pretty horribly straightforward: A man kills himself. He's an organ donor and his heart goes to another man in need. The suicide's widow is in contact with the recipient, eventually meets, falls in love with, and marries him. Man with the late husband's heart kills himself.

Aaaaaughh.

(source: ABC News)